#TotalDivas – Season 2 – Episode – 6 – She Said (He Edited)

flirting-noOh, the joys of Total Diva’s. There is a reason that I continue to take a hiatus from this train wreck and it’s not because I was on vacation, it’s mainly because I just don’t have the time to try and think of something to write every week when this train wreck is watched. I feel like it goes through spurts of good television (as good as a Diva show could be) and spurts of horrific television (where everything is set up so they can actually have a show for people to watch). I obviously missed writing about Ariane house sitting for Natalia and losing her cat during a party. I honestly couldn’t tell you what else happened within that episode, it was so boring. (Kevin’s Edit: She suggested a He Said (She Edited) but I remember about as much of that episode as she does.)

The 5/4 episode is the one I’ll be writing about today. It’s all about Summer Rae,  Trinity and Brie. I’ll start with Trinity as she seemed to have the least amount in the show even though she was focused on.

Trinity and Jon are married. Jon is ready for kids and Trinity is at the height of her career and does not want kids. This is obviously something to discuss before you tie the knot. We find out that Jon has 2 kids already, a boy and girl. They are adorable! Anyway, Trinity always forgets to take her pill and Jon refuses to put on a “love sleeve” as he says he doesn’t have time and it’s too constricting. Trinity decides, well, I keep forgetting and I don’t want kids now, so she and her mom go and have an implant put into her arm. It’s a 3 year birth control implant so she won’t get pregnant. I’m not sure if this is truly the best way to handle this as she doesn’t tell Jon what she does. She says it’s her body and she can do what she wants. As I haven’t read up on this procedure and the pros and cons, if it works for her and she doesn’t get pregnant, good for her. But if she has always been that forgetful and he has never worn a love sleeve and they have been together this long already, I’m not sure why she really did do this. All birth control is not 100%. those love sleeves are important even when a girl is on the pill. So I wish them the best of luck and maybe next time she won’t hide a procedure from her husband. (Kevin’s Edit: She’s being a bone head. He’s being a bone head. If anyone would know about taking a while to get to the top, I’d think it’d be Jon since it’s taken him 5 years to get consistent TV time. Granted, Trinity hasn’t been getting much TV time since she decided to stop Aksana’s knee with her face.  When this was recorded, she was being pushed for the Diva’s Title. I do love that WWE policy, if someone else messes up, you get punished. See Ziggler, Dolph.)

Brie is in the process of planning her wedding. She is so excited and we get to see her try on wedding dresses. The dress she picks is very pretty and elegant and I would expect nothing less from Brie. Nikki, though, decides to arrive fashionably late, after Brie finds her dress. The entire episode is about Nikki being a bitch to Brie as Brie is trying to plan her wedding. Nikki wants nothing to do with anything. She gets upset with Brie at the gym when they are working out because Brie is asking about seating arrangements and bridesmaid dresses. (Kevin’s Edit: I’d be pissed if someone talked to me that much in the gym too. It doesn’t even need to be about wedding stuff. John Cena, like normal, makes the best out of his screen time cracking a joke that I’d love for him to use on TV instead of another poop joke.) Nikki gets pissed with Brie when Brie says ‘no’ to a skanky dress that Nikki wants to wear in her wedding and Nikki refuses to help Brie with wedding invitations as she has had a busy week and just doesn’t have time. (Kevin’s Edit: Nikki was wrong the rest of the time including the slutty (and yummy) dress.)

I agree with Brie, Nikki is being a bitch. It doesn’t matter if the guy you are dating is never going to propose to you. It doesn’t matter if you’re not going to get married, ever. What does matter is it’s the Bride’s day, your twin sister’s day. A marriage that will only happen one time  (Kevin’s Edit: Hahhaha. It only happens once is hilarious.) and you should be ecstatic for your sister and be helping her every step of the way and not making her feel like she shouldn’t be asking for help. I agreed with Brie in that, it is her day and Nikki had no right to act that way. Nikki chose to be in the relationship that she is in and that’s her problem if she is OK with not being married. You don’t rain on other peoples weddings, you suck it up and be the best sister you can be. Even the apology was stupid. (Kevin’s Edit: The stupid apology on both’s behalf is what makes me think it’s a made up plot. No real anger either way but it’s a way to conclude the storyline.)

Our final Diva is Summer Rae. We all know how much I can’t stand her. She is a nasally, skanky hoe. We definitely see that in this episode. Summer Rae enters and we find out that she is single (go figure) and that her boyfriend of 2 years that broke up with her is getting married. She states that all the boyfriends she’s had recently are all married now, or engaged to be married, so they always marry the girl after her. Huh, do you think it’s your attitude that shows through and how desperate you are! Summer Rae tells the girls at lunch and the girls suggest she ask Fandango out as they have good chemistry on the set. (Kevin’s Edit: I have never hooked up with any ladies I worked with. I really should have at Panini’s in Kent.) Brie brings up that that is how her and Daniel met. We see a fabulous 2010 scene where Brie is talking to Daniel and Nikki walks in. (Kevin’s Edit: Fabulous? I had forgotten about that angle. Pretty sure I was annoyed he was teamed with them.) I’m just going to throw this in there, but it’s usually not a good idea to date someone from work as there is a 50/50 chance of it working or imploding.

Summer Rae decides to ask Fandango out. Well, that is great as they are both non attractive people that are extremely vain. They would be perfect for each other. They just happen to live very close to each other in Florida. She dresses skanky and he dresses like a bum and they go to a bar he frequents a lot. (Kevin’s Edit: Always a good way to say you’re trying to get some. Let’s get her drunk!) The whole night she keeps asking him personal questions and he’s like, why do you keep asking me all these questions? Summer Rae just laughs like she is trying too hard and then they proceed to do firebombs. My favorite line is when she says, I can’t decide if he is making fun of me or complimenting me. If you can’t tell, then you are blond! They go back to his place where they are strategically placed in the kitchen and pretending to be into each other. Shots of vodka, they go to the sofa where she proceeds to attack him. Not sure who cuts it off first, but they make it seem like it was her idea and he just sits there stupefied. She says she doesn’t feel the connection and it was like kissing her brother. (Kevin’s Edit: If you weren’t feeling him, why did you jump on top so quick? Storyline alert! The problem is this would work much better as a supplement to Raw/Smackdown but the viewing of this taped show is delayed so they don’t connect well.)

So Summer Rae just leaves. Yes, she just walks out! It was a very awkward moment I thought. They are seen at their next show and Fandango is asking about her about what happened and she just blows him off telling him they don’t have any chemistry and that she doesn’t want anyone to know what happened. Fandango, even though I really don’t like you, you can definitely do soooo much better than Summer Rae.

Will Summer Rae continue to be single? What’s next for Ariane and Vinnie? Will Nikki and Brie act normal toward each other in the next episode like nothing happened. Only E! Entertainment knows and I’ll be finding out next time on the 5/11 episode of Total Diva’s. – M & (Kevin)

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

hanging-tents-for-rock-climbers-1I’m hoping to get some extra sleep tonight. I’m not feeling the best. Hopefully I’ll get the illness bug out of my system so I don’t have to worry about it at Wrestlemania. When checking for images related to sleeping, it caught my eye when I saw “Sleeping while rock climbing.” That’s where the image above comes from. That’d be fun to do once. I slept in a tree house for my honeymoon so this isn’t that far from the pail.

Hulk Hogan comes down and shills for the WWE Network. We get the first annual 30 Man Andre the Giant Battle for a trophy. Memphonites? John Cena saves us. He shills for Hogan and the match. Cena then joins it. The Wyatts are here. Maybe they’ll save the segment. I dig his promo. Calling himself a god is pretty ironic considering the pride talk. Cena comes back with the jokes about the same subject. Better than normal for his jokes. Cena challenges him to a match at Wrestlemania. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan step onto the apron. Commercial.

Cena is in a match with Rowan. Hogan is a Cena cheerleader. Rowan is using his size to his advantage. Cena wins with a roll up out of the blue. What a weak win. Harper & Rowan pretend like they’re going to go after Cena & Hogan but the Wyatts back away.

Stephanie & HHH come out to the stage. She is really doing well with the smug quality. They are being kind and not firing Daniel Bryan. They want an apology from him though. Short and sweet. The New Age Outlaws come out to do commentary. Very choppy start to the show.

Curtis Axel & Curtis Axel are in the ring. The Usos hit the ring. Then replays of last week. Road Dogg claims that the NAO were under the weather during their loss. U-SO! It’s kind of cool that they’re finisher is the flying tag and Samoan splash combo. Kane talks to the Shield. He wants to know if they’re disposable. Reigns & Rollins are going to take on Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Rollins gives Kane some guff about his losses. The chop continues.

Jack Swagger is taking on Big E Langston again. Zeb Colter & Cesaro are at ring side. Big E wants in on the Battle Royal at Wrestlemania. I’m glad that is over shadowing the match. Belly to Belly suplex gets my attention. Swagger takes out Big E’s knee. Swagger distracts the ref and asks for Cesaro‘s help which doesn’t help. Swagger had said at the start the match that “I’ve got this.” Big E rolls up Swagger for the win. Zeb Colter watches them bicker like school girls. Zeb blows his stack. Swagger & Cesaro shake but Cesaro puts in an extra squeeze.

The Undertaker allows me to catch up a little bit. Paul Heyman shows up before he can say anything. Heyman gives us a break down of winning streaks at Wrestlemania. He asks Taker not to wrestle Brock at Wrestlemania so that everyone can worship the streak and Taker longer. “The fear of the unknown is the greatest of all.” Sure Taker, sounds great in that voice. Rest In Peace. At some point tonight, I’ll have a long paragraph. (Next Day Note: It’s kind of funny how I can complain about the usual 15 minute segment then complain when they change it up. It would have helped if I would have cared about any of these segments. I like a lot of people in these segments but everything was too short.)

Seth Rollins starts against Cody Rhodes. Cody face plants Rollins. Goldust takes over. Downward Spiral by Rollins into the middle turn buckle. Roman Reigns gets his start in the match. Goldust showing off the twisting cross body block. Cody does him one better by doing a spring board cross body. Commercial. Lawler tried to put over a power Samoan Drop by Reigns. I’m not buying it. Samoan Leap drop kick. Reigns starts playing with Goldust. Power slam by Goldust doesn’t quite get the hot tag. Rollins is in to fight a hot tagged Cody. Moonsault gets a two count. Cody with a Muscle Buster.  He stole that from Samoa Joe! (Next Day Note: I can’t believe this isn’t a Twitter beef yet.) Goldust gets speared. Rollins reverses out of the Cross Rhodes. Rollins finishes him off with the buckle bomb & Curb Stomp combo. A good match breaks up the chop even with a commercial.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

frozen-beerSo I didn’t end up getting a new refrigerator until Saturday. I tried to get the old fridge repaired but when that failed, I had to go for the new one. After checking out the appropriate outlet stores, I made a purchase. The delivery came two hours late. Oh The humanity! Ha ha ha. The fridge has been restocked. I’m just glad my beers have finally unfrozen. Luckily none of them got to the state of the beer above. Time to watch some wrestling. Let’s roll.

Betty White and Big Show lead off the show. She’s going to kick ass tonight. (Next Day Note: No one is shocked she didn’t.) HHH then big foots her. How dare he! Doesn’t he know who she is? (Please note the heavy dose of sarcasm.) Before Steph can say anything, Randy Orton comes down. She gets to bring the condescension. Orton apologizes to them. It’s coming from his heart. Ha. Orton wants more TV time on other shows. Daniel Bryan comes out. Steph lays down the law. Bryan wants a match with Kane. He insults Steph & HHH. Randy Orton gives their rebuttal. HHH gives Bryan a rest. He’s getting a well deserved day off. Ha. I agree with JBL. It’s good to give your stars a rest.

