News You Can Use – Christmas Bounty, Dixieland, Jim Ross and Total Divas

news_listing_headerMy woman is just so excited about Mike “The Miz” Mizanin movie “Christmas Bounty” airing tonight on ABC Family. She watches some of the most horrific movies that I’ve ever laid eyes on. To put this into perspective, I’ve sat through the entire run of Mystery Science Theater 3000, CSI: Miami and Hawaii Five-O (The new version) and have gotten all kinds of laughs. Do I know all of these shows are terrible? Yes I do. Are they horrific? No. So stay tuned for a short synopsis from the Queen of Cheese-tastic Christmas movies.

Jim Ross had this to say about Big E Langston and Roman Reigns because of some of his Twitter followers

Some fans need to exert a little more patience while young talents such as Reigns and Big E evolve to the next level.

Ross had mentioned this after not liking Big E’s promo. I’m not sure who these fans are because I haven’t seen too many complaints about either man online. I feel like this is code for Jim Ross wanting to bash the WWE writers. How exactly is Big E going to get over on the mic if he doesn’t have mic time? The same can be said about Roman Reigns. His in ring work got featured on Raw but the Shield wasn’t in a solitary backstage segment. How about the WWE show some patience and not team Big E with Mark Henry then have the announcers speculate about a new tag team? You just gave him the Intercontinental Title last week on Raw. Show some patience and give him more fodder to defend the belt. Jim Ross is good at selectively picking who he responds to in his blog.

According to Zap2It.com (by way of Prowrestling.net) Total Divas has been renewed for another season. When I informed my lady that it was renewed last night I got a groan and maybe a grunt. I barely talked her into the column for the second half of this season. I may need to pay her to do it next season. We’re making a profit, right?

I finally got around to reading the “Dixieland” article on SI.com which she referenced on last week’s Impact Wrestling. I had to laugh at a couple of points which the writer made. The first point was about getting on Spike TV:

Getting onto a visible cable platform allowed Dixie and TNA to lure away some of their competitor’s bigger stars. Jeff Hardy, a wildly popular WWE wrestler in the late 90s and early 2000s with his brother Matt, under the moniker “The Hardy Boyz,” joined TNA in 2004. Two-time Olympic wrestling gold medalist Kurt Angle joined the company in 2006. Steve Borden, a.k.a. Sting, signed with TNA in 2003 and is widely considered the most popular pro wrestler ever to never work for the WWE.

That is full of entertainment. TNA allegedly lured away Jeff Hardy and Kurt Angle by supplying them with drugs before finally cutting them off. I can’t argue with the point about Sting so one out of three correct isn’t too bad. The bar is set pretty low for the media these days. Dixie had her own whopper:

One of the continuous hurdles she’s had to overcome is the perception that one has to grow up in the wrestling business to be good at it. It’s believed that Dixie is the first and only female pro wrestling owner to not have any familial ties to wrestlers…That’s all any business is,” said Dixie. “You don’t have to know wrestling. You’ll know wrestling eventually, but business is about making good decisions, putting good people around you and managing them.
I agree with her in that you don’t need to grow up in wrestling to be good at it. None of us grew up in wrestling but we can totally book better than anyone who has ever written wrestling. The entertaining part is about making good decisions, good people and managing them. Dixie hasn’t made good decisions (Putting herself on TV), hasn’t brought in good people (Eric Bischoff & Hulk Hogan) and she hasn’t managed anyone as far as I can tell (Except for her dad to keep putting money into the product). The last point is peppered through out the second half of the article but AJ Styles sums it up quite well:
I think we have to think outside the wrestling box.,” said Styles. “That’s the most important thing we need to do. Wrestling’s been done a certain way for so long and I think if we can go outside that thinking and change the way we do things, storylines and what not, that will separate us from the WWE. We can’t be like them — we have to be the alternative. We need to be something different.
TNA and Dixie Carter have been saying for a decade that they need to be different than the WWE yet they’ve provided us with a watered down version of the Attitude Era with many of those stars for that same time period. I can’t wait for another decade of ineptitude since they aren’t selling the company. At least they’ll let me do the same blog that every other wrestling fan does. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Kia And Cay at Melissas ParentsSeeing as though I’m taking my hound dog Kia into a specialist to have her heart murmur looked x-rayed on Wednesday, Peter King’s page about putting down his Golden Retriever Bailey really touched me. It also reminded me of Bill Simmons writing a eulogy for his dog the Dooze. The first time I read about having to put down a dog was Marley & Me. I’m starting to wonder if it’s become cliche to write about your dog when that time comes. I don’t want it to come but it’s coming. The heart murmur is not taking my mind away from that time. Enjoy your pets as long as you can. Time to review some wrestling. Let’s roll.

Video Package Count: 2 before we see live action. The usual tribute to the troops then a Big Show package. I didn’t read the spoilers so it’s all new to me. The Authority is away so the mice are going to play. Oh my! Randy Orton takes forever and a day to get to the ring as usual. Of course the way he starts his promo is “I’ll get right to it…” You don’t do anything quickly, Randy. He’s in charge of Raw tonight. Brad Maddox was more exciting in his twenty second promo. Corporate Kane says he’s in charge. Maddox tries to make a match but Kane suggests another opponent. Vickie Guerrero comes out to toss around her weight. So I’ve found something worse than HHH & Steph being on TV, bit players arguing power for three hours of TV. HHH & Steph run a tight ship. Wouldn’t best for business mean appointing someone boss so this doesn’t happen? For some reason, she has Orton take on Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Why is a heel screwing a heel?

