John Cena needs to shut the fuck up

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In light of Major League Baseball player Ryan Braun’s recent steroid suspension, John Cena has taken his plight against reason and common sense to Twitter. First with this:

Also hats off to @MLB for putting their foot down against PEDs @SportsCenter @ESPN looks like more headlines on horizon.

And then with this:

Wow PEDs are quite the topic, lots of Qs 1 tweet will clear it up,yes @MLB some action>none, I am LIFETIME drug free

And then this:

Remember ladies and gents ‘there is NO substitute for hard work!’ It’s a nice CLEAN snatch!!! pic.twitter.com/6GdSPzqJn0

Which was accompanied by this picture:

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So yeah. Basically Cena needs to shut his fat yapper before he attracts any attention to the fact that drug free probably does *not* start with he. There certainly exist some pictures online from the ghost of Prototype’s past that would seem to suggest “lifetime” does not now mean what I once thought it did. Any Raw now we’re going to see his veiny drug free arms popping out of a DARE shirt, shades of Boy George. – Dusty

Interview with Nancy Benoit’s sister

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I found this on The2count.com.  I find her to be very well spoken. – Dusty

He did seem to love Nancy very dearly. We know that, unfortunately, their relationship started to get rocky at some point. When did you first get wind that things were turning complicated between them?

I lived in Atlanta and my sister asked me home almost every one of my days off. I want to be clear: Chris was not an abusive husband. But there were, what we call in the industry, though don’t often talk about, “high spots”. She had been there, in that position before, and refused to put up with it at all, especially with Daniel in their home. So I went with her after one of these “incidents” to file an order of protection.

What do you mean by “high spots”?

Yelling, screaming, name calling, shoving, pushing, breaking stuff.

Did Nancy ever mention anything about fearing for her or Daniel’s safety?

Yes, when she first filed for divorce.

In 2003, Nancy filed for divorce citing cruel treatment and an irrevocably broken marriage. She also filed a restraining order against Chris. She later dropped the proceedings as well as the restraining order. Why did she do that?

Because, like with any marriage where there are issues, they made up and wanted to reconcile, especially for Daniel.

It was reported that Daniel suffered from Fragile X syndrome and that he was being given human growth hormones. Was Daniel’s health an issue in Nancy and Chris’ disagreements?

Daniel did not have Fragile X. I have his medical records. He was NOT sick.

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Stunt Granny Sports Show #9

Um, yes please.

Um, yes please.

OK look you know we are going to talk about Sergio Garcia and his suggestions for Tiger Woods. What’s the big deal? It is golf isn’t it racist anyway? How could things get ay worse right? Well you let the CEO of the European Tour open his stupid mouth right? This ay be the only golf break that ever occurs on Stunt Granny in any capacity so it may as well be on the latest edition of The Stunt Granny Sports Show. Yes, Eric2 and Jeremy are back and among mocking golf and its competitors they also cover some serious topics like sexual assault and how women give up on looking good once they are married. Yup that’s right . Pete Rose gets married and his wife immediately decides to change her appearance for the worse. How is that fair for old Charlie Hustle? Hasn’t he given and then suffered enough already? Shouldn’t he be treated like a king? How stupid is Jose Canseco? Is it stupidity or a greater problem of being aloof and arrogant? What person wouldn’t be terrified and hiding in the face of sexual assault allegations? Why would any rational person go against his attorneys orders and blather on o the media? What kind of dummy taunts the accuser on Twitter? What exactly is Ozzie Canseco up to right now anyway? Is this a Lifetime movie in the works? They also break down how the media victimize itself in the face of athletes hiding things and hurting them. It really is quite funny how this always happens. There is some NHL playoff talk that somehow melds in to NBA playoff talk and then back to NHL talk and a nice dose of Henry The Hockey Hound being fed up taking matters in to his own hands when it comes to bacon. Oh yeah and Miguel Cabrera. So get to downloading the show and enjoy the randomness. It is funny, at least it should be. Really not sure since no one has listened to it again. In the moment it came across as funny. We could be wrong so download it already. OK?

Eric’s Blog: For CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, Benoit and Guerrero comparisons a little too apropos

CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, in happier times. Like, last night.

Last night at the WWE TLC pay-per-view, long-time indy favorite and beloved smallish pro wrestler Daniel Bryan did the unthinkable: He pinned a 500-pound wrestling giant to win the World Heavyweight Championship. When the above picture of fellow champion CM Punk and Bryan surfaced, comparisons to the late, regaled and internationally celebrated Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero were instant: Two scruffy, 200-pound darlings of the hardcore type of fan had finally made it in the land of storybook monsters and mythological heroes. Think this is going to last very long? History tells you not to bet on it.

What seems like a million years ago but was really only in 1992, the WWF was staving off the symptoms of internal sex, drugs and rock-and-roll scandals. A handful of then-current and then-past WWF employees were being accused of sexual exploits with under-aged, starry-eyed, same-sex nubiles. Vince McMahon was being implicated in stories from women painting him an insatiable sexual monster. Multi-time champion, world-renown hero and No. 1 merchandise peddler Hulk Hogan needed a break after eight years, not because Hulkamania no longer went wild but because the gravy train took a stop at “The Arsenio Hall Show,” where the 800-pound orange gorilla lied about his steroid use (“One time, brother,” and the needle had been stuck there ever since, dude), an issue that would put McMahon on trial for the better part of the next 18 months.

