Weekend Rewind – Ted DiBiase, Batista, Sandman and Oklahoma

trader_after_busy_weekend– Let’s start off the weekend news with two birthday wishes. One for Batista who will be coming back to Raw as a forty-five year old. Ted DiBiase, Sr. turned sixty years old. Congrats on hitting the big Six-0. I can’t wait for Batista to show up on Old School Raw in fifteen years, looks as large as Vince McMahon did at that age and gives the double guns salute to the newest WWE superstar, Ted DiBiase III.

Sandman is set to fight former WBC & WBA Tim Witherspoon for the World Extreme Entertainment Champion. I don’t think there’s going to much entertainment with two fifty plus year olds fighting. I wonder if Sandman will get to use his Singapore cane since it’s “extreme”. I doubt even the use of it would even things up. It’s made even more sad considering that the owner Damon Feldman had previously run the Celebrity Boxing shows. Since this is taking place in Philadelphia, you know the crowd will be ready to chant “You’ve still got it” to both the Sandman and Witherspoon when they don’t get gassed out  after the first minute of action.

Sonjay Dutt shut down the independent Omni Wrestling in Sperry, Oklahoma when him and his opponent Michael Wolf went into the crowd. A representative of the Oklahoma State Athletic Commission stopped it because going into the crowd is a violation of their rules. Good for Oklahoma, they got this one right. TNA doesn’t trust Sonjay Dutt enough to employ him full time so I certainly don’t want him performing maneuvers near me. I’m also sure that Michael Wolf has impeccable in ring skills. Let’s keep it in the ring where you can only do damage to the yourselves and the referee. – Kevin

Thanks to Prowrestling.net for the news as usual.

Dusty’s Blog: Dusty answers five random questions

mailbag-

You know, every week we get so many cards and letters here at the Stunt Granny Headquarters, it’s just ridiculous. Normally we just completely ignore them, because we are so much better than all you readers out there. Sometimes Kevin will use them as rolling papers for those funny cigarettes he likes so much.

But now I have decided in the interest of creating content, to change all that. Every week I will be answering five random questions from you, our lovely loyal readers. There was such an overwhelmingly positive response to the first one of these (http://stuntgranny.com/2013/07/21/dustys-blog-dusty-answers-five-random-questions/) that I couldn’t possibly stop now. So here we go:

1.) I just watched Survivor Series ’89. I love the show, it’s one of my favorites of all time. But man, that Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team match is just chock full of Hogan’s ego, huh? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Oh man, preach on. Hogan was single handedly responsible, in one way or another, for the elimination of every member of the Million Dollar Team. Zeus gets carried away on beating up Hogan, the worst referee who ever lived gets physically involved, Zeus defends himself, and the ref shoots him out of there faster than Carl Lewis. Then, the Powers of Pain basically get disqualified for using offensive wrestling maneuvers against Hogan. And then Hogan pinned DiBiase to become the sole survivor. What a mess.

If Hogan could have actually allowed himself to do a job on a pay-per-view when the belt wasn’t even on the line, this could have probably been a whole lot better match. Really, I blame the bad booking here on his ego, and not on Pat Patterson and whoever else was back there at that time. Let’s say Zeus still gets disqualified as he did. Then, since Hogan is so incapacitated, you could just have DiBiase pin him right there. Blam. Zeus sacrifices himself for the greater good of the team.

Then maybe the Powers of Pain and Demolition get double DQ’d for brawling with each other in the ring (shades of the LOD-Demolition confrontation from the next year’s Survivor Series), which would leave us with a DiBiase vs. Jake the Snake showdown, in which you can either have Roberts pin DiBiase, or else Roberts win when DiBiase gets counted out, if you want to save the clean finish for WrestleMania or whatever.

There’s a million different ways you could book it, and they’d all probably be better than what we ended up with. Still, though, that Series is one of my go-to shows when I’m looking for something to watch. So, whatevs.

2.) Watching all these old school wrestling events reminds me of what a burger Elizabeth was. She has to be in the top five of wrestling women all time, right? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Absolutely. And what a difficult task it would be to craft a top five all time list. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and of course everyone’s list is going to vary based on personal taste, but my list might look something like this:

1. Miss Elizabeth

2. Terri Runnels

3. Christy Hemme

4. Brooke Adams

5. Nitro Girl Fyre

3.) Eric always talks about how good Todd Pettengill is and how much better he was than Sean Mooney. He’s totally wrong, right? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Of course he is. Sean Mooney was fantastic. More than that, not only was Pettengill completely terrible, he was dead wrong for the product at the time and stuck out like a sore thumb. He was a lame guy with a lame sense of humor who actively held the product back when they were trying to get more serious. He was just plain bad at his job in every way. The best example I can give is from Royal Rumble 1995, where he had the following locker room exchange with Bret Hart (not word for word, so don’t correct me).

Pettengill: You are going to be going up against Diesel for the World Heavyweight Title. I mean, let’s talk about it.

Bret: ….. What is there to talk about?

I mean, right? What kind of question is that? It’s not even a question. It’s lowest common denominator “How do you feel?” Because at least that’s a question, albeit a completely horrible one. Really, the guy had no business doing what he was doing, and he did it for several painful agonizing years.

Meanwhile, Sean Mooney once said “The Fabulous Rougeaus don’t always play savoir fairly, but the Rockers are ready to escargot at it!” Case closed.

4.) Is there any wrestler worth following on Twitter right now? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

You know, I hate following wrestlers and other celebrity types on Twitter. They normally have nothing of any worth to say. Like Leonardo DiCaprio reminding us all to save the whales. He don’t know from save the whales, he’s too busy diving into his Uncle Scrooge Money Bin. But if there was one wrestler I would recommend, it would be Big E Langston. Why? This:

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5.) Who let the dogs out? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Not sure.

56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania IV’s Best Matches: Results

Well, out of the millions of choices at WrestleMania IV, the best match honors go to the WWF Championship tournament finals, Randy Savage vs. Ted DiBiase, and one of the preliminary round matches, Jake Roberts vs. Rick Rude (which I can’t readily find on YouTube, and that’s OK with me, because I skip past that snoozefest every time). Check out hot-ass Elizabeth in the videos above!

Top 10 Survivor Series Elimination Matches

We here at Stunt Granny are suckers for nostalgia, so when we think of Survivor Series, we don’t think of some queefy triple threat match with John Cena, CM Punk and Ryback. We hearken back to the days when teams of five (or four) strive to survive! You know, hence the name of the event. At its inception, the Survivor Series pay-per-view was composed of elimination matches, with the goal of survival at the expense of the entire opposing team. Then they started fucking with the format, and now it’s a bunch of singles matches, with the token bone thrown at us older fans of one, maybe two elimination matches.

Well screw you, WWE, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 Survivor Series elimination matches of all time! We’ve scoured YouTube for copyright infringers (them, not us) and found most of these matches for your viewing pleasure. If you find one that we couldn’t, leave the link in a comment and we’ll post it. (Don’t rip it and upload yourself; remember, we’re not the ones breaking the law 🙂 )

Side note: How was the 1989 event so damn good?? The worst match featured the top draw and two of the best workers of all time!

1988
Powers of Pain & Rockers & Hart Foundation & British Bulldogs & Young Stallions
vs.
Demolition & Brain Busters & Bolsheviks & Fabulous Rougeaus & Conquistadors

1989
Ultimate Warrior & Jim Neidhart & Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty
vs.
Andre the Giant & Arn Anderson & Haku & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Macho King Randy Savage & Earthquake & Dino Bravo & Greg Valentine
vs.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Bret Hart & Ronnie Garvin & Hercules

Dusty Rhodes & Brutus Beefcake & Red Rooster & Tito Santana
vs.
Big Boss Man, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel and Honky Tonk Man

Rick Rude & Mr. Perfect & Fabulous Rougeaus
vs.
Roddy Piper & Jimmy Snuka & Bushwhackers

1991
Ric Flair, The Mountie, Ted DiBiase, & Warlord
vs.
Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Virgil, & Davey Boy Smith

1993
Marty Jannetty, Randy Savage, Razor Ramon, & The 1-2-3 Kid
vs.
Irwin R. Schyster, Diesel, Rick Martel, & Adam Bomb

1994
Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid & Davey Boy Smith & Headshrinkers (Fatu & Sionne)
vs.
Shawn Michaels & Diesel & Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett

1995
Shawn Michaels & Ahmed Johnson & Davey Boy Smith & Psycho Sid
vs.
Yokozuna & Owen Hart & Razor Ramon & Dean Douglas

2001
The Rock & Chris Jericho & Undertaker & Kane & Big Show
vs.
Steve Austin & Kurt Angle & Booker T & Rob Van Dam & Shane McMahon

2003
Randy Orton & Chris Jericho & Christian & Scott Steiner & Mark Henry
vs.
Shawn Michaels & Rob Van Dam & Booker T & Bubba & D-Von Dudley

Weekend Updates – DX, Bill DeMott and Ted DiBiase

Just in case like myself, you like to disconnect from the internet from time to time, especially on the weekends, here’s a small review of what huge, gigantic, spectacular, who am I kidding, mundane news came across the internet.

