Dusty’s Blog: Dusty answers five random questions

mailbag-

You know, every week we get so many cards and letters here at the Stunt Granny Headquarters, it’s just ridiculous. Normally we just completely ignore them, because we are so much better than all you readers out there. Sometimes Kevin will use them as rolling papers for those funny cigarettes he likes so much.

But now I have decided in the interest of creating content, to change all that. Every week I will be answering five random questions from you, our lovely loyal readers. There was such an overwhelmingly positive response to the first one of these (http://stuntgranny.com/2013/07/21/dustys-blog-dusty-answers-five-random-questions/) that I couldn’t possibly stop now. So here we go:

1.) I just watched Survivor Series ’89. I love the show, it’s one of my favorites of all time. But man, that Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team match is just chock full of Hogan’s ego, huh? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Oh man, preach on. Hogan was single handedly responsible, in one way or another, for the elimination of every member of the Million Dollar Team. Zeus gets carried away on beating up Hogan, the worst referee who ever lived gets physically involved, Zeus defends himself, and the ref shoots him out of there faster than Carl Lewis. Then, the Powers of Pain basically get disqualified for using offensive wrestling maneuvers against Hogan. And then Hogan pinned DiBiase to become the sole survivor. What a mess.

If Hogan could have actually allowed himself to do a job on a pay-per-view when the belt wasn’t even on the line, this could have probably been a whole lot better match. Really, I blame the bad booking here on his ego, and not on Pat Patterson and whoever else was back there at that time. Let’s say Zeus still gets disqualified as he did. Then, since Hogan is so incapacitated, you could just have DiBiase pin him right there. Blam. Zeus sacrifices himself for the greater good of the team.

Then maybe the Powers of Pain and Demolition get double DQ’d for brawling with each other in the ring (shades of the LOD-Demolition confrontation from the next year’s Survivor Series), which would leave us with a DiBiase vs. Jake the Snake showdown, in which you can either have Roberts pin DiBiase, or else Roberts win when DiBiase gets counted out, if you want to save the clean finish for WrestleMania or whatever.

There’s a million different ways you could book it, and they’d all probably be better than what we ended up with. Still, though, that Series is one of my go-to shows when I’m looking for something to watch. So, whatevs.

2.) Watching all these old school wrestling events reminds me of what a burger Elizabeth was. She has to be in the top five of wrestling women all time, right? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Absolutely. And what a difficult task it would be to craft a top five all time list. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and of course everyone’s list is going to vary based on personal taste, but my list might look something like this:

1. Miss Elizabeth

2. Terri Runnels

3. Christy Hemme

4. Brooke Adams

5. Nitro Girl Fyre

3.) Eric always talks about how good Todd Pettengill is and how much better he was than Sean Mooney. He’s totally wrong, right? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Of course he is. Sean Mooney was fantastic. More than that, not only was Pettengill completely terrible, he was dead wrong for the product at the time and stuck out like a sore thumb. He was a lame guy with a lame sense of humor who actively held the product back when they were trying to get more serious. He was just plain bad at his job in every way. The best example I can give is from Royal Rumble 1995, where he had the following locker room exchange with Bret Hart (not word for word, so don’t correct me).

Pettengill: You are going to be going up against Diesel for the World Heavyweight Title. I mean, let’s talk about it.

Bret: ….. What is there to talk about?

I mean, right? What kind of question is that? It’s not even a question. It’s lowest common denominator “How do you feel?” Because at least that’s a question, albeit a completely horrible one. Really, the guy had no business doing what he was doing, and he did it for several painful agonizing years.

Meanwhile, Sean Mooney once said “The Fabulous Rougeaus don’t always play savoir fairly, but the Rockers are ready to escargot at it!” Case closed.

4.) Is there any wrestler worth following on Twitter right now? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

You know, I hate following wrestlers and other celebrity types on Twitter. They normally have nothing of any worth to say. Like Leonardo DiCaprio reminding us all to save the whales. He don’t know from save the whales, he’s too busy diving into his Uncle Scrooge Money Bin. But if there was one wrestler I would recommend, it would be Big E Langston. Why? This:

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5.) Who let the dogs out? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Not sure.

56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania 2000’s Best Matches: Results

No shocker here: The follow-up to October 1999’s great ladder match between the Hardy Boys and Edge & Christian would set the stage for incredible triple threat action for the next 12 months, to include the Dudley Boys as well. As for the other winner, you try spending more than 5 minutes at work searching for “terri runnels kat” and see what you find. Use your imagination on that one, weirdos.

