Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

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destructoid.com

I’ve thought about a couple of introductions and scrapped both of them. One will become a column. The other will remain on the scrap heap. So, let’s roll.

Bray Wyatt greets us during the Raw introduction with another rendition with “I’ve Got The Whole World..” I do dig his choice of Hawaiian shirts. After singing with him, the crowd starts “What?”ing him. Have they finally found John Cena’s equal in being able to split a crowd? Then after talking about his teacher lady more, they start singing again. Wyatt is evil. Necessary at that. He calls Cena a phony. Now a “Cena sucks” chant. Hold on, are they in Chicago again? I have a good picture set up for Stunt Granny. John Cena pulls some misdirection music and attacks Wyatt who was by himself after Luke Harper & Erick Rowan ran for the ramp. He AAs Wyatt and leaves the ring before they can attack. I’d love to know why they keep replaying Steph & Brie. It’s terrible acting.

Paul Heyman ends up insulting the crowd then patting himself on the back when defining what the crowd & stars roles are. Awesome. Oh, they’re in England. If there are spoilers out, I didn’t read them. He announcers a match between Cesaro and Sheamus for the US Title later in the night which ends up being right now. I wish this match had more build up. Does it make sense that they could be building up the US Title too quickly? Whatever, I’ll take this match. I have enjoyed their past slugfests. The match picks up after the break. Sheamus gets in the Irish Curse Back Breaker & Rolling Hills. He can only get two. Cesaro turns it around by tossing Sheamus into the corner face first. Sheamus gets caught with an uppercut as he jumped off the top. Sheamus power slams Cesaro. Heyman distracts Sheamus. Cesaro takes advantage and wins with a German Suplex. Nice. I like Heyman playing more of a role in Cesaro’s matches. Lesnar & CM Punk were well established and he enhanced them. Cesaro dodges the hand shake. Nice. I’m not sure Sheamus goes into Evolution if he’s going to feud with Cesaro.

Big E Langston is taking on Ryback in the first of a series of Beat The Clock Challenge for a shot at Bad News Barrett for the Intercontinental Title. I hate these challenges because the matches are inevitably short. Ryback is distracted by the clock. It’d be much better just to attack the person. You’re wasting time by looking at the clock especially in the first match. You’re setting the standard. It matters when the clock counts down after wards. Big E takes the Meat Hook Clothesline but kicks out three consecutive time. Big E gets tossed too far but pops up quickly. Big Ending at 5:02. Great, matches shorter than 5:02. My favorite kind. It reminds me of the Daniel Bryan interview with Chris Jericho. They both said that no matter how hard they worked, they were never satisfied with a three minute match. It wasn’t enough time to make it quality.

Why isn't this one on Total Divas?

Why isn’t this one on Total Divas? from 2009abc.deviantart.com

R Truth has the Funkadactyls. The English love Fandango and Layla El. Before the match starts, Summer Rae comes to the ring. She kisses Fandango and attacks Layla. So is that Summer’s music? Is she a baby face now? Truth, Cameron & Naomi become window dressing.

Stephanie comes out to Daniel Bryan’s music. Ha. She is at her mocking best. Stephanie is ready to say “Bad News” when they introduce Wade Barrett. Oh no, she just uses a video prop. She’s only contemplating stripping Bryan of the title. She then gives ideas for who should be champion. The crowd plays along with her games. She then demands he be at Raw next week. Where I expect him to say he can defend the title at the PPV.

The Union Jacks comes out. Nice of them to remember this gimmick. Heath Slater gets mic time for the first time in a long time. Lana comes out hoping not to laugh at herself again. Alexander Rusev shows up. He takes out Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre then Jinder Mahal. It appears as if Slater will have a match with him. The whole “Crush” thing is stupid. The Accolade. Great a short match even when there’s no clock to worry about. The Shield is in the back in some odd room as usual. Dean Ambrose thinks Evolution is scared of them and he doesn’t want that. He wants their best shot. Roman Reigns tells them they’re going to keep coming at Evolution. Seth Rollins admits to a mistake in his last match with Batista. He’s going to correct that mistake. Believe In The Shield.

RVD takes on Alberto Del Rio, who gets a terrible in set promo. He’s some smug crazy person now. JBL only plays up the angle more. Congrats, ADR, you have a gimmick again. RVD takes a Back Cracker with 2:30 to go. Del Rio wastes time and gets clocked. RVD misses the Frog Splash. 1:30 left. Del Rio rests entirely too much time. Van Dam rolls him up for the win with 47 seconds left. Great, matches shorter than 4:15. The announcers have to act excited about this development.

Renee Young interviews John Cena. He’s bringing the Usos with him again. I can handle this rub especially if we get an Usos vs Harper & Rowan match at Payback in two weeks. They do some silly heart pounding thing. HHH talks their group up. Randy Orton tries to continue it. Batista is going to do it all by himself. Let this not be a short match in this sea of short matches.

