Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

From wikihow.com for cheating on a math test.

From wikihow.com for cheating on a math test.

I was surprised at how many people thought it was surprising that John Cena won. Though the WWE has done a good job of building up Daniel Bryan, they haven’t really built up any of the other new Superstars to the level that they could win the WWE Title. Another era of John Cena begin. Let’s roll.

HHH & Steph come out and look happy. Steph babbles about Seth Rollins and his big win. HHH tells us that John Cena was always an A+ player. He then introduces Cena. Let’s hope he doesn’t shake hands with them. They didn’t. Congrats. Steph gives him the big roll out for WWE 2K15 with Cena looking quizzical. Cena calls them out on their looks from last night. HHH plays white rapper which I find funny for some reason. HHH then throws down the veiled threat. HHH gives him the hard way at Battleground. It’s a Fatal 4 Way match. Randy Orton & Kane will be taking on Cena & Roman Reigns. HHH tells Cena that there’s always a Plan B if he survives the Fatal 4 Way. Seth Rollins comes out while Stephanie looks like a troll.

RVD is taking on Seth Rollins. RVD gets to continue his job tour for the WWE. (Next Day Note: I make RVD sound like an idiot for coming back for the same reasons Chris Jericho did later. Smart idea by RVD to be a stepping stone too.) RVD gets the upper hand with an enziguri after the early exchanges. RVD shoulder blocks him in the back. RVD continues to work the back over. Rollins regroups outside and catches RVD unaware. Break. Rollins counters into a single leg crab. Still think that move is stupid. RVD kicks Rollins in the jaw. Rolling Thunder on the back. Most psychology by RVD in a while. Split legged moonsault continues the work on the back. Rollins gets thrown into the turn buckles with a head scissors take over. RVD nails Rollins with a cross body to the floor. Rollins Dragon Screw leg whips RVD while he’s in the ropes. Curb Stomp for the victory. Rollins wants to be called the right thing. He’s Mr. MITB. I wasn’t wrong Seth. I picked you to win. Sometimes in wrestling there are hijinks. Dean Ambrose interrupts him. Dean tells him Kane was Plan B because Rollins’s Plan A didn’t work. Ambrose tells him he’ll be there any time he tries to cash in the briefcase. Smart move on his part.

Rusev comes out with Lana. Please let there be no promo. Crap, in ring promo. America is used to failure. No one can stop Rusev. Jack Swagger‘s music hits. Awesome! They should come down according to their own words. Zeb Colter is defending our country. He gives us a free speech brush up. They are taking advantage of our freedoms. I’m guessing Swagger loses but a win here would be welcome. We The People! Working better with the crowd already than Big E did. A pair of arm drags to make Rusev run? Really. I’m glad they’re not rushing it either. Let this happen at your all too soon next PPV. (Next Day Note: The WWE tries to work in shades of gray more these days but they still usually book a baby face vs a heel. This angle though is a perfect shade of gray. Plus I feel like heels should hate each other more than baby faces. The later could do more of a UFC respect thing.)

Winning from captiveinternational.com

Winning from captiveinternational.com

Sheamus is in the ring and awaiting the introduction of the Usos. They are taking on the Wyatt Family. People enjoy the entrance but it’s catch up time for me. Jey starts against Erick Rowan. Jimmy comes in for double team action. Break because of the entrance.  Jimmy & Rowan are in the match still. Bray Wyatt splashes Jimmy in the corner with some help. Luke Harper comes in quickly. Jimmy hits Whisper In The Wind. Sheamus battles Rowan. Sheamus does Ten Beats. Sheamus double shoulder blocks Harper & Rowan on the outside from the top rope. Wyatt distracts Sheamus. Rowan knocks him out of the ring. Harper gives Sheamus a big boot in the mush. Poor Mitchell Cool trying to sell that dumb Sgt. Slaughter move still. Sheamus kicks Wyatt who fires back with an uppercut. Super kick by Harper. Sheamus with a back breaker. Jey starts to clean house. Flying Uso who cleared by a lot today. Super kick by Jey leads to a two. Exchange of finishers. Jey gets hit by the Harper clothes line for the win. Much needed win for the threesome after all losing last night. Who is this announcer? Tom is his name. Nikki didn’t think she made a mistake last night. She gets to take on the Funkadactyls by herself next. Did Steph happen to be extremely close or that they knew when Nikki would be interviewed? If it’s the later, how since matches aren’t determined?