Rey Mysterio is teaming with Cody Rhodes & Goldust against the Wyatt Family. Good win for Bray Wyatt on Smackdown. That’s the kind of credibility that would have helped me believe his win against Daniel Bryan. Erick Rowan starts against Rhodes. Goldust gets a quick tag. Luke Harper takes over. I love that Rey Mysterio sliding spot. It’s ridiculous. Goldust is still being beat down after the break. Bray Wyatt comes to continue the offense. Goldust power slams Harper to get Rey into the match. 619 to Harper. Wyatt pulls Rey from a spring board attempt. Rey goes for a 2nd 619 when Bray Wyatt makes a blind tag, I guess? Wyatt turns the run into a Sister Abigail. Kind of cool. Follow the buzzards.

The Shield gets the recap video. Renee Young gets to interview them. She starts with questioning Roman Reigns. Seth Rollins gets a short talk. Dean Ambrose gets questioned about defending the US title. After Reigns questions his manhood, Ambrose makes an open challenge. Vickie Guerrero, The Bellas and Natalya get their time with Betty White get their time until the Road Dogg & Billy Gunn take her away.

Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae to start us off. He’s taking on Santino Marella with Emma. It seems like a good way to introduce her character which seemed weird to start with. Keeps Santino fresh with someone new to play off. The Miz complains on the head sets again. He’s like Bad News Barrett except slightly different. The circus surrounding the match made me forget one was going on. Fandango with the top rope leg drop for the win. Byron Saxton is back? Why? More faces for the WWE Network? Sheamus points out the obvious that he can still main event Wrestlemania if he wins the Elimination Chamber. Fair enough promo.

Christian is Sheamus’s partner against the Real Americans. They snuck back into the WWE. Antonio Cesaro finally gets some mic time. He’s going to be the WWE Champion. Not much of a promo. Zeb Colter makes Jack Swagger wait on the apron to start the match. Swagger gets an early tag anyway. Christian gets in enough offense to get Sheamus in. I dig the fighting between Cesaro & Sheamus. Cesaro tosses Sheamus outside. Swagger drags down Sheamus. Cesaro takes advantage. We get a break. They’re still going at it. Christian gets the hot tag. Cesaro ends the streak with a super upper cut. Swagger gator rolls him. Swagger bomb followed by the double stomp. Big Swing tosses Christian outside the ring. Christian barely beats the count. Quick pin doesn’t work. Sheamus gets the real hot tag. Swagger is on the end of the ass kicking. No surprise given the present story line. Cesaro makes the save for Swagger. Jack turns the distraction into a Patriot Lock. Christian makes the save. Brogue Kick. Sheamus brings Christian back in to celebrate. John Cena gets Renee Young’s second interview. He’s going to beat Randy Orton in the middle of the ring. Everyone needs to go through him to get to the WWE Championship.

My Avery Brewing Company Karma is quite cold. And tasty. #SippyTimeBeer. I buzz through the Batista bomb Youtube clips and the entrances of both Dolph Ziggler and Alberto Del Rio. Ziggler gets to show off early in the match. Fame Asser only gets a two count. Thrust kick to the head ends the match in short order. Wow Dolph, you are out. Cross arm breaker on Ziggler after the match brings out Batista in ring gear. Spear. The Animal tosses Del Rio into the barricade. Batista Bomb thru the announce table.

HHH runs into Batista. HHH wants Batista to keep it in the ring. HHH gives him a match against Del Rio at Elimination Chamber. The third Hall of Fame entrant is Lita. Cool. The New Age Outlaws are still hanging out with Betty White. They’re having tea. She does the cup switch-a-roo. I’m in stitches. (Sarcasm alert.)

The New Age Outlaws are now at ring side. The Usos come out. They are taking on Curtis Axel & Ryback. The Usos are on the attack early. Billy Gunn still gets to play dumb. Woof. The Goldberg chant makes no sense at this point. I’ve been paying more attention to the ramblings of Road Dogg. Jimmy flies over the top ropes and takes out Ryback so that Jey can splash Curtis Axel for the win. Slick finish. Gunn pretends he has to poop. Oh, she put something in it. Even funnier. (You get it by now, right?)

Dean Ambrose is in the ring when Mark Henry answers his challenge. Rollins & Reigns get out of the ring for formal introductions. Ambrose acts defiant. He has to deal with Henry’s power to start. He tries to take advantage of the elbow injury but it doesn’t work. Ambrose got tossed into a ring post. Ambrose takes off his brace. Henry tosses Ambrose outside with his good arm. Break. Ambrose is still working over Henry’s elbow. Ambrose goes for his finisher. Henry pushes him off and gives him a World’s Strongest Slam on the rebound. Seth Rollins interferes to get a DQ. Reigns spears Henry to put him out of the picture. The Wyatts are here. The Shield comes back over the barrier. The Wyatts come closer. The Shield step up to the apron. The Wyatts reply. Then they back out like the heels should do. Bray is saying “Make your move” as he holds his arms out.

My ring time will be "Girl Bye" when Naomi gets back. From zimbio.com

My ring time will be “Girl Bye” when Naomi gets back. From zimbio.com

Bobo Brazil gets the tribute for Black History Month. Ernie Ladd inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame. Brie & Nikki Bella are teaming with Cameron. Nikki starts against AJ Lee. Mitchell Cool acknowledges Naomi’s eye socket injury. I remember the initial reports but never remembered seeing a recovery time frame. Middle rope drop kick gets two for Brie. Aksana is kneeing Brie’s back. She didn’t mess up her spine. Alicia Fox gets her time in the ring. Mitchell Cool says “She’s improved, hasn’t she?” as Cameron botches a move. JBL seconds the point. Woof. DDT on Aksana for the Cameron win. Wow. She’s a complete train wreck that deserves to be a reality show like Total Divas. She’s awful in the ring.