Seth Rollins comes to the ring. HHH makes himself an announcer and Randy Orton as the time keeper. He then introduces Batista. Mitchell Cool correctly questions JBL’s opinion. Rollins has a microphone for some reason. Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns come down as guest commentators. This just became stupid. Ambrose informs us that Brad Maddox made them official commentators. Why did Ambrose take us to break? Why am I laughing about it? Rollins barely touches the steps he’s supposed to crash into. He’s no John Cena who shoulder blocks those things into the ring barrier. Batista starts the ground and pound on Rollins back in the ring. I know why I laughed earlier now, because Ambrose is killing me. “Reigns’ momma hit him harder than that” about the nine stitches. Rollins fights off the superplex. Rollins nails a Block Buster. Rollins runs into a boot. Rollins drop kicks Batista thru the ropes. Suicide Dive by Rollins. “He didn’t do anything” after Orton at least attempted to grab Rollins leg. Order is restored. Rollins nails a spring board knee for a two count. The Game pushes Rollins off the top rope. Orton and Ambrose join the fun. HHH clocks Rollins which gets the DQ. Batista is the brunt of another spear. HHH distracts the Shield, Batista slips out. Why is Evolution the underdog after losing again? They need to out smart the Shield and soon to seem credible.

James Van Der Beek from TheAtlantic.com

James Van Der Beek from TheAtlantic.com

Alicia Fox is in the ring. Paige is her opponent. The crowd politely applauds. I go to get a beer, Sun King Brewing Fistful of Hops, which I picked up on an unexpected trip thru Indianapolis. My trip should really make it to air or print. Complete ridiculousness. Paige gets to learn about WWE policy mandating that you job in your home town. Alicia Fox wins. Luke Harper compares John Cena to a mouse. Bray Wyatt thinks Cena & the Usos are like dominoes in a mine. They all fall down.

Mark Henry is taking on Dolph Ziggler, who wants to show off quickly. Henry comes into the inset promo and laughs at him. If my boy wins this match under the time limit, I’d feel really bad for Mark Henry. That’s another thing about these beat the clock matches, the formula is predictable. It is usually longest match, shorter match, time limit match (this one) and winner of the challenge. Ziggler is recovering with 1:30 to go. A second drop kick takes way too much of a toll on Ziggler. Henry catches Ziggler and power slams him. Henry wastes time. Zig Zag but time runs out. Thanks for sticking to the formula and not making me look like an ass. It’s only three matches? Bad News Barrett lays out a celebrating RVD. The crowd is much more behind Barrett. He informs us that England sets the time for the entire world. I guess I’ll have to look up Bloody Yak like everyone else that isn’t English. (Next Day Note: It usually has penis attached to it according to the Urban Dictionary. I didn’t get amusement out of finding the answer.)

Adam Rose comes out with more action than Paige, less than Barrett. Renee Young interviews him. Sort of. She asks to know what a “Rose Bud” is. We’re not to be lemons. JBL cracks me up with Bunny hate. Rose just wants Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger to have some fun. The crowd cheers for them too. The Bigg Hoss still cracks me up. Colter tries to insult them but they keep up being Rose Buds. Zeb challenges Rose. Swagger sucker punches him. Swagger goes after someone in the Exotic Express. Adam Rose gets the jump on him. Colter & Swagger beat a hasty retreat.

I blow through the ring entrances for John Cena & Luke Harper. Just short of catching up. They cut to commercial early which I agree with. I can skip first gear. Cena takes too much time on the Shuffle. Harper misses a Mafia Kick then a clothes line. Cena gets in the Five Knuckle.  Harper gives him a tilt a whirl face plant. This back and forth is too quick for my liking. Harper takes over and finishes it off with a suicide dive. Harper nails a super kick but Cena kicks out at two. Neck breaker by Harper only gets another two. Cena nails a clothes line. STF gets locked in. Harper breaks it. The Usos stop interference by Erick Rowan. Wyatt Abigails the Usos in the ring. Attitude Adjustment on Harper. Rowan blasts Cena for the DQ. Sister Abigail to Cena. The crowd plays sing along. Harper & Rowan attack Cena. Fall away slam onto the ramp. Sister Abigail on the stage. Cena loses a shoe. Sing along time, because we haven’t had enough of it. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #254

Nerd Playing WOWJeremy & Kevin have recovered their voices from yelling at Wrestlemania and Raw last week in New Orleans. They talk about their experience in the Crescent City and somehow don’t cover all of the Sippy Time Beer that was consumed. They did consume a lot of drinks on Saturday night though. Who got them a grain alcohol shot? What did he promise them? How good was scene at the Chicken Shack after a night of drinking? What did their hotel neighbor add at the end of the night? Where does New Orleans rank against Detroit, Orlando and Atlanta? What made it different? Is it the reason we saw so many Superstars? Raw had a boisterous crowd but what made it different from this week’s Raw? Was the crowd as different as the stories being told? Is it good for Evolution to be back together? Will they have good matches with the Shield? When should HHH wrestle? What did Jeremy think of the Ultimate Warrior tribute? Why did Kevin plead ignorant on the situation? They end on a down note by talking about Eric Young winning the TNA Heavyweight Championship. How correct was Dusty when he wrote this article? Does ROH have more viable candidates to come to the WWE than TNA right now? Find out the answer to these questions and more when you click on the link below!

Jeremy’s Blog: First Person Perspective of The Streak Ending

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Witnessing the end of the Streak was the literally, yes I mean literally, a top five moment in my life. It wasn’t that I was against the Streak or disliked the Undertaker. Quite the contrary actually; the Streak was one of WWE’s greatest creations whether it was intentional or not. It was on the border of becoming more important than the actual WrestleMania event. If it had to end it needed to end in spectacular fashion and it did.