Bo Dallas has a moment of silence for Daniel Bryan and Bad News Barrett. The crowd stays a little too quiet. Jerry Lawler makes a lot of Bo jokes. Don’t stop Bo-lieving. Nikki is miraculously ready to go including hat cutely crooked. Big threat there Steph. Cameron & Naomi come out. Why would anyone think this is a problem since the Funkadactyls have had their own problems? Cameron starts out. Face buster by Nikki. Naomi tags herself in. Nikki tries to jump her but gets kicked in the head. Naomi with the Final Cut for the win. Cameron steps to Naomi after the match. Charles Robinson knows how to chill bitches out like Ringo.

Wade Barrett has a separated shoulder. The IC Title is vacant. It will be determined by battle royal at Battleground. Yuck. We have seen entirely too many battle royals lately. Paul Heyman introduces Cesaro as the next IC Champion. I could handle that. His opponent is Kofi Kingston who gets an inset promo. We’re supposed to believe he has a chance at the title. Cross body by Kofi early. He monkey flips Cesaro thru the ropes. Flip dive to the outside by Kofi. The announcers have been pushing the Network harder than normal in my opinion. I like Cesaro’s gear. I might have missed it last night. Cesaro does away with the Swing. Kofi head scissors into a victory roll. Uppercut to the back by Cesaro leads to a break. Kingston beat Cesaro during the break. (Next Day Note: This would have been a perfect spot last night to confirm my suspicion that they were pimping the Network more than normal. Having a match finish during the break is a perfect way to do it.) Cesaro starts Kofi around ring side. This could work better than a victory. Cesaro drags Kofi by the hair. Cesaro repeatedly slams Kofi into the ring post chest first. Cesaro turns him inside out with a clothes line. Nice old school beat down. Not good to hear that Michael Cole is down. Santino is talking to Cobra when Adam Rose comes in to pimp Twisted Tea. Cole dusts himself off and says he can continue.

Damien Sandow comes out as Vince McMahon. He starts using McMahon’s catch phrases. Ending with “You’re fired!” Stephanie is pissed. The Great Khali is his opponent. Chop to the head for the win. Quick & painless. Evidently there were rumors about someone all day. I had no idea.

The Miz is back and dressed all in white. He just finished Marine 4. I’m sure it’s great. They should be playing this up if they want him to mean something. It’ll freshen up his character. Similar to what his gimmick was. Chris Jericho interrupts his speech. I have enjoyed his podcast most of the wrestlers so far. Even if they sound more poorly recorded than ours. The Miz isn’t phased. Jericho gives him the Code Breaker. Before it becomes Raw Is Jericho, the Wyatts hit the ring. Jericho loves doing jobs to get people over. God bless him. He gets it. A beat down occurred ending with Sister Abigail. Did I even need to type that?

Fandango is taking on Dolph Ziggler who will be on Main Event against Cesaro too. I hope Chris gets that watched tomorrow. Fandango stomps away but starts gyrating. Ziggler doesn’t take advantage. Layla kisses Fandango. It has been a lively crowd tonight. Summer Rae walks into the middle of the ring and kisses Ziggler. Fandango is a little pissed. Ziggler kisses Summer. Zig Zag while Fandango is distracted. JBL “I think Ziggler got a win win tonight.” Amen.

Will Dolph Ziggler get a new valet? from fanpop.com

Will Dolph Ziggler get a new valet? from fanpop.com

Stardust & Goldust are taking on Rybaxel again. WWE, we need two more tag teams. I’m just saying, it’d help. Put Titus O’Neil back in one. I can’t remember if Darren Young got cut. Goldust starts against Curtis Axel. Ryback comes in on a sneak tag. Ryback uses power to domionate Goldust. Spine buster on an attempted Meat Hook. Stardust & Axel come in. Tucked DDT by Stardust. He hits a Reverse Downward Spiral for the win. JBL is selling the crazy angle.