Alexander Rusev is impressive. At least they’ve thrown things off by making him from Bulgaria instead of Russia. Kane comes down to the ring. Kane starts to apologize when Daniel Bryan hits the ring. Bryan drop kicks him over the barrier.

They get Betty White on TV one last time to say she was on. John Cena takes on Randy Orton start with 25 minutes left on my DVR. They start off slow, tipping off to me that they’ll use most of that time. Cena starts a slugging come back shortly after the break. He misses a flying shoulder tackle. Orton lets Cena get back up to the apron. Suplex on the way into the ring. Vicious looking DDT by Orton only gets a  two count. Garvin Stomp. Cena makes the full come back. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Orton back breaker out of the AA. Cena back drops Orton out of the ring. Orton power slam but Orton show boats long enough to cost himself. Tower DDT from the top rope. Orton yells at the crowd. Cena turns an RKO into an STF.  Orton gets to the ropes. Orton backs up to go for the punt. Cena  goes for the AA. RKO by Orton. Cena kicks out. AA but Orton kicks out. I’m thinking this is better than their match at the Rumble. Orton fights out of a Top Rope AA. Cena leg drop to the back of the head. Another AA for the win. Fun stuff. Nothing after it either. Cool. – Kevin

@WWE Children’s Book Ideas

50th-birthday-cakeIt was announced that the WWE has signed a deal with DK Publishing to produce eighteen books over the next three years. According to MarketWatch.com

two upcoming commemorative books WWE 50: Celebrating 50 Years of Sports Entertainment, which chronicles the company’s 50 year history and 30 Years of WrestleMania, the ultimate guide to WWE’s annual pop-culture extravaganza. DK will also publish new line of children’s books focusing on the careers of John Cena, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and other top WWE Superstars.

Both of the commemorative books sound pretty damn cool. I’m sure you will have seen some of that information before but they always seem to turn up a little something more every time. The eye catching part to me though is the line of children’s books. They mention that John Cena and “The Rock” will get books but we don’t know their titles. May I suggest:

Dwayne The Rock: Too Cool For School – How One Superstar actually got out of the Biz. Inspiration here.

John The Bachelor: John’s Big Bachelor Pad (My First Bella Twin Experience). Inspiration here.

That also means that there will be fourteen other books. Let’s see if I can guess the other fourteen titles:

Daniel Hears a YES! by Dr. Bryan. Inspiration here.

Diary of a KSU Grad: Kick To The Head – The Story of Dolph Ziggler. Inspiration here.

Roderick Rules: The Story of a Company the WWE Won’t Acknowledge. Inspiration Here.

Jake & Scott: No News Is Good News Because That Means We Haven’t Relapsed. Inspiration here.

Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky I Am For Getting This Many Chances? By Alberto Del Rio. Inspiration here.

AJ Lee Wardrobe Malfunction

She is an odd one. But also hot. From wrestlingnewssource.com.

There Was An Odd Diva Who Got a Tattoo by AJ Lee. Inspiration here.

Rob Van Dam and the Grower’s Stoned. Inspiration here.

Randy Orton and the Chamber Pot of Gym Bags. Inspiration here.

Brie & Nikki’s How To Dress Like a Slutty Princess. Inspiration here.

The Superstars Employment Agency: The Future Endeavored Edition. Inspiration here.

Evan’s Not So Secret Garden. Inspiration here.

The World of Vince McMahon: The Complete When We Were Very Young and Now We Are Sixty-Eight and Trying to Bury Every Hatchet. Inspiration here.

Who do you think some of the other Superstars and titles will be? Put them in the comments below and I’ll make a full post of those ideas.

@TotalDivas – She Said (He Edited) – Season Finale

Diana Rings

Motilo.com

Engagements. They can either be a blessing or a tornado. In this episode we get a taste of both. But, before I delve in, let’s talk about Nikki first.

John Cena flies Nikki’s friends down for a visit. If you caught this episode, you know that all of these girls are skanky and work at Hooters. (Kevin’s Edit: Boo weird short shorts and leggings.) If you didn’t catch the episode, you now have a visual. We get the bikini scene where they are all in John’s pool having a serious, yet not serious conversation about marriage and kids and how John’s pool is like a kiddie pool. Nikki does tell them that John doesn’t want kids and she is okay with that. Well, when they all go out to dinner on John’s dime, we find out that John is selfish and doesn’t want kids due to his lifestyle and his career. I’m actually okay with his opinion on this because he does seem happy with out kids, yet Nikki has always thought she would be married and be a mom, so here ensues your drama and cliffhanger. (Kevin’s Edit: Oh, that’s the cliffhanger? Too bad I don’t care.) John says he will never get married again and doesn’t want kids ever and apologized for leading Nikki on. Nikki now has more thinking to do because she wants to be married and wants to hear that pitter patter of feet in the house.

Natalya is the 2nd one on the list with her ‘drunken’ phone calls to Stephanie McMahon. My favorite part of this episode is when she see’s Fandango in the hallway and tells him that she messed up with Stephanie and he asked if she kissed her. I practically rolled off the seat on that one. Fandango there without his shirt on, all greased up like a loser, wanting Natalya and Stephanie to make out. Nice! (Kevin’s Edit: He isn’t as funny as Alicia Fox but he gets a 2nd place vote for people that aren’t cast members but are regularly shown.) But alas, no. Natalya found it in her heart to continue calling Stephanie throughout the early morning to tell her how she doesn’t get recognized, how she wants to win the title, that she deserves the title and that she can give so much more and then she quit. Though we all know she didn’t as she is still on WWE, the fact that she said it makes you wonder if she was really drunk or not with those phone calls, but the air is clear and all is okay in Nattie’s world. (Kevin’s Edit: Everything is fine, without the strap still. Get a damn personality.)

Jojo, who is that? Huh.

