The Art of Wrestling: Halloween Costume Ideas

HalloweenWrestlerGirlsI tried to acquire my Halloween picture from my parents earlier this year that had my younger brother & I dressed as the Bushwhackers. I was unsuccessful after looking through a trunk full of pictures. It will be found and used eventually. For now, you get these lovely ladies above. I did see on Wellyourewrong’s Instagram a fantastic picture of a new group of ladies dressed as the Wyatt Family. Maybe it’ll be in a Google search next year. TNA & the WWE both had Halloween Specials going on. Of course ROH didn’t have this section because their whole promotion is a trick on wrestling fans the world over. Let’s figure out which outfits will get the least amount of treats for your children.

TNA has a formula for their sixteen costumes. With that still massive roster, one would think they’d be able to provide more choices. Aces & Eights have two choices along with Bully Ray having his own separate costume. That makes sense since they’re down to two members and Bully Ray in the group. Jeff Hardy is the only single wrestler with multiple costumes. He’s got 3. Considering that his fans are “The Creatures of the Night” it is fitting. That means that TNA really only has thirteen real costumes. Back to the TNA formula. It’s shirt and two accessories. Some of these don’t help you look anything like the wrestler illustrated.

Like the Mickie James costume which comes with your very own Somebody’s Gonna Pay CD. I’m not that willing to help out Mickie or TNA to unload their over abundance of terrible country music even at a 50% discount. How about including some Mickie James booty shorts? You’re trying to sell us, well, Tits N’ Ass and Halloween has become a slutty holiday for women. TNA could even crop the shirt like Mickie liked to do.

mickie-james TNA Ref

Maybe I don’t want female wrestling fans dressing like this.

Some of the costumes do help you look like the wrestler, like the pair of Aces & Eights costumes. Nothing quite says bad ass like either a beer cozy or that mask like device that Knux used to wear. If that doesn’t say tough guy to you yet, they add in a snazzy ball cap that is sure to impress the boys in your crew. If those aren’t you’re bottle of beer, you could choose to go with the leather wrist band, chain wallet and bandana. If you’re the leader of your crew though, I’m sure the Bully Ray package will make you the top dawg. You know you’ll show your boys real biker style when you get the Bully Ray trucker hat. Your other boys bandana is too frilly to. Show that girl that simple is the style with this bandana with only the Aces & Eights logo. Lest anyone question your credibility, just point down to your shirt and tell them you’re from Hell’s Kitchen, bitch.

My favorite package though has to be from ODB. It’s because I’m sure I could find uses for the ODB flask. The wife beater with the hand prints is something I could be stupid enough to wear during Halloween. I would get use out of the flask that night for sure. After Halloween is over, that beater can just be worn under your gym shirt and no one will be the wiser. The best part of it is that this combo is only $18.99.

If TNA isn’t quite your speed, WWEshop.com has Halloween gear for you too. They also have some useful and not so useful packages. They also have less choices than TNA which is flat weird. They are all for the AJ Lee, CM Punk, Damien Sandow, Daniel Bryan, John Cena, Randy Orton, Rey Mysterio, Sheamus and the Wyatt Family. That’s a pretty weak choice selection.

Of course, I did omit two choices on purpose. But eleven choices is still really weak. Like the ladies on the top of the post, they have two old school costumes, neither of which the ladies are wearing. You could snag a Sergeant Slaughter kit which comes with fake muscles. I’m not sure why since good ole’ Sarge never was much of one to hit the weight room, unless you count his days on G.I. Joe. At least it’s adult sized so that old people can recognize your costume because the WWE’s target audience is going to have no clue. If you want to go old school for your child though, they provide you with a mini-Undertaker costume. The WWE is nice enough to add foam lapels to the black jacket. I can understand getting a foam chest with this costume. The last piece to this costume is the wide brimmed hat. It’s just too bad that the WWE didn’t include the hair extensions or else this costume would be worth kidnapping a little person like Los Matadores did and dressing them up for only $24.99.

