Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

Raw is going to be entirely too long. Why am I starting pretty much on time?

I couldn’t be less excited about three hours of sports entertainment. I’ve got nothing else to start this review so let’s roll.

Booker T & Hornswoggle get to lead off the Slammy Awards. I Didn’t Just See That even though it was on TV. What a brutal set of choices. I want to unsee all of those events. JR wins for his dance moves. Oh shit, a rap off. Please kill me. Congrats on getting people to turn off your product.

Ted DiBiase & Mick Foley present the next award for Holy Shit of the Year. Except they can’t say it. They think they’re funny with their jokes. I’m not sure that was Orton’s best RKO of the year. I would have went with Bourne’s Shooting Star Press into the RKO. Bourne gets a nod anyway. Big Show & Mark Henry win for a gimmick that’s been done before. Show comes out to accept. He keeps it short and we finally get a match. Why is Wade Barrett his opponent? Barerage will take out Show next if he wins the title from Henry.

Why not come up with a new name for the award? You’re PG, why even infer it? Barrett gets DQed for using a chair. Glad we got a whole minute of match time on TV. (That’s sarcasm.) And another commercial. Woof.

“Road Dogg” Jesse James gets to present a Slammy. #Useless fact, I dressed up like him for Halloween when I was at Kent. My roommate dressed up like Billy Gunn. I have no idea what is up for nomination. Rock mentioned Twitter in the montage, drink. CM Punk wins the Pipe Bomb Award since he started using the term in the WWE. He gives us a montage of Johnny Wooden GM. This whole first hour has been filler. Actually, that was kind of funny. I especially enjoyed the 80’s style music.

Lita gets a TV spot after her little weekend gaffe. I just keep wondering why her license was suspended. Is she such a bum she couldn’t pay for insurance? She is awarding a Diva-licious moment. Our winner is Kelly Kelly. She needed more press. (That’s sarcasm.) When does this get interrupted? Right away. Lita is supposed to be giving her a rub by raising her arm. It might be the second best thing they’ve done tonight by keeping that segment that short. Santino & The Bella Twins present the OMG Award. All of these awards feel the same. The only good part of HHH vs Undertaker is up for the award. Of course it wins. The only moment that deserved that award was CM Punk winning. HHH needed promo time since I keep forgetting this match is on TLC. Nice of Trips to have a new shirt. We get more replay. Why did I start doing this column? All because my dumb ass went to Wrestlemania in Atlanta. HHH is right so he’s going to do everything at TLC. Thanks for nothing.

Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: