Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 5/7/11

1. Chris Jericho- He was voted off of Dancing With The Stars and has been silent since. Can he please return to WWE and get in to his ready made feud with Randy Orton already? –Jeremy

2. Kharma- WWE has done a good job with her debut. She scared a double chin on to Kelly Kelly but let’s face it, Eric would still crawl through used hypodermic needles to , well, you get it. Now it seems Kharma is a pet project of Triple H so she should be in for a sustained push. -Jeremy

3. TNA- So they are changing the name off Impact to Impact Wrestling. Whatever; polishing a turd eventually wears it away and you are left with flecks. After watching Impact this week I am almost positive we are on the last rung of shit from this company. -Jeremy

4. WWE Studios– So this failed venture continues to lose money and there is no talk of getting rid of it. They lost money with The Chaperone which comes to the surprise of all die hard Triple H fans who bought it at Wal-Mart since Netflix won’t run  because “that dang ol puter don’t got the memories or sumptin.” –Jeremy

5. Gail KimIt was just announced on Tuesday that Kim and Chef Robert Irvine who hosts Dinner and Restaurant: Impossible on the Food Network are engaged and plan to get married in May of 2012. Congratulations to them. If they have children, I hope their son goes into wrestling so he can get a push. If they have a daughter, she can go into cooking so that she can be were women should be. -Kevin

6. Bischoff Family Brewing – Eric Bischoff finally does something I might like. Unfortunately, per their Facebook page, it doesn’t appear that I’ll be able to order any of their new laws because of state and federal laws unless I travel to Cody, Wyoming. I was looking forward to it because Bischoff did say he got help from Yellowstone Valley Brewing who won a Gold Medal at the Great American Beer Festival with their Black Widow (Oatmeal) Stout. -Kevin

7. Christian – He got to hold the title for a grand total of about 48 hours before he dropped the strap to Randy Orton at the Smackdown tapings. Evidently the majority of the “internet” is upset about this happening. It’s a good thing we’re not in the majority of the internet. I like the guy as much as anyone but he doesn’t exactly scream World Heavyweight Champion for all of the reasons my colleagues already notes. -Kevin

8. Yoshi Tatsu – I’ve started a new crusade to get more people on Twitter to follow us. Zach Ryder is the popular go to guy but Yoshi has stepped up his game by using his action figure and one of Jabba The Hut to come up with some creative pictures and amusing one liners. Join Twitter, follow us @StuntGranny and Yoshi @YoshiTatsuWWE so that we can all feel more important about ourselves than we should. -Kevin

9. Nick Gage – Read these words:

Nick Wilson, the former CZW star known as Nick Gage, was sentenced to five years in prison on 4/29 in connection with a robbery of the PNC Bank in Collingswood, NJ, on 12/22. Wilson, 30, handed a back teller a note saying he would shoot her unless she handed over cash to him, and he escaped with $3,090. When a shot of Wilson was released, wrestling fans recognized him which led to police finding out his identity and he turned himself in. Judge Samual Natal also ordered Wilson to make full restitution of the $3,090 as well as pay the bank teller $150, since she claimed she was traumatized by the robbery and quit her job. After police were informed of his identity by wrestling fans, Wilson turned himself in and pleaded guilty to the bank robbery.
 
How much does it suck to be that bank teller right now. Suffered trauma, lost her job, only got enough for a couple quarter pounders and a large fry for her trouble. Sad stuff right there. – Dusty
 
10. Shane Helms – He and his girl got into a motorcycle accident a while back. So let me get this straight. He is pro Matt Hardy and pro motorcycle, but anti Shawn Michaels? I’m struggling to find any redeeming value in this “person.” – Dusty
 
11. Christian – He is Simpsons Yellow and is suffering from male pattern baldness at the ripe old age of 37 (in a few years he’s going to be exactly Toby from the Office), and I’m supposed to be upset that he lost the Heavyweight Title? As Senator Clay Davis might say, sheeeeeeeit! – Dusty

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

This picture came up when I searched for "I can't handle this" because my buddy said that as he left. He had watched almost all of Raw last week. Google is right though, I couldn't handle this. I'd be going off like a sprinkler before she even took a piece of clothing off. Just the act of her closing the bedroom door would do that to me.

I watched the opening segment with my buddy Sean so I’m not going to give the Cena/Punk promos much of a review. Cena’s seemed as joking then suddenly serious as they all do these days. Punk brought the boos with him. Biggest surprise so far, there’s actually a crowd that cheers in Anaheim.

Great match up with a nice suspect ending of the mystery arm. It’s a well executed angle. Punk needs the win more than Cena. Matthews and Cole could knock this out tonight. Digging them already.

They showed a review of the Edge & Del Rio segment from Raw 2 weeks ago. Del Rio comes out on Raw again. I’m starting to gag from them shoving him down my throat. Vickie & Dolph come out. Vickie says Dolph is the new champion and will be crowned on Smackdown. She then cackled about Edge attacking Teddy Long and how he’ll lose his job because of it. They end the segment way too quickly. Did they realize it was bombing?

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Triple H Has A Movie

I guess since I watched the trailer for “Knucklehead,” Youtube deemed it so tat I would enjoy this piece of trash. Yes, it’s the trailer for “the Chaperone” starring Triple H. I really want to dissect this thing for you, the loyal reading public but there are really no new words to describe shit.  Expectations are so low for WWE produced, cough, films, that this was really not shocking. Triple H plays the Rock, Hulk Hogan, Vin Diesel, Jackie Chan bit of the tough guy tossed in to a suburban environment and connects with a bunch of kids. Then the bad guys show up and instead of just shooting the dumb brats they allow them to use firecrackers to distract them instead of lining them up and curb stomping them to that big kindergarten in the sky.

If there is one thing to praise in all of this it is the epic beard that Triple H sports in the first half. It doesn’t look real at all which means it probably is and is as bad as it appears. Also, look out for Yeardley Smith clearing slumming it in the hopes this ignites her career and thus she can hold up The Simpsons people for more money. I like her way better in The Legend of Billie Jean but then it was all about Helen Slater in that flick anyway. So look for this on Netflix soon. It can be set to the instant queue right next to Knucklehead and Legendary. -Jeremy

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