Not one person in the Superdome expected the streak to end. As The Undertaker made his entrance my girl said ‘If Undertaker wins I am going to be really annoyed.” Kevin and I responded with the same sentence; “Be prepared to be annoyed.” We couldn’t have been more wrong but yet being wrong was never so satisfying.

At first the end of the match seemed botched. From our vantage point it appeared as if the referee accidently continued his count and slapped the mat for a three. It appeared as if he was waving his arms back and forth calling off his count. I was so stunned with the three count I don’t recall hearing the bell ring immediately after the count.

After watching the match on YouTube, since the WWE app doesn’t work on the Samsung Galaxy Tablet, it was clear the referee counted three and called for the bell. His arm motion was to make sure the match was called as finished and to ensure Brock Lesnar did no further damage to The Undertaker. There is really no explanation on how the scene could be viewed so radically different other than denial.

WWE perfectly milked the situation. There was no music playing to signify the victor let alone that the match had ended. There was no over the top celebration by Brock Lesnar. He perfectly sold the length and the physical nature of the match. Paul Heyman entered the ring but didn’t jump up and down in celebration. From our seats and our view of the ring it simply looked like he was in the ring to explain to Brock that the match finish was botched and they were stalling

There were no replays of the pin fall in the Superdome. The crowd was left waiting for some sort of result and the time passed slowly. Even though on television it was a mere 30 seconds in person those 30 seconds felt like minutes. Finally the wait came to a screeching halt when the video screens displayed the historic 21-1.

It had to be the most significant if shortest groan in history. There was no loud gasp. There was no screaming. There was no fainting, well, at least not around us. There was just silence. Of course there were a few of us cheering and clapping but that wasn’t done to be the cool kids in the crowd. I cheered and clapped with a strong vigor because I had no idea what do to with myself.

We had taken for granted the fact that in a field where everything is predetermined that the crowd really doesn’t know the outcomes. The finishes of WrestleMania 30 seemed obvious. The smart fan had it all figured out and gave this match no chance. This includes this very sites contributors. There was no way The Undertaker’s streak was coming to an end plain and simple.

The crowd eventually tried to chant “bullshit” but it never caught on. The energy in the building had been buried in an avalanche of shock. All of the preconceived notions of knowing it all were gone. Not one person considered the fact that Brock would win and now that he had there was nothing but a mass mental sort circuit to process what had just happened.

It was such an incredible sight to behold. It was a powerful moment. It was so shocking it made us all feel bad for the divas match that was up next.

There will be arguments and debate for a long time about whether or not The Undertaker should have lost. The fact though is that it provided one of the most memorable and entertaining moments for it audience. It has now made the fans guess at all turns now. If anything, the end of the streak gave us all that much. -Jeremy

Wrestlemania XXX: Live Version

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Since we attended Wrestlemania XXX, it was a little tough to do an “Almost Live” review so I posted after each match some thoughts over on our Facebook page. Just to get something up, I’ll expand on these points.

Very good opening match. No idea why it was on the pre-show other than time constraints.

We had no idea why this match got bumped to the pre-show but it’s pretty obvious that the segment after this bumped this match down a notch. The match itself was a lot of fun. The Usos weren’t going to lose considering how recently they won the tag titles. It was good to see Cesaro and Jack Swagger break up but it is a little weird that Cesaro is probably the “We the People” guy now despite the fact that Zeb Colter stuck with Swagger after the post match dust up.

I’m pretty sure my voice will be shot by the end of the night.

We all knew that Hulk Hogan was hosting Wrestlemania at the Silver Dome, brother. I had also seen reports that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was in town. I had no idea that “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was in town so I certainly pooped for him the most. It also helps that between the three, he’s my favorite. What a fun moment it was to see the three biggest stars of the WWF/E in the ring to kick off the big show. Having Hogan stumble over the name of the place is hilarious. R Truth was probably celebrating in the back since he is officially off the hook as the last boob to forget where he was.

Good match, won’t be surprised if people thought the pacing was slow. Good reversals.

We saw the stage hands setting up HHH’s entrance as the above segment was going on so we knew HHH vs Daniel Bryan was coming first. I did like HHH’s entrance set up. He has been know to over do it but the slave girls taking off the cape and him removing his helm had a cool look to it. I would be interested to know the last time that HHH wrestled this early on the card. Even though we couldn’t hear the announcers, it was obvious they were selling Bryan as still injured from his attack since he had a wrap on his left shoulder. I was surprised that Stephanie didn’t play a larger role in the match though she did act great at ring side. The match was paced well to me but as noted, I wouldn’t be surprised if people complained about it. A lot of mat wrestling and reversals so it wasn’t as high paced as most matches are now. HHH is not the new variety of athlete. After Daniel Bryan won, he was still popular.

Hands in the air who think the opening segment went long & caused the Shield match to be that short?

Considering that the New Age Outlaws haven’t been a hit in the ring since their return and Kane has barely wrestled since turning in to Corporate Kane, I’m not exactly arguing with the beat down they received from the Shield but I did want to see Ambrose (I’m enjoying his character more again), Reigns and Rollins in the ring more. Oh well, no big loss. It’s their yard for the future. Now will they break up soon like the Real Americans?

My voice is definitely shot after Cesaro winning the Battle Royal.

Battle Royals suck to start with but when they only announce Sheamus & Big Show, you have no idea who all is in the ring. Considering they had “mystery participants” we figured they’d be announced but they weren’t. When you’re seated in a solid but still far away location, they suck even more. It did provide for a “Holy Shit” moment when Cesaro picked up Big Show and made him the last elimination. I popped big time as I was hoping they wouldn’t do the Andre – Big Show comparison for the first win. Cesaro taking the pin in the first match was a small price to pay for the big win. My voice and Jeremy’s are both shot so an audio post Wrestlemania wasn’t happening.

Is that Sister Abigail? and Not a fan of the outcome even if that’s what I thought would happen.

These comments were obviously in regards to the John Cena vs Bray Wyatt match. It was a night for victories for the young guys but not in this match. Granted, there’s some obvious differences to me. Bray Wyatt hasn’t been around quite a year. John Cena has more mileage left than Big Show, Kane, NAO and HHH. Wyatt can bounce back and has plenty of time to do so. The story of this match also didn’t seem to fit the action in the ring either. The temptation of Jesus, I mean John Cena, didn’t seem to be in the story telling leading up to the match. This match needed more context and you don’t get that live.  I did dig Wyatt’s entrance or else I wouldn’t have talked about “Sister Abigail.”

To say that was unexpected is an understatement. 21-1.

Brock Lesnar provided the biggest shock of the night against the Undertaker. I still don’t fully understand why this decision was made. Lesnar didn’t need the credibility. Jeremy made a good point that no matter who broke the streak, they were going to be hated. The WWE has done their best to make the Beast hated but it has failed. Part of the problem may be the mostly split crowds no matter what the match up. We heard enough HHH chants during the opener, I was openly saying “Let’s go Cena and Cena sucks” and there were Brock fans. This is the best they could do to bring out hate for someone. I still believe that Taker okay-ed it so maybe there’s something in store for tonight. Maybe a retirement for the Undertaker. Brock now going after the WWE Title. Both are possibilities. Jeremy & I cheered when the ref counted three. I’m geeked that I saw history. 21-1.

This might be the first time I’ve said this, but I feel bad for the Divas.

As our good friend Shahid Abdul-Hadi said “first and last time” that I’ll say anything like that. The Divas have been stuck in this spot for a couple of years now. They know they’re the rest match between the two main events. To make matters worse, people were pissed or still in shock from the Undertaker’s loss. I thought it was a creative loss for Naomi who wasn’t going to have her big win for the Divas Title in a fourteen woman match. AJ Lee gets some heat for cheating which should help their feud unless the WWE feels the need to include all of the Total Divas in matches going forward.

 That was an expected ending. Let’s see how the #YesMovement continues.

Daniel Bryan, by far, got the biggest response of the night. Batista and Randy Orton were just window dressing but they provided plenty of good action. I was disappointed that HHH & Stephanie felt compelled to inject themselves into this match but it was a quick and painless dispatching by Bryan helped to minimize that damage. Their appearance does make sense from a story line perspective though. In a night without any NO DQ or similar stipulation matches, this one provided the “Holy Shit!” action moment of the night with the Batista Bomb into the RKO on the tables which Orton paid for when his back landed square on a monitor. The stretcher moment amped the drama but I wasn’t that big of a fan of it. Let him take an Edge Coffee Break (tm, not really) and have the two former members of Evolution duke it out in the ring. Even though Bryan did get the largest response, I feel like his momentum is starting to slow down a little bit which is inevitable for anyone. It’ll be interesting to see where they take him. Orton can complain about not being pinned. Lesnar wanted a title shot at Wrestlemania. Two choices from my perspective. I guess I’ll find out what it is when we head to Raw in about an hour. – Kevin

WrestleMania XXX Preview: Brock Lesnar vs. The Undertaker

the-undertaker-vs-brock-lesnar-at-wrestlemania-30-2128249Jeremy & Kevin recorded this one audio first but it comes at the midway mark. To start off the show, Kevin gets spoilers because he hadn’t watched Raw yet but Jeremy did. Did Raw emphasize what has been wrong with the build up of this match? Does anyone think that Undertaker is under threat from Lesnar despite his pedigree? Why hasn’t Undertaker shown much ass? Would John Cena or HHH have done so in a similar situation? Why was Lesnar afraid of the casket? Shouldn’t he have seen through the mind games? Has Paul Heyman been holding up his end of the bargain? Jeremy & Kevin move on to talk about why this match has received a small amount of TV time. Is it because this match is going to be of a poor quality? Is it because the WWE’s target audience of children haven’t grown up with the Undertaker? Is it because the Undertaker hasn’t been on TV the last several years so the children can’t really get behind him? Find out the answers to these questions from two guys who have seen Undertaker build his mystique.

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview Shows
WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Bray Wyatt vs John Cena
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

Shahid’s Blog: Cracked Glasses of Nostalgia – An Adult’s Walk Down ECW’s Memory Lane

ecw I remembered being depressed after moving from Philadelphia to Atlantic City during my high school years.  Separated from my family, friend and comfortable surroundings for a dump of a coastal city was a jarring experience.  WWF wasn’t helping either – Friar Ferguson and Beverly Bros/Money Inc main event matches would turn any smile upside down.  On a random Thursday evening, I stumbled upon a new wrestling promotion.  Gritty, small, loud and realistic, it instantly drew me in.  Regardless of the fact that I was watching a plodding match featuring Tully Blanchard, I was enchanted by the promos, violence and music of what was known as Eastern Championship Wrestling.  I can vividly recall talking to like minded individuals about how ECW was actually real, instead of that scripted crap of the WWF.  Seeing Sandman, a fat drunkard with a cigarette with Woman or Missy Hyatt on his arm just seemed authentic on some visceral level.  Hearing adult promos from Cactus Jack, Steve Austin and Shane Douglas made WCW and WWF seem quaint and childish.  State of the art matches from Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho,  Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit…..violent brawls from the Public Enemy, the Pitbulls, Terry Funk….Sabu vs Taz…Raven terrorizing Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman…..sexy females with scant clothing and even less decorum.  ECW was a teenager’s dream.  Hearing the Gangstas come out to Natural Born Killers to engage in a blood bath made a Bret Hart match seem boring as can be.  I can remember waking up at 1 am to watch an ECW episode consisting of a pissed off Steve Austin just spitting venom at Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes and WCW.  In a pre screw job, pipe bomb, real name era, it was as if someone had a peephole behind the magic rasslin curtain.  By the time they invaded Monday Night Raw to promote their first PPV, I was a full-fledged ECW acolyte.

Now, I’m sure there are many individuals in my age group that share similar joyous memories of ECW.  Even with One Night Stand and a brief resurgence led by Paul Heyman, it still felt hollow and empty, missing that rebellious fire of the 90s.  So when the WWE Network arrived, ECW was the first area delved into, due to an adolescent fondness. Even though it lacked the music and didn’t have the weekly shows, I was excited to see how well it held up.  So I watched a few ppvs and weekly shows and then watched a few more.  I tried jumping around during various time periods, hoping to shake this nagging sensation.  After a week of watching, I had to admit to myself that ECW, like many teenage passions, didn’t age well.

I won’t use revisionist history and proclaim ECW an overrated vanity project and minor league system.  It was enjoyable and revolutionary, and I will always cherish those teenage memories.  But watching it now is borderline painful.  Seeing the Sandman no longer brings feelings of awe and admiration. Now, I witness a slovenly bum who was a perfect example of smoke and mirrors.  Instead of rooting for the underdog story of Mikey Whipreck, I scoffed at the notion that he could ever beat Steve Austin in a match (side note – him pinning Austin killed any notion that ECW wasn’t predetermined).  I can understand the reasoning and logic behind pushing individuals like Tommy Dreamer and Justin Credible, instead of superior talent such as Chris Benoit and Rob Van Dam.  But as a fan today, I have little tolerance of watching Eddie Guerrero in the midcard, for fear of being snatched away by WCW and WWF.  For all of the wonderful long term angles pulled off by ECW, there were too many instances of inconsistent referees, match stipulations, and haphazard PPV’s.  If WWE tried to pull the ol “Let’s announce two matches, and we’ll work out the rest of the details later” style of booking, they would get crucified. I almost forget, they did try that…it was called December to Dismember, and it was universally panned.

The biggest issue with ECW is the same factor which added to its popularity – the extreme violence.  Seeing someone kick out from a power bomb through a flaming table with thumbtacks, only to get rolled up due to seeing the 34DD’s of Francine seems asinine today.  The constant one-upping of finishing moves led to many negative habits, not only by ECW, but by WCW and WWF. WCW was rightfully mocked for taking the piss out of ECW concepts, featuring hardcore matches with cotton candy used as a weapon.  But as an adult, I prefer that approach more so than WWF, which raised the bar to an extremely dangerous level i.e. Hell in a Cell with Undertaker-Mankind, and the myriad TLC matches.  Classic events, but considering the mark left on many of the individuals, something that is watched with trepidation.  But nothing makes me cringe more than the chair shots to the head.  When I first saw Tommy Dreamer plaster Raven square in his hipster face, I remember screaming like a girl at a Bobby Brown concert.  But after current knowledge of concussions and long term damage, I can’t help but cringe. I won’t even touch upon the menace known as New Jack (that’s a column for another day.)

As far as the adult content, what seemed risqué as a teenager comes off as misogynistic and trashy today.  Shane Douglas cussing every 3rd word makes him come off as an uncouth doofus. For every great promo from Raven or Cactus jack, there was some nonsense from the Pitbulls, or some foul mouthed diatribe from Rhino. And it wasn’t restricted to the wrestlers – hearing an arena full of angry men chanting crack whore or she has herpes doesn’t seem cool anymore.  I’m definitely not a prude, and I specifically remember the eye candy of ECW very fondly.  Between Beulah, Missy Hyatt, Woman, Francine and Dawn Marie, ECW definitely upped the sex appeal factor from the almost quaint days of Missy Hyatt and Sunny.  Today – well, seeing a skinny broad with some silicone enhancements taking a pile driver just seems unclean.  Any doubts to ECW being a mainstream entertainment vehicle vanished with my wife’s utter look of disgust after hearing a Dudley Boys promo.  My “it was a different era, baby”  didn’t hold much weight.