Stunt Granny Audio #196

This week it’s a three man booth as Eric, Kevin and Dusty combine their resources to discuss the latest happenings in the world of professional wrestling. While Dusty was the only person on earth who enjoyed Booker T’s commentary, the trio all agree that it is for the best for him to move on to being the general manager on Smackdown. They also talk about just how bad ROH is lately, with their unique brand of fat guys in t-shirts wrestling for belts that mean nothing, and Jim Cornette seemingly losing the magic touch by the day. They also turn their attention to TNA, and agree that it has largely been actually good lately, with one glaring, crack addled elephant in the room preventing perfection. All this and so much more, so spare an hour of your life, because while you probably *will* regret it, they want you to and have mob connections, so you’ll be forced to eventually anyway.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #196

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/20/11

1. Kevin Nash – A week and a day after Nash joked about becoming HHH’s body guard against CM Punk at the meet and greet for PWO’s Wrestlelution 4, he did just that at Summerslam. Well, maybe. The WWE decided to thicken the plot by having John Laurinaitis talk to Nash and Stephanie McMahon talk to CM Punk. They both gave reasons why they could have sent the text message to Nash to attack the winner of the match. Since we know it was Nash in the ring with the (Jack) Knife, finding out the sender of the text message is the only part of this  “Who Done It?” that remains unresolved. – Kevin

2. Mike Chioda – Not only did we already know that Chioda was “The Man” amongst referees, now we allegedly know that he must be “The Man” for partying after his Wellness Policy violation. I wonder if he counts to three or ten before exhaling. – Kevin

3. Sting, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair – Sting cut another ridiculously awful promo which is no surprise. The highlight of which was him asking the crowd if they wanted to see Hogan in another match against him. Even the Impact Zone crowd, who will cheer for just about anything, had a tepid response. Adding to the old age home amusement, Ric Flair complimented Sting on how in shape he was. Later, Flair showed off his tuned up physique to Hogan in his office. Any combination of these three in the ring will produce more sag than Joan Rivers’ botox could prevent. – Kevin

4. Jeremy & Eric – Where are they this week? Good question. I hope when they come back, if they ever come back, they apologize to you, the loyal reader, for going MIA here. – Dusty

5. The Young Bucks – Boy did I start a mini-bleepstorm with my Young Bucks post. Let me break it down for you: If you are too stupid to go into a WWE lockerroom and not shake everyone’s hand, go into a corner and wait your goddamn turn for a match, you don’t deserve to be in professional wrestling. And if you are so ball-less you post passive aggressive nonsense on Twitter and send your no talent brother in to do the dirty work, you are a horrible human being. This is not arguable. If you disagree with me, please go away. The Young Bucks should go away, too. – Dusty

6. Terri Runnels – My crack research team was able to locate a recent picture of Terri, which I will post here for your edification:

A gruesome visage, I know. – Dusty

7. Evolve – The next step for Evolve is in full effect:

Fat, ugly, badly recorded Jew guy wants YOU! – Dusty

8. Dave Meltzer – What on earth is causing “I” to be replaced with “In” every single time he writes it? This has happened for several weeks in a row now, and is quite frankly very disturbing. Is it a legit typo, every single time? A glitch in his voice-to-text software? The world may never know. – Dusty

9. Joey Abs – I guarantee you you want to know what’s been going on with Joey Abs lately:

What kind of a man hunts with a cellaphone? Real men don’t even own them. – Dusty

10. Sin Cara – The dude playing the fake Sin Cara character (Hunico) was Mystico before Sin Cara was Mistico. He then changed his name to Incognito and started to sell merchandise with his face on it. We’re talking about Incognito soap, candy bars, lighters, napkins, you name it. He sucks, as does real Sin Cara. However, I just gave you a face full of knowledge. Knowledge, right in your maw! Eat the knowledge! Eat it! – Dusty

11. Football – Speaking of Incognito, let’s talk about Richie Incognito and the 2-0 Miami Dolphins. Or, as I like to refer to them, the 2-0 Miami Super Bowl Dolphins. What’s that? These games don’t count? These are fake games? Well… uh… Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne… – Dusty

Looks like Billy Corgan is breaking into the wrestling business

I hate the Smashing Pumpkins. I think they are/were a terrible band. The only song of theirs I draw even a modicum of enjoyment out of is “Today,” and even that I think is a spotty, inconsistent affair. I say all this because Billy Corgan is the news here, and I’ve never had the opportunity on any sort of public forum to express this belief before. I may never again. Stunt Granny is all about seizing opportunities.

In any event, it would appear that Wrong Way Corgan is attempting to get himself into the wrestling business. You can find out more about his would-be promotion at http://www.resistancepro.com/. It looks like he’s got Raven on board as an agent, and such luminaries as Harry Smith and Teddy Hart on the talent roster. You’d think with the Resistance name that he would peg Sylvan Grenier and Rene Dupree for slots in his promotion, but that has yet to materialize.

