#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

From widowsvoice.blogspot.com

From widowsvoice.blogspot.com

Things are back to normal in the DiFrango household after I got stranded in Chicago because of a smoking restroom fan in the control tower and weather related problems. My welcome back is getting to take Impact Wrestling off my DVR after I finally watch Raw. I’m glad I watched an hour this morning so it’s only a PPVs worth of wrestling for me tonight. Time to have fun at TNA’s expense.

MVP turning already is tragic. You can really tell TNA had no idea why they installed Eric Young as champion. I have no idea how this was part of MVP’s “plan.” He admitted he didn’t think EY would win the title but it sped up his plan. So the only conclusion I can make is that MVP planned on a weak champion at some point during his reign so that he could win the title. How is that a good plan? It’s the world championship. That doesn’t happen much. I know it’s TNA and all of the possible champions could be called weak but TNA can’t address it that way on TV.

– I hope this Bram character can make Magnus a more aggressive attitude. His weakness was as champ was being too much of a waffle. I hope the idea is to make Magnus consistently wanted to hurt people is installed. It sure seems that’s where it’s headed. Willow/Jeff Hardy is a good target especially if TNA plans on keeping Magnus in the main event scene. A win over him in a singles match at even a TV PPV would serve a good purpose. A distraction win for Hardy on this night is in fitting with the angle too. The only problem was it was in no way should Magnus have been pinned with a small package, barely damaged.

Eric Young trashing MVP’s office isn’t cool like TNA intended. It’s EY acting like a child. You didn’t get a beat down like HHH gave to Daniel Bryan. It was a cheap attack but he didn’t handcuff you and beat the snot out of you. EY has no reason to be this pissed off. MVP is no different than any other opponent he could have named for you. Did EY think he’d fight some cream puff?

– Do I really need to go into why the Bully Ray vs Dixie Carter stuff is terrible? Same thing, week after week. Just because you “shoot on location” doesn’t mean it’s different.

Gail Kim and The Beautiful People is bombing because Kim isn’t over as a heel and the Beautiful People aren’t hated as heels. Taz & Mike Tenay pointing out how over Kim was only made it more obvious amongst the tepid response. Just like other acts in TNA, the Beautiful People are only together again because they were once great but now are stale. They haven’t freshened up the act at all. It doesn’t really matter that Kim beat Velvet Sky. Everyone knows Velvet is the “road block” to the champ Angelina Love. Perfect example of not freshening up the act. Sky stuck around, shouldn’t she be the champ supported by Angelina.

Rebel has a fantastic heiney. Other than that, I wasn’t impressed last week by The Menagerie. TNA in no way let on that Knux was part of a carnival family. How did a flood kill the business then? You’re mobile! Get the fuck away from where ever it was going to flood. Fuck you if you decided to still it out. Crazy Steve is taking on the nearly departed Kazarian. It ended up in a DQ win for Kazarian. It made no sense. Knux looks like he decided to pack on some weight too.

– Immediately after this lengthy waste of time, Austin Aries confronts MVP about not being honest. Hey, a positive! TNA remembers that Aries called MVP a phony not that long ago when he joined Bobby Roode. Aries clocks one of the body guards which gets him booted by the others. Eric Young then attacks MVP and they cut to commercial. They follow up their lone positive with a terrible mistake. They are still fighting after the break. MVP and Young even fight into the ring. Thanks for giving away your match. Young also made his comeback after MVP stomped his arm in a chair. Taz had the misfortune of trying to still sell the arm injury. MVP then declares their match tonight. Nothing like solving a problem (MVP turning already) by creating a larger one, burning through Young’s few options as credible opponents as quickly as possible. First Abyss, then Bobby Roode and now MVP. Congrats on lording the title of worst organization over ROH.

– Do you remember a time when James Storm against Ken Anderson would have been anticipated? I don’t either. I wasn’t planning on typing anything other than the winner of the match but Storm did something so dumb, it had to be noted. After distracting the ref and giving Anderson the old trick knee, he puts his feet on the ropes for the pin with the referee having a clear view. Having Storm win with beer to the eyes is a way to extend a meaningless feud.

– I like that TNA is using video packages for Sanada‘s promo time. WWE could learn something about wrestlers who don’t speak English. Unfortunately, they are using his approval from the Great Muta entirely too much. Let him focus on being great now that you’ve developed his ties to Muta over his first several months in TNA. Tigre Uno being in the match makes no sense since he already lost in a best of three series with Sanada. I love DJ Z in this spot because he’s a good wrestler but it’s odd for the lackey of a group to be going after the singles title. Sanada pins DJ Z with a double underhook bridging suplex. Have DJ Z pin Sanada in a non-title match so that they can have another title fight.

EC3 moving on to Bully Ray after finishing off Kurt Angle makes sense. It’s the only part of the segments that made any sense. Even if EC3 doesn’t deserve it.

