WrestleMania XXX Preview: Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

Vickie-Guerrero-Divas-Championship-Invitational-for-WrestleMania-30Jeremy & Kevin are here to join you for a match that will surely act as a buffer between much more important matches. At the time of this recording, the rules of this Invitational were not defined. Since they were defined, our analysis has not been substantially changed. We are at least glad that Vickie Guerrero didn’t make it an elimination style match. Which of these ladies did Jeremy & Kevin forget were on the roster? Are they glad any of them are in this match? Will the Diva’s Division ever enjoy a renaissance like the tag team division or is Total Divas the best anyone can achieve? Even though we like to do predictions at the end of the show, is there anyone to pick other than AJ Lee or Naomi? Could Naomi’s big win happen in such a terrible multi-woman match? Will AJ continue to be made fun of for being proud to be Diva’s Champion if she wins? Find out that and more when you click on the link below!

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview Shows
WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Bray Wyatt vs John Cena

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

hanging-tents-for-rock-climbers-1I’m hoping to get some extra sleep tonight. I’m not feeling the best. Hopefully I’ll get the illness bug out of my system so I don’t have to worry about it at Wrestlemania. When checking for images related to sleeping, it caught my eye when I saw “Sleeping while rock climbing.” That’s where the image above comes from. That’d be fun to do once. I slept in a tree house for my honeymoon so this isn’t that far from the pail.

Hulk Hogan comes down and shills for the WWE Network. We get the first annual 30 Man Andre the Giant Battle for a trophy. Memphonites? John Cena saves us. He shills for Hogan and the match. Cena then joins it. The Wyatts are here. Maybe they’ll save the segment. I dig his promo. Calling himself a god is pretty ironic considering the pride talk. Cena comes back with the jokes about the same subject. Better than normal for his jokes. Cena challenges him to a match at Wrestlemania. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan step onto the apron. Commercial.

Cena is in a match with Rowan. Hogan is a Cena cheerleader. Rowan is using his size to his advantage. Cena wins with a roll up out of the blue. What a weak win. Harper & Rowan pretend like they’re going to go after Cena & Hogan but the Wyatts back away.

Stephanie & HHH come out to the stage. She is really doing well with the smug quality. They are being kind and not firing Daniel Bryan. They want an apology from him though. Short and sweet. The New Age Outlaws come out to do commentary. Very choppy start to the show.

Curtis Axel & Curtis Axel are in the ring. The Usos hit the ring. Then replays of last week. Road Dogg claims that the NAO were under the weather during their loss. U-SO! It’s kind of cool that they’re finisher is the flying tag and Samoan splash combo. Kane talks to the Shield. He wants to know if they’re disposable. Reigns & Rollins are going to take on Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Rollins gives Kane some guff about his losses. The chop continues.

Jack Swagger is taking on Big E Langston again. Zeb Colter & Cesaro are at ring side. Big E wants in on the Battle Royal at Wrestlemania. I’m glad that is over shadowing the match. Belly to Belly suplex gets my attention. Swagger takes out Big E’s knee. Swagger distracts the ref and asks for Cesaro‘s help which doesn’t help. Swagger had said at the start the match that “I’ve got this.” Big E rolls up Swagger for the win. Zeb Colter watches them bicker like school girls. Zeb blows his stack. Swagger & Cesaro shake but Cesaro puts in an extra squeeze.

The Undertaker allows me to catch up a little bit. Paul Heyman shows up before he can say anything. Heyman gives us a break down of winning streaks at Wrestlemania. He asks Taker not to wrestle Brock at Wrestlemania so that everyone can worship the streak and Taker longer. “The fear of the unknown is the greatest of all.” Sure Taker, sounds great in that voice. Rest In Peace. At some point tonight, I’ll have a long paragraph. (Next Day Note: It’s kind of funny how I can complain about the usual 15 minute segment then complain when they change it up. It would have helped if I would have cared about any of these segments. I like a lot of people in these segments but everything was too short.)

Seth Rollins starts against Cody Rhodes. Cody face plants Rollins. Goldust takes over. Downward Spiral by Rollins into the middle turn buckle. Roman Reigns gets his start in the match. Goldust showing off the twisting cross body block. Cody does him one better by doing a spring board cross body. Commercial. Lawler tried to put over a power Samoan Drop by Reigns. I’m not buying it. Samoan Leap drop kick. Reigns starts playing with Goldust. Power slam by Goldust doesn’t quite get the hot tag. Rollins is in to fight a hot tagged Cody. Moonsault gets a two count. Cody with a Muscle Buster.  He stole that from Samoa Joe! (Next Day Note: I can’t believe this isn’t a Twitter beef yet.) Goldust gets speared. Rollins reverses out of the Cross Rhodes. Rollins finishes him off with the buckle bomb & Curb Stomp combo. A good match breaks up the chop even with a commercial.

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of WWE Elimination Chamber

19thCenturyMaidsWe get a nice video montage of the participants of the Elimination Chamber. The WWE starts with what I see as a true curtain jerker, Jack Swagger taking on Big E Langston for the Intercontinental Title. By the time I settled in, Swagger had been on the offensive for a decent spell. Big E and Swagger clothes line each other for an opening. Langston still doesn’t get it. Langston gets in some clothesline and a belly to belly suplex. Swagger turned a splash into a spine buster. Langston spears Swagger off the apron through the ropes. Big E getting in on the flying. Swagger tosses Big E off the top rope. Swagger takes him out at the knee. Big E kicks his way out of the Patriot Lock. Botched spot looks terrible. Big E enziguris Swagger out of the Patriot Lock. Big Ending for the win. I feel like they’ve let Big E slide here during the EC build up. Glad to see him get a needed win. Bad New Barrett gets himself a fancy pulpit now. He tries to hype up Russia having more gold medals. I’d take CM Punk in Wrestlemania over Hulk Hogan hosting it.