GI Joe Sgt SlaughterIf you want to “Follow the Buzzards” though, it’s time to get the ultimate Wyatt Family package. You get a t shirt, straw fedora, a sheep’s mask and a lantern. This is a two person costume package because you can’t wear a fedora and sheep’s mask at the same time. The WWE also provides a separate sale for a red beard if you want to make sure your partner in crime looks like Erick Rowan. Considering all of the corporate tie ins the WWE has, I’m not sure why they went with a cheap lantern. They could have talked to Coleman to sell a special WWE sponsored look for those of you who like to go out and camp. It’s also look more like the one that Bray Wyatt uses coming down to the ring. The WWE could have at least made it green to come closer. They also could have really made this a three person package by including a stained wife beater and handkerchief so that someone could look like Luke Harper.

I could go through all of both TNA & WWE’s choices, but I’m going to make like a ghost and disappear from this article. Happy Halloween! – Kevin

Dusty’s Blog: Dusty answers five random questions

mailbag-

You know, every week we get so many cards and letters here at the Stunt Granny Headquarters, it’s just ridiculous. Normally we just completely ignore them, because we are so much better than all you readers out there. Sometimes Jeremy will take a letter into the bathroom with him if we are running low on toilet paper.

But now I have decided in the interest of creating content, to change all that. Every week I will be answering five random questions from you, our lovely loyal readers. Without any further ado, throw your mittens around your kittens and away we go:

1.) What are your thoughts on the Repo Man? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Yeah, that’s an interesting question, Dusty, I was just thinking about the Repo Man. Like, have you ever wondered who drives the Repo Man to the place where he is repoing the car? Because he always just hot wires the car and drives away with it, right? So, like, is a friend dropping him at the house so he can repo the car? Is he taking public transportation, like a bus or a taxi cab to get to the place to repo the car? Perhaps there is a never ending stream of repo’d cars that serve the purpose of leading him to the next house to repo the next car. Maybe he lives close by and just walked.

The point of the matter is that Repo was completely awesome and I always felt like if a bunch of the guys had teamed up to eliminate Yokozuna at the 1993 Royal Rumble, that match was Repo’s for the taking. See what I did there with that sentence? Why am I asking you the questions?

2.) What are your thoughts on the whole Jimmy Hart/Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters/Money Inc thing? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Yeah, that’s an excellent question. I was just thinking about this recently. See, it all goes back to Mr Fuji in 1990. In early ’90 Fuji managed the Powers of Pain. And then in like February, he debuted the Orient Express. Everyone put up a stink about what an obvious conflict of interest this was, and so Fuji ended up selling the Warlord to Slick and the Barbarian to Bobby Heenan, so he could concentrate all of his energies on managing his new, completely inferior team. It was tremendous booking.

So now Jimmy Hart in 1991. His Nasty Boys win the tag belts from the Hart Foundation at WrestleMania so that they can drop the belts to the Legion of Doom at SummerSlam and break up the Foundation so that Bret can finally get a big singles push. The problems start right before SummerSlam when Jimmy unveils his new tag team, the Natural Disasters. At SummerSlam, LOD should have beaten the Nastys, and the Disasters should have beaten the Bushwhackers. And then you *have* to turn the Nastys face. You cant really split them up since they’d be crap on their own, and you can’t keep them with Jimmy since he now has a new team. So that Survivor Series match (Rockers & Bushwhackers vs Beverly Brothers & Nastys) would have to be changed around, but I’m not trying to be a completist here. I’m talking about one specific line of booking.

So then you have LOD beat the Disasters at Royal Rumble 1992, shortly thereafter Jimmy unveils another new team, Money Inc. At this point, the Disasters have to turn face, since they would be clearly butt hurt about Jimmy favoring his new team over them. Maybe you wait until after WrestleMania 8, though, where you could have LOD over the Disasters and Money Inc over the Nasty Boys, if you so wanted.

