Stunt Granny Audio #242

Kevin & Jeremy are back after a hiatus for the holidays. They start the show just in time to listen to the big announcement from the WWE about the WWE Network. Are their questions answered by the presentation? Will you be able to watch Mid-South Wrestling content? How exactly can the WWE revolutionize the way media is distributed? Is the cost worth it? When was the last time Kevin ordered Summerslam? Or Survivor Series? Is Jeremy ready to be the host for Legends House? Will it be as funny as the Surreal Life? The guys move on to talking about other events surrounding the WWE, the most recent announcement prior to this one was Kaitlyn leaving the WWE on mutual terms. Will the Diva’s Division be built up now that the WWE will have even more programming? Or is Total Divas going to be what the Divas strive for going forward? What has happened to AJ Lee? Do we get just enough Alicia Fox during her run ins on the show? What level of hot is Kaitlyn? The last topic of the night is Daniel Bryan and the above clip of Michigan State football doing the Yes! chant at halftime of the Ohio State vs MSU game at the Breslin Center. How much money is the WWE leaving on the table? Was CM Punk ever as popular as Daniel Bryan or are we tainted by the raucous crowd in Chicago for his title win against John Cena? Has Punk’s mic skills gotten in the way of him creating an easy chant like Yes!? Is the Bryan turn only a temporary thing for Wrestlemania season? Is it because physically large stars like Batista and Brock Lesnar are coming back? Or is it because the WWE is depending on these stars because of how long they have been established? Find out that and more when you click on the link below!

Eric’s Blog: What’s right and what’s wrong with Randy Orton

“I’m gonna sock you in the nose!”

Randy Orton successfully defended his WWE Championship this past Sunday at the 27th Survivor Series, against the much larger Big Show, and after months of cheating, yet defeating, his previous arch-nemesis Daniel Bryan.

And somehow, “the face of WWE” continues to play second fiddle to the usually overbearing, always long-winded, semi-retired sports entertainer and the latest ina revolving door of heel authority figures, Triple H.

WWE has done quite a few things right with Orton’s current championship reign, but the negatives throughout the storyline are tipping the scales out of Orton’s favor. Let’s take a quick look at the good and the bad.

Good: For someone like Orton, dragging the Money in the Bank around seemed like a demotion. However, it was a guaranteed title shot, and he cashed it in at Summerslam, atthe opportune time for an evil heel – when his on-again, off-again bearded buddy and brand new WWE Champ Daniel Bryan least expected it and could least combat it. A couple of swift moves and, boom, new WWE Champion.

Bad: It happened at the whim of Triple H.

Good: Orton loses the WWE Title back to the still red-hot Daniel Bryan at Night of Champions, only to devilishly demand it back the following night on Monday Night Raw, through a web of lies, deceit and nefariousness.

Bad: All of those lies, that deceit and that nefariousness were actually at the hands of Triple H.

Good: Big Show is introduced into the storyline, as Bryan’s bestie but befuddled by bad breaks in finance, bringing him to the beck and call of the bad guy’s side. Orton saves a little face thanks to a no-contest after Big Show’s hesitant interference, injecting an ancillary player into a headlining spot.

Bad: Big Show was actually intimidated into this whole thing by the mean boss who bought his mortgage, Triple H. Hunter then holds the title in “abeyance,” a 10-cent word that should never be uttered in pro wrestling again.

Good: Orton wins the WWE Title in brutal fashion against his summertime nemesis, Bryan, in the demonic Hell in a Cell, becoming once again the face of WWE.

Bad: That only happened because Bryan was superkicked by special referee Shawn Michaels, best friend of Triple H.

Good: Orton gets a win over Big Show at the (former) fourth-biggest pay-per-view on the WWE calendar, Survivor Series, using the punt kick that has shelved numerous opponents in the past.

Bad: Orton had to capitalize on non-physical interference by Triple H.