The New Age Outlaws come out first for their match. Road Dogg does his thing. The Usos should really get this win. Jimmy starts out against Billy Gunn. They take turns exchanging basic moves. Jey gets to take on Road Dogg. James hip tosses Jey into the turn buckles. Gunn gets to continue the beat down. Spinning kick to the face of Road Dogg allows the hot tag to Jimmy. He cleans house and finishes with a Samoan Drop. Road Dogg saves the butt splash. Dogg takes the over the top rope dive. Super kick on Gunn only gets a two. Road Dogg gets popped by Jimmy. Billy Gunn rolls up Jimmy for the win. Just stupid. Bad News Barrett delivers news on our level. He tries to say the fans will turn on Daniel Bryan because he’s not wrestling tonight? No one buys it.

Darren Young comes down because they didn’t book this pay per view very well. Titus O’Neil has a dog on his ass. The crowd wants Lesnar. I don’t blame them. Young gets in some offense with a discus forearm. Young clothes lines both of them out of the ring.  Young clothes lines him from the top rope. O’Neil tosses Young over the turn buckles to the outside. O’Neil tosses Young against the ring post. O’Neil locks in a bear hug. O’Neil catches a flying Young and gives him a back breaker. O’Neil gives Young Eric’s favorite move the abdominal stretch. Young reigns punches on O’Neil.  Neck breaker on the apron only gets Young a two count. Clash of the Titus aka Sky high for the win. Lawler is right, not exactly a resounding win for O’Neil. Bad News Barrett greets us again. Electrical malfunction on his riser. Ha. Nice cover. His material has been terrible tonight.

The Shield comes out first for the six man elimination match. The Wyatt Family ambles out next. How is this awesome before the match starts? A melee starts the match. It settles quickly. Seth Rollins starts against Erick Rowan. Rollins uses his speed to get the upper hand. Roman Reigns takes over for a brief moment. Rollins is back in and gets steam rolled. Luke Harper comes in to start a beat down. Bray Wyatt is up next. Reigns gets a tag. He takes over a little bit. Harper comes in and starts to take a beating. Dean Ambrose finally gets to come in. Harper drop kicks Ambrose. Wyatt takes over. Very back and forth match so far. No one has sold for long. Ambrose gets crushed in the corner with a splash. Rowan loves the knuckles to the temples. Ambrose bites him. Sidewalk slam by Rowan. Rollins gets a tag and uses speed on Harper. Rowan distracts Rollins on the top rope. Rollins lands on his feet off a top rope suplex. Rollins knees Harper in the head. Sidewalk slam on Rollins. Bray back splashes Rollins on the outside. Rowan slams Rollins. Harper hammers Rollins. Wyatt gets booted on a charge. Wyatt slams Rollins. Harper kicks Ambrose in the mouth when he tries to save Rollins. Harper flips Rollins who kicks him in the face. Reigns gets the hot tag. Reigns apron drop kick. Reigns slams down  Rowan. Ambrose starts on some other people. Harper with a suicide dive. Rollins with a flip dive. Reigns and Rowan clothes line each other. Rollins takes apart the Spanish announce table. Wyatt & Harper try to double team him but Ambrose makes the save. Wyatt & Ambrose fight in the crowd. Reigns and Rowan are still legal in the ring. Superman punch only gets two. Rollins starts on Harper but Wyatt makes the save. Wyatt takes apart the regular announce table.  Fall away slam by Rowan tosses Reigns outside. Rollins takes a double urinogi through the Spanish announce table. Reigns is in the ring. The Wyatts surround him. Harper tags in. Splash and big boot combo. Wyatt tags in. Reigns gets out of the Kiss. Superman punch on Rowan then on Wyatt. Spear to Harper. Wyatt rams Reigns. Sister Abigail’s Kiss for the win. Wow, fun stuff.

Christian gets a promo before the Elimination Chamber match. AJ Lee gets to talk about her title reign. Cameron comes out to accept her challenge. Well, at least I can remember the last match. Cameron tosses her pom poms at AJ. Cameron goes for a pair of quick pins. I grabbed a beer. I think AJ had some offense. Cameron turned it around. Sloppy Thesz press by Cameron. AJ dances with the pom poms. Tamina accidently takes out AJ. Tamina grabs AJ’s leg. Cameron goes after Tamina. She ends up getting clothes lined. Tamina gets AJ disqualified. Bad News Barrett still has a none functioning podium. People are going to be fired and expelled from school because of the WWE Network. Santino is playing with toys when Emma comes in. The Great Khali comes. Then Los Matadores. Oh, it’s wrestling Lego’s. I was ready to fast forward the commercials.