– I have no idea why Kenny King is joining forces with MVP. They just hated each other! Even the announcers were forced to mention the recent feud. Then Bobby Lashley joined the crew. It’s not just the WWE that teams together all of the black gentlemen. What a horrific group with no commonalities. They didn’t even foreshadow this group coming together. How do you book something this poorly? So it’s EY & Austin Aries vs MVP, Kenny King & Bobby Lashley? My head hurts. Impact Wrestling is the worst. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #TNA #ImpactWrestling

LetsTrySomethingNew

Well, this isn’t something new but it is a new post. I have another one to finish up but it requires more thought than this type of article. I also need to get this off my DVR because I’m traveling to Altoona PA this weekend. Let’s roll.

We start with the 2 young male escorts Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff against Kurt Angle. They do a solid job of reminding us what the feud is about. AS usual nothing happens before a commercial break in a match. That was a hell of a bump for Bischoff to take on the double German suplex. Bischoff nails Angle with the chain for the win. This is stupid. Even my girl agrees. Nice of them to swipe The Shield’s move. Ken Anderson gets to babble. I can’t believe I liked him at some point.

Zema Ion and Petey Williams take on Kenny King for the X Division. I can’t stop staring at the referee’s hat to know what’s going on in the ring. I do like the X cam but I’m not sure why it looks so washed out. Oh, that’s the camera. I’m not paying much attention in general. They’re making Petey look pretty awesome. Ha. Cheap win by King. I feel bad for Ion. Brutus Magnus is going for the TV Title. Solid work from him as usual. I like his under statement.

Christy Hemme and Brooke Hogan are getting ready to launch the new Knockout’s website and photos. Brooke then talks down to Mickie James and Brook Tessmacher. Devon comes out first for some reason. Magnus gets attacked on the ramp by Mike Knox & DOC. This one trick pony is old. Aces & Eights aren’t really getting heat. Samoa Joe makes the save but why did they walk away? Kick his ass too.

Part of the reason to write this column is to rip on Tazz. He has surpassed Mike Tenay for worst announcer in wrestling. Having to act like a heel is not working for him in any way. He never sounds genuine. Samoa Joe is pissed. This AJ Styles thing isn’t interesting either. I don’t care which side he’s on. He’s not that big of a deal. I like him but whatever. Velvet Sky is selling an injury? Is this real? I don’t care enough to look up whether it’s real. ODB didn’t get any promo time for this match. Tessmacher then Mickie James. Forgot ODB was the ref. Why is Mickie looking like she wants to fight ODB? You can’t start rotating thru female refs this quickly. I like ODB ordering them back into the ring. Regular referees should be that stern. The Thesz Press off the top is always a like awkward. Tazz not having a come back to Tenay seals the deal on why he’s such a bitch now. You’re a tough guy compared to your partners. Bully them. Mickey reverses a reverse for the win. Solid match. Kaz and Christopher Daniels are moderately funny. Joseph Park gets attacked by Bully Ray. He gives us a sexist sentence. He’s a lawyer who isn’t going to press charges? Ironic. I wonder if they’re trying to do the same thing once every 15 minutes or 30.

Mickie James put together a good promo which is strange. It was never her strong suit. James Storm reminds us that this angle has taken entirely too long. Daniels & Kaz are back. Daniels said something. Kaz wants the tag team titles back. Austin Aries & Bobby Roode are still stuck in tag team hell because Aces & Eights are over bearing. Chavo & Hernandez clear the ring. Snooze.

So Jeff Hardy is really hurt? Roode has turned himself into a good talker. Matt Morgan is gloating again. Is he supposed to be turning baby face? He wants to take on Bully Ray but that cocky ass is so heelish. Why didn’t Aces & Eights just attack Samoa Joe too? Devon is a bad sergeant at arms. Tazz says people hate his guts because of his opinions. No, we hate you because you suck. Brisco distracts the ref. Anderson brass knuckles Samoa Joe. Devon makes the pin. It’s like clock work.

AJ Styles tries to run out of the match. James Storm attacks him on the ramp to stop him. Both men are wearing black. Aces & Eights wear black. Let’s try and make this product even more bland. AJ’s look is a little sheep dog for me. I do like a change for him though. It’d be kind of funny if he joined Kaz & Daniels. Storm taps to a sharp shooter type move. I know it has a name that I don’t remember. AJ Styles leaves Storm alone to catch a beating. Kaz & Daniels get an ass kicking too. Bully Ray delivers a fine enough promo but I don’t care because he became boring the minute he joined Aces & Eights. Dumb. It limits him way too much. He was better without this crew. They’re dragging him down. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Late & Half Assed Review of @ImpactWrestling

I need to get stuff off my DVR since I’m traveling to Altoona PA for my nephew’s baptism. Gues who the godfather is? It’s a trifecta, second from the family. It’s late already. Let’s roll.