According to Prowrestling.net, Bill DeMott has become head trainer for WWE developmental. One would think it’d be great to keep your head trainer on TV with Tough Enough that most of the wrestling community liked, unlike the WWE’s current on air product. From what they’ve shown on TV, he looks like a good trainer so good luck to him and his trainees.

Also from our favorite source of news, Degeneration X will be making an appearance on the 1000th, 3 hour Raw. I feel sleepy even typing that. I could give two shits less. It’ll be more pageantry since Shawn Michaels seems to be sticking to his guns and remaining retired. HHH is saving his big moment to take on Brock Lesnar. So there’s a solid chance he makes a reappearance at this how and interrupts this huge, gigantic, spectacular, who am I trying to kid again, this crappy, done 92 times too many reunion.

One last snippet from Dot Net from this morning, Ted DiBiase (Jr) is going to be back in the ring in about a month. I do love to end an article on some huge, gigantic, spectacular, oh, you get it at this point. -Kevin

Ted Dibiase has a broken ankle

According to his Twitter account, Ted Dibiase has a broken ankle.

DiBiase Posse last night I unfortunately broke my ankle. Can’t catch a break lately. Ha, Well I guess I did n a way! Its ok tho, James 1:2-3

In case you are wondering the last bit is from a Bible passage. According to biblegateway.com that says:

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Of course that was the New International Version of the Bible. The King James version, and my personal favorite rendition says:

2My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
3Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

Then there is this translation of the exact same thing from the English Standard Version of The Bible.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

So basically, Ted broke his ankle and this will try his patience but he has no choice cause God won’t heal his broken bone instantly. He has to sit around and watch everyone collect a WrestleMania check form the comfort to of a backstage monitor. Later on he will have to hear about the huge bonus his fellow independent contractors received, yes even the FCW talent who will likely play a druid, thanks to The Rock being on the card. Thanks God. -Jeremy

The Art of Wrestling: T-Shirt Factory

TNA had a problem with ripping off Afflicition and generally being lazy. The WWE isn’t much further behind. They aren’t lazy in cranking out shirts. The WWE also isn’t ripping off another company for their designs lazy. They are guilty of just being plain lazy when it comes to imagining shirts. Part of the problem has got to be the wrestlers themselves as Zack Ryder (Not a great shirt but certainly better than those about to get lambasted), CM Punk (I dig the hometown loyalty) and Santino Marella (Appropriate given his character) all have some interest in the “Authentic” category of WWE shirts. They have categories for Authentic, Basics, Limited Edition, Old School, Retro (I’m not sure what the difference is between those two categories) Superstar Logo, Top Rope and WWE Officially Licensed. I thought it was important to note the amount of categories because it helps my argument that they’re just a t shirt factory instead of going for quality shirts that are more likely to sell. I’m not surprised that two of the three shirts mentioned above are top sellers.

The first person on this list is my boy Dolph Ziggler. The WWE uses their brilliant naming of said Superstar to go straight for the Boogie Nights theme of neon lights. I’d be on board for that idea but they were super lazy with the design. It’s just the beginning of his song “I Am Perfection” in white, surrounded by blue with his initials “DZ” tacked onto the bottom. There isn’t a graphic in sight. On the back, it’s the same deal except it’s his name in white with the same blue surround. I know in the past I’ve harped on simplicity but this goes a bit too simple. There’s a borderline and this one falls on the lazy side of boring.

Dolph Ziggler’s newest offering isn’t any better. It says “It’s Not Show-ing Off” on five lines. The lettering is mainly white with a splashes of blue. The blue may be a picture but it’s hard to tell even with the magnifying glass. “If You Back It Up” is on the back of the shirt with the same white and blue patterns. It’s completely and utterly uninspired. I think it’s safe to say that Dolph didn’t major in marketing or have any friends who went to the Fashion School at Kent State.

Next on the list is the biggest offender (wokka wokka) is the Big Show. The first problem was that John Cena has been wearing dog tags for quite some time. Second, John Cena has switched from the jorts to the camo shorts before Big Show changed his attire. I don’t understand two of your biggest stars having the same look. With those problems in tow, the WWE decides to go with a shirt that has the initials “W.M.D.” on the front, dog bones for enlisted rank insignia on a sleeve and on the back it says “Big Show” with seven stars below it then “Precision Strike” on two lines. It’s just another shirt that screams “lazy”.

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