TNA to hold 2013 Lockdown at Alamodome (using word “dome” loosely)

7:59 p.m. Sunday, March 10, 2013

7:59 p.m. Sunday, March 10, 2013

If you tuned into TNA Impact Wrestling last night, you heard a shocking announcement. No, not that square-jawed Brooke Hogan is involved in a relationship with a man. According to Gerweck.net, TNA has booked the Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas, for its Lockdown pay-per-view in March 2013.

Nothing about “TNA” and “dome” make sense together in a sentence, except maybe a year ago when I would have said “TNA Knockout Angelina Love needs to give me dome.” What we have here is a company who draws an 80%-full house in Ottumwa, Iowa (and 2 of those people only want to steal your world title belt to pawn it for meth money) now hoping to fill at least the 20K-capacity basketball configuration where the San Antonio Spurs play, or at most the 66,000-seat Dome that even WWE couldn’t sell out in 1997 with hometown hero Shawn Michaels as the headliner, hot-as-fire Steve Austin winning the Royal Rumble, and a bunch of old Mexicans like Canek and Mil Mascaras in supporting roles. If I were The Chism Company in San Antonio, I’d stay open on March 10, because TNA will need to tarp the shit out of that building. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio #208

Eric and Kevin are back, and the boys discuss Kevin attending WWE Monday Night Raw in Columbus, Ohio. Who was over? Who was a dud? What was Kevin’s favorite moment? His biggest disappointment? What did the guys think of the Jerry Lawler-CM Punk-Paul Heyman-Mick Foley angle? The Ryback-Brad Maddox match? The action-packed 8-man tag? They also do some quick hits: Will Steve Austin wrestle CM Punk, and would they spend the money for a ticket? What’s their favorite Eddie Guerrero memory? Will they spend $1.98 on the paperback version of AJ Styles’ book? All this and a little more!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #208

Stone Cold E.T.

HAHAHAHAHAHA -Eric

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Review of @WWE #Raw1000

As Jeremy so eloquently put it, tonight starts my descent into madness. No, not the Aurora variety madness but the kind that makes me want to throw my lap top against a wall kind of madness. Tonight will likely be a very good, packed show. The writing will fall apart after tonight though. As for the poll below, I voted for “It doesn’t matter, the title was rendered meaningless long ago.” I’m not sure it was a long time ago but I had been long harping on the meaninglessness of the IC, US, Tag Team & Women’s Title. For some reason, since main event level guys held the belt, I didn’t think about it being meaningless. It is though. Mostly because as another choice point out “It doesn’t matter, John Cena is basically “the champ” anyway.” So, CM Punk may be merch champ and putting on spectacular matches, but you can tell the WWE doesn’t really favor him. Or even Sheamus. Enough editorial, time to do it during the review.

And just so you know, this is our 1850 post. Beat that WWE! We get a retrospective of Raw. It was a nice enough video package. Vince McMahon comes out first. I didn’t listen to his special email message that he sent out. Why is the chairman introducing Degeneration X? I’m guessing everyone else on the internet asked this question. They’re rebels who don’t, aw, you get it right? Even the video package accompanying their entrance seems lame. Shawn Michaels acts out of breath and really stupid. HHH checks for his underwear too. They introduce Road Dogg, Billy Gunn and X Pac. Gunn & Michaels get cutesy with another line. Damien Sandow interrupts the proceedings. You aren’t going to save us. We’re going to get this dreck for the rest of the three hours tonight and in the future. What did I type earlier? This episode would be fine? I’m taking that back already. They still have two words for us. Yuck. Time to get drunk.

I miss Jim Ross coming out because I wanted to get cake for my girl. Wink, wink. Rey Mysterio comes out before he can say a word. He’s teaming with the botch machine Sin Cara. Sheamus is on the team too. We can’t have too many matches tonight so let’s have huge tag team matches! Chris Jericho is still a heel by being on their team. Dolph Ziggler is out the chute next then Alberto Del Rio. Then a commercial.

Ziggler starts off against Sin Cara. Oh, by the way, no animosity between Mitchell Cool and Ross. Stupidity central. My vote is Jericho costing Ziggler and his team the match. Looks like Ziggler is going to cost Jericho the match. Sheamus wins with the Brogue Kick. Not much of a match. What? JR is only calling one match? Fuck off WWE.