Corgan had some smart things to say about all this in his interview, but he is facing a tremendous uphill battle to achieve any sort of success with this venture. I can’t help but think a better battleplan for someone like Corgan who presumably has a bunch of money and is known to love wrestling is to infiltrate TNA and try to make that better. On the other hand, if you stick a finger in that pool, it is bound to come out soaked in trailer park.

In related news, there was some discussion on the Chicago Pro Wrestling message board this past week. Corgan said this:

Getting fans won’t be a problem…and the first 3 talent signings will be announced on Saturday. This promotion is a “Best of the Best”, only the TOP talent around the world will take part
 
Chicago mainstay Billy Whack said:
 
I can’t wait for your announcement. There isnt anything that can possibly excite me as a wrestling fan anymore, so I sincerely hope you can. Actually, I’m BEGGING you, please don’t be a re-hash of the things we’ve seen out here. Please don’t end up booking all the guys that are recently from a big company, (or a big company 12 years ago) and cram it in my face all “ECW-Style”.

Try not to follow all the indy wrestling formulas that are laid out in front of you. Christ’s sake, you’re going to have a budget, just do it right, huh?

Please don’t do “Commissioner” angles and sh*t like that.

Oh man, I’m salivating for this announcement.

I’ve seen a lot of meteors crash through this area, and this seems to be an out-of-control, sizable hunk right now. But then again, what do I know at this point? Guess we all must wait for Wizard World.

Gosh, Billy… You and I, so much in common. Maybe we’ll end up comparing what brand of razor we use on our heads.

Please don’t put someone through a table at the convention.

Corgan responded:
 
Mr. Whack,

This will NOT be a rehash of “typical” Indy shows. What we are about to do is going to set the world of wrestling on fire and re-ignite the torch of the SPORT of professional wrestling.

We know there will be fans waiting for us to drop the ball, but I can assure you this is NOT AN OPTION.

And then, to another poster:
 
BWO are our guests for the weekend, but they are not on the roster.

Sox, why are you so negative? Everything you post is borderline PMS?

Relax, take a deep breath, take a mydol and eat some chocolate ( it works for my wife)

 
Borderline PMS? Does that mean he’s going to sign Terri Runnels?!?! – Dusty

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/13/11

1. Triple H – Okay, so he still reminds us that he bigfoots everything, but his placement in the main event of Summerslam does add a bit more intrigue. – Jeremy

2. Gail Kim – She wants out of WWE and they refuse to let her go since they know she will head back to TNA. This brings up the question, when the hell did she sign with WWE? – Jeremy

3. WWE Firings – Is this the first time in the history of WWE’s Black Friday that the internet didn’t get all up in arms? Like, you know, straight trippin’ and all.– Jeremy

4. John Morrison – Speaking of firings, John Morrison proves himself to be the town toolbag by sprinting to his whore girlfriend Melina’s defense when she gets justifiably fired. “Her face shows every emotion,” right? Yep, from smirking bitch to smiling cunt. She makes J-Lo look like Meryl Streep, and she wrestles about as well as both of them, too. Enter Morrison, who by a stroke of Rey Mysterio’s bad luck is now the No. 2 babyface on Raw. Your time will come, too, HBKantCutIt.– Eric

5. Rey Mysterio’s Knee – Does this mean WWE edits its “Don’t Try This at Home” PSA to have Rey-Rey say, “Iee’ve had surgeree SEEEX TIEEMES in my left kneeeee”? – Eric

6. Johnny Gargano vs. Josh Prohibition vs. “M Dogg 20” Matt Cross – PWO’s Wrestlelution 4: Overdrive weekend was an overall success. This match though stood out above all else. It wasn’t perfect, but I’d have to say that it was the second best match I’ve seen this year and definitely the best live.  This match showed a ton of athleticism, hard hitting moves and a nice aerial attack. The crowd was the hottest it was all day which always helps in my eyes. Get the DVD when it comes out. – Kevin

7.  The Miz lip synchs with some gross-ass muppet named Keenan Cahill – I laughed about this post by Eric for a solid 24 hours. I couldn’t get Teddy Yuckspin out of my head either. Funny shit. Read it again. – Kevin

8. So You Think You Can Dance – My DVR prioritized SYTYCD over iMPACT Wrestling. I did tape the last hour and I wish I hadn’t. Kurt Angle is in Immortal after fighting it for months, Mr. Anderson is out of it after a cup of coffee, the X Division was told to sit down because the meeting would take a while then told to get out a minute later, Jackie & ODB are “playing nice” and acting like they may break up, the Jarretts are only the second worst Mexican American act on the program and Crimson continued his winning streak then got beat down by Angle. Trust me, I’m more embarrassed to admit I watch TNA then SYTYCD. – Kevin

9. Mickie James – There’s an article that can be read online (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1444468367/mickie-james-is-making-a-new-record) that contains these words:

Hey y’all!  Thanks for dropping by my Kickstarter page!  I’m the luckiest girl in the world.  Throughout my career with WWE Wrestling, TNA and Impact Wrestling, and my music career, I’m amazed at how many AWESOME fans I have.

