56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania VIII’s Best Matches

Good job adding an I to last year’s curvy logo.

Playing catch-up here, so let’s get right into the vote for WrestleMania VIII’s best matches. I’ve stated many times that my favorite wrestling match is Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair from this card, but Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper was also brilliant for a handful of reasons, and who knows, maybe some of you liked Owen Hart vs. Skinner. Vote and let us know!

Headlines: Kurt Angle tears groin, Evolve/DGUSA make huge (read: small) announcement

According to Prowrestling.net, Kurt Angle tore his groin during his match at TNA Final Resolution this past Sunday. Important things to note here:

  • Angle turned 44 on Saturday. That doesn’t make him old, but that doesn’t make him young.
  • Angle continues to bang himself up – knees, hamstrings, groins – to the tune of a lot of money and to the delight of, what, 1,400 fans worldwide?
  • When we make fun of wrestlers being fragile, we compare them to Kevin Nash, because his injuries all seemed to happen in WWE. We ignore Kurt Angle, because he’s basically wrestling in Dixie Carter’s back yard, so it doesn’t count.

Angle tweeted that he’d wrestle through the injury because he is a “cyborg.” According to Wikipedia, one characteristic of a cyborg is that “Cyborgs in fiction often play up a human contempt for over-dependence on technology.” We all know Angle very much entrenched in his own fictional world (or, as I like to call it, full of shit), so this is in direct conflict with his over-dependence on the technology of Twitter. Time to close the account!

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Evolve announced Saturday at its iPPV, “18” ( :-S ) that it had a huge announcement: John Morrison and the Young Bucks are headed back to Evolve/DGUSA in 2013! Holy cotton balls! The money I didn’t spend on Evolve 18 almost cowered in my wallet out of fear that I might yank it out and plop it down on a PPV featuring three guys at a total combined weight of 412 pounds and a total combined skill level of Paul Roma.

No one outside Twitter or “Z True Long Island Story” has seen hide nor hair of John Morrison in six months (CWF SuperClash does not count), and the last notable thing the Young Bucks did was piss off Booker T, the nicest guy in wrestling. Here’s hoping the Internet doesn’t erupt when all 1,399 people order that show! -Eric

Sid Vicious appears on CBS’ “Big Brother”

This one’s for you, Dusty: According to PWTorch.com, former WWF and WCW superstar Sid Vicious (Sid Justice, Sycho Sid, a/k/a Sid Eudy) (side note: I remember picking up my one and only copy of the National Enquirer when I was about 10 years old, because it listed two dozen wrestlers’ real names, and Sid Eudy was one of them; still no idea how to pronounce it, and I’ve watched the above video 12 times) appeared on CBS’ “Big Brother” series. Sid’s son, Frank, is one of the house guests and the leader of whatever Team Frank is. Oh well, based on these three minutes, Frank seems like a good kid, and Sid comes across as a nice guy that Dusty and I should probably go have beers with now. I’ll just shave my beard so I don’t look so much like an Anderson-Eric

Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Jeremy & Eric, June 7, 2011

Unimpressed Cheeta is, well, unimpressed.

Eric: I had an odd thought this morning. Pat Patterson is going to die someday, probably soon. The Brisco Bros. are dying off. Bruce Prichard is gone, but whatever. Jim Ross isn’t exactly a trusted WWE confidant anymore. What happens when Vince McMahon dies and Hunter and Stephanie take over? Who will the inner circle be?

Jeremy: You are seeing the results. X-Pac. Nash. Flair.

Eric: Yep. Maybe Steamboat.

Jeremy: Only if Flair is there. I can’t see Triple H being that open. OR, no wrestlers and all “writers.”

Eric: See, I think Hunter has enough respect for pro wrestling that he wouldn’t let that happen all the way. He’s seen how well WWE operates when it’s guys like Vince, Cornette, Jim Ross and Pat Patterson leading it, and how it’s been in the shitter with the likes of Brian Gewirtz and these soap-opera writers. Plus, his buddies (Nash, Waltman, Scott Hall if he’s still alive) all have “a mind for the business” like everyone talks about.

Eric: Despite Gewirtz being the head writer of Raw, there’s still a glimmer of old-school thinking with Michael Hayes as the head writer of Smackdown.