Why an I watching these dumb videos? I still don’t care about Tout. Charlie Sheen is hosting from Las Vegas. I’m glad he can Skype so we can plug something else. I buzzed through the replay of AJ & Daniel Bryan from last week. AJ then gets to talk to Layla. Of course dumb shit is happening outside of their locker room door. Kill me. The hand is grown up. Shouldn’t it be half black? Mark Henry was the father.

Sonic gets pimped. Why would wrestling be important during the 1000 Raw? Jack Swagger gets to lose to the Funkasaurus. Another match that doesn’t matter. Shazam app. Clay gets to introduce Dude Love. Splat was an accurate description from Cool. Swagger gets the Mandible Claw with the mandatory gullet use. Trish Stratus gets to talk yoga to HHH. We’re supposed to laugh again. We don’t.

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Stunt Granny Audio #167: Nostalgia Special

(Click here to see Jim Duggan on the WHO-13 News in Des Moines! HOOOO!)

Inspired by the nostalgia of Hacksaw Jim Duggan coming to town and the litany of garbagosity that is the crop of champions in TNA, Eric and Dusty bring you a look back at wrestling history and ask the question that has plagued us for about 80 minutes: Could the King of the Ring work, if done right, in today’s WWE? Listen as the guys recount the days when Duggan, Randy Savage, Harley Race and Owen Hart wore the crown. (And then there was Mabel, and Billy Gunn, and William Regal, and…) Who wore it proudly? Who wore it stinkily? Who never really wore it at all? And who would benefit from the royal crown today? Well, listen and find out!

Stunt Granny Audio #167

CM Punk and Stone Cold Steve Austin circa Attitude Era, Punk reeeally loved Goldfinger

(L to R) Chick, Steve Austin, short chick, CM Punk, Beaker's haircut that leaned to the side, Davey Boy Photo-Bombing Smith

Or Less Than Jake. Or Rancid. Or the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. Anyway, this picture was Tweeted by some random dude and then retweeted by good ol’ J.R., Jim Ross. (Follow him @JRsBBQ.) Nothing newsworthy here, just wanted to show everyone that CM Punk truly does not give a fuck. (And that he was willing to get his picture taken with a drunk at age 18, showing you how much he support the straight-edge lifestyle. Hey, if you’re not now, you never were!) -Eric

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

I used this picture a while back. It's back because the Bruins are mauling the Canucks right now.

As is the case when the Stanley Cup Finals roll around, I have split attention during Raw. I’ll probably post the opening segment in between the first and second period then another segment during the next intermission. The only way I get out of this cycle is if Sean leaves. He’s from Boston. Wouldn’t you still keep watching this blowout (4-0) if you were on the ass kicking end?

The Miz is back to looking dapper. Miz cracking wise about Weiner. Miz having a good point about the Attitude Era stars but you aren’t drawing. Neither is Cena. Or at least not well enough. Stone Cold coming out. Man, they are dragging out the All Stars. Piper’s Pit with Miz & Riley. Why does the Miz have on sneakers though? Man, stay classy Miz. They are really trying to prop up the heels by having them go one on one with Stone Cold. They got no one to put people over than those retired. Pretty pathetic. Del Rio gets to beat Kane. Good for him.

The action got kicked off after a commercial.  Cole & Lawler bickering about Del Rio and Big Show’s auto damage is more interesting than this match. Not good news. Thank goodness Kane broke the hold, ahh, sneaky heel wants to break the elbow. Big Show makes the save but Kane backs him off. What is happening to Kane? He’s getting soft in his old age. No big surprise that Big Show and Del Rio are added to Capitol Punishment.

Sin Cara still gets the big entrance even though he’s the worst wrestler in the ring. Bryan comes in to sell because Zeke cant take the beating. Rhodes & DiBiase makes the save but get tossed. Sin Cara gets a cheap victory. I’m arguing with Sean about flashy moves between John Morrison and Sin Cara. He’s been over here too many weeks now. He kn0ws something about wrestling.