I’m getting ready to go into the studio to record a new project, and I wanted to find a way to offer you a chance to not just pre-order the CD, but to have an exclusive chance to get some other goodies that have never been available  (and won’t be available again!).

Take a look at the options over there on the right of the page and pre-order the one that you want.  Don’t wait too long, though, ‘cause once the Kickstarter campaign is over….it’s OVER baby!!

Several things about this come to mind. One, it is absolutely gross for a celebrity to ask for cash donations from “common folks” during a terrible economy. Absolutely gross. Two, watching that video, she kind of looks like a fat Francine now. Fatcine? And yes, I can call her fat because I am fat. Fuck you. Three, “Kickstarter” is a terrible album name. And four, she’s basically asking for $25 to throw in a personal thank you video. I had no idea blank VHS tapes were that much now. How come everything associated with TNA is soaked in trailer park? – Dusty

10. Terri Runnels-New Jack Update – According to Twinkleberry Hound:

Terri Runnels filed a suit on 8/8 in Florida State circuit court against former boyfriend Jerome “New Jack” Young, accusing Young of libel for remarks he’s made on the Internet about her and attempting to get a legal order prohibiting Young of selling nude photos of her.
Runnels, 44, has written that Runnels begins every morning by popping pain pills, drinking vodka and cranbery juice at 5:30 a.m. and also accused her of exposing partners to sexually transmitted diseases.
The Orlando Sentinel, at http://www.sun-sentinel.com/ has a story with reaction quotes by Young who claimed that everythig he has said or written about her is true, but said things others have said about her, such as her exposing people to sexually transmitted diseases, may be untrue.
Young said he took the nude photos of Runnels with her consent. He said he has not sold any of the photos, but may have sent them toa friend, and said that’s not a crime.
Runnels said she consented to the photos, but believed they would be kept private.
Runnels attorney said he feared Young would start selling the photos before the case culd be heard and is asking Judge Linda Schoonover for an injunction to prohibit it.

According to New Jack:

TRerrido you really think i give a shit about this stank ass,fake ass bitch Terri Runnels.that bitch is so broke now,that she is trying to sue Newjack to get money to pay on her house,which has been in foreclosure for over two years.i have moved own,i got my life together,got a fine ass woman with a masters degree and she knows how to handle me and she new that i was playing this bitch for a fool and she has now proven,thats what she is…a gotdamn fool.!!!
According to me, right now:
 
I wish to impregnate Terri Runnels.
 
11. Football – Put your face as close to the screen as possible and read this: FOOTBALL!!! – Dusty

In the case of Terri Runnels v. New Jack

Unrelated to the below story, here's a picture of an Austrian dude with a spaghetti strainer on his head.

Some new evidence has come to light, courtesy of this http://www.facebook.com/notes/new-jack/she-drew-first-blood-now-terri-runnels-is-toast/179764132087945:

In response to Terri Runnels and the garbage she is saying
1. I left Terri because she is an bi-polar alcoholic who gets every morning at 5:30 to make a very stiff vodka and cranberry….. EVERY MORNING!!
 
2. She’s hooked on percs,,,, BAD!!

3. She is very big liar and the Terri Runnels that you(the world) know is totally different from who I had to deal with. She not that little sweet innocent girl she pretends to be.

4. Her house is in foreclosure (public record) and been there for 2 years and she thought I was gonna be her savior.

5. She doesn’t want a man. She wants a butler and or driver.

6. She let her daughter bring a online stranger over for Christmas without checking him out. (WHAT KIND OF PARENT IS THAT)

.. BUT ONE THE MAIN REASONS IS THAT I FOUND OUT (the hard way) THAT SHE HAD HERPES SINCE SHE WAS 18 AND HAD NO PROBLEMS HIDING FROM PEOPLE WHILE HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX. I’M WAITING FOR MY TEST RESULTS …UPDATES COMING)

TRUST ME THIS IS GOING MUCH BIGGER THAN THE INTERNET!!

Just, several things come to mind here. One is, I would still crawl through a desert of broken glass just to hear a recording of Terri Runnels’ fart. Two, I’m surprised New Jack didn’t have herpes already. And three, most importantly, Facebook is basically the world’s garbage can, whether it be Marty Jannetty dumping random pictures into the garbage can or New Jack dumping these words into the garbage can, or what have you. It just is. – Dusty
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