Batista gets to have a match. The lady and I are trying to figure out why Batista pointed at his crotch. Alberto Del Rio comes out in a track suit and a neck brace. ADR can’t compete tonight. ADR attacks with a crutch. He focuses on the knee. ADR tosses Batista into the ring post. Cross arm breaker thru the ropes. Del Rio works over the arm. The crowd is crapping all over this match by chanting all kinds of names. Loving the Boo-tista chant. Batista uses the ropes to break a pin. Spear by Batista as ADR got back in the ring. ADR takes back over quickly. Spinebuster by Batista. ADR gets out of the Batista Bomb. Kick to the head only gets a two count. ADR hits the exposed turn buckle. Batista Bomb for the win. It would have really helped if ADR had any credibility now.

John Cena, Christian, Randy Orton and Daniel Bryan are the gentlemen in the pods. Cesaro and Sheamus get to start us off, likely with some hard hitting. Cesaro gets the clubbing as the first big move of the match. Cesaro dodges a charging Sheamus who runs into the post. Low double stomp by Cesaro. He upper cuts Sheamus a lot. Sheamus goes to the top but Cesaro catches him with another upper cut. Flying shoulder tackle. Daniel Bryan is next. Double drop kick. Bryan takes out Cesaro & Sheamus. He kicks both of them. Sheamus kicks Bryan. Cesaro gets suplexed by Bryanb who had Sheamus tied up. Back breaker by Cesaro on Bryan. Cesaro got thrown into the chamber but he turned Bryan around tossed him into the pod. Let’s see if Bryan takes the Edge coffee break. He doesn’t take it. Christian is the next one in. He tosses Sheamus off the top ropes. Christian tosses Bryan shoulder first into the cage. Tornado DDT only gets Christian two on Bryan. Enziguri by Bryan. Christian ducks out of a charge by Bryan. Sheamus looks like he’s going to lawn dart Christian who turns it into a reverse DDT. Cesaro power bombs Christian into a pod then upper cuts him. Cesaro slams into Sheamus. Gut wrench suplex onto the lexan and metal. John Cena is in. Bryan kicks Cena. Cesaro, Christian and Cena turn in a weird catapult move. Cena slams Christian into the chains. Super upper cut by Cesaro only gets a two. Bryan gets reckless and attacks everyone. Cesaro can’t pin Sheamus. Randy Orton comes in and attacks everyone. Orton becomes cornered. Orton gets back in the pod. Sheamus stares at him. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Orton thru the lexan. Everyone saw that coming, right? Cena Five Knuckle Shuffle’s Orton. Cesaro swings Orton. Bryan gives Cesaro a roling German Suplex. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Cena. Christian rolls up Sheamus then tries to pin Cena. Christian gets out of a Celtic Cross by crawling on top of a pod. Orton second rope suplexes Sheamus. Christian splashes Sheamus from the top of the pod for our first elimination. These finishes are going to come fairly quick judging from the time. Running Knee by Bryan on Christian for another pin. The final four look at each other. Cesaro pairs off with Cena. Orton takes on Bryan. Cena and Bryan face off. They trade blows. Cesaro German suplexes Cena who is holding Bryan. Gut wrench into a head scissors. AA onto the lexan. Cena locks in the STF. Cesaro taps. No one is surprised it’s down to these three. The Wyatts darken the arena. They’re in the Chamber. They take out Bryan and then take on Cena. Sister Abigail’s Kiss on Cena. Orton slowly comes out and pins Cena. The Wyatts are waiting as Cena comes out of the Chamber. Kane directs them from ring side.  Bryan knees Kane in the head. Orton tosses him into a pod. Orton sets him up for a big move but Bryan puts him in a tree of woe. Triple low drop kicks. Belly to back suplex from the top rope. Running knee by Bryan but Kane pulls the official out. Kane cracks Bryan. RKO only gets a two count. Small package by Bryan gets a two count. Bryan hulks out. Kane upper cuts him. RKO again for the win. No surprise. They played up him not winning too much. Batista vs Randy Orton is going to get booed out of New Orleans and it’ll be hilarious. I can’t wait to be there. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

frozen-beerSo I didn’t end up getting a new refrigerator until Saturday. I tried to get the old fridge repaired but when that failed, I had to go for the new one. After checking out the appropriate outlet stores, I made a purchase. The delivery came two hours late. Oh The humanity! Ha ha ha. The fridge has been restocked. I’m just glad my beers have finally unfrozen. Luckily none of them got to the state of the beer above. Time to watch some wrestling. Let’s roll.

Betty White and Big Show lead off the show. She’s going to kick ass tonight. (Next Day Note: No one is shocked she didn’t.) HHH then big foots her. How dare he! Doesn’t he know who she is? (Please note the heavy dose of sarcasm.) Before Steph can say anything, Randy Orton comes down. She gets to bring the condescension. Orton apologizes to them. It’s coming from his heart. Ha. Orton wants more TV time on other shows. Daniel Bryan comes out. Steph lays down the law. Bryan wants a match with Kane. He insults Steph & HHH. Randy Orton gives their rebuttal. HHH gives Bryan a rest. He’s getting a well deserved day off. Ha. I agree with JBL. It’s good to give your stars a rest.