Yet to be determined: Survivor Series closes with a staring contest between World Heavyweight Champion John Cena and WWE Champion Randy Orton, teasing a future contest between the two.

Bad: John Cena was standing next to Triple H.

Subtract the common thread of You-Know-Who, and WWE has done an excellent job booking a heel champion, and even more important, making lemonade out of lemons. The underachieving Orton has spent 11 years in the WWE, kinda sorta over with the crowd as both a heel and a babyface, but never really carrying the WWE torch.

Now, if he can’t carry it, it’s because he can’t wrestle it out of the grasp of a guy who doesn’t even wrestle anymore.

When it comes time to book the big blow-off match for this months-long storyline, who will you pay to see get beaten up? I’m not sure, either.

Dusty’s Blog: Dusty answers five random questions

mailbag-

You know, every week we get so many cards and letters here at the Stunt Granny Headquarters, it’s just ridiculous. Normally we just completely ignore them, because we are so much better than all you readers out there. Sometimes Kevin will use them as rolling papers for those funny cigarettes he likes so much.

But now I have decided in the interest of creating content, to change all that. Every week I will be answering five random questions from you, our lovely loyal readers. There was such an overwhelmingly positive response to the first one of these (http://stuntgranny.com/2013/07/21/dustys-blog-dusty-answers-five-random-questions/) that I couldn’t possibly stop now. So here we go:

1.) I just watched Survivor Series ’89. I love the show, it’s one of my favorites of all time. But man, that Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team match is just chock full of Hogan’s ego, huh? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Oh man, preach on. Hogan was single handedly responsible, in one way or another, for the elimination of every member of the Million Dollar Team. Zeus gets carried away on beating up Hogan, the worst referee who ever lived gets physically involved, Zeus defends himself, and the ref shoots him out of there faster than Carl Lewis. Then, the Powers of Pain basically get disqualified for using offensive wrestling maneuvers against Hogan. And then Hogan pinned DiBiase to become the sole survivor. What a mess.

If Hogan could have actually allowed himself to do a job on a pay-per-view when the belt wasn’t even on the line, this could have probably been a whole lot better match. Really, I blame the bad booking here on his ego, and not on Pat Patterson and whoever else was back there at that time. Let’s say Zeus still gets disqualified as he did. Then, since Hogan is so incapacitated, you could just have DiBiase pin him right there. Blam. Zeus sacrifices himself for the greater good of the team.

Then maybe the Powers of Pain and Demolition get double DQ’d for brawling with each other in the ring (shades of the LOD-Demolition confrontation from the next year’s Survivor Series), which would leave us with a DiBiase vs. Jake the Snake showdown, in which you can either have Roberts pin DiBiase, or else Roberts win when DiBiase gets counted out, if you want to save the clean finish for WrestleMania or whatever.

There’s a million different ways you could book it, and they’d all probably be better than what we ended up with. Still, though, that Series is one of my go-to shows when I’m looking for something to watch. So, whatevs.

2.) Watching all these old school wrestling events reminds me of what a burger Elizabeth was. She has to be in the top five of wrestling women all time, right? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Absolutely. And what a difficult task it would be to craft a top five all time list. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and of course everyone’s list is going to vary based on personal taste, but my list might look something like this:

1. Miss Elizabeth

2. Terri Runnels

3. Christy Hemme

4. Brooke Adams

5. Nitro Girl Fyre

3.) Eric always talks about how good Todd Pettengill is and how much better he was than Sean Mooney. He’s totally wrong, right? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Of course he is. Sean Mooney was fantastic. More than that, not only was Pettengill completely terrible, he was dead wrong for the product at the time and stuck out like a sore thumb. He was a lame guy with a lame sense of humor who actively held the product back when they were trying to get more serious. He was just plain bad at his job in every way. The best example I can give is from Royal Rumble 1995, where he had the following locker room exchange with Bret Hart (not word for word, so don’t correct me).