Regardless of my experience, I’m very grateful for the opportunity to traverse down memory lane with a more mature point of view.  ECW will always have a fond place in my heart, and I am grateful and cognizant of its effect on professional wrestling.  However, next time someone complains about Vince’s asinine booking and longs for the halcyon days of Paul Heyman, gently remind them that Steve Corino and Justin Credible were ECW World Champions, but Rob Van Dam and Stunning Steve Austin weren’t. And then tape their expressions for YouTube. -Shahid

Stunt Granny Audio Show #253

Fanning Yourself With MoneyJeremy & Kevin start the show off by talking about Charlotte’s mayor being picked up by the FBI on bribery charges. What exactly was he taking bribes for? And is his wife in deep trouble too? Will she have something to help sell her fellow prisoners? They finally get around to talking about wrestling by talking about the ratings on Impact Wrestling and Total Divas. Does it matter that TNA lost to the Divas even though they’re on different networks and days of the week? Why are people still checking out the ratings by the quarter hour? What does the swing in ratings mean about the hard core audience? One person who wasn’t a factor in the ratings this week on Raw was Daniel Bryan. Was it good that he was selling his beating so close to Wrestlemania? Is there an expectation to see wrestlers no matter how much of a beat down they have received? How could Daniel Bryan benefit from being off this week? Did HHH & Stephanie take advantage of his absence to heel it up? Jeremy & Kevin move along to talking the build up for Brock Lesnar versus Undertaker. Why does Undertaker always get the upper hand in their exchanges? Doesn’t that cement what everyone already thinks, that the Undertaker will win his 22 straight match? Why is the WWE concentrating on building up Undertaker when they need to build up Brock as good enough to break the streak? The Undertaker is definitely near the end of his career, but is Christian also with his most recent injury? How long has Christian been back from TNA? Has Christian had a Hall of Fame career? Who does the WWE have to replace him? Find out the answer to these questions and more when you click on the link below!

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

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From momandhops.ca which is an outstanding site name.

We’ve got two weeks until Wrestlemania so it’s time to start recording individual match previews and since we’re going to Wrestlemania, we’ve got to start the process this week. I wish they had more matches in concrete for us to go on because all of the matches scheduled will have some development in the mean time which will make us sound like a bunch of asses. Hold on, that happens all the time, doesn’t it? Let’s roll.

After the video package about Daniuel Bryan, HHH and Stephanie McMahon, she comes out. The music makes me laugh because it doesn’t fit her current persona. She’s nailing this promo. No reason for the CM Punk chant. She ends kind of weak propping up her man. Randy Orton shows up. I’m digging what he has going until Steph cuts him off. Orton wants HHH to walk away from the title match. Batista shows before she can answer. He got rid of the skinny jeans. Good choice. It was the one last thing that was irritating me about your character. His mic keeps going out. Oh my, Steph has to tell him to re-set the promo. Live television is a bitch sometimes. Batista calls out Orton for drooling on Steph. He gets Steph riled up enough to slap him. Batista starts laughing. She storms out. Batista ends up spearing Orton. He held up both the belts. Batista is so awesome right now.

Alberto Del Rio and Christian are in the ring. They will be battling for a chance at the IC Title. Interesting choice of them not to get an entrance since they should win to take on Big E, who is at ring side. Dolph Ziggler and Sheamus are the good guys. They paired off early but Ziggler and Sheamus get the first big in ring stretch. Sheamus tosses Christian against the barricade. Del Rio gets drop kicked out of the ring by Ziggler. Sheamus clothes lines Christian over the barricade to bring us to a break. Ziggler gets tossed in the air and crashes down. Sheamus gives Del Rio Rolling Hills on the outside. Christian cross body on Ziggler almost back fires. The crowds have been giving my boy some love recently. Never as sustained as others. Sheamus cleans up on Christian then Del Rio. Sheamus goes to the top rope but Ziggler catches him with a face buster. Del Rio kicks out after a Ziggler DDT. Power bomb by Christian on Ziggler. Del Rio kicks Christian to break the pin. Sheamus gets the Cloverleaf on Del Rio. Christian breaks it up. Del Rio intercepts Sheamus and locks in the cross arm breaker. Ziggler Zig Zags Sheamus & Del Rio at the same time. Christian comes in and gives the Killswitch to Ziggler for the win. Christian turns down the hand shake from Big E Langston. Bray Wyatt shows up on the Titantron. He wonders if John Cena has ever considered him and what makes him tick. Cena can’t harm someone who can’t feel. Harper warns Cena that they’re coming for him. I thought that was a weird spot to put him in. Nice long match with a clean finish that was sneaky. It seemed important enough not to have a main event promo.

Sin Cara leads in a Scooby Doo mascot. My lady wanted Scooby Doo to replicate Sin Cara’s entrance. Damien Sandow is his opponent. Sin Cara makes short work of him with a Senton. Yikes. We had a Kane video package. Pretty short segment.

Los Matadores are taking on Curtis Axel & Ryback. The Shield distracts Curtis Axel. One of them roll up Axel for the win. The Shield surrounds the ring. Reigns takes Axel out of the ring and beats him down. Ambrose & Rollins teamed against Ryback. Reigns spears Ryback. We then get a triple power bomb. Arnold Schwarzenegger is on this dog and pony show too. Nah, it’s not two weeks out to Wrestlemania. (Next Day Note: I could really combine these two segments to look like they mattered in between the match and HHH. Just 2 throw away segments.)