Rey Mysterio is teaming with Cody Rhodes & Goldust against the Wyatt Family. Good win for Bray Wyatt on Smackdown. That’s the kind of credibility that would have helped me believe his win against Daniel Bryan. Erick Rowan starts against Rhodes. Goldust gets a quick tag. Luke Harper takes over. I love that Rey Mysterio sliding spot. It’s ridiculous. Goldust is still being beat down after the break. Bray Wyatt comes to continue the offense. Goldust power slams Harper to get Rey into the match. 619 to Harper. Wyatt pulls Rey from a spring board attempt. Rey goes for a 2nd 619 when Bray Wyatt makes a blind tag, I guess? Wyatt turns the run into a Sister Abigail. Kind of cool. Follow the buzzards.

The Shield gets the recap video. Renee Young gets to interview them. She starts with questioning Roman Reigns. Seth Rollins gets a short talk. Dean Ambrose gets questioned about defending the US title. After Reigns questions his manhood, Ambrose makes an open challenge. Vickie Guerrero, The Bellas and Natalya get their time with Betty White get their time until the Road Dogg & Billy Gunn take her away.

Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae to start us off. He’s taking on Santino Marella with Emma. It seems like a good way to introduce her character which seemed weird to start with. Keeps Santino fresh with someone new to play off. The Miz complains on the head sets again. He’s like Bad News Barrett except slightly different. The circus surrounding the match made me forget one was going on. Fandango with the top rope leg drop for the win. Byron Saxton is back? Why? More faces for the WWE Network? Sheamus points out the obvious that he can still main event Wrestlemania if he wins the Elimination Chamber. Fair enough promo.

Christian is Sheamus’s partner against the Real Americans. They snuck back into the WWE. Antonio Cesaro finally gets some mic time. He’s going to be the WWE Champion. Not much of a promo. Zeb Colter makes Jack Swagger wait on the apron to start the match. Swagger gets an early tag anyway. Christian gets in enough offense to get Sheamus in. I dig the fighting between Cesaro & Sheamus. Cesaro tosses Sheamus outside. Swagger drags down Sheamus. Cesaro takes advantage. We get a break. They’re still going at it. Christian gets the hot tag. Cesaro ends the streak with a super upper cut. Swagger gator rolls him. Swagger bomb followed by the double stomp. Big Swing tosses Christian outside the ring. Christian barely beats the count. Quick pin doesn’t work. Sheamus gets the real hot tag. Swagger is on the end of the ass kicking. No surprise given the present story line. Cesaro makes the save for Swagger. Jack turns the distraction into a Patriot Lock. Christian makes the save. Brogue Kick. Sheamus brings Christian back in to celebrate. John Cena gets Renee Young’s second interview. He’s going to beat Randy Orton in the middle of the ring. Everyone needs to go through him to get to the WWE Championship.

My Avery Brewing Company Karma is quite cold. And tasty. #SippyTimeBeer. I buzz through the Batista bomb Youtube clips and the entrances of both Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio. Ziggler gets to show off early in the match. Fame Asser only gets a two count. Thrust kick to the head ends the match in short order. Wow Dolph, you are out. Cross arm breaker on Ziggler after the match brings out Batista in ring gear. Spear. The Animal tosses Del Rio into the barricade. Batista Bomb thru the announce table.

HHH runs into Batista. HHH wants Batista to keep it in the ring. HHH gives him a match against Del Rio at Elimination Chamber. The third Hall of Fame entrant is Lita. Cool. The New Age Outlaws are still hanging out with Betty White. They’re having tea. She does the cup switch-a-roo. I’m in stitches. (Sarcasm alert.)

The New Age Outlaws are now at ring side. The Usos come out. They are taking on Curtis Axel & Ryback. The Usos are on the attack early. Billy Gunn still gets to play dumb. Woof. The Goldberg chant makes no sense at this point. I’ve been paying more attention to the ramblings of Road Dogg. Jimmy flies over the top ropes and takes out Ryback so that Jey can splash Curtis Axel for the win. Slick finish. Gunn pretends he has to poop. Oh, she put something in it. Even funnier. (You get it by now, right?)

Dean Ambrose is in the ring when Mark Henry answers his challenge. Rollins & Reigns get out of the ring for formal introductions. Ambrose acts defiant. He has to deal with Henry’s power to start. He tries to take advantage of the elbow injury but it doesn’t work. Ambrose got tossed into a ring post. Ambrose takes off his brace. Henry tosses Ambrose outside with his good arm. Break. Ambrose is still working over Henry’s elbow. Ambrose goes for his finisher. Henry pushes him off and gives him a World’s Strongest Slam on the rebound. Seth Rollins interferes to get a DQ. Reigns spears Henry to put him out of the picture. The Wyatts are here. The Shield comes back over the barrier. The Wyatts come closer. The Shield step up to the apron. The Wyatts reply. Then they back out like the heels should do. Bray is saying “Make your move” as he holds his arms out.

My ring time will be "Girl Bye" when Naomi gets back. From zimbio.com

My ring time will be “Girl Bye” when Naomi gets back. From zimbio.com

Bobo Brazil gets the tribute for Black History Month. Ernie Ladd inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame. Brie & Nikki Bella are teaming with Cameron. Nikki starts against AJ Lee. Mitchell Cool acknowledges Naomi’s eye socket injury. I remember the initial reports but never remembered seeing a recovery time frame. Middle rope drop kick gets two for Brie. Aksana is kneeing Brie’s back. She didn’t mess up her spine. Alicia Fox gets her time in the ring. Mitchell Cool says “She’s improved, hasn’t she?” as Cameron botches a move. JBL seconds the point. Woof. DDT on Aksana for the Cameron win. Wow. She’s a complete train wreck that deserves to be a reality show like Total Divas. She’s awful in the ring.