Pettengill: You are going to be going up against Diesel for the World Heavyweight Title. I mean, let’s talk about it.

Bret: ….. What is there to talk about?

I mean, right? What kind of question is that? It’s not even a question. It’s lowest common denominator “How do you feel?” Because at least that’s a question, albeit a completely horrible one. Really, the guy had no business doing what he was doing, and he did it for several painful agonizing years.

Meanwhile, Sean Mooney once said “The Fabulous Rougeaus don’t always play savoir fairly, but the Rockers are ready to escargot at it!” Case closed.

4.) Is there any wrestler worth following on Twitter right now? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

You know, I hate following wrestlers and other celebrity types on Twitter. They normally have nothing of any worth to say. Like Leonardo DiCaprio reminding us all to save the whales. He don’t know from save the whales, he’s too busy diving into his Uncle Scrooge Money Bin. But if there was one wrestler I would recommend, it would be Big E Langston. Why? This:

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5.) Who let the dogs out? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Not sure.

Dusty’s Blog: Dusty answers five random questions

mailbag-

You know, every week we get so many cards and letters here at the Stunt Granny Headquarters, it’s just ridiculous. Normally we just completely ignore them, because we are so much better than all you readers out there. Sometimes Jeremy will take a letter into the bathroom with him if we are running low on toilet paper.

But now I have decided in the interest of creating content, to change all that. Every week I will be answering five random questions from you, our lovely loyal readers. Without any further ado, throw your mittens around your kittens and away we go:

1.) What are your thoughts on the Repo Man? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Yeah, that’s an interesting question, Dusty, I was just thinking about the Repo Man. Like, have you ever wondered who drives the Repo Man to the place where he is repoing the car? Because he always just hot wires the car and drives away with it, right? So, like, is a friend dropping him at the house so he can repo the car? Is he taking public transportation, like a bus or a taxi cab to get to the place to repo the car? Perhaps there is a never ending stream of repo’d cars that serve the purpose of leading him to the next house to repo the next car. Maybe he lives close by and just walked.

The point of the matter is that Repo was completely awesome and I always felt like if a bunch of the guys had teamed up to eliminate Yokozuna at the 1993 Royal Rumble, that match was Repo’s for the taking. See what I did there with that sentence? Why am I asking you the questions?

2.) What are your thoughts on the whole Jimmy Hart/Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters/Money Inc thing? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Yeah, that’s an excellent question. I was just thinking about this recently. See, it all goes back to Mr Fuji in 1990. In early ’90 Fuji managed the Powers of Pain. And then in like February, he debuted the Orient Express. Everyone put up a stink about what an obvious conflict of interest this was, and so Fuji ended up selling the Warlord to Slick and the Barbarian to Bobby Heenan, so he could concentrate all of his energies on managing his new, completely inferior team. It was tremendous booking.

So now Jimmy Hart in 1991. His Nasty Boys win the tag belts from the Hart Foundation at WrestleMania so that they can drop the belts to the Legion of Doom at SummerSlam and break up the Foundation so that Bret can finally get a big singles push. The problems start right before SummerSlam when Jimmy unveils his new tag team, the Natural Disasters. At SummerSlam, LOD should have beaten the Nastys, and the Disasters should have beaten the Bushwhackers. And then you *have* to turn the Nastys face. You cant really split them up since they’d be crap on their own, and you can’t keep them with Jimmy since he now has a new team. So that Survivor Series match (Rockers & Bushwhackers vs Beverly Brothers & Nastys) would have to be changed around, but I’m not trying to be a completist here. I’m talking about one specific line of booking.

So then you have LOD beat the Disasters at Royal Rumble 1992, shortly thereafter Jimmy unveils another new team, Money Inc. At this point, the Disasters have to turn face, since they would be clearly butt hurt about Jimmy favoring his new team over them. Maybe you wait until after WrestleMania 8, though, where you could have LOD over the Disasters and Money Inc over the Nasty Boys, if you so wanted.

