@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

The Lloyds of London Building by Richard Rogers from theguardian.com

The Lloyds of London Building by Richard Rogers from theguardian.com

– I’m a much bigger fan of Magnus when he doesn’t act like a coward which is when he isn’t around Dixie Carter. I liked how he talked down to Samoa Joe, who had no verbal come back. Joe decided to beat the tar out of Magnus which isn’t a good sign for his chances at winning the TNA Title at Lockdown. I think Joe needs that kind of win to help make his character relevant again. The only problem with giving him said victory is that Magnus isn’t in a position to lose either. His reign hasn’t been long enough yet for a freshly minted heel.

– I love sneaky wins by heels. Bromans let the American Wolves do the damage to Kazarian of Bad Influence and swooped in for the pin fall. The problem with this type of win is that Bobby Roode wants a winner between Bromans & Bad Influence to join his team at Lockdown. If you see a pin like that, it can’t fill you full of confidence. I wouldn’t want to choose them any more than I did before the match.

James Storm and Gunner had some good banter going back and forth. One expects it out of Storm but it was a nice surprise out of Gunner.

– I’m sad to see Austin Aries in TNA. He is excellent and has been so in his segments with Bobby Roode and MVP. It helps to be in good company but I really like his style. He has gotten pushed back some but isn’t as lost as Bully Ray is. Here’s to hoping that him being the “hot free agent” helps bring Aries back to prominence.

Kurt Angle had a nice speech for his Hall of Fame speech. The guy has been around for quite sometime and despite his white trashness, he’s been a good performer the majority of that time. EC3 came out and continued to show why he was stuck in NXT. He’s just not as good as even Xavier Woods as I discussed with Dusty last week. He’s being served up perfect spot after perfect spot but he’s just not cutting it.

– At least they finally covered Samuel Shaw being completely crazy. He has a pretty decent delivery. Ken Anderson didn’t feel like he was in the rut he was against Bully Ray. From time to time, Anderson still shows why he could be a difference maker. Hopefully they can find some way to move the Shaw character on after his feud with Anderson.

– I have liked the videos from Willow. I always say how stale TNA is. Jeff Hardy is definitely out of the box thinker so I can’t blame him for trying to freshen up his look. I was wondering two things during this vignette though: Is he going to wear his mask in the ring? Because if he doesn’t, won’t it be a dead give away that it’s Hardy? Second, if he is really selling this personal change, does he bring in a new move set? If he uses all of his old moves, isn’t that a give away that it’s Hardy?

Austin Aries handing the win to Bobby Roode over MVP still could leave enough air space that Aries is acting as a double agent which could effectively make it a 6 on 4 for MVP’s team at Lockdown. It could be well played. We’ll see if TNA is that smart. – Kevin

News You Can Use: @ImpactWrestling Makes My Head Explode

not-aliens-well-my-head-is-about-to-explode

From Troll.me

I’m not going to follow Jeremy’s lead and erase TNA’s Impact Wrestling off my DVR. I probably should but then again when they serve you these mind bending events, you’ve got to stay tuned in. Let’s start off with the seemingly innocuous news that Jay Bradley and Wes Brisco were let go. Neither were valuable talents so you just chalk it up to TNA’s recent purge off a large roster. Which is down to 36 wrestlers with an additional 6 announcers and “Rampage” Jackson and King Mo Lawal who combined are their version of Brock Lesnar? They’re not that kind of a draw but I’m sure that was TNA’s thinking. TNA had also shed AJ Styles, Hulk Hogan and numerous other lesser talents recently.

Dixie Carter HintTNA is finally doing what we’ve suggested for years until I read this post from Prowrestling.net, Dixie Carter left a hints for new talents coming to TNA. Incredibly, she got her initial tease to be retweeted 1000. They used to enough people on the roster to get to that number, but not on this slimmed down version. After that, she revealed a clue. What you see to the right is what she decided to go with, initials. I love my mother, but last year when she left a clue for our family vacation it literally spelled out what we were doing. Dixie Carter just did the same exact thing, except I don’t love her so she’s not getting a pass. Come to think of it neither did my mom. She could have easily left a picture of a pair of wolves which would have accomplished the same task, been just as obvious but it at least would have been a more visually appealing tease. If you really wanted to tease through social media, I would have taken to Instagram (Or Vine) for a short howl video.