Alexander Rusev is impressive. At least they’ve thrown things off by making him from Bulgaria instead of Russia. Kane comes down to the ring. Kane starts to apologize when Daniel Bryan hits the ring. Bryan drop kicks him over the barrier.

They get Betty White on TV one last time to say she was on. John Cena takes on Randy Orton start with 25 minutes left on my DVR. They start off slow, tipping off to me that they’ll use most of that time. Cena starts a slugging come back shortly after the break. He misses a flying shoulder tackle. Orton lets Cena get back up to the apron. Suplex on the way into the ring. Vicious looking DDT by Orton only gets a  two count. Garvin Stomp. Cena makes the full come back. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Orton back breaker out of the AA. Cena back drops Orton out of the ring. Orton power slam but Orton show boats long enough to cost himself. Tower DDT from the top rope. Orton yells at the crowd. Cena turns an RKO into an STF.  Orton gets to the ropes. Orton backs up to go for the punt. Cena  goes for the AA. RKO by Orton. Cena kicks out. AA but Orton kicks out. I’m thinking this is better than their match at the Rumble. Orton fights out of a Top Rope AA. Cena leg drop to the back of the head. Another AA for the win. Fun stuff. Nothing after it either. Cool. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

mistakeI’m fully ready for a mistake ridden post since I’m starting to watch Raw at 10:05 PM EST. I made several mistakes just typing the title. Oh boy. I went to the Columbus Blue Jackets games against the Tampa Bay Lightning. More on those shenanigans when I do clean up duty tomorrow. Let’s roll. (Next Day Note: I did some pictures of my WWE Rumblers to give updates on the game and notice that I wasn’t going to start the review even “on time” for me. Go to @StuntGranny on the Twitter for viewing. More work to come from those little bundles of joy.)

Bray Wyatt gets an opening vignette. The Usos are waiting for Daniel Bryan and Wyatt to come to ringside. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan are with them. Bryan & Wyatt are on the offensive early against Jey. JBL mystifies Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler by asking them to define why Bryan is worse off now. Just too easy of a question for both to not answer. Jimmy gets a hot tag. Flying Usos connects. I was expecting a break. Harper & Rowan attack. The Usos do the smart thing and leave after getting in a couple of shots. I was expecting an eight man match to come from the interference. Bryan still giving submission to Wyatt. I like it. Establish the new character. Not exactly a barn burner of an opener though.

Damien Sandow is waiting in the ring for John Cena. Really? Cena doesn’t need this. Randy Orton is in action later. If he gets an equivalent match up, he’ll be taking on Kofi Kingston. Jerry Lawler makes it sound like Cena is in fear of losing as they come back from break. None of us are buying King. Sandow locks in the Royal Arch, a modified Sharpshooter. Cena is trying to sell Sandow too. You’re not even going to sell me on it. Cena pulls out a tornado DDT but only gets two. Sandow gives Cena a face plant move but only gets two. Cena locks in the STF. Sandow gets the break. Crossface by Sandow. Cena turns it into an AA. Ugh. Sandow slips out of the move twice earlier in the match. He should have seen this one coming and slipped out of it too. (Next Day Edit: I always want this spot to go to a pure jobber but that makes even less sense than having a down on his luck Sandow lose. At least they can try and build a threat instead of say, Heath Slater.)

Kane & Brad Maddox get to talk. They trade barbs on who’s doing a worse job. Maddox makes a cage match for the Usos vs Bryan & Wyatt. Kane is going to hold the key to get in. Big Show comes down to ringside.

Jack Swagger is accompanied by Zeb Colter & Antonio Cesaro. Choke slam. Squash match. Any other information needed? I didn’t think so. Big Show stalks Zeb. Cesaro gets tossed out of the ring trying to make the save. Big Show threatens him then knocks out Zeb. What a bully. Cesaro’s reaction is priceless. (Next Day Note: I like Antonio Cesaro a lot but it makes more sense for him to be the person who gets knocked out far more than Colter. I suppose this can build up a handicapped match for Show next week for the Real Americans to get “revenge” which we all know they won’t.)

“Road Dogg” Jesse James & Billy Gunn come out first. The kids know this chant. CM Punk gets the intro again. The Shield come out through the crowd. Dean Ambrose starts against Billy Gunn. Seth Rollins going with long sleeves this week for some reason. Gunn goes for the twilt a whirl slam. The kids don’t know the Road Dogg shimmy knee drop as much. Punk makes his first appearance. Ambrose goes after him. Roman Reigns gets the tag. I like Punk getting in the first shot. Punk is pretty young for getting the willy veteran name hung on him by Mitchell.

Punk gets a small opening on Rollins but continues to take the offense of the Shield. I did miss the drop kick on the outside by Reigns earlier. Thanks for a useful replay. Rollins has been called both an architect and a mechanic by Cool within this break. Which one is he? Ambrose gets tossed into the steps. Punk leg lariats Rollins. Reigns plays to NOA. Punk high kicks Reigns. The NOA walk away from the tag. Punk deals with Ambrose & Rollins but gets speared by Reigns for the loss. I’d say this is confirmation that Punk takes on HHH at Wrestlemania? Triple power bomb after the match. I like it. Bray Wyatt gets to do some preaching. I’m really liking this development in his promos. He could have used more of this in the build up vignettes. The speeches weren’t coming through as clearly in my opinion. They’re going to get redemption in the cage tonight. Cool.

From squidoo.com

From squidoo.com

The Funkadactyls are taking on Tamina Snuka & AJ Lee. Cameron starts off against Tamina. Naomi is a bad friend. Cameron is not a good wrestler. She botched running the ropes. AJ knocks Naomi off the apron. Shining Wizard by AJ for the win. Basically a squash match. Naomi comes in and makes the save. Rear View to bounce AJ out of the ring. You should have started the match dummy. Randy Orton is looking for HHH & Stephanie McMahon.

Orton instead gets Kane. The only thing Kane can control is his match tonight. Orton gets Kofi Kingston. Ha. I was right. The Ultimate Warrior is the first inductee for the Hall of Fame. Oh boy, that might be an added expense to the trip to New Orleans. Renee Young gets more camera time with Paul Heyman. He gets a video review of the Lesnar happenings. Heyman runs her down for just being pretty. Outstanding. (Next Day Edit: I like that he didn’t go blunt with her on the air head comment.) Heyman points out the obvious Zeb Colter does not equal Brock Lesnar. Heyman is not intimidated or impressed. I see Lesnar winning. Cena wins the title. We got ourselves a very serious main event at Wrestlemania even if it’s happened before.

Randy Orton is taking on Kofi Kingston. Mitchell Cool (informs us that Kofi) gets to be a spot monkey in the Royal Rumble again. Orton liked the idea of this match because he kicked Kingston down the spiral of his career. Evidently I missed Orton almost walking out of the match. Kofi kicks out of a superplex. Kofi gets to fight back. Kofi tries to get a count out win. What a pansy move. Orton is back in control. Chin lock of doom. Kofi gets tossed into the steps. Mitchell Cool tries to sell this as “Not a walk in the park”  as far as Orton’s control of this match. No wonder judges in the UFC can’t see obvious stuff. Neither can Mitchell. It’s been domination by Orton. Mitchell just said “Every rally is thwarted by Orton.” That makes his match a walk in the park! JBL calls it like it is and points out the domination. Thank you. Kingston nails the SOS for the win. I didn’t see that one coming. They were playing out how Orton was playing with Kofi. So I guess I need to say Mitchell was doing his job, huh? Orton flips out at ringside. Okay, so he’s gone from face of the company to weird flipping out guy? He attacks John Cena’s dad.

They end up loading Mr. Cena into an ambulance. JBL evens gives it the low voice treatment. Cody Rhodes & Goldust are taking on Curtis Axel & Ryback. If the WWE didn’t like Ryback’s weekend Twitter outburst, they’re not winning this match. They could lose it just because they haven’t won much as a team. No reason for them to be at the top of heap. They acknowledge the tweets. Good cover. Axel gets to beat on Goldust. Powerslam on Goldust. That looked like it could hurt. Goldust gets in a bulldog on Ryback to be able to make the tag. Cody kicks Axel in the “stomach”. Disaster Kick on Ryback. Axel rolls up Cody for two. Cross Rhodes. (Next Day Edit: The WWE is in Wrestlemania mode, aka our writers give a shit from January until the beginning of April, but the tag champs don’t have anyone in their sites except other baby face teams. The Real Americans and Rybaxel lose all the time.)

Rey Mysterio is taking on Alberto Del Rio. They use this time to talk even more about the returning Batista. Mysterio nails the 619 but Del Rio catches him trying to Drop the Dime. Del Rio locks on the cross arm breaker for the win. I may not agree with Del Rio chance #475, but if you’re going to go with it, have him beat someone who is respected like Rey Mysterio. Del Rio calls out Batista. I still think he doesn’t deserve to lose to Batista. (Next Day Note: You already said you don’t like him getting chances. No need to pound the point home a sentence later.)

CM Punk tells Kane that HHH doesn’t need to hide from (him). Punk has the chance to headline Wrestlemania by winning the Royal Rumble match. Oh my lord, what a terrible lead in. I was expecting an interview. Not a pre-recorded video that looked kind of silly in a wrestling context. (Next Day Note: Yep, things were going down hill as the night wore on. The Usos promo was a nice try at something different but didn’t come off well.)

Daniel Bryan & Bray Wyatt came down before the break. The Usos come out second. Kane comes out and locks the door. How about these cookies? I didn’t see this main event coming. (Next Day Note: The WWE is putting it’s new talent out there for main events. Congrats to the Usos for making it.) Jimmy Uso took a rough looking spill into the cage on a back drop. Jimmy tries to get out but his brother is down. Terrible strategy. Russian Leg sweep off the ropes. They should be tired early with the action at the top of the show. An Uso did a Whisper in the Wind. Tree of Woe drop kick by Bryan. This is not yet awesome (Crowd chant). Double belly to back suplex on Daniel Bryan from the ropes. Super kick by Jey on Wyatt saves Jimmy from Sister Abigail. The Usos take too long trying to get out. Bryan falls into Wyatt who goes crotch first on the ropes. The Usos drop to the outside to win. Jimmy & Jey get out of ring side after being attacked. Wyatt is saying something to Bryan. He whispers to him again. Bryan looks like he’s going to take Sister Abigail again but pushes off. Wyatt asks him to attack. He doesn’t. Bryan dodges a charge and attacks Wyatt. The crowd goes ape. Daniel Bryan is back? Was he really gone? Running knee to finish of Wyatt. Interesting turn of events. Did the WWE actually cave or was this always a planned short stint? I’m guessing we may never know. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I'm not sure if they've watermarked this well enough.