Hornswoggle is waiting for R Truth. Hilarious.  Truth better get shot in the nuts. He gets hit but Truth goes for the midget attack. Midget kick in the face. Well played Truth. John Morrison is the way Austin makes things right. Isn’t it a little early to blow this wad? Another midget kicking.

Santino gets to job to Sheamus. Awesome, a “We want Ryder” chant. Sheamus breaks out a Sharpshooter of sorts. Cool. Lawler corrects me and calls it a Cloverleaf.

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Stone Cold Steve Austin Rickrolls our asses

Credit to user MattHarrak on the PWTorch.com VIP Forum: Stone Cold Steve Austin, who has truly adopted the Internet as a way to keep in touch with his huge fanbase, hopped in his time-traveling ATV, punched in a date near when he was filming “The Condemned,” and made a little video of himself lip-syncing “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley, the song famously used about 17 ba-million times on YouTube to “Rickroll” viewers. (Short definition, in case you’re younger than 5: “Rickrolling” is the act of making people think they’re seeing one type of video on YouTube, usually nudity, which isn’t allowed on that site, you idiots, and then splicing in Astley’s cheesy 1980s music video. Major laffos had everywhere.) Man, no wonder Austin’s been married three times, did you see those dance moves? That prick turned down “Dancing With the Stars” and cost us weeks of entertainment. I guess I’ll just watch that spin he does at the end over and over. -Eric

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

A pair of old friends playing catch up. Quite amusing to know she missed the married years of yours truly.

I started this blog a lot later than normal. My friend Charmaine showed up in town for a conference. I hadn’t seen her since architecture school so it was bad ass to get to talk to her for a couple of drinks. I sucked down a couple of Burning Rivers from Great Lakes Brewing Company. I did get to hear the reception “Stone Cold” Steve Austin got because someone at the bar we were at had Raw turned on. When Jeremy texted me that Dolph (KSU! KSU! KSU!) was coming to Raw, I decided I needed to do this blog. Let’s roll.

I got to buzz through the Undertaker/HHH recap and UT sauntering down to the ring. UT selling his own demise. They’re trying to sell this match but after the last 2 matches with Michaels, can you really believe any of this?  As I finish typing that, UT brings up that exact point. I said in Audio 131 that UT/HHH will be a good match. I should have said (If I didn’t) that it’s not going to come close to either of these matches with Michaels. If it does, I’ll record the piercing of my nipples and post it on the site. No Holds Barred, I’ll take the bet still. Johnny Cash rocks. Cena with a final knock out. Austin on TV. Then Orton has the upper hand on Nexus but is over taken. Evidently Punk & Nexus are going to send Orton somewhere worse than the shelf. A GTS is worse than being on the shelf? Ahh, dragging him to the ring. Paging Mr. Cena.

Orton is still being beat down, now with 4 referees around. Otunga looking for his match against Orton. Orton already making a Superman recovery. Maybe not so much. The way he got up in the corner gave me more confidence in his recovery than it should have. Cole screams Orton with a slam when Otunga did it. This is the best WWE can do on play by play, huh? Orton hits the RKO for the out of nowhere victory.  Nexus finally smart enough not to allow the Punt before they come down. Ryan gets an RKO too. Orton keeps Punk at bay. Otunga gets the punt. Wow, I am amusing stuff way too early tonight. Cole rightly calls for a halt to Orton’s punting. He should be applauding it in his new persona. Matthews should be saying that stuff. Cole gets to hype his own segment right afterward. Right from sensible guy, to over the top heel within seconds. Fucking awful. And again, this is the best the WWE thinks it can do. I don’t think I make fun of the announcers that get KSU football games this much.

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Hacksaw Jamie Duggan

Yep, whoring out pictures of hot women again.

It was announced yesterday (Dot Net story) that Miss USA (USA, USA) Rima Fakih will be one of the contestants on Tough Enough. She said: “Miss USA is an incredible honor that’s provided invaluable experience which will undoubtedly help me as I push my performance and athletic skills to the limit. I look forward to learning if I have the mettle to make it in WWE.” This development will help draw zero interest to the show except for the blurbs that will get mentioned in the mainstream media, if you count where this story broke as mainstream. If Eric is lucky, Rima will teach him how to pole dance. – Kevin

Hold For Swank needs to add a pole to their live shows.

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