The tease isn’t what made my head explode though. If you just got rid of AJ Styles, why are you bring in Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards? They’re three very similar wrestlers, short, well built and quality wrestlers. They also have the same exact same deficiency that will keep AJ Styles out of the WWE, no microphone skills. So what makes Dixie Carter think they’ll be the solution? If they come in as a tag team, TNA’s tag team division is in shambles. They’re not going to have a quality in ring program with the Bromans. The American Wolves vs The Usos, The Real Americans, the Wyatts, The Shield, Goldust & Cody Rhodes or hell even 3MB excites me more than a feud with the Bromans. If they come in as singles wrestlers, what do they do? The X Division is a joke. It’s Chris Sabin and Austin Aries when he wants a shot at the World Title. Not exactly a hot bed of activity.

So good luck to TNA and the American Wolves on their new found union. May it last as long as an deer after a successful hunt. Or more than likely, this union will stink just like when vultures come to do their clean up work. – Kevin

#ROH Is The Worst Part XIII

From Green Street Hooligans

From Green Street Hooligans

Nothing in this week’s episode made me irate. But they did have several examples of why they are an awful company.

The Error: The production for the World Championship was terrible.  My Take: So third rate. I continue to compare this league to Prime Wrestling for a reason. They now both have Fox behind them, since Fox Sports bought out Sportstime Ohio, but ROH has the bigger budget yet all of their work comes off as smaller budget compared to Prime. It’s incredible. I tried to find the video on Youtube but ROH is ashamed of it so it isn’t posted.

The Error: Matt Taven is yelling at Kevin Kelly when the match finish happens. My Take: The match was a four way match to determine who would take on Taven next for the ROH TV Title. I would assume that Kevin Kelly has an idea of when the match will conclude unless an injury occurs. That’s right, injuries don’t change things in ROH. My error. Point being, Kelly should know when to get Taven to flip out on him. It makes his opponent seem meaningless. Probably because he is but that’s another problem for another column.

The Error: Kevin Kelly makes fun of #PartyBoys then continues to use it through out the match. My Take: I think it’s perfectly fine for an announcer to mock a heel’s persona. When Mitchell Cool makes fun of Zeb Colter, he continues to mock him even if the zingers are terrible. Kevin Kelly made fun of the use of the hash tag during Mike Sydal and Zizou Middoux’s entrance. Fair enough, now rip on them for it. Kelly instead starts complimenting their in-ring work saying things like “#PartyBoys are looking strong in this match.” Christ on a pony Kevin, did you not take a single broadcasting class?

The Error: The tag team titles are playing hot potato. My Take: A couple of weeks ago, Forever Hooligans (Alex Koslov & Rocky Romero) beat reDRagon (Kyle O’Reilly & Bobby Fish). During their Inside ROH segment, they said that Forever Hooligans lost to the American Wolves (Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards) at an un-televised event. Kevin Kelly then tells us that the American Wolves have since lost the titles but he doesn’t tell us to whom. How fucking dumb! What’s the point of the update then?

The Error: For bring out the guy who is helping to fund you. My Take: He must be ashamed to be on TV. I have no idea why he agreed to it. I don’t remember what his name is and I don’t care enough to rewind. All the TV executive needs to do is check out the competition, which he should do every now and again. None of them have champions leaving the company. Kenny King and Jay Briscoe to ring a bell, right? ROH invigorated their Championship by crowning Jay Briscoe as champ after they killed the Championship with the Kevin Steen vs Jim Cornette feud that morphed in SCUM vs. Jim Cornette feud which morphed into a Steve Corino led SCUM which waging war on ROH. Since SCUM’s defeat (only a three weeks ago in TV terms), it seems they’re writing a palate cleansing angle to “Restore honor” to ROH. The main part of this palate cleansing should be the champion that did it. Unfortunately, they’ve got to look like the third rate company they are, not re-sign Jay Briscoe and have a ROH World Championship Tournament.

The Error: Kevin Kelly tells us to go ROHWrestling.com and fill out brackets for the World Championship tournament and play along. My Take: You have got to be kidding me. I would download the WWE App, uninstall it and re-install it for a week straight before going to ROHWrestling.com and filling out a bracket. ROH is the worst. -Kevin

ROH Results: Firsthand Account Of ROH’s Davis Arena TV Taping

Stunt Granny friend and partner in crime Steve Williams checks in with this burning missive:

Here is my way-too-long, nearly 1700 word account of Ring of Honor’s  national television taping, which was held in Louisville’s historic Davis Arena on 10/1/11.  There are no match times, because only fags bring notebooks and stopwatches to wrestling shows.  Enjoy.

