Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

Raw is going to be entirely too long. Why am I starting pretty much on time?

I couldn’t be less excited about three hours of sports entertainment. I’ve got nothing else to start this review so let’s roll.

Booker T & Hornswoggle get to lead off the Slammy Awards. I Didn’t Just See That even though it was on TV. What a brutal set of choices. I want to unsee all of those events. JR wins for his dance moves. Oh shit, a rap off. Please kill me. Congrats on getting people to turn off your product.

Ted DiBiase & Mick Foley present the next award for Holy Shit of the Year. Except they can’t say it. They think they’re funny with their jokes. I’m not sure that was Orton’s best RKO of the year. I would have went with Bourne’s Shooting Star Press into the RKO. Bourne gets a nod anyway. Big Show & Mark Henry win for a gimmick that’s been done before. Show comes out to accept. He keeps it short and we finally get a match. Why is Wade Barrett his opponent? Barerage will take out Show next if he wins the title from Henry.

Why not come up with a new name for the award? You’re PG, why even infer it? Barrett gets DQed for using a chair. Glad we got a whole minute of match time on TV. (That’s sarcasm.) And another commercial. Woof.

“Road Dogg” Jesse James gets to present a Slammy. #Useless fact, I dressed up like him for Halloween when I was at Kent. My roommate dressed up like Billy Gunn. I have no idea what is up for nomination. Rock mentioned Twitter in the montage, drink. CM Punk wins the Pipe Bomb Award since he started using the term in the WWE. He gives us a montage of Johnny Wooden GM. This whole first hour has been filler. Actually, that was kind of funny. I especially enjoyed the 80’s style music.

Lita gets a TV spot after her little weekend gaffe. I just keep wondering why her license was suspended. Is she such a bum she couldn’t pay for insurance? She is awarding a Diva-licious moment. Our winner is Kelly Kelly. She needed more press. (That’s sarcasm.) When does this get interrupted? Right away. Lita is supposed to be giving her a rub by raising her arm. It might be the second best thing they’ve done tonight by keeping that segment that short. Santino & The Bella Twins present the OMG Award. All of these awards feel the same. The only good part of HHH vs Undertaker is up for the award. Of course it wins. The only moment that deserved that award was CM Punk winning. HHH needed promo time since I keep forgetting this match is on TLC. Nice of Trips to have a new shirt. We get more replay. Why did I start doing this column? All because my dumb ass went to Wrestlemania in Atlanta. HHH is right so he’s going to do everything at TLC. Thanks for nothing.

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Val Venis blasts John Morrison, Melina for having “zero nuts,” being “ho”

Sean Morley, aka Val Venis, is priceless these days, ranting and raving on blogs, Twitter and YouTube about the hot topics of the day. He’s got no major-league affiliation anymore, and he was probably smart with his money so he can afford to burn bridges if he wants. And more importantly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he could kick the shit out of any of these people he’s called out lately. (None of them look like they could win a real fight, anyway; example…) He blasted the Hardys, Shannon Moore and Shane Helms in a classic diatribe, and now he’s after John Morrison and Melina for snubbing his beloved fellow Canadian, Trish Stratus, at WrestleMania XXVII. He kicks in the curse words almost right away, calling Melina a “fucking slut,” then asking John Morrison how “Mike Knox” and “Batista” taste. (You see, because Melina is the company dartboard.) “You tried to turn a ho into a housewife!” shouts an angry Venis at Morrison! It’s true! It’s hilarious! Quit reading this and watch the video above! (Props to Fanatic for uncovering this.) -Eric

WrestleMania 27 Review

Here we go gang it is the WrestleMania 27 Review show. Eric, Jeremy and Kevin talk all things WrestleMania and shed some light on things you may have missed since you stayed at home. How was the crowd? Which, member of the crew joyously heckled John Cena kid? What time does the city of Atlanta and Buckhead close their doors for beverages and sustenance? How much merch did John Cena push in one day? Boxes of money? Boxes of money sitting in plain site? Only at WrestleMania gang. How impressive was the Georgia Dome? Yeah this is low on actual match content but the audio has more and they give their opinions. Isn’t why you listen anyway? So get to it.

WrestleMania 27 Review #2- WrestleMania 27

 

WrestleMania 27 Preview #9- The Round Up!

OK look. It is kind of late. We have been drinking and we are posting a show. Supposedly it is good. This is your decision to make. So listen cause Eric Nelson is involved with this show. So he makes it funny.

WrestleMania 27 Preview #9- The Round Up

Past WrestleMania 27 Preview Audios
Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
Randy Orton vs. CM Punk
Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes
The Two Matches To Get People Bonus Money
The Corre vs. The Edge vs Alberto Del Rio
The Miz vs. John Cena
Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole
Undertaker vs. Triple H

Related WrestleMania 27 Coverage

WrestleMania Set Design Part I

WrestleMania Set Design Part II

WrestleMania Set Design Part III

Eric’s Blog

WrestleMania 27 Poll #1

WrestleMania 27 Poll #2

WrestleMania 27 Preview #4- The Two Matches To Get People Bonus Money

Jeremy and Kevin get to review John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki against Dolph Ziggler, Michelle McCool & Layla along with The Corre against The Big Show, Kane, Vladimir Kozlov & Santino Marella. The WWE tried to build up one of these matches and not the the later so the guys lumped them together. Find out which one of the guys has slept with someone bigger than Snooki. That’s the best part of the show, may as well highlight it.