Without the Hulkster to weigh down the company, the WWF went in a few different directions with its headliners and championships. This experimentation was largely unheard of for the billion-dollar company; it had sold out arenas with the same guy on top since Bruno Sammartino’s inaugural eight-year reign. (Sure, Bob Backlund, in the ‘70s and ‘80s, was a pale, smallish guy, but a lot of other, bigger wrestlers headlined those cards.) Tinkering with success was simply not in the WWF formula, until fate (and the company’s own misgivings) forced its hand. Thankfully, in 1991, McMahon had brought in Ric Flair, largely considered the greatest professional wrestler ever, to be the chief antagonist, first for Hogan, then for famed star Roddy Piper, and later for Macho Man Randy Savage. It was with Savage that Flair battled for the WWF Championship, a prize normally held by someone who either weighed or looked like he could bench-press 300 pounds.

With the steroid issue bringing the WWF’s roster of physiques into question, McMahon began putting the belt on smaller, yet very accomplished wrestlers: first Flair, then Savage, then Flair again. But the writing was on the wall; one Wembley Stadium 80,000-plus sellout aside, box offices were dwindling as the WWF moved away from Goliath-versus-goliath main events. If there’s one other thing the McMahon family has always had a penchant for besides Herculean physiques, it’s Samoans.

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Batista tells U.K. Daily Star that he can beat people up, that today’s WWE is “brutal”… look who’s talking

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And he gets all the pretty ladies, too.

According to PWTorch.com, Dave Bautista, aka Batista (because we kids couldn’t handle that extra “u” in his last name), recently told a U.K. newspaper, the Daily Star, that today’s WWE is “brutal.” He didn’t mean it in the same way as the brutal force he uses to beat people up in MMA’s Strikeforce oh wait that never happened because he sucks and is old and has asthma. He means “brutal” in the same way as watching a Batista wrestling match, which was pretty god damn brutal.

I can’t connect with it. I no longer know this business. I don’t do PG wrestling.

Thankfully, PG wrestling no longer does him. He also made a point to talk about how big and bad and scary and legitimate he is, because, of course, the people who have to tell you that are the ones with the largest penises and coolest Affliction shirts.

Love me or hate me, when I was there everyone took one look at me and knew I could beat someone up. I don’t think they look at Miz that way.

He makes a valid point; I’m pretty sure 50 percent of Stunt Granny readers could beat up the Miz if a fight broke out over the last bottle of hair product in the salon. But that doesn’t make it right to disparage the company responsible for your bank account, cars and, of course, humongous, totally-not-shriveled-up penis. One of these days, he’s going to come crawling back on all fives (get it, because he has a gigantic penis that needs no defending) and say, “Vince, I can’t cut it in MMA and I miss the nonstop road head, pleeease bring me back.” And then Vince will, because he’s a mark at heart. (Sorry, I hope you weren’t expecting another punchline at Batista’s expense.) -Eric

Jeremy’s Blog: Initial thoughts on Scott Hall: The Wrestler from E:60


In case you missed it last night, ESPN is offering up the Scott Hall’s “The Wrestler” segment from E:60 online. The segment was incredibly short and really shows how bad off Scott Hall is now. What it doesn’t do is explore anything in great detail. Sure, it gives probable cause for his addictions and shows what he goes through now, but there is no deep investigation. Some of this is the pratfall of committing only 15 minutes or so to the actual story.

The piece features a bunch of other wrestlers, friends, family or wrestling execs commenting on Scott Hall, but the way the short documentary was packaged it came across like they are distancing themselves from his ailments rather than explaining.  These are just my initial thoughts on the program. I reserve the right to reverse course after more viewings, so go screw.

Kevin Nash comes off as a jokester instead of a concerned friend. His line about driving a stake through Hall’s chest as the only means of killing him may be funny but it is sad all the same. It was never explored past that. It was a one-off comment that added little. Sure, it is meant to explain the copious amount abuse Hall has done to his body, but it came off as aloof instead of poignant.

One aspect that should have been explored to same detail was the fact that X-Pac/Sean Waltman was in a similar position and came out of it and thus his pain at seeing Scott continually failing would have been stronger. Waltman taking issue with promoter Steve Ricard is spot on, but then listening to Hall try and explain his situation afterwards lessened the blow. He says that a combo of medications messed his head up so bad that, “Brother, I didn’t even know what country I was in. I don’t even remember being there.” It is hard to feel sympathy for someone who appears to be reveling in it as he smiles and nearly laughs while explaining it all.

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RIP Ludvig Borga

Steroid free starts with he.

Word going around everywhere, but I’m going to credit my boy SteveMHW since he sent me the text message that initially alerted me to this, is that Tony Halme, better known to wrestling fans as Ludvig Borga, died today at the age of 47.

Let us now reflect on a life that included terrible promos about how disgusting America is, a stint in the main events against “Made in the USA” Lex Luger that inspired worldwide apathy, and a terrible one-and-done stint in the UFC that saw him get his butt handed to him, uh, handily. And he sure did have some big ol’ muscles, didn’t he? – Dusty

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