I’m not sure if they’ve watermarked this well enough.

That’s the story around here, it’s fucking cold. I practically had to drag my boxer Cayenne out. Then my knuckle head of a mutt Kia couldn’t get enough even though she knows her hips (because of dysplasia) are going to give out. At least I didn’t have to carry her back inside like a football. Time for some wrestling that’s probably at a locale that’s a tad bit warmer. Let’s roll.

So wrong to have the Old School WWF symbol without the F flags on them. May as well start with Ric Flair considering he was the only man teased for this show. I didn’t see any spoilers in the early AM when I looked at the wrestling sites. That’s right, Baltimore. It’ll be plenty cold there soon enough. I guess he’s our host? Randy Orton comes out. At least Flair did poorly enough that he can follow. Randy wants the Authority to over turn their decision. Randy lays out a platter for Flair to jump on, which he does. Orton goes the intimidation route. Flair pulling out the stops now that he’s dressing down Orton. John Cena comes out to defend Ric Flair’s honor. Cena going hype man. “If you’re feeling froggy, jump” is definitely an “Old School” line. I wanted to go to the Royal Rumble since it’s in Pittsburgh but I slept on getting tickets. When I finally checked Ticketmaster, they only had floor seats left. Too damn expensive. Then I checked Stub Hub, people were selling the cheap seats for 3 times the price. Definitely too expensive. They pimp the WWE App so we can know Jerry Lawler‘s health. That’s a scum bag move even if they told us it wasn’t part of his heart condition. We get a recap on Daniel Bryan.

Daniel Bryan makes his Wyatt Family debut with Luke Harper & Erick Rowan taking on Rey Mysterio & the Usos. I listen to JBL & Mitchell Cool for this entrance. JBL has the right question, how good is this group now? I dig the change in attire even if I saw that picture of him last night. Not too deep into the match, Bryan faces off against Rey Mysterio. Rey tosses him out of the ring quickly for a break. Rowan is working over Jey Uso. He’s (Next Day Edit: Who do you mean, jackass? I was referring to Bryan. I was wondering if he’d pull out some new moves with the new gimmick.) not busting out any new offense, yet. Rey knows how to work with big men so well. Jimmy misses a top rope splash. Mike Chioda in the middle of a Wyatt Family show down. Harper gets rolled up for the loss. Interesting way to start this angle. You can go with a sabotage from within angle for Bryan.

Batista has entered the Royal Rumble. Brad Maddox tells someone that Damien Sandow is having a rematch against the Great Khali. Ahh, three Hall of Famers actually. Kane is wondering why Maddox is talking to the Authority behind his back. Kane reads some of the rules for conduct. These two could be a good combo similar to Kane & Maddox. Fun segment. Big E Langston runs into Nikolai Volkoff singing and the Million Dollar Man with Aksana and finally IRS. I’d take that pay day if I were them too.

Big E Langston is taking on Curtis Axel with Ryback on the head set. Ryback is cracking me up. Langston & Axel brawl in front of the announce desk but nothing comes of it. Big Ending. No surprise. Ryback steals the scene for me. Perfect attitude for his character. Pretty meat head with lots of cockiness.

jocks-Revenge of the Nerds“Rowdy” Roddy Piper is going to interview The Shield. They interrupt his intro. Dean Ambrose stares him down. Then drops a lame age joke. The only person that can match him on the mic is CM Punk. Ambrose gets worked up. Seth Rollins jumps in to calm down Ambrose. Rollins calls Ambrose a better US Champ than Piper. Roddy cracks me up when he grabs Reigns cheek. Reigns threatens to break him in half. CM Punk comes out for the save with the New Age Outlaws. I’d be fine with this turning into a match. No dice with the singles match though.

I haven’t missed Sin Cara or Alberto Del Rio. So of course they’re having a match against each other again. Twice wasn’t quite enough. I’m fine with changing Sin Caras but I really wish they’d change his lighting to normal. Sin Cara misses the Swanton. Kick to the head for the Del Rio win. Of course he wants a piece of Batista. Ugh, are they really giving this clown his twentieth chance? The WWE gives some random people way more chances than other people.

Daniel Bryan wants to be transformed. He can teach them a lesson too about tag team wrestling. Bray Wyatt shows up. He informs Bryan they will be teaming together. “We The People” is a popular chant for a heel team. Jack Swagger starts off against Goldust. Antonio Cesaro gets an atomic drop. Cody Rhodes takes over. Goldust ends up taking the beating for their team. Not for long as Cody tags in. Disaster Kick to Jack Swagger gets him off the apron. Cesaro is legal and whacks Rhodes for the break. Swagger is bear hugging Rhodes. I need to download the App for the Cesaro Swing. You just showed it to me. (Next Day Edit: I know they’re trying to bring you in with this footage but they do it for almost every match which means I won’t download it. I don’t care about an inane interview from Heath Slater.) Cool & JBL try to sell the Real Americans but I can’t buy because of how often they lose. Patriot Lock on Rhodes. He almost gets to the ropes. Goldust kicks Swagger in the pie hole to break it up. Goldust gets the hot tag. He cleaned house something fierce. The Curtain Call for the win. I didn’t figure the Real Americans would win even in a non-title match. DDP meets up with Booker T. DDP Yoga gets shilled. Ron Simmons comes in. Damn. Not the best spot to deliver that one but I love me some Simmons.