There could be many different ways to achieve that same goal, but the point is they didn’t do any of them. They keep the Nastys with Jimmy all the way through SummerSlam 1992, which was logically ridiculous and clearly defied the hallmark they themselves had put into place a couple years prior. It just honks me off like a goose!

3.) Some idiot recently said that Ultimate Warrior was the worst main eventer in history. Your thoughts, please? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Very good question. Yes, he is an idiot, first of all. Second of all, it’s not really close to true. This subject was recently batted around on Facebook and a lot of people got lost in the tall grass, arguing that Warrior was a horrible worker. It might or might not be true, but it’s completely besides the main point.

See, Diesel was the worst drawing WWF Champion in history. So since he came *after* Warrior, that automatically makes him worse, no? He was no great shakes in the ring, either. Bret got a good match out of him, but Bret could get a good match out of the couch. Diesel was atrocious, didn’t draw a dime, and he was just really terrible.

Another matter is that Warrior was completely sabotaged by Hulk Hogan every step of the way. Follow me here on a history lesson. They debuted Earthquake by making him friends with Dino Bravo and having the two attack the Warrior. Before his Mania win over Hogan for the WWF Title, Warrior was beating Bravo at house shows. Therefore, all of that would lead perfectly, one would assume, towards Warrior feuding with Earthquake post WrestleMania. It should stand to reason that the number one face should be feuding with the number one heel in the company. (Please note that I’m not slagging Rick Rude at all by saying this. It’s just that he was a step or two below Quake on the totem pole at his point.)

Instead, Hogan got the A-match at SummerSlam and all of the hype leading up to it, with the injury angle, the get well letters campaign and the guys in the corner stuff. Warrior got the second most hyped match. And then, even more ridiculously, Warrior had no feud whatsoever going into the Survivor Series. He was pasted into a survivors match that he nothing to do with (Perfect vs. Tornado, Demolition vs. LOD). And then by Royal Rumble ’91, he was already losing the belt.  Hogan, meanwhile, carried the Earthquake feud through the end of the year, won the Rumble, and then beat Slaughter for the belt at Mania. There was never really a point during Warrior’s title reign that you couldn’t plausibly argue that Hogan was still the top star in the company.

So what I’m saying is, other than the workrate, you could conceivably blame every one of Warrior’s failings as top dog in the company on Hogan. After that he started flaking out and no showing stuff and trying to hold up Vince for more money and all of that, and I would argue that you could trace all of that back to Hogan sabotaging him in 1990.  But I mean, it’s not like Hogan has a history of doing that, or anything.

Also of note is that guys like Jack Swagger and the Miz are much worse main eventers as well. It is actually embarrassing that guys like that were allowed to hold the title. It’s a byproduct of today’s environment, where the name WWE sells the tickets and it doesn’t really matter who the champion is, and everyone gets a turn with every belt anyway, and there’s 5 million belts anyway, and nothing means anything, but man, do those guys suck. Especially Swagger.

Also of note is that workrate doesn’t mean shit in professional wrestling.

4.) Who are your top five SportsCenter anchors of all time? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Such a great question. I would have to go like this…

1 – Keith Olbermann

2 – Dan Patrick

3 – Kenny Mayne

4 – Scott Van Pelt

5 – Charley Steiner

Speaking of SportsCenter and ESPN, isn’t it weird that Chris Berman is, as Bob Ley once called Steiner, a “professional putz” when he went to Brown University and graduated with a degree in history? You would think he would be more serious, like Ley, instead of being Mr Sound Effects and guy-who-gives-everyone-a-crummy-nickname guy. Then again, him graduating college in the late 70s does explain his shitty taste in music.

5.) Who could it be now? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Not sure.