Mitchell Cool brings out HHH. We get the video package again. HHH thinks people are unclear at the current moment. The cat interrupts the column. They try to hash out their disagreements on the situation. HHH talks about all of the horrible things he’s done and he wonders why he doesn’t see that now. Well, maybe if you didn’t have a PG product, people could be more violent. Maybe he needs to change the direction of the product. Well, that is your job title so congrats on maybe doing your job. HHH knows that no one is going to stop him because he has the power to make it happen. I liked the finish. Another video package this time about Bray Wyatt and John Cena.

Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae. Cody Rhodes comes out with Goldust. Fandango suplexs Rhodes when I stop having a cat in front of me. Rhodes turns it around with a clothes line. Rhodes nails a missile drop kick. Goldust dances with Summer Rae which distracts Fandango. Rhodes gives Fandango the Disaster Kick for the win.

 

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

hanging-tents-for-rock-climbers-1I’m hoping to get some extra sleep tonight. I’m not feeling the best. Hopefully I’ll get the illness bug out of my system so I don’t have to worry about it at Wrestlemania. When checking for images related to sleeping, it caught my eye when I saw “Sleeping while rock climbing.” That’s where the image above comes from. That’d be fun to do once. I slept in a tree house for my honeymoon so this isn’t that far from the pail.

Hulk Hogan comes down and shills for the WWE Network. We get the first annual 30 Man Andre the Giant Battle for a trophy. Memphonites? John Cena saves us. He shills for Hogan and the match. Cena then joins it. The Wyatts are here. Maybe they’ll save the segment. I dig his promo. Calling himself a god is pretty ironic considering the pride talk. Cena comes back with the jokes about the same subject. Better than normal for his jokes. Cena challenges him to a match at Wrestlemania. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan step onto the apron. Commercial.

Cena is in a match with Rowan. Hogan is a Cena cheerleader. Rowan is using his size to his advantage. Cena wins with a roll up out of the blue. What a weak win. Harper & Rowan pretend like they’re going to go after Cena & Hogan but the Wyatts back away.

Stephanie & HHH come out to the stage. She is really doing well with the smug quality. They are being kind and not firing Daniel Bryan. They want an apology from him though. Short and sweet. The New Age Outlaws come out to do commentary. Very choppy start to the show.

Curtis Axel & Curtis Axel are in the ring. The Usos hit the ring. Then replays of last week. Road Dogg claims that the NAO were under the weather during their loss. U-SO! It’s kind of cool that they’re finisher is the flying tag and Samoan splash combo. Kane talks to the Shield. He wants to know if they’re disposable. Reigns & Rollins are going to take on Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Rollins gives Kane some guff about his losses. The chop continues.

Jack Swagger is taking on Big E Langston again. Zeb Colter & Cesaro are at ring side. Big E wants in on the Battle Royal at Wrestlemania. I’m glad that is over shadowing the match. Belly to Belly suplex gets my attention. Swagger takes out Big E’s knee. Swagger distracts the ref and asks for Cesaro‘s help which doesn’t help. Swagger had said at the start the match that “I’ve got this.” Big E rolls up Swagger for the win. Zeb Colter watches them bicker like school girls. Zeb blows his stack. Swagger & Cesaro shake but Cesaro puts in an extra squeeze.

The Undertaker allows me to catch up a little bit. Paul Heyman shows up before he can say anything. Heyman gives us a break down of winning streaks at Wrestlemania. He asks Taker not to wrestle Brock at Wrestlemania so that everyone can worship the streak and Taker longer. “The fear of the unknown is the greatest of all.” Sure Taker, sounds great in that voice. Rest In Peace. At some point tonight, I’ll have a long paragraph. (Next Day Note: It’s kind of funny how I can complain about the usual 15 minute segment then complain when they change it up. It would have helped if I would have cared about any of these segments. I like a lot of people in these segments but everything was too short.)

Seth Rollins starts against Cody Rhodes. Cody face plants Rollins. Goldust takes over. Downward Spiral by Rollins into the middle turn buckle. Roman Reigns gets his start in the match. Goldust showing off the twisting cross body block. Cody does him one better by doing a spring board cross body. Commercial. Lawler tried to put over a power Samoan Drop by Reigns. I’m not buying it. Samoan Leap drop kick. Reigns starts playing with Goldust. Power slam by Goldust doesn’t quite get the hot tag. Rollins is in to fight a hot tagged Cody. Moonsault gets a two count. Cody with a Muscle Buster.  He stole that from Samoa Joe! (Next Day Note: I can’t believe this isn’t a Twitter beef yet.) Goldust gets speared. Rollins reverses out of the Cross Rhodes. Rollins finishes him off with the buckle bomb & Curb Stomp combo. A good match breaks up the chop even with a commercial.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

AJ LeeCM Punk’s music greets us but Paul Heyman answers the music. After sitting down Indian style, he gives much hype to Punk. Heyman’s pipe bomb is that Punk is not there tonight. Heyman blames everyone in the audience for Punk not being there. Heyman also blames the Undertaker for starting the downward spiral. Nice. And he turns it into the Brock Lesnar introduction. Heyman is smooth. We get a recap of last week. Lesnar thinks Undertaker is scared of him. Short and sweet out of him. Too bad his voice cracked. Mark Henry is still pissed at Lesnar. It doesn’t do him much good. Lesnar cracks him with the stairs. No one has monitors for the rest of the show. F-5 through the announcer’s table. Henry needs to put up more of a fight.