So without any further ado, here is his firsthand account of ROH’s television taping last night:

The taping appeared to be a legitimate sellout.  We arrived at 6:45 and could only find scattered single seats.  We had to convince a group of fat guys to scoot over so we could get two seats next to each other.  They (ROH workers, not the fat people) eventually had to add  several rows of chairs to the floor area to accommodate the crowd.  One of the quirks of Davis Arena is that there are two oversized, black leather recliners in the crowd.  A local pizza company used to sell pizza at OVW shows and would draw a name from the crowd to sit in the “Wick’s Pizza Party Zone”, where they would kick back in the recliners and get free food and drink during the show.  When ROH comes here, they charge (I believe) $150 per ticket for the recliner treatment.  Yes, someone actually paid for a recliner that is several rows back at a wrestling show.  Tickets were priced at $50 (first row), $40 (second/third row, depending on which side of the building you were on, and $15 (GA).  My $15 general admission seat was 8 feet away from the $50 seats, plus it was on 12 inch platform, so I could see right over the ringsiders.  

Cornette came out for the rah-rah speech, and it was time for our first match!  OVW Tag Team Champions The Elite (Adam Revolver & Ted McNaylor) beat Moose Thomas & Rocco Bellagio, accompanied by “Prince” Bolin (Kenny Bolin’s son Chris).  The Elite are one of the best-working teams on the indy scene, and they have been together since 2006.  I believe The Elite won after their Spear/Russian leg sweep combo in about 10 minutes.  Good opener.

Kevin Kelly and Nigel McGuinness were introduced to the crowd and were seated at ringside for commentary.  Kelly received polite applause, but the place went nuts for Nigel.  

 T.J. Perkins defeated Mike Mondo, but I have no recollection of how he did it.  Mondo is ok, but he really comes across as a lower-card act.  Perkins was technically good, but showed little personality.

Cornette interviewed The Briscoe Brothers.  They are supposed to be heels, but a Kentucky crowd is not going to boo an asskicking tag team that wears Confederate colors.  Briscoes demanded a match at Final Battle against ROH Tag Team Champions Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin.  Cornette booked Briscoes vs All-Night Express “next week” to determine the top contenders.

It was around this time that something odd started happening.  There was a girl standing near the barricade wearing a silk gown watching the show.  She took the gown off and approached the ring wearing a bikini.  No one acknowledged that this was happening.  One cameraman approached her and filmed her up and down for several minutes.  It wouldn’t be so odd if this happened once as a buffer to air between segments on the show.  This happened several times throughout the night.  At one point, she was being filmed for what seemed like ten solid minutes, including several minutes focused solely on her breasts.  It didn’t help matters that the camera guy looked just like the tow-truck driver from Adventures in Babysitting.  

It was time for the “television main event”.  Jay Lethal defended the TV title against Mike Bennett (with “Brutal” Bob Evans).  This was a good little match.  Bennett reminds me a lot of 2006-era Chris Masters, at least as far as his body appearance.  At one point, Lethal attempted the “Macho Man” elbow, but Bennett moved.  With 30 seconds left in the 15 minute time limit, Bennett mounted Lethal and started pounding on him, not unlike Ralphie beating Scut Farkus in A Christmas Story.  Lethal reversed the position with about 10 seconds left and stayed on top until the time limit expired.  Lethal and the crowd wanted five more minutes, but Bennett chose to retreat.

Roderick Strong defeated Kyle O’Reilly.  These two had a good, stiff match.  The story was that Strong is a stiff bastard, and the rookie O’Reilly was able to hang with him.  Apparently, O’Reilly trains with “Team Davey”.  Michael Elgin came out to attack O’Reilly after the match, and then someone else came out and got his ass kicked too.  Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards came out to clean house, going so far as to punt the Book of Truth into the front row, right into a fat guy’s face!  Cornette came out to help restore order.  I should point out that ROH had encouraged fans to bring signs to the television taping.  The only signs were two pro-Kevin Steen signs in the front row, and a guy behind them that had a sign which read “Let This Be A Sign”.  The three would all hold up their signs whenever they were on camera.  Cornette cut a promo on them, saying that he recognizes that Steen is a great wrestler, but the fans don’t have to deal with him as a person.  He called Steen mentally unstable and said he was an insurance liability, and reiterated that he had no plans of ever bringing Kevin Steen back to ROH.  

Tomasso Ciampa (with Prince Nana and Ernie Osiris) pinned Alex Silva.  Silva is a young, good-looking guy who works for OVW regularly.  Nothing special.

Mark and Jay Briscoe beat ANX to earn a title shot at Final Battle.  This was a great match with some fun double-teams.  I believe the finish was: one of the ANX held Mark in a powerbomb position near the corner.  Jay came off the top and nudged Mark, who turned the move into a hurricanrana and got the pin.  If that wasn’t the finish, it should have been, because it was the most memorable spot in the match.  The Briscoes didn’t do much to establish that they were supposed to be the bad guys.  

Next up was intermission.  They didn’t seem to be doing nearly as much merch business tonight.  The gimmick table was much smaller than usual, too.

Michael Hayes (no, not the Freebird) beat Mohammad Ali Vaez.  Both of these guys are OVW regulars.  Hayes is legitimately in his rookie year.  He also only has one leg.  He lost his left leg in an I.E.D. explosion in Iraq in 2006.  He was the only survivor  of the attack.  Unlike Zach Gowen, Hayes wrestles while wearing the full prosthetic.  He is quite mobile considering his predicament.  Vaez has apparently been attacking Hayes at OVW shows and ripping off the prosthesis.  He did it again tonight, only for Hayes to catch him in a submission hold.  Before he could tap, Vaez’s partner interfered for the DQ.  The match was ok, but a bit clumsy.  Considering Hayes’s inexperience, immobility, and the fact that Vaez had to work his right side, things went fairly well.

Michael Elgin dominated Shiloh Jones.  Good for what it was.

Jim Cornette came out to announce the top contender for the ROH World Title at Final Battle.  That man is…….Grizzly Redwood!  Just kidding, it’s Eddie Edwards.  Eddie came out and said that people always chanted “next world champ” at the American Wolves, and everyone assumed the chant was for Richards, but Edwards won the title before Davey did.  Eddie said that he learned a lot from Team Richards, but it was time for him to move on.  Eddie has a new trainer, but he wouldn’t reveal who it is.  The two shook hands and agreed to let the wolfiest man win.

Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin beat Cedric Alexander & Caprice Coleman in the week 2 main event.  This started out decent, but completely fell apart toward the end.  One of the guys not named Haas or Benjamin missed a series of aeriel moves that he was supposed to hit, including a standing shooting star press where he landed on his face Brock Lesnar-style.  This match is going to need to be cleaned up quite a bit before it airs.  

The Young Bucks beat the Bravado Brothers.  Full disclosure:  I hate the Young Bucks with a passion.  That being said, they were much more subdued than they were last time I watched them live.  At the beginning, they offered their hands to Lance and Harlem Bravado, only to turn and shake each other’s hands instead.  This was a fairly competitive match and both teams looked good.  The finish came when the Young Fucks did some double team flippy 9 move sequence nonsense that ended with a 450 splash.  They refused to shake the other team’s hands after the match.  I hope they catch herpes.  My personal hatred for Nick & Matt Jackson aside, they got very little reaction until the finish.  

MAIN EVENT TIME!  The American Wolves beat Roderick Strong & Michael Elgin.  Good, solid, hard-hitting match that seemed to go past 20:00.  My favorite comment of the night came from my friend, who is a casual fan and knows nothing about ROH.  As Richards was repeatedly kicking Elgin in the chest, my friend said “he’s just spamming the A button!”  He summarized the state of indy wrestling with that statement, in my opinion.  The finish was kind of screwy, although it could just be that I was tired and missed something.  Elgin had Richards in a hold (camel clutch), but the ref was distracted by Truth Martini.  Edwards locked Elgin in a dragon sleeper, choking him out.  Richards ended up on top of Elgin for the pin.  Davey kept looking at what appeared to me to be a wristband or something, then looking at Eddie like he didn’t know what to make of him.  Again, I had to have missed something here, because I have no idea what his deal was.

Overall this was a very entertaining night of wrestling, but far too long.  The show started at 7:00 and we were walking out at 11:05.  There were far too many superkicks and at least 4 “Codebreakers” throughout the show.  The crowd was hot for most of the show.   The venue was darkened quite a bit.  My guess is that they don’t want a building that small to be exposed on national television (Davis Arena sits 400).  Return date is 11/5.

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