Goldust and Orton are in the ring after the break. It’s got to fill you with confidence when the crowd chants “Randy’s Boring”. Not a flattering mock chant. He’s so boring, I didn’t need to type anything of significance before the next commercial. Goldust is taking a beating still. Cody Rhodes gets a hot tag. Orton gets himself counted out. Big Show arrives to attack Orton. Super choke slam off the top of the stairs thru the announce table. That’s got to smart.

Big Show goes out for a pint since Sheamus can’t. Los Matadores & El Torito get to bore me even more. Santino Marella is their team mate.  3MB comes out as the Union Jacks. The crowd is behind them. Mitchell Cool calls him Bulltino because he’s wearing horns. Yuck. Bull Cobra win. Double yuck. Randy Orton yells at Maddox then Vickie. Kane isn’t taking Orton’s shit. It’s official, my boy is the new Christian because he gets a crack at the IC Title.

Damien Sandow is waiting in the ring. Kofi Kingston is his opponent. Sandow showing a mean streak early. I don’t catch much of the match though because I’m talking over Wrestlemania plans. You’re Welcome for the win. I guess the Terminoose is no longer.

Dolph Ziggler comes down first. Curtis Axel comes down second as the champion. Axel gets the upper hand early. Ziggler turns things around with a drop kick. Ziggler’s spill to the outside looked rough. They talk over Axel’s psyche without Paul Heyman. Mitchell said “Billy Gunn” like he was going thru puberty. Super face plant only gets Ziggler a two count. Axel gives Ziggler one move for the win. Fuck Jack Swagger. Give credit to Ziggler for a great match, are you fucking kidding me? Kane has his new arguing partner in Brad Maddox. The Real Americans are taking on John Cena. The Shield is taking on CM Punk & Daniel Bryan. Sounds like we got our hour mark matches.

I didn’t ever realize how bitchy the Bellas entrance was. You can look but not touch? Aren’t you baby faces? Shouldn’t you change their entrance music? Nikki Bella is taking on Tamina. Brie & AJ Lee are at ring side for their respective partners. Tamina uses her strength to smack around Nikki. The later gets to have some quick strike offense. AJ cheats for Tamina. Superfly splash for the win. AJ took out Brie after that. Brie dropkicks AJ then Tamina. We get a stand off then. No one cares.

Video Package Count: 3. The Shield goes in to have an audience with Randy Orton. For some reason, the trainer is still working on him. The Shield doesn’t work for anyone that was supposed to be in charge tonight. So is this match going to involve Fandango or is Summer Rae in action again?

Video Package Count: 4. This time to preview Total Divas. Tyson and Nattie still don’t know how to be a couple. The review will be up sometime tomorrow. Tyson Kidd is Fandango’s opponent. Kidd looks sharp again. Fandango gets the cheap roll up win. The crowd is happy. I don’t really care because I’m over Fandango. I’d rather him get some in ring cred. A cheap win over a guy coming back from an injury isn’t the way to do it.

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Headlines: School commons named after a McMahon, John Cena all over media, Iron Sheik/WrestleMania rumors

"Iran, numbar von! Meeses Kennedy McMahon, numbar von! Beeg Daddy Vee, ACK-TOOEY!"

Far be it from me to make a picture of scantily clad Beulah McGillicutty drop further down our front page, but this is important news, people! According to Prowrestling.net, Sacred Heart University, of Fairfield, Conn., will name its student commons area after longtime Board of Trustees member and all-around swell gal Linda McMahon. Of course, McMahon is running for U.S. Senate again, so throwing money at the Catholics in a Northeast state will make her look like, well, 5 million bucks. Clearly the decision makers at Sacred Heart University never received their copy of WWE Backlash 2006 on DVD.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, John Cena has been all over the damn place (and rightfully so, since he kills his media appearances every time) promoting WWE WrestleMania 28. Notable soundbites include Cena on HLN calling out the guys of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” one year out from WrestleMania 29, to be held in Jersey; Cena explicitly laying out his beef with the Rock on SI.com, citing quotes like, “I’ll never go back to wrestling”; and Cena taking the bullet for the spinner belt idea plus praising Tyler Black on some random radio show. You’d think with as much talking as this guy does that he could cut a promo that wasn’t completely tone-deaf, but he’s still interesting to listen to outside a WWE venue.

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, both Iron Sheik and Viscera/Big Daddy V/Mabel/King Mabel have reportedly altered their WrestleMania weekend bookings with other promotions, leading folks to believe these two may appear in some fashion at WrestleMania 28. A) How terrible would it be if Big Daddy V took Albert’s rumored spot as John Laurinitis’ henchman? (That’s a real question for Dusty and a rhetorical one for everyone else.) B) Fast Fact: It would take Iron Sheik longer to walk to the ring than it would the 500-pound Viscera. C) Don’t let Evan Bourne anywhere near Iron Sheik.  

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