Runjin Singh is with the Great Khali for some reason. Damien Sandow is his opponent. Sargent Slaughter gets the assignment. I was hoping for Arn Anderson. JBL agrees with me. Mitchell Cool notes Singh’s presence. I’m not sure why Cool called JBL on the microwave comment. You’re getting hit by something large and heavy like Khali’s hand. Sandow had his leg on the rope when Khali pins him. Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch on an angry Sandow. Sarge dances with Khali. People love it. (Next Day Edit: It just dawned on me that Damien Sandow may be in the midst of his second losing streak gimmick. And Alberto Del Rio gets to call out Batista. Go figure.)

Brock Lesnar comes out with Paul Heyman, who naturally does the introduction. Heyman was just money in that promo. It’s hard to justify writing about it because of Heyman’s delivery. Mark Henry comes out again. Henry has his “arm broken.” I’m still bummed that’s not a longer feud. Big Show comes when I start to FF. Lesnar backs down after taunting Big Show. I’m okay with setting up this feud. Heyman tries for the distraction but Show catches Lesnar and tosses him across the ring. Lesnar sells a leg injury. Lesnar landed pretty hard on his shoulder. Looked like he over rotated.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

water-drippingI was very happy that my new counter tops were installed today. Unfortunately the night has ended with the water main dripping and me not being able to find my plumber’s wrench. I wonder if Baby Momma Drama took them since he did so much house work. I had another intro but this one over rode it. Let’s roll. Really late.

The WWE allows me to go with the regular introduction because the video package reminds me of my indifference to this unification. I don’t hate that Randy Orton won. I don’t like that he won either. I don’t care that John Cena didn’t win. I wouldn’t give a care if he won either. A standing ovation, Mitchell Cool? Really? I don’t even hear a lot of boos. Orton has looked like a bitch but you know he’s a multi-time champion so it’s credible that he won the match up. HHH & Steph are posed rather seductively which is really odd. Isn’t it supposed to be more fun to be the heel? Because Randy Orton’s speech is hello boring. John Cena bags on him and his comatose speaking. He tries to goad him into a match with Daniel Bryan. Randy Orton steps over the line so Steph smacks him down. I don’t want a title shot for Daniel Bryan because he’ll win then lose later. Oh Steph, you’re so coy and funny saying we don’t understand the WWE Universe. HHH makes the match. So is this supposed to be the funny part where I laugh because Orton keeps putting his foot in his mouth to the Authority so they put him in his place, he apologizes then they rinse and repeat? This is the second round. How did I forget about the Wyatts? Interference city.

Goldust & Cody Rhodes are defending against Rey Mysterio & Big Show. Cody starts off with Rey. I grabbed water because I knew the match would go to commercial. Big Show tagged in to get said break. Big Show slam keeps going. The announcers make a hilarious joke about the presidential selfie. I’m dying from laughter here. The WWE is so hip and current because they’re making jokes about something recent. I would not be disappointed if some of these people tweeting comments that get on Raw were killed in a fiery accident. They’re the most mundane statements ever.  Is Randy Orton better than Daniel Bryan? We’ll find out tonight on #Raw! Knock yourself off. Goldust gets the hot tag against Big Show. Goldust gets choke slammed. Cody makes the save. Dust misses a twisting cross body. WMD. Rey drops the Dime from Big Show’s shoulders for the win.

Christmas Santa match. Oh goody. Bad News Barrett graces us with his presence. We can’t win the lottery. You definitely can’t when you don’t play. Randy Orton is mad at Steph & HHH. Kane is around this time. Steph turns around the argument and points out the obvious three on one match for Bryan. They keeps emphasizing the single championship but he’s still carrying around two belts. Care to explain?

Dolph Ziggler is taking on Fandango with Summer Rae. I must have glazed over the fact that Fandango beat Ziggler. (Wednesday Edit: Tuesday was that kind of day. On the TLC preshow.)  Jack Swagger should meet his fate at hands of one of the tweeters. The announcers are still enamored with the selfie. Ziggler barely beats Fandango with a roll up. I’m beyond annoyed. Shouldn’t Ziggler renew his confidence with an ass kicking? I think so. I’d say that about anyone who needs to get back on track.

Big E Langston & Mark Henry are taking on Jack Swagger & Antonio Cesaro. Langston starts against Swagger who tags out to Cesaro quickly. Henry takes over on Swagger. Langston gets back in. I love how the announcers are talking about Langston being a great champ. Yeah, he does that real effectively in a tag team. The baby faces are dominating who ever is in the ring. Right when I thought the WWE was positioning the Real Americans for a title run, they look terrible. Cesaro & Swagger double team Langston to change moment. The gut wrench suplex by Cesaro is impressive. Cool shot of Cesaro jumping on Langston’s back as he tries to make a tag.  Henry gets the hot tag. Paying homage to the Junkyard Dog! I love when Cool goes through puberty on air. Cesaro teases the Big Swing but Big E got the hidden tag and stopped it. (Wednesday Edit: What a terrible sentence it was before the correction.) Big Ending for the win. The Real Americans get knocked back down the ladder again.

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