There could be many different ways to achieve that same goal, but the point is they didn’t do any of them. They keep the Nastys with Jimmy all the way through SummerSlam 1992, which was logically ridiculous and clearly defied the hallmark they themselves had put into place a couple years prior. It just honks me off like a goose!

3.) Some idiot recently said that Ultimate Warrior was the worst main eventer in history. Your thoughts, please? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Very good question. Yes, he is an idiot, first of all. Second of all, it’s not really close to true. This subject was recently batted around on Facebook and a lot of people got lost in the tall grass, arguing that Warrior was a horrible worker. It might or might not be true, but it’s completely besides the main point.

See, Diesel was the worst drawing WWF Champion in history. So since he came *after* Warrior, that automatically makes him worse, no? He was no great shakes in the ring, either. Bret got a good match out of him, but Bret could get a good match out of the couch. Diesel was atrocious, didn’t draw a dime, and he was just really terrible.

Another matter is that Warrior was completely sabotaged by Hulk Hogan every step of the way. Follow me here on a history lesson. They debuted Earthquake by making him friends with Dino Bravo and having the two attack the Warrior. Before his Mania win over Hogan for the WWF Title, Warrior was beating Bravo at house shows. Therefore, all of that would lead perfectly, one would assume, towards Warrior feuding with Earthquake post WrestleMania. It should stand to reason that the number one face should be feuding with the number one heel in the company. (Please note that I’m not slagging Rick Rude at all by saying this. It’s just that he was a step or two below Quake on the totem pole at his point.)

Instead, Hogan got the A-match at SummerSlam and all of the hype leading up to it, with the injury angle, the get well letters campaign and the guys in the corner stuff. Warrior got the second most hyped match. And then, even more ridiculously, Warrior had no feud whatsoever going into the Survivor Series. He was pasted into a survivors match that he nothing to do with (Perfect vs. Tornado, Demolition vs. LOD). And then by Royal Rumble ’91, he was already losing the belt.  Hogan, meanwhile, carried the Earthquake feud through the end of the year, won the Rumble, and then beat Slaughter for the belt at Mania. There was never really a point during Warrior’s title reign that you couldn’t plausibly argue that Hogan was still the top star in the company.

So what I’m saying is, other than the workrate, you could conceivably blame every one of Warrior’s failings as top dog in the company on Hogan. After that he started flaking out and no showing stuff and trying to hold up Vince for more money and all of that, and I would argue that you could trace all of that back to Hogan sabotaging him in 1990.  But I mean, it’s not like Hogan has a history of doing that, or anything.

Also of note is that guys like Jack Swagger and the Miz are much worse main eventers as well. It is actually embarrassing that guys like that were allowed to hold the title. It’s a byproduct of today’s environment, where the name WWE sells the tickets and it doesn’t really matter who the champion is, and everyone gets a turn with every belt anyway, and there’s 5 million belts anyway, and nothing means anything, but man, do those guys suck. Especially Swagger.

Also of note is that workrate doesn’t mean shit in professional wrestling.

4.) Who are your top five SportsCenter anchors of all time? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Such a great question. I would have to go like this…

1 – Keith Olbermann

2 – Dan Patrick

3 – Kenny Mayne

4 – Scott Van Pelt

5 – Charley Steiner

Speaking of SportsCenter and ESPN, isn’t it weird that Chris Berman is, as Bob Ley once called Steiner, a “professional putz” when he went to Brown University and graduated with a degree in history? You would think he would be more serious, like Ley, instead of being Mr Sound Effects and guy-who-gives-everyone-a-crummy-nickname guy. Then again, him graduating college in the late 70s does explain his shitty taste in music.

5.) Who could it be now? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Not sure.

Stunt Granny Audio #226

Hulk Hogan and Iron Sheik going at it.

Hulk Hogan and Iron Sheik going at it.