Jeremy: Look at Smackdown, though. It is bland as bland can be. Sure the talent is bland, but there is nothing there. It is also the time of year WWE takes off. Apathy. They take a 2 to 3 month vacation after WrestleMania.

Eric: This is true, but I don’t know what to chalk that up to. Because an old wrestler is running it? Or because it’s the B-show that doesn’t get the attention.

Jeremy: B-show shouldn’t matter. You write for excitement. You do the most with what you have. It does not help the crowds are full of stupid kids who can’t pay attention. This is a huge problem: fuckers have attention spans of 3-4 seconds.

Eric: Yeah, it’s not like Prime Time Wrestling back in 1988 was setting the world on fire, when the WWF was marketing to the same age group that they are now.

Eric: Catch-22: Wrestling was at its best, most exciting and most profitable when it was marketed toward 12-17, 18-24 and 25-34. Attention spans were longer, edgier stuff was more allowable and appreciated, and more people had more money to spend. But you don’t get 18-year-old fans without hooking them as 6-year-old fans. And therein lies the rub. (At least Nash and X-Pac know edgy.)

Jeremy: You don’t even have to do edgier. You can get older fans if it is good, hence why adults watch some cartoons. Good stories will grasp any age. You don’t need the swearing and T&A. There was some good stuff in there. Your Jack Swagger criticism is spot on. These guys just do what they are told. He stands there waiting for his line instead of just going to it.

Eric: That’s a good point. A good story with good execution will grab any audience, no matter the medium or method of presentation. I think my dad liked “Ren & Stimpy” more than I did, because it was smart and hilarious.

Jeremy: But the characters need to be at least a little compelling.

Eric: And douchebags like Swagger are not

Jeremy: I can’t name one really. Christian has a compelling story I guess. Punk, as much as I like him , is going through the motions. Del Rio got sidetracked. None of them are interesting. BUT, Dolph Ziggler was real good last night.

Eric: Yeah, he was given the ball (a seat on commentary, where honestly a lot of guys are made or broken), and he ran with it.

Jeremy: I couldn’t tell if he was reading lines though.

Eric: He was reading his Twitter! As he wrote on it!

Eric: So the issue is grand: WWE is in its annual funk, its writers don’t do much to shake that out, wrestlers aren’t given much leeway to help, but when they actually get the ball, like Dolph, there’s a chance for them to shine. And then we get excited. And then… what?

‪Jeremy: The ball doesn’t get spread around though. It is a catch and run off with it. They only own one, if you will.

Eric: Have they ever really owned more than one? How was it that I remember the Patterson days, or the Ross-Cornette days so much more fondly? Are X-Pac and Kevin Nash gonna come in and “buy more balls” for these guys to run with?

Jeremy: Well they had Rock, DX, New Age Outlaws, Foley, and Austin all going strong. There were some to be shared.

Eric: And before that, Hogan, Warrior, Savage, Dino Bravo… oh.

Jeremy: Ric Flair, Sid Justice.

Eric: So I guess given the right cast of characters and the best brains behind them, any wrestling company can survive.

Jeremy: Yeah. Unless you are WCW.

Eric: Or your head writerusso is sleeping with your financiecarter.

Sid smokes weed? Heh heh heh, cool.

sid son

"I learned it from watching YOU, Dad! I learned it from watching you..."

According to Prowrestling.net, Sid Vicious, aka Sid Justice, aka Psycho Sid, aka Sid Eudy irl (that’s “in real life” for you uncool kids who don’t know Internet language) was arrested Friday for possession of marijuana, driving without a license and driving without a seat belt. Of course he wasn’t wearing a seat belt, he was high! Just kidding. Anyway, according to the report on WMC-TV in Memphis, Sid had 18 grams of pot in a bag on the arm rest of his car. Damn, son! That wasn’t enough to be accused of trafficking (Jeff Hardy, let this be a lesson to you), but someone had to cough up $1,000 to release Sid on bond.

Remember back when Sid used to sniff the air and say, “I smell… I smell a powerbomb!”? I think I know what a powerbomb smells like. -Eric

UPDATE: Apparently 18 grams of weed isn’t a lot. I don’t know, I don’t have a scale in my bedroom. I do have an adrenaline shot in my fridge, though; I’ve seen “Pulp Fiction.”

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