We then move on to Brie and Daniel Bryan. They go to this romantic tree house, go on this fabulous hike where he proposes to her in this very natural and beautiful surrounding. She of course says yes and they go down to have a celebratory dinner where Daniel surprises her with her family and his family as they all have this fabulous dinner outside with live violins. Is it a bit over the top? Sure. But was it romantic enough for the WWE, yes. I actually enjoyed the segment and we find out that there will be a story with Daniel and Brie along with Randy Orton. (Kevin’s Blog: This is one relationship that didn’t seem overly scripted like Natalya & TJ or Cena & Nikki or see more below.)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

water-drippingI was very happy that my new counter tops were installed today. Unfortunately the night has ended with the water main dripping and me not being able to find my plumber’s wrench. I wonder if Baby Momma Drama took them since he did so much house work. I had another intro but this one over rode it. Let’s roll. Really late.

The WWE allows me to go with the regular introduction because the video package reminds me of my indifference to this unification. I don’t hate that Randy Orton won. I don’t like that he won either. I don’t care that John Cena didn’t win. I wouldn’t give a care if he won either. A standing ovation, Mitchell Cool? Really? I don’t even hear a lot of boos. Orton has looked like a bitch but you know he’s a multi-time champion so it’s credible that he won the match up. HHH & Steph are posed rather seductively which is really odd. Isn’t it supposed to be more fun to be the heel? Because Randy Orton’s speech is hello boring. John Cena bags on him and his comatose speaking. He tries to goad him into a match with Daniel Bryan. Randy Orton steps over the line so Steph smacks him down. I don’t want a title shot for Daniel Bryan because he’ll win then lose later. Oh Steph, you’re so coy and funny saying we don’t understand the WWE Universe. HHH makes the match. So is this supposed to be the funny part where I laugh because Orton keeps putting his foot in his mouth to the Authority so they put him in his place, he apologizes then they rinse and repeat? This is the second round. How did I forget about the Wyatts? Interference city.

Goldust & Cody Rhodes are defending against Rey Mysterio & Big Show. Cody starts off with Rey. I grabbed water because I knew the match would go to commercial. Big Show tagged in to get said break. Big Show slam keeps going. The announcers make a hilarious joke about the presidential selfie. I’m dying from laughter here. The WWE is so hip and current because they’re making jokes about something recent. I would not be disappointed if some of these people tweeting comments that get on Raw were killed in a fiery accident. They’re the most mundane statements ever.  Is Randy Orton better than Daniel Bryan? We’ll find out tonight on #Raw! Knock yourself off. Goldust gets the hot tag against Big Show. Goldust gets choke slammed. Cody makes the save. Dust misses a twisting cross body. WMD. Rey drops the Dime from Big Show’s shoulders for the win.

Christmas Santa match. Oh goody. Bad News Barrett graces us with his presence. We can’t win the lottery. You definitely can’t when you don’t play. Randy Orton is mad at Steph & HHH. Kane is around this time. Steph turns around the argument and points out the obvious three on one match for Bryan. They keeps emphasizing the single championship but he’s still carrying around two belts. Care to explain?

Dolph Ziggler is taking on Fandango with Summer Rae. I must have glazed over the fact that Fandango beat Ziggler. (Wednesday Edit: Tuesday was that kind of day. On the TLC preshow.)  Jack Swagger should meet his fate at hands of one of the tweeters. The announcers are still enamored with the selfie. Ziggler barely beats Fandango with a roll up. I’m beyond annoyed. Shouldn’t Ziggler renew his confidence with an ass kicking? I think so. I’d say that about anyone who needs to get back on track.

Big E Langston & Mark Henry are taking on Jack Swagger & Antonio Cesaro. Langston starts against Swagger who tags out to Cesaro quickly. Henry takes over on Swagger. Langston gets back in. I love how the announcers are talking about Langston being a great champ. Yeah, he does that real effectively in a tag team. The baby faces are dominating who ever is in the ring. Right when I thought the WWE was positioning the Real Americans for a title run, they look terrible. Cesaro & Swagger double team Langston to change moment. The gut wrench suplex by Cesaro is impressive. Cool shot of Cesaro jumping on Langston’s back as he tries to make a tag.  Henry gets the hot tag. Paying homage to the Junkyard Dog! I love when Cool goes through puberty on air. Cesaro teases the Big Swing but Big E got the hidden tag and stopped it. (Wednesday Edit: What a terrible sentence it was before the correction.) Big Ending for the win. The Real Americans get knocked back down the ladder again.

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The Art of Wrestling – #TNA @ImpactWrestling’s 12 Days of Christmas

memegeneokerlund.com

memegeneokerlund.com

So I decided to move over to TNA this week to look for Christmas deals after covering the WWE last week. Before even getting to any of the deals, I was immediately confused. I don’t have a bookmark for WWEShop.com or ShopTNA.com. I go to their site proper and link to their shopping sites. As I scroll over the ShopTNA tab, the first thing I notice is the fact that both Hulk Hogan, who has been off TV since October, and AJ Styles, who may not be signed to a new contract, both have their own subsections. I understand that TNA needs to sell the merchandise that they have in stock. Since both gentlemen aren’t under contract and have had spats with Dixie Carter on air, the least they could do is remove their names from the pull down men.

When I clicked on ShopTNA.com, I then clicked on Happy Holidays deal banner. The first day I went to the site, Rockstar Spud greeted me. When I refreshed the site today, James Storm greeted me. Rockstar Spud should not greet me because he’s been on TV for all of three or four episodes and he’s a heel. Just bad marketing on their part. If he was a likeable heel like Christopher Daniels or Kazarian. Take the WWE as an example, they have recently started hawking their wares on TV. If memory serves, R Truth, the Prime Time Players, Dolph Ziggler, the Funkadactyls and The Bellas have done the segment. What do they have in common? They’re all baby faces. The fact that Dixie Carter was in the marketing field prior to running TNA, one would think she’d recognize this problem. I’m glad they’re using Storm now since he fits the mold.