Top 10 Survivor Series Elimination Matches

We here at Stunt Granny are suckers for nostalgia, so when we think of Survivor Series, we don’t think of some queefy triple threat match with John Cena, CM Punk and Ryback. We hearken back to the days when teams of five (or four) strive to survive! You know, hence the name of the event. At its inception, the Survivor Series pay-per-view was composed of elimination matches, with the goal of survival at the expense of the entire opposing team. Then they started fucking with the format, and now it’s a bunch of singles matches, with the token bone thrown at us older fans of one, maybe two elimination matches.

Well screw you, WWE, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 Survivor Series elimination matches of all time! We’ve scoured YouTube for copyright infringers (them, not us) and found most of these matches for your viewing pleasure. If you find one that we couldn’t, leave the link in a comment and we’ll post it. (Don’t rip it and upload yourself; remember, we’re not the ones breaking the law 🙂 )

Side note: How was the 1989 event so damn good?? The worst match featured the top draw and two of the best workers of all time!

1988
Powers of Pain & Rockers & Hart Foundation & British Bulldogs & Young Stallions
vs.
Demolition & Brain Busters & Bolsheviks & Fabulous Rougeaus & Conquistadors

1989
Ultimate Warrior & Jim Neidhart & Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty
vs.
Andre the Giant & Arn Anderson & Haku & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Macho King Randy Savage & Earthquake & Dino Bravo & Greg Valentine
vs.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Bret Hart & Ronnie Garvin & Hercules

Dusty Rhodes & Brutus Beefcake & Red Rooster & Tito Santana
vs.
Big Boss Man, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel and Honky Tonk Man

Rick Rude & Mr. Perfect & Fabulous Rougeaus
vs.
Roddy Piper & Jimmy Snuka & Bushwhackers

1991
Ric Flair, The Mountie, Ted DiBiase, & Warlord
vs.
Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Virgil, & Davey Boy Smith

1993
Marty Jannetty, Randy Savage, Razor Ramon, & The 1-2-3 Kid
vs.
Irwin R. Schyster, Diesel, Rick Martel, & Adam Bomb

1994
Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid & Davey Boy Smith & Headshrinkers (Fatu & Sionne)
vs.
Shawn Michaels & Diesel & Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett

1995
Shawn Michaels & Ahmed Johnson & Davey Boy Smith & Psycho Sid
vs.
Yokozuna & Owen Hart & Razor Ramon & Dean Douglas

2001
The Rock & Chris Jericho & Undertaker & Kane & Big Show
vs.
Steve Austin & Kurt Angle & Booker T & Rob Van Dam & Shane McMahon

2003
Randy Orton & Chris Jericho & Christian & Scott Steiner & Mark Henry
vs.
Shawn Michaels & Rob Van Dam & Booker T & Bubba & D-Von Dudley

Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Survivor Series Review, Jeremy & Eric, Nov. 21, 2011

the rock

I shit you not, this image came up when searching "chewing up scenery."

Jeremy: So what you think of Survivor Series?

Eric: I’m not gonna lie: it’s the first WWE PPV I’ve seen since we went to WrestleMania, and I liked it a lot. Thumbs higher than the middle. What about you?

Jeremy: Ehh, it was a decent show but for $55.00 I expect more. No new talent, nothing shocking or anything to make you talk about the show. I expected Nash or Triple H, Skip Sheffield, anything or anyone to make it a head slapper for not ordering and it wasn’t one of those shows.

Eric: I paid $5 to see it with a group of people I’d never met, and thankfully they were making references to Giant Gonzalez and random stuff like that, so they were cool.

Jeremy: I was all on my own. Well, I had Twitter.

Eric: Honestly, had Hunter or Nash come out, I would have slapped my head for being suckered into watching it. I’m so happy those two assholes stayed out of it.

Jeremy: Figured Nash would come out to cost Punk the title and Triple H would have stopped him. Suppose they are letting that angle actually play out for a while.

Eric: I thought there was plenty to talk about, just nothing earth-shattering. Dolph Ziggler coming into his own even more is worth talking about, yes?

Continue reading

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Smackdown

I haven’t received a call to go out so let’s do a review. It could be a defacto Survivor Series preview. It’s been a long week at the office so I have zero energy to put a story about my life before this review. Let’s roll.

Mark Henry yelled at then assaulted Daniel Bryan who has gotten more quality time  getting his ass kicked by Henry than he has since he won the MITB contract. Nice of them to wear their new shirts. I’ve been working on an article about them and a couple of other shirts. If I get lucky, I can work on it this weekend. They replayed the segment that happened before a commercial break. ADD central. Sin Cara gets introduced.

Vickie leads off after the break. Karen Jarrett needs to listen to this crowd. That’s the response you should be aiming for. Not complete apathy. What, Dolph didn’t get any mic time? I’m calling shenanigans. I need to start drinking for Twitter mentions. I’m three drinks behind. Dolph then gets a cheap win over someone who can’t wrestle. Why is no one from, OK, Mason Ryan helps after Sin Cara gets his ass kicked.

Jack Swagger takes on Mason Ryan for his assault. Nice of the WWE to give Ryan a win going into SS. Ryan’s hair does need to go. His posing was even half assed. Justin Gabriel gets hit on by Alicia Fox. Zack gets a couple of more signatures when Big Show arrives. Big Show angry because of beat down. What silliness. Why does a statement by Henry anger you? It’d make sense if he’d been buddy buddy with Bryan.

Ted & Ted get to talk. The Long variety compliments the DiBiase variety when Aksana arrives. She wants to advertise for WWE12. Long gives himself a pep talk. Christian gets to bitch. His injury isn’t going to last long or they realize Smackdown goes down hill without him. He made it sound like a longer term injury. AJ is checking on Bryan when Show arrives. Big Show angry still. Me must find Mark.

Derrick Bateman debuts against Ted DiBiase. Michael Hutter from PWO debuts. Matthews zings Cole about not filling us in more about Bateman after he fed him.  Bateman is a power couple with Maxine from another NXT season. Ted continues to roll with a win. Pretty expected.

Big Show still angry.  Me knock out Jinder, stare down Tyson Kidd. They replay the opening of the show, of which they’ve already replayed. Show comes to the ring. I was hoping that the Big Show’s favorite footage was going to be him coffin surfing. It’s my favorite Big Show footage. Big show promises to be the new champ then throws a number of cheesetastic punches.

Kofi takes on Hunico, who grabs a mic and starts speaking Spanish. I’ve got no clue. German is not very helpful at times like this. It is useful when you’re drinking in beer halls and gardens in Munich. As much as I hate Hunico’s look, he wrestled better than the real Sin Cara. Cole calls him a proud man. He can’t be wearing that outfit. After the announcers talked up Hunico all match, they lose his credibility by having him lose to Kofi. Another Ezekiel repackaging video.

AJ & Kaitlyn take on Natalya & Beth. Squash match central. This match is sloppy even for a women’s match. AJ looks smooth in the ring but she’s too small. Natalya was pinning herself with the uber Sharpshooter. She would do well to be Bryan’s valet if they keep the nerd label on both of them. I think we’re supposed to be intrigued that Kaitlyn is pissed at AJ.

Rock gets full promo time on Smackdown. I FF. Cena should really bring up the point that Rock mostly does kids movie. He shouldn’t be pissed that Cena courts them. That’s who pays his bills. I catch up to the show before the replay is over. They are loving the intro then go to commercial tonight. Randy Orton is the winner this time.

Sheamus then  Wade Barrett & Cody Rhodes, who gets an inset promo. I like him so much better without the mask. The promo was pretty useless. A commercial break happened. Christian is at ring side. He ended up interfering in a nondescript match. Sheamus & Orton house Rhodes & Barrett. Are they really going to have Team Barrett win via Even Steven booking? I want to buy a major pay per view but I’m not excited about the show in the least. -Kevin

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