John Cena needs to shut the fuck up

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In light of Major League Baseball player Ryan Braun’s recent steroid suspension, John Cena has taken his plight against reason and common sense to Twitter. First with this:

Also hats off to @MLB for putting their foot down against PEDs @SportsCenter @ESPN looks like more headlines on horizon.

And then with this:

Wow PEDs are quite the topic, lots of Qs 1 tweet will clear it up,yes @MLB some action>none, I am LIFETIME drug free

And then this:

Remember ladies and gents ‘there is NO substitute for hard work!’ It’s a nice CLEAN snatch!!! pic.twitter.com/6GdSPzqJn0

Which was accompanied by this picture:

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So yeah. Basically Cena needs to shut his fat yapper before he attracts any attention to the fact that drug free probably does *not* start with he. There certainly exist some pictures online from the ghost of Prototype’s past that would seem to suggest “lifetime” does not now mean what I once thought it did. Any Raw now we’re going to see his veiny drug free arms popping out of a DARE shirt, shades of Boy George. – Dusty

Randy Orton suspended for 60 days

Career murder was the case that they gave me…

Word going round the internet water cooler is that Orton just recently suffered his second drug test violation and is therefore suspended for 60 days. It is seriously time for WWE to cut ties with this piece of garbage. WWE is a professional company, they can’t be dealing with childish douchebags like this. They should just send him over to TNA now. Maybe they’d be able to get Bully Ray in a trade situation or something. Regardless, it’s just time for him to let bygones be bygones and go on and get the hell on. – Dusty

Dolph Ziggler: “Hi, I’m an idiot.”

Close enough, just as stupid.

Close enough, just as stupid.

According to WWE.com, Dolph Ziggler, aka Nick Nemeth, aka Nicky from the Spirit Squad, aka Kerwin White’s caddy, has been suspended for 30 days for his first Wellness Policy violation. Here’s a guy who’s been saddled with some of the worst gimmicks WWE has come up with (saying what you will about the Spirit Squad: a male cheerleader is not a good gimmick), and he chooses to do himself a favor by getting himself suspended. I mean, come on, you couldn’t even offer to drive Funaki around in exchange for his piss? The Big Sho (get it?) was a great patsy for Batista a while back. I’d suggest anyone else in the company to help you pass a piss test, but no one else is eligible. Chemistry labs put William Regal’s urine in a centrifuge and pour the separated liquids into clearly marked beakers, never to be combined again. Jeff Hardy’s pee isn’t even visible under black light… it IS black light.

Eh, whatever. Maybe after 30 days, WWE will realize how stupid the name “Dolph Ziggler” is and change it. Were they envisioning Ivan Drago as a porn star or something? Stupid. -Eric

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