There is another problem with this page. TNA went with the Happy Holidays wording. But then their slogan is ” Celebrate 12 Days of Christmas with ShopTNA.com.” I celebrate Christmas but am perfectly fine with using Happy Holidays. What I don’t think you should do is mix the two up which is precisely what they did. This deal is a stinker too. TNA is giving away one free item per day from the 9th until the 20th. They have provided enough of a sample size at this point to know they’re not going to give away anything even as “expensive” as a shirt. Day 1 was an IMPACT Twisted Necklace. Day 2 got you a Dixie Carter Shop TNA exclusive Action Figure. They got daring on day 3 by offering not just a Jeff Hardy Souvenir Cup (which is being modeled by the no longer employed So Cal Val) and Coloring Book. Today’s gift is a random pair of sunglasses. Seriously. They aren’t even telling you which piece of garbage they’re going to send you. The only catch with this “deal” is that you need to order a physical gift so no MP3s or digital goods will get you this fabulous extra(s).

I’d love to nit pick actual presents but that is the only deal they have going for Christmas. Looks like I’ll have to go back to the bargain bin at WWEShop.com next week for your entertainment. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Too-many-choicesThere really aren’t that many choices for the Slammys. The Shield , the Wyatt Family, Daniel Bryan & the Real Americans are hogging the slots. These categories have names that are entirely too long which I realized when I was typing them out fully. Well, let’s see what they have in store for us. Let’s roll.

Daniel Bryan is sporting a Flying Goat t shirt.  He starts off against Summer Rae with Fandango. I do love Summer Rae’s antics outside the ring. Her facial expressions of the pain Fandango is in is well done. Bryan had a majority of offense until Fandango turned a top rope drop kick into a power bomb. Perfect commercial spot. For some reason my girlfriend decided to bring her cat upstairs thus getting my dogs riled up. This did not speed up the review.

Bryan is in control again until he misses a charge into a corner. Fandango missed his leg drop soon there after. Flying Goat. Running Knee. They gave Fandango some rope. I think he acquitted himself well. Bray Wyatt shows up on the screen. He doesn’t want Bryan to suffer. Their story will end in destruction. Wyatt wants to prove that Bryan is a monster too. No! No! No! I miss part of King & Booker T. I will not be rewinding any of these segments. They present the presenters. So I had no idea that Daniels & Kazarian were wearing the tuxedos from Dumb & Dumber. But now I know that the New Age Outlaws are copying them. LOL Moment of the Year. Oh my lord, I just realized I didn’t see this category last night on WWE.com.

Santino Marella & Damien Sandow get to awkwardly wait in the ring for the announcement for LOL Moment of the Year, which goes to the Rock Concert. Vickie Guerrero grabs the trophy and said it happened because of her beauty. Big E Langston is on the head set again. Big E is fair to midlands on the mic. He seems to take a split second to gather his thoughts before answering. You’re Welcome as Mitchell Cool pretends like Santino is a stand in for Big E. Double Cross of the Year is presented by the Shield, who are dressed up all in black. There was a Slammys Preshow? Fuck that.

If they keep the categories rolling into commercials, I’m going to catch up in no time. (Next Day Edit: I was either still typing or watching during the awards presentations. In no way did I catch up.) Shawn Michaels wins Double Cross of the Year. He comes out to accept. He makes fun of the fact that he’s double crossed a lot of people. People still love him, which is another reason that angle shouldn’t have happened. Kofi Kingston is taking on The Miz. They continue their weird relationship. Kofi is kicking the tar out of the Miz. He takes a hike when Kofi goes for Trouble In Paradise. JBL is loving Kofi. He did have a small stretch that he looked impressive. Miz kicks Kofi out of a pin attempt into the middle turn buckle. The Miz rolls him up and grabs the tights for the win. Kofi nails Trouble. Is he going heel to make another heel tag team? Eve Torres comes out. She’s more beautiful than ever – JBL. She’s more beautiful than ever. – Mitchell Cool seconds later. Diva of the Year Award.

AJ Lee Seated

She should have won Diva of the Year. From WWE.com

Eight Man Tag Team action wait for the Eve Torres announcement. The Bella Twins win. Ugh. No surprise though. Goldust, Cody Rhodes, Rey Mysterio & the Big Show are taking on Antonio Cesaro, Jack Swagger, Curtis Axel and Ryback. No one should stay prone for that upper cut that long. Swagger looked like a gigantic idiot. Cesaro clothes lines Goldust. JBL rightfully makes fun of the Rybaxel team name. Goldust continues to sell. He almost makes it out with power slam. Goldust does with a double DDT. Cody is en fuego. The Cody version of the upper cut is better but still should be dodged. Big Show cleans house on the outside. Disaster Kick. 619 & Drop of The Dime for the win. The Superstar of the Year is presented by Shawn Michaels. It seems a little early for this presentation. Shouldn’t this close out the show like Best Movie of the Year at Academy Awards? HBShizzle.

The Hunico Sin Cara is in the ring. The winner is Daniel Bryan. No surprise. Both of the announcers call it an upset. I have no idea why unless they haven’t heard the crowds for the past six months plus. He thanks the people. 2014 is going to be even better. Alberto Del Rio is his opponent again. I’ll have to pay attention to this match more this week. Mitchell Cool is having to reintroduce Sin Cara because of how dormant the gimmick was. Russell Wilson! MVP! The crowd cares about this match. Del Rio buys time to get a commercial. He takes over on Sin Cara after the break. JBL “This is a new Sin Cara”. Yeah, some of us realized that and got confirmation later. Hand Spring Elbow gets a two count for Sin Cara. Del Rio hurts the arm. Sin Cara with an Angle Slam. Sin Cara takes his time going up. He turns bad news into a power bomb. Swanton for the win. (Next Day Edit: Del Rio looked like he took a rough spill last night so I was not surprised to read he is concussed.) The crowd is mildly happy. Darren Young & Titus O’Neil are presenting. They do an honorable Millions of Dollars dance. Fan participation Award.

The winner is Daniel Bryan for Yes! Yes! Yes! He gets attacked at one of these presentations, right? (Next Day Edit: I was wrong.)

The Funkadactyls come out with Brodus Clay for his match against Xavier Woods. JBL & Cool point out that Xavier Woods was better with the girls. Clay makes short order of him. R Truth & Tensai drag him off of Woods because of an after the match attack. Clay says “I’m a main event player.” Not yet pal but dumping the gimmick will be a big step. The Miz gets to present Insults of the Year. I thought that category would be interesting so I watched. I was wrong.

Welcome back to Raw, Brodus Clay. Now ditch the gimmick.

Welcome back to Raw, Brodus Clay. Now ditch the gimmick.

CM Punk is taking on Dean Ambrose with Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns at ring side. Stephanie McMahon wins for insulting the Big Show. Punk takes early control. A couple of fun rest holds help make it more interesting than normal. I do believe he used the Anaconda Vice recently so these moves should be sold by the announcers. They are not doing so. Ambrose gains control by attacking the ribs. Why is no one questioning the handicapped matches? Looking for you to step up Mitchell. JBL & Cool over sell us not seeing Punk for a while. Cool does inform me that many of the categories I previewed have results online where I saw them. I may have to do a review article. (Next Day Edit: It’s still under consideration since we didn’t watch Total Divas last night and probably won’t tonight with a Bluejackets game to attend.) Punk nails the suicide dive but stares at Reigns & Rollins.

I’m still an hour behind. Not cool. Ambrose has a sleeper grape vined in. Punk gets out with a belly to back suplex. Ambrose gets the upper hand. Neck breaker by Punk to take back over. Short clothes line by Punk. I love that he’s bringing that back. Top rope elbow hurts the ribs and only gets a two. Double under hook suplex by Ambrose for a two. Nice to see that again too. Roundhouse kick for two. I’m loving the guy in the white shirt & black scarf. This is Awesome! Agreed. Punk gets tossed out between Reigns & Rollins but they don’t do anything. Ambrose argues with them politely. After some reversals by both men, Punk nails the GTS for the win. Distraction by Rollins. Spear by Reigns. Mick Foley comes out to present Extreme Moment of the Year. (Next Day Note: I’m not sure why they do these theme shows the week of a PPV sell. This segment worked because we saw the Shield dissension and Punk being hurt.)

The Usos are taking on Erick Rowan & Luke Harper. CM Punk wins for beating Paul Heyman. He’s going to show us what he can do against the Shield at the PPV. The Usos get the upper hand early with a double dive. Commercial as Bray laughs. Harper is in control after the break. Jey Uso is taking the beating. Jimmy and Harper square off for a double hot tag. Rikishi Charge only gets two. Jimmy gets hung out on the middle rope. Super kick by Jimmy. He nails the Big Splash. Rowan makes the save. The Usos go after Rowan. Jimmy gets blasted with a clothesline for the win. Harper looks good and creepy. Awesome sell job by Jimmy. I suppose Match of the Year should be the last one. Superstar should presented later still. Bret Hart is the presenter. I watch this one too.

Natalya Neidhart is taking on Tamina Snuka again. The winner is John Cena vs The Rock. Not my choice. I would have gone with Punk vs Taker but that’s just me. John Cena accepts. I was wondering if they’d rig any of these for storyline purposes but it doesn’t seem like they have. All of the speeches have been pretty bland. (Next Day Edit: That’s a sure sign they weren’t trying to forward story lines to me and that the vote was legitimate. I wonder if I should put a poll up on the topic and sice if we can get more than 5 people to vote.) Tamina is taking it to Natalya early. AJ distracts Natalya. Tamina runs into AJ on the apron. Natalya with the Sharpshooter. The WWE seem to be all in on Total Divas so I would not be surprised to see Natalya win Sunday.

Stephanie McMahon introduces HHH so that he can preside over the ceremony. Jack Swagger is dressed like a bum. I get it from CM Punk who is a rebel. Daniel Bryan! Yes! Yes! Yes! HHH waits it out and insults the crowd. Good choice. You feed into that and the crowd will keep going. What?!? Bryan didn’t kill that chant. It will never die. HHH introduces Randy Orton and Steph introduces John Cena. I’m quite sure this segment ends after my DVR stops. I love Cena shaking Bryan’s hand. Orton gets the mic first. He gets to roast the other champions in the ring. One of his better promos and exactly where my DVR ends. I don’t care what Cena had to say anyway. (Next Day Edit: I read the ending. Sounds like a solid Cena promo. I also read on Facebook that people are pissed that HHH’s music hit at the end. Who cares. He’s butted out of this feud for the most part. He was defending his woman. Granted, it makes me suspicious about the end of the TLC but we’ll let that play out.) – Kevin

@TotalDivas – She Said (He Edited) – Episode 12

Logo from a blogspot of the same name.

Logo from a blogspot of the same name.

There have been 9 episodes of Total Diva’s that I have written about and today’s article reaches the double digits. (Kevin’s Edit: Look at the banner lady. You’ve been in the double digits.) Last night I asked Kevin if we could stop watching Total Divas and 5 minutes into the show I realized why. The show lacks on drama and substance. I think watching two kittens play with a ball of string for 45 minutes would be more entertaining than what I had to sit through last night. The entire episode is now scripted, has boring story lines, and I think I’d rather watch paint dry.

When I first started writing these articles, blogs, whatever you want to call them, I thought the Total Divas show was going to show the life of a WWE Diva and their impact in a man’s field. Where showing your skills and working hard to get TV time would help all of us understand the difficulties in making it in the WWE Diva world. What I’ve witnessed these past 10 episodes is that these ladies live a very boring life, so the WWE has to script every scene and create instability within the Diva relationships just to give us a show to watch every week. (Kevin’s Edit: Everyone knew the WWE would pump it up but it all seems so set up to create “drama” that isn’t dramatic.) Jojo has become non-existent on the show, Nattie only talks about hoochie Eva Marie and do I need to hear another comment out of Eva Marie on how hot she is? With this being said, here is my next review on episode 10 of Total Diva’s.

We begin the episode with Eva Marie being scanned. I didn’t understand at first why she was being scanned until I saw the figure of Diva Nattie and then understood. Why in the hell are they making an Eva Marie action figure? Seriously? (Kevin’s Edit: The WWE thinks they have a heel in the making. Unfortunately, she’s unlikable and untalented. Unless you count hotness as talent.) Nattie seemed particularly taken aback by it as well. While Eva Marie is being scanned she said “Let’s make my boobs bigger so I sell more action figures and boost sales.” Of course the only man in the room piped up and said that was a good idea. Once again, Nattie calls Eva Marie a hoochie, we all know that she is, thanks Nattie for reminding us. This is where I knew the show was going to tank and asked if we could just delete it and I could make up my own story line for the blog, but Kevin informed me, that we should just watch the show. So onward! (Kevin’s Edit: The sarcasm about Nattie already makes my choice correct.)

We next have Ariane. She thinks it’s brilliant to get her tool of a boyfriend, or is it her fiance now? who knows, an appointment with a WWE trainer so they could be WWE wrestlers together. What part of this sounds staged? huh. Vincent agrees and goes to the training ring where he finds out that it’s freakin’ hard to be a wrestler and after 1  training day is exhausted and unable to even finish the routine guy is having him do. All the while Ariane is telling Vincent he’s doing good, but on the back camera says she made a mistake for this, really? Do you think so? So on day 2 Vincent once again is too exhausted to go on. Because even though he’s a big dude, it’s cardio man, it’s hard when you aren’t in that kind of shape, and the trainer tells him, he’s not WWE material. (Kevin’s Edit: I remember running Warrior Dash last year. It was hilarious to see these giant bulked up guys trying to run. They had no cardio despite all of the muscles. Vincent is the same way.) I don’t know if those are tears of joy or tears of sadness, but Vincent breaks down. Luckily, he has a backup plan to be a Hooka entrepreneur and open his own shop. Good for you Vincent and thanks WWE for a nice scripted segment for Ariane and Vincent.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

From roflcat.com if you can't read really small print.

From roflcat.com if you can’t read really small print.

I have a 3/4 done post about beer that I was hoping to post, I have a perfect column in mind for last week’s ROH airing that I just watched last night and I tried to get done a Weekend Rewind last night but it sits in worse condition than the ROH idea. Very unproductive weekend. I will get cracking this week. I really enjoyed doing the Walking Dead Mid-Season Review today so that’s a good start. We watched Total Divas right before doing this column. Another good thing. Although she is really irritated with the show this week so it should make for a funny column. (Next Day Edit: She was so pissed she didn’t know what she’d write. I told her to let the sarcasm out. Always makes me laugh when she gets snarky. We’ll see what happens.) Let’s roll.

CM Punk graces the ring first. He has the best guts in the business. He wants to live in his own universe away from HHH. He’s bleeped so I’m quite sure they knew it was coming. Stephanie McMahon comes out. The Authority is for free speech. The look on Punk’s face when he questioned Steph was priceless. Punk needs to direct his questions to Kane. Shouldn’t he get new music with this character? Kane gets to drone on. Punk challenges Kane to a match. The Shield shows up. How can JBL say there’s no collusion when they were directly working for the Authority the last several months? The worse fact is that neither of the other announcers have come up with this point. Mitchell Cool tells us they’ll only have one belt clarifying loop holes that everyone was looking for with their wording from last week. (Next Day Edit: I still think this build up isn’t enough for this type of match. Having the unification happen at TLC isn’t helping my misgivings.)

Damien Sandow gets to beat my boy Dolph Ziggler since Big E Langston is the Intercontinental Champion. Big E is on the headset. I’m sure Dolph wants a shot at the IC Title so that he can start chasing Chris Jericho’s record. They have a standard match which makes it bizarre after two consecutive brawls. JBL points out that a concussion cost Ziggler his second title reign. Oh no, he didn’t he called him out for his short title reigns. You’re Welcome for the Sandow win. I want to vomit. Shortest match of their trio.

The Divas get a gigantic tag match again because there’s no good way to get them on TV otherwise. The Bellas & Natalya are taking on AJ Lee, Tamina & Summer Rae. Tamina takes a beating from the Bellas early. Tamina takes over on Brie. AJ Lee continues to skip around the ring. Summer Rae botches a sunset flip. Natalya gets the hot tag. AJ makes the tag when Natalya is down. She played opossum. Small package by Natalya gets a victory. (Next Day Edit: Roll up win #1.) She continues on her hot streak. AJ  skips away from the match.

Holy Christ on a pony. Bad News Barrett. Who thought this was a good idea? My woman has a perfect question “Why is he stealing Damien Sandow’s material?” Randy Orton is glaring at Brad Maddox. He wants to be recognized as the greatest ever. Maddox is going to be his errand boy. Maddox needs to trim the bear. Not a good look. Daniel Bryan hits the entrance. Weird that he’s this pumped up.

Bryan takes on Erick Rowan after the break. It’d be criminal to not give him a microphone tonight. They still have plenty of time. It’s a power versus speed match. JBL going off the rails. They’re exchanging smaller flurries of offense than I’m used to. Rowan tosses Bryan into the barricade for a break. Nice of them to start an extended sell after I mention it. Rowan keeps going with the beat down. Bryan got shut down on an apparent comeback. I’ve been trying to ignore the Slammy categories because they make my brain hurt. I think JBL drank before this show. Rowan misses a splash to get things moving in the right direction. Rowan slows him with a boot to the face. Roll up out of a guerrilla press slam for the win. (Next Day Edit: Roll up victory #2.)The lights go out. Bray Wyatt tells Rowan & Harper to stand down. Bray understands Bryan. Together they can bring the machine to it’s knees. Interesting. Will a storyline finally be complete with the Wyatt Family? (Next Day Edit: Of course this storyline will be completed and everyone will be crapped on like Alberto Del Rio after it’s over. See below.)

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