The New Age Outlaws come out. Road Dogg doesn’t think Chicago is worth their catch phrases. Hey, you’re acting like heels! Congratulations on filling your role. The Usos are taking them on again. Jey starts against Road Dogg. “There’s so many tag teams in the WWE.” Except that the Prime Time Players broke up and the Real Americans are going to sooner rather than later. Jey is taking the beating from the Outlaws. Jimmy gets the hot tag against Gunn. Road Dogg gets the running ass while Gunn gets the flying ass (Whisper in the Wind) A tilt a whirl slam only gets two for Gunn. Flying Uso tag. Super kick followed by the top rope splash for the victory. The Usos get the tag titles two weeks too late. Congrats to those guys for working their asses off.

Big E Langston is taking on Cesaro again. Cesaro showing off the strength early. Belly to belly by Big E. Cesaro dodges Langston. Big Swing. Swagger comes in and Swagger bombs Langston for the disqualification. Big Ending. That’s heelish.

The Wyatts vs the Shield starts pretty early. Seth Rollins starts off against Luke Harper. Rollins does back to back flips. Wow. Ambrose attacks Wyatt which pushes Rollins off the top rope. Harper takes control at the break. Ambrose goes loose cannon. Reigns tries to catch him. Rollins can’t make the tag with them gone. Rollins finally gets out and tags in Ambrose. He locks in a figure four on Erick Rowan. Harper double stomps Ambrose to break it up. Bray tosses down Ambrose. Harper continues the beat down on Ambrose. Dean is impervious to the knuckle head move. Sidewalk slam by Rowan only gets a two. Ambrose sling shot clothes lines Harper. Wyatt attacks Reigns. Ambrose DDTs Wyatt. Rollins leaves after the attempted tag. Reigns goes bananas on the Wyatts. Reigns drop kicks Harper in the face. Reigns tackles Rowan over the new announce desk. Harper suicide dives onto Reigns who tumbles over the table. Sister Abigail’s Kiss on Ambrose. We need answers about Rollins! Renee Young introduces Batista. The Yes Movement is the dumbest thing ever. We’re going to have to deal with Dave being better.

Santino Marella & Emma are taking on Fandango & Summer Rae. Oh, they’re tagging each other. It’s so funny. Fandango finally mans up and drops Santino from behind. Fandango rolls through on the top rope leg drop. Santino cracks Fandango. The ladies come in. Emm busts out the tarantula. Emma Lock for the tap out win.

Sheamus is taking on Christian, who needs some type of win here even if it’s a cheating variety. I get a weird commercial break at the start of the match. Did everyone have a problem with their feed? Skinny Frog by Christian gets a two count. White Noise only gets a two count. This match really jumped up a notch during the break. Leverage kick. Christian goes for Sheamus who Brogue Kicks him from the apron. Sheamus wins. Not that Christian is going to be a big player but that kills him in the main event. I used to love Scooby Doo. I’m going to have some Scooby snacks to feel better.

Christian attacks Sheamus backstage. He nails him with a light in the stomach. Interesting. The Bellas are taking on Aksana & Alicia Fox. Aksana takes some offense. Fox takes over on a downed Brie. She takes a rough looking flat back while being tossed like a pinyata. Nikki gets the hot tag. Face breaker gets her in Nikki Mode. Aksana breaks up a pin. Missile drop kick by Brie on Aksana. Nikki gives Fox the Shock Treatment for the win. No one really cares.

Daniel Bryan isn’t going to leave the ring until he gets an answer from HHH. Steph & him do the weird lovely dovey thing while going heel. Steph pipes up. Bryan builds his case to wrestle HHH. Trips wants to make it the “Excuse Era”. If they failed here, they weren’t good enough. A B+ player won’t get HHH to lace up his boots. The crowd can see thru the Authority’s lies. Steph talks down to him and the crowd. Smarm is so good on her.  They made him. Ha. Bryan asks for a match against Steph. HHH tells Bryan it was cheap bait. He’s got to beat Batista tonight after this display, correct? Or be screwed out of a victory by Kane, HHH or both. Bryan takes out Kane. He then slowly leaves ring side.

It has just dawned on me that Raw has not fully taped. I hope the show comes on the WWE Network nowish. Dolph Ziggler comes out with the Need For Speed dude. He is taking on Alberto Del Rio. Tilt a Whirl back breaker by Del Rio. Ziggler spikes Del Rio with a DDT. Del Rio gets distracted by the actor. Zig Zag for the win.

Paul Bearer gets a spot in the Hall of Fame. Nice addition even if it’s a tad late. Big E Langston takes on Jack Swagger. Double duty for Langston. Cesaro gives Langston the Neutralizer for the DQ win. Swagger pushes Cesaro. Zeb Colter talks down Cesaro from giving Swagger the Big Swing. Cesaro pulls up Swagger. Colter wants them to hug it out. They do it but don’t look like they enjoy it.  “We The People” as they stare at each other. Zeb can solve world problems, except it’s clear as day that he solved nothing.

My DVR cut the show when John Cena was speaking. The WWE Network only has Raw from January 19th. Fudge. – Kevin

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