It must be that time of the week again. The time when Kevin and Dusty grace all you lovely people with their magical mystical presence. This week our heroes start things off by discussing TNA’s continued roster purge. This week the victims are Luke Gallows and Tara. Gallows’ exit mystifies them but they agree both Tara and Jeremy Maes have seen better days since their Heat stint came and went. They move on to talking about WWE’s latest Monday Night Raw. It was an attack heavy show as the Wyatt Family and The Shield both joined in on all the reindeer games. Just what are the names of the Wyatt family members? Does Mitchell Cool even know? How long is it going to take Mark Henry to actually retire? Dusty sidetracks things twice, first by having a terrible cellular phone and second by asking Kevin if there was anyone who could have replaced Hogan in the big push spot in 1984. They also talk about how there is Sum Tin Wong with journalistic fact checking these days, and a whole lot more, so you need to listen before you spontaneously combust.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #226

56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania VII’s Best Matches

Stars and Stripes Forever! WrestleMania VII brought with it probably the most controversial headlining angle in WM history: Sgt. Slaughter as an Iraqi sympathizer during the Gulf War defending the WWF Title against real American Hulk Hogan. It drew so few people that WWF moved WrestleMania from its original location, the 100,000-seat Los Angeles Coliseum, to the 15,000-seat L.A. Sports Arena, and blamed it on “security reasons.” Did the match live up to the hype? Do any other matches qualify for best? (One, I’d argue.) Vote now!

WWE partners with Hire Heroes USA

According to my Yahoo visit, which also entailed seeing how excruciatingly close my win was over Dusty in fantasy football, WWE has partnered with Hire Heroes USA, a group whose mission is to… well, here, I’ll let Yahoo explain it:

WWE (WWE) today announced a partnership with Hire Heroes USA, an organization committed to serving our nation’s veterans through personalized and customized job search training and assistance. To support Hire Heroes USA’s mission, WWE will make a donation and utilize all its assets, including TV broadcasts, live events, digital and social media to generate awareness and raise funds. In addition, Hire Heroes USA will partner with WWE to implement a veterans hiring initiative and enhance WWE’s military hiring practices.

The partnership, which will expand WWE’s commitment to the military through the support of programs that create job opportunities for U.S. military veterans and their spouses, will be featured during the 10th anniversary of WWE Tribute to the Troops. This annual holiday special airs on USA Network this Wednesday, December 19 at 9 p.m. and on NBC this Saturday, December 22 at 9 p.m.

This is a fantastic partnership that makes total sense given WWE’s history of affinity for our armed forces, including free pay-per-view transmission, free tickets, and of course the Tribute to the Troops. However, interesting that this fell under Yahoo Finance, at a time when WWE stock is trading at $8, slightly less than a pack of cigarettes and with less return. What, was the Yahoo Pre-Determined Sports section too full of boxing results? Was the Yahoo Six-Man Tag That Made Internet Nerds’ Heads Explode section down for maintenance? -Eric

World Wrestling Bracketainment: 2 vs. 31, 15 vs. 18, 10 vs. 23, 7 vs. 26

As mentioned in the play-in round, we’re bringing the fun and excitement of March Madness tournaments to pro wrestling (without all that winning money or prizes stuff) by asking you to help us choose the greatest WWE Champion in history. We’ve seeded the competitors based on length of title reign, and now we’re putting the voting in your hands. You choose the criteria, and the winners advance. This week we’ll plan to post winners Wednesday and Friday morning, so cast your ballot soon!

Ron Simmons, Sgt. Slaughter released, there’s nothing funny about this

Here you go, Morneau!

Here you go, Morneau!

According to PWInsider.com, Sgt. Slaughter and Ron Simmons were given the big ugly ax. Sgt. Slaughter I can see, since he hasn’t done anything on television in years except look way skinny and show up when dumb people (like Eugene and Mae Young) do dumb things (like dance during WrestleMania). But Ron Simmons? You just put the guy through rehab (twice, if memory serves), you have him do the funny “DAMN!” thing every so often (although he doesn’t need to be under contract to come back for that), so that one was a little more surprising. Oh well, these guys remind me of 1991, and 1991 was not a good year for me. Big puffy mullet and green windbreaker, anyone? -Eric

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