Sting comes out with serious face on. Sting, temporary GM, calls them out but Austin Aries calls them out. He wants some. You know who else wants some, Kurt Angle? Their trifecta is Bobby Roode. Smart move, he blames James Storm. Storm attacks from behind. The other guys let them fight. Roode claims the attack as proof. Even better.

Tara tells us how awesome Chavo Guerrero. Then Kid Kash. Then Kurt Angle. All blowing some serious smoke. Roode rants and raves about not being believed. Good continuation. Gail Kim & Madison Rayne are taking on Tara & Mickie James. The wrestling is good between Tara, James & Kim. No big surprise. Madison doing a good job in her role. Earl ends up giving Madison the duke because Mickie had her shoulders down but lifted one out of his view. Sting tells Austin Aries to address the X Division and “make some cuts.” Yeah, fire half of them!

Continue reading

Shawn Michaels and a Man Who Stole His Chest Hair

According to our good friend Jason Powell over at Prowrestling.net, Shawn Michaels will have an Appreciation Night when WWE Raw rolls into San Antonio, Texas on August 6th. I love Michaels, but is there much to appreciate at this point that hasn’t been combed over a million times? Since the WWE will have their expanded third hour in which to replay unlimited video packages, they needed a theme. Shawn Michaels I suppose it’ll be better than turning into a narcoleptic as soon as the Big Show’s 94th video package airs on Raw.

The man on Youtube is Joey Ryan and I’m pretty sure he stole Michaels’s chest hair. He is angry because Bruce Pritchard and Tazz voted him off Gut Check on Impact Wrestling. Ryan compares himself to CM Punk and Daniel Bryan but neglects to mention that they were smart to put their stock in the WWE not a company that kills great indy wrestlers. Have you talked to Samoa Joe about your move? It is a better promo than he cut on Impact before his verdict which tells me TNA has more in store for him until they forget about him like the first contestant on Gut Check who’s name I can’t seem to recall since he hasn’t been on TV since signing his contract. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Interview Series: @ExtremelyCute Colin Delaney of @AIWrestling

Does Kevin grill Colin Delaney like Tazz?

Stunt Granny brings back its’ interview series with former ECW star and current Absolutely Intense Wrestling’s Colin Delaney. He joins Kevin to talk about the JT Lightning Invitational Tournament which takes place May 11th and 12th at Turner’s Hall in Cleveland Ohio. Delaney talks about Tommy Dreamer and his opponent, Archibald Peck with valet Veronica. What will those two men have in common after Peck’s first round match with Delaney? Marion Fontaine and Facade will battle for the right to take on Delaney. What does he think of these men? Is he worried about either of them? Will other big names like BJ Whitmer, Colt Cabana, Matt Cross and Josh Prohibition be a concern to Delaney? Allysin Kay defends the AIW Women’s Title against Jennifer Blake? What special insight does Delaney have in this match up? Find out that and more when you click on the link below!

Stunt Granny Interview Series- Colin Delaney

Tazz quits WWE, may leave behind extra “Z”…

Shhh, Vince, gahd damn, Im tryin ta work ovah heeere!

"Shhh, Vince, gahd damn, I'm tryin' ta work ovah heeere!"

… if only he was leaving it behind for Zeus to shave into his head.

According to Prowrestling.net, Tazz finished up his time with WWE on Monday night after the Smackdown tapings and is letting his contract run out. “Wow, man, just wow,” says Jeremy, correctly. Tazz had been, here and there, the most listenable thing on headset WWE had to offer. He was funny. He was smart. He was gelling with Jim Ross on Smackdown and often acted as the (superior) play-by-play announcer for god-awful Michael Cole on SnackTown and Mike Adamle on ECW. And WWE let him go, because it’s a company full of idiots. (For those who watch old ECW shows on WWE 24/7, you may have gotten the idea that neither Tazz nor Joey Styles feel all that comfortable these days, so maybe this is for the best for Tazz, but it’s not in my personal best interests, so booo.)

Of course the rumors and speculation have already started flying over what WWE will do, particularly with WrestleMania 25 (the 24th anniversary of the first one, says Dusty, correctly) on the horizon. Perhaps Dusty Rhodes could be called up from FCW for the night. Perhaps JBL will wrestle in the first match, retire, and then join Jim Ross at ringside later. Hell, maybe Vince will call up his old buddy Jesse Ventura and get him to sit in for a night. We haven’t heard a good “Terry, Tyrel and Jade” shout-out at WrestleMania in years. Anyhoo, this is pretty unexpected and awfully stupid, but in this case, I really do wish my homeboy Tazz the best in his future endeavors. -Eric

%d bloggers like this: