Matt Hardy Sucks On Youtube and Twitter

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, look at me. Look at me. Pay attention to me.

Matt Hardy pulled a fast one on everyone with his “Suicide” video last night. Even though it isn’t really a suicide video since he never mentioned the words death, suicide, kill, heaven or hell. See that was easy. Hardy took to Twitter and defended himself and Prowrestling.net has the complete rundown. But wait, there’s more, and I don’t mean Chocodiles.

The only words that can convey what this means to me is very simple. Fuck you. Fuck you. No really, fuck you. I have had it with having to cover this caramel and nougat filled retard.  He’s an attention whore who clearly has issues with futility. He isn’t as popular as his brother. He doesn’t have the charisma of his brother. He never had a gimmick like his friends Shane “Hurricane” Helms and his ex-girlfriend made him a public cuckold. This may not cover it all but you get the gist. Covering Matt Hardy was amusing at first because of this lazy eyed jackass and his obsessive style of extreme close ups on his face followed by slurred word delivery.

If you wonder why this makes me so upset its because we are giving him exactly what he wants. Attention. His “me, me, me” bullshit works. You know why this got posted and riled me up in the process; because Eric guilted me to post this.

Eric:  “need to get that posted”

Well do it yourself next time fucko. This is a waste of my time. This hillbilly queef just wasted seven minutes and thirty-five seconds of my time.

You know what you can do in seven minutes and thirty-five seconds? Well, I could have listened  two songs. Read all of the news PWTorch.com broke for the last month. A decent jerk and clean session. Read Kevin’s Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Reviews.

Any of that is more enjoyable than reporting, yet again, on Matt Hardy. Fuck you.  -Jeremy

ERIC EDIT: A) You’re welcome. B) Here are some fun YouTube comments, the section of the Internet where the dregs of the world go to convene:

Starting from now….after this cheeseburger….at this very consumption of this piece cake….and after this chocolate milkshake…..starting from this large pizza….will be the Genesis…of MATTHEW.

GO FUCK YOURSELF MATT HARDY

I am Matt Hardy and I will never stop eating grapes, getting drunk, taking drugs, being an attention whore and getting fat.

For all we know, this “metamorphosis” probably means that he put on a few pounds and got a different stupid haircut and now calls himself THE METAMORPHOICAL DIABOANGEL or something.

your the biggest fagg of life

Looks like Stunt Granny has competition in the wordsmithing department! -Eric

WWE Is Cleaning House

Yeah this pic is hot.

Holy shit its cleaning day for WWE.  As of this posting WWE has released three wrestlers and only one really comes as a surprise.

Shane “The Hurricane” Helms was the first to go and really who cares? Apparently his ability to sell merchandise went dry and WWE realized they no longer need him. Helms was at one point one of WWE’s hottest selling acts with multiple t-shirts and gimmicks for dumb kids to buy. Then he got hurt, violated the wellness policy, and got hurt, got hurt, then got in trouble with the law. So good riddance. He brought nothing to the table now and a TNA career is lkely ahead of him.

WWE also release Paul Burchill. This is yet another lack of surprise based on him losing a mask versus leaving ECW match to The Hurricane. This has been screamed on our audios; “unless you plan on retiring, don’t allow yourself to be written in to situations like that. As soon as that stipulation comes up act sick. Don’t; give them the excuse of “ creative has nothing for you.” Burchill never really got his feet in the WWE door. He was featured sparingly but for whatever reason they never go behind him.

The big surprise, due to her high profile gig coming up on The Apprentice, is Maria. You know the red haired girl dancing with Matt Hardy now? Remember how special she used to be. Then she got naked and everyone for got about her. Some could chalk this up to the Playboy curse but in this matter, yeah, it works. As soon as she was in it she has been nowhere near the level she once was. So WWE, having nothing for her, cut her as well.

Stay tuned, there has to be more right? -Jeremy

Matt Hardy Joins The Fun

It’s about time we had some old fashion drunkenness to report on in the world of wrestling. Last night, according to everyone but cited on Prowrestling.net for fun, Greg “Hurricane” Helms and Chris Jericho were arrested for public intoxication.  They were arrested in Kentucky of all places. This normally slides as common behavior but it gets better.

They apparently started fighting in a taxi cab and then took it outside a gas station where Helms hit not only Jericho but the other passengers in the cab, one of which is a female. Yup, Hurricane went Parallax on everyone including the women. Idiot. Unless he was going berserk, swinging his arms like a lunatic and accidentally struck her. If not, well he is going to get what’s coming to him.

As Dusty said “In any event, WWE should fix this by firing Helms and giving Jericho a two year long World Title reign.” Oh and to make matters worse, Helms was last known to date Velvet Sky.

But wait, it gets even better. TMZ.com is now reporting Matt Hardy fled the scene like a bitch. Once the cops were called Matt ran for it and never returned to the scene like Helms did. Who is dumber here; Jericho for staying, Hardy for running or Helms for running and then returning? According to the story they aren’t going to charge Hardy so I say running was a good choice. Even if it is a bitch move.

All of this begs the important question: what the fuck was Chris Jericho thinking by hanging out with Gregory Helms and Matt Hardy? -Jeremy

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