Guest Blog: Dan reminisces about ECW in light of recent Extreme Reunion fiasco

"I'm gonna hang a flyer right here and FRANCHISE this light pole's ASS HA HA HAAA!"

Well, the ECW reunion show took place over the weekend and the reports I have read have not been very complementary of the show.  I read the fairly detailed report over at prowrestling.net (http://www.prowrestling.net/artman/publish/miscliveevents/article10024865.shtml) and one or two other reports and it sounds like the fans who made up an impressive crowd for an indy show turned on this show in a big way.  I do think it sounds like the crowd did not have very realistic expectations for the show.  The things I would have hoped that this show would have tried to accomplish they at least attempted.  I feel like for this show to have any chance of repeat success they would have to use some of the established names to get the fans interested in new talent.  With the interference in the Gangstas match and the use of new Raven’s followers it sounds like they tried to set up some things for the next show.

The obvious problem with this show is that the ECW style takes a serious physical toll on the wrestlers and to expect most of these guys to be able to work the types of matches they did well over eleven years ago just isn’t very realistic.  When one starts thinking about the alleged health problems or scares that Sabu and Justin Credible had that prevented them from performing at the show it makes the event a bit more depressing.  Many will write about and talk about how the extreme style has possibly ruined people’s lives and certainly contributed to many premature deaths.  As a fan who discovered ECW on a grainy UHF TV station (yes I had to disconnect my cable to watch ECW, this station was so small it wasn’t on any cable systems but was part of the “America One Network”) and loved watching ECW programming it’s not pleasant to think about the price many of these wrestlers I enjoyed watching so much have paid.

I went to several later day ECW shows in St. Louis but I only made it to the ECW Arena once for “Cyberslam ’98”.  When I first started taking the Torch I was rather frustrated to read about Cyberslam ’96 and ’97 AFTER it had occurred or I might have made one of those shows as well.  I had a great time at this event and met some very interesting folks (maybe that goes without saying).  I was then in grad school so while I did not have a tremendous amount in common with many of these performers I certainly appreciated what they did and enjoyed the question and answer sessions and thought seeing a card at the ECW Arena was one of those things I was able to take off my bucket list.

Because I have great memories about those experiences watching and enjoying ECW I wanted to reflect on those people who were most benefited from working in ECW.  I’m sure it’s not a complete list and this is not to say that these performers would not have done well if ECW did not exist but since many have been focusing on the cost ECW incurred on many of its workers I thought I would reflect on who benefited the most from their ECW experience.  Please feel free to add suggestions to this list.

1.  Taz — Make no mistake about it.  The ECW Taz was as bad as they come (in a good way).  At the show I went to he physically manhandled one of many body builders the WWF wanted to get behind in Brakkus and the fans loved every minute of it.  However, he parlayed his ECW success into a frustrating WWE run followed by many years making what I am guessing is pretty good money as a TV announcer.  As great as Taz was when I saw him wrestle….  well let’s say I don’t think he will be entering the real (Observer) hall of fame or even the WWE version anytime soon.  As far as making a great living based off of what he contributed to ECW I’d say Taz is the #1 choice.  God bless him for making money as far as I am concerned also.

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WWE Tough Enough winner Andy Leavine released, “Silent Rage” T-shirt production ceases

Jesus, he can't even do "gay cowboy" well.

According to PWInsider.com by way of Prowrestling.net, WWE has released relaunched “Tough Enough” winner Andy Leavine. Raise your hand if you knew Andy Leavine was still under a WWE contract (or if you have good penmanship). I didn’t think so. Leavine had been working for Florida Championship Wrestling under the name Kevin Hackman, which makes sense given two things: 1) WWE’s disposition for giving people the last names of famous actors or their movie characters (see: Ryback), and 2) because Andy Leavine is a hack, and I dare say Steve Austin & Co. made a horrible error naming this future flop the winner of their highly regarded reality series. Good riddance, “Silent Rage,” you make the Equalizer look like Big Van Vader. -Eric

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

This pizza is a real product brought to you by Pizza Hut. Please don't buy from them any more.

I already want to toss my lap top thru the front window because of the Three Stooges hosting Raw tonight. Not a good start to the show. Then we got Johnny Wooden GM introducing a Brock Lesnar video package. I’m mildly amused that Johnny used the “legitimate” athlete line since the WWE is always trying to convince us that their wrestlers are “legitimate” athletes. I agree with the sentiment but shouldn’t you be less offended when people say that when you admit it? I also like that Brock has no catch phrases. Let’s see if they make chicken salad out of chicken shit with his first mic work. John Cena interrupts as Brock starts to talk. Nice, Cena just slaps him. Wow, the locker room empties. It gives it a better feel when it isn’t just refs. The WWE is more guilty of that than TNA. Less than fifteen minutes.

After seeing the replays, it looks like Lesnar popped him good that first shot then remembered he wasn’t in the UFC. We get our first yelling at of Teddy Long by Johnny. I’m so excited about this story line. Eve Torres wants to meet with Johnny. The Funkasaurus is up again. Santino tags along. Vickie introduces her clients Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler. Poor Dolph has pink sun glasses. I’m starting to worry about picking my boy Dolph as the Money In The Bank winner. I was hoping to see Brodus sell more but they go to commercial. Those evil dirt sheets said that Vince was worried about his in ring work. Selling is the harder part, to me. Just like playing defense in a “legitimate” sport is harder because it’s always more fun to play offense.

After the break, Santino is selling. Damn it. Mitchell Cool selling Swagger’s new hairdo. Ugh. If his selling point is his hairdo, Swagger has much, much bigger problems. Brodus gets the hot tag and finishes off my boy in no time flat. I’ll be fine when his act gets cut down time wise. Johnny tells the Miz they can talk next week. Johnny yells at Teddy Long. Cena says he likes to hit and be hit. Cena asks to be put in a match. Johnny feeds Otunga to Cena. Santino asks Tyler Reks & Curt Hawkins where the Three Stogges are. Doesn’t any type of air time mean they’ll get ring time soon? Another tag team that’ll challenge for the belts in no time flat.

Santino is still looking for the Stooges when he runs into Kane. People love his prance out. The Stooges are on Raw tonight yet they haven’t been on TV in the first thirty eight minutes of a two hour show. R Truth takes on Cody Rhodes. Oh, Smackdown is live? I got the legend’s part taken care of. We get more repeat angle from Big Show who taunts Rhodes. R Truth wins. Santino apes a line from “A Christmas Story”. The Stooges are in the aped crate. They use all the same tricks that don’t pack half of the humor.

For some reason, Yoshi Tatsu challenged Lord Tensai. He is not getting much of a reaction. A squash, even thru TKO, shouldn’t take as long as it did last week. The crowd chants “Albert”. Just say his name on TV and get it over with. The announcers are doing their job. The match was faster but the crowd is still not caring.

CM Punk comes out to explain himself. Punk is mad because the first thought thru his head was “I smell like my father did.” The crowd chants “CM Punk”. Not exactly the reaction he wanted, I’d guess. Chris Jericho asks if he’s still hung over. He then asks if he’s drunk. I love it. They’ve talked me into this angle. The CM Drunk thing is so hack. Punk is going to take out his frustration on Jericho. Chris looks nonplussed. Mark Henry comes out. We get commercials.

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World Wrestling Bracketainment Sweet Sixteen: #1 vs. #16, #8 vs. #9

Welcome back to World Wrestling Bracketainment, where we put the “fun” in “pick your funking favorites” in the tournament to determine the greatest WWE Champion in WWF and WWE history! One of these match-ups – Bruno Sammartino vs. Superstar Billy Graham – has much historical significance, while the other – Randy Savage (who blew out Edge) vs. Steve Austin – was a match we all kinda wanted to see back in 1998. Vote in each poll for the man you think was the better WWE/WWF Champion of the two, by any criteria you see fit, and check back Friday for the winners!

World Wrestling Bracketainment: 1 vs. 32, 16 vs. 17, 9 vs. 24, 8 vs. 25

As mentioned in the play-in round, we’re bringing the fun and excitement of March Madness tournaments to pro wrestling (without all that winning money or prizes stuff) by asking you to help us choose the greatest WWE Champion in history. We’ve seeded the competitors based on length of title reign (days of all reigns combined, in parentheses), and now we’re putting the voting in your hands. You choose the criteria, and the winners advance. This week we’ll plan to post winners Wednesday and Friday morning, so cast your ballot soon!

Chyna has filmed a Royal Rumble inspired porno.

You read the headline right, according to TMZ, Chyna is continuing her porn career and doing it all wrong. She has reportedly filmed a Royal Rumble inspired porno for Vivid Entertainment. No official details have been released yet but it is safe to say it is some sort of gangbang. Or did they actually go with the Royal Rumble format of a new guy every 2 minutes as Kevin suggested?

This would help but then we all know that at one point in the Rumble that there are more than two participants in the ring. At the very least she is riding a train. What are the rules of all of this?  In the words of Eric, how do you get eliminated cough, moving on, that does bring up a valid point do you get eliminated by eliminating? So is this a friggin bukake video as well? Someone needs to step in and guide her career and that person is me.

I know you can’t go back in time and reverse your decisions. You did start off correctly though with the poorly shot celebrity sex tape. It was gross and poorly directed and edited as it should be. What you did there was build up anticipation for a real video.

Chyna, may I call you Chyna? You don’t start a porn career by knobbing two men at once. You especially do not start your career by allowing yourself to be slobbed on by any more than one participant. It is called anticipation. You build your audience up. Remember pro wrestling? You don’t have a cage match at the beginning of a feud unless you are in TNA. No, you start off with a simple match and then escalate from there. You should have stuck with a one guy cameo role and then some alone time with you and your favorite rubber friend. You begin building up the feud until everyone is clamoring for the payoff.Where is your management in all of this?

Your career path in porno is going to burn out by the end of 2012 at this rate. You need to take a step back and start over. If possible delay this flick until 2015. This way you can start the build again. Chyna with men; then Chyna with all women; the Chyna with two men again; then Chyna goes anal; then Chyna goes all threesomes; then Chyna gives up all her holes, then you get to the gang bang when you are really desperate for money, I mean when you have done all you can with your art.

Please heed this advice; you need management that knows what they are doing. If you need any help feel free and contact us here at Stunt Granny. There will always be a voice of reason for you. -Jeremy

WWE sends Hugo Savinovich to the unemployment line

Score one more for the #occupywallstreet movement. WWE has decided to send longtime broadcaster and multi-time Spanish announce table victim Hugo Savinovich to the unemployment line. He went on YouTube and talked about his release since this is now the norm for anyone who has a small glimmer of face time in public. He says WWE did not renew his contract but he has no regrets. He also stated he was in on every single destruction of the Spanish announce table and took great joy in the wrestlers pain. He knows he was a huge part of the WWE Universe and that he will be missed on the same level as Steve Austin and The Rock.

Of course I made all this up because I do not speak Spanish as my horrible grades from college will attest. He did thank Vince McMahon for letting him work for WWE and a bunch of other mush. Also, that bit about #occupywallstreet doesn’t really apply because Hugo isn’t some douchey white kid with no real solutions or point of view who is more than likely using their parents for money.

You need to watch the video for no other reason then it starts with a parrot. Now I am not up to speed on my parrot knowledge but why the hell is that things chest bald? Is it begging to be deep fried? Yum, deep-fried parrot. -Jeremy

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