WrestleMania 27 Preview #4- The Two Matches To Get People Bonus Money

Past WrestleMania 27 Preview Audios
Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
Randy Orton vs. CM Punk
Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes

Smackdown Spoilers

Taken for the sole purpose of using for this spoiler post.

I tweeted all of the results from @Stuntgranny last night. When I got home, Kent State was in the process of losing at Colorado so I was too consumed to put this post together.  I’m going to string together my tweets and add a little extra commentary. I’m hoping to talk about Raw and this taping so I’m reserving some commentary for your ear holes. Since these are spoilers, I’ll only show my first Tweet before putting up a read more link.

Tweet: The parkin is barren. I’m either here early or it’s a light crowd -K. After: The parking, I hate spelling mistakes, was light as was the crowd. They had a whole lot of tarped off area. I went to a Blue Jackets game last week and there was 8-10000 people. There couldn’t have been any more last night.

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Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 3/19/11

1. Netflix – So did you fork over 29.99 or more on a recent WWE DVD? Well, stupid, you could have waited and watched each documentary portion of the DVD on Netflix. And boy oh boy is this a relief because the Bobby Heenan DVD sucked a fat one. Let’s forget they even bothered with a Big Show documentary as well. – Jeremy

2. The Miz – Another week and yet another strong performance from the forgotten member of WrestleMania 27 main event. A big kudos to the make-up person for the bald cap cause that sure was effective. It fooled a bleary-eyed guy just waking up watching the show. – Jeremy

3. Jeff Hardy – Have you heard the one about the guy that was in no condition to perform but he got sent to the ring anyway? Well this is that one. As much as Jeff should be vilified for this let’s not give an inch on anyone else behind the scenes in TNA. They are just as responsible for this debacle as dear Jeffrey. – Jeremy

4. Jim Ross – The Okie returned to Monday Night Raw in the midst of an awkward but effective Jerry Lawler-Brian Christopher confrontation, got the pop of the night, then suffered a legit (but probably minor) injury in the process. Even though we’ll be there live, it’ll still be nice to know JR is at ringside calling the action, if he’s allowed to be. – Eric

5. Drew Carey – Just goes to show that an association with TNA means nothing. Carey didn’t even make the Stunt Granny Big 11 last week when he called TNA’s Brian Kendrick to “The Price is Right’s” stage, but now that he’s being inducted into the celebrity wing of the WWE Hall of Fame, he’s all over this list! Lucky duck! – Eric

6. Snooki – You know, I planned on slamming Jersey Shore. Then I got the smart idea to Google what their ratings are. Much to my surprise, their season 3 debut had 8.4 million viewers. This garbage got a 4.2 rating among adults. These numbers beg the question, if crap is rewarded this well, why aren’t our hits through the roof? – Kevin

7. The Rock – I love that every male above the age of 16 that watches wrestling is so desperate to see John Cena mocked for his ridiculous antics that they liked the Rock’s awful promo on Monday. The Rock doesn’t walk on water, he’s not perfect. One could see the child gag coming because it’s the WWE and anytime someone is mocking their opponent they use a child or midget. Hack material, no way around it. Don’t worry, I’m not just offending you the reader, I’m also offending my site comrades. – Kevin

8. WWE Superstars – In a shocking turn of events, Superstars is going off the air April 7th, according to WGN. Another poorly run program that wasn’t used for any storyline purposes and half of the show was reruns from the previous Raw or Smackdown. This cancellation feels like a tree falling in the woods with no one around. – Kevin

9. GLAAD – WWE recently announced a partnership with GLAAD in order to “create and promote an anti-bullying initiative aimed at their core audience.” This comes on the heels of the backlash against John Cena’s anti-gay promos. Look, this is nice and all to say, but let’s face it here. WWE’s “core audience” is lower income white trash Walmart people. They are by and large racist and homophobic people. (I’m stereotyping just like they do.) They aren’t going to buy this message, no matter how well done it is. And shame on GLAAD for trusting WWE in any way whatsoever after the whole Billy and Chuck fiasco. – Dusty

10. Daffney – So Daffney’s contract expired, and TNA chose not to renew it. In turn, she has filed a worker’s compensation suit against TNA because of on-the-job injuries suffered that have not been properly compensated for by the company. This basically makes her unemployable for any major wrestling company, but maybe her thought is to cash in while she has the chance and get the hell out of the business altogether. My mom recently filed a worker’s comp suit herself, and the lawyer said he only takes cases where he thinks he has a great chance of winning, so maybe that bodes well for young Daffney. – Dusty

11. Victory Road – Holy god, that was an awful PPV. Maybe one of the worst ever. Sweet Jesus, what an awful company. – Dusty

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