Paige is in the ring and gets a mic. She is a woman of few words. She talks about her nay sayers. Last night put that story line to sleep. AJ Lee comes back. It’s been quite a night. She admits that Paige was right. Lee still manages to toot her own horn. She needed a slap of reality. Paige isn’t as dumb as AJ thinks. For some reason, Paige leaves it up to the crowd to determine the match although Lee brings it home. Mike Chioda magically appears. Paige boots Lee in the face. Paige head butts her. Clothesline by Paige. Small package and AJ wins. Interesting turn of events. No reason she shouldn’t have kicked out of that. Why the announcers are happy for AJ is a mystery to me.

Main event introductions are always optional. Should be caught up at the very end. John Cena starts against Randy Orton. After some jockeying, Roman Reigns is tagged in. Orton tags in Kane. Orton is in control after the break. Reigns turns it around with a jumping clothes line. Kane blocks the apron drop kick. Orton catches Reigns by surprise. They continue to work over Reigns. Orton extinguishes a tag attempt. Reigns boots Kane. They trade upper cuts. Samoan Drop by Reigns. Cena is in against Orton.  Shoulder blocks. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Kane gets in. Five Knuckle Shuffle. RKO. Reigns tosses Orton out. Superman punch on Kane. Reigns & Orton fight to the back. Cena gets tossed into the steps. Is that part of the Five Moves of Doom? Kane hits Cena with the stairs for the DQ. Tombstone to make us think Kane has a chance in the Fatal 4 Way. I still don’t believe. Charles Robinson calls for the doctors. Seth Rollins music hits. Did everyone forget about Ambrose? (Next Day Note: I’m still confused how Rollins, HHH and Randy Orton can all forget about Ambrose.) Dean fights Rollins through the crowd. The ref correctly pointing in that Cena was hurt. Reigns comes back to spear Kane. Reigns stares down HHH. Good Summerslam match. The stare down stops my DVR. I didn’t feel like going to USA. – Kevin

Main Event From Someone Who Actually Watches It

Deja Vu

We kick off with a Seth Rollins promo. Seth is back in an all black suit this week which is definitely the right look for him. He is here to announce that there will in fact be a Money in the Bank contract Ladder Match this year and that he is the first entrant. Dean Ambrose arrives to attack Rollins. Kane attempts to make the save for Rollins but is knocked off the apron by Ambrose who then throws Rollins onto Kane on the outside. Ambrose make his way up the ramp before being victim of a 2-on-one assault.

Rusev vs. Santino Marella

Superkick. Accolade. Tap out. Squash

Wyatt Family promo. They say that Sheamus and the Usos will fall tonight and at MITB they will watch everyone burn. Metaphorically I assume, not literally.

Naomi vs. Paige

Long feeling out process to start as the two ladies exchange moves and counters. And by exchanging moves and counters I mean one would do something and then the other would respond with their own version of the same move. It got very repetitive after a while. The math picks up when Naomi applies a really cool looking Surfboard on Paige. Out of that, the two ladies then knock heads and both are down. Paige gets up first and attempts an offensive flurry but Naomi cuts her off and heads to the top rope with a beautifully executed cross body. Paige rolls through that for a near fall on Naomi. Paige attempts the Paige Turner but is shoved into the ropes by Naomi who nails Paige coming off with the Rear View for the win in this non-title match.

Paige tries to congratulate Naomi but Cameron attacks Paige who fights back and sends Cameron packing as Naomi just watches. Paige and Naomi finally shake hands and Naomi leaves with a beaten and confused Cameron.

Raw recap of John Cena qualifying for MITB.

Renee Young interviews Sheamus and the Usos about tonight’s match and MITB.

The Wyatt Family vs. Sheamus and the Usos

A really good back-and-forth match here as it is impossible for a WWE Six-Man-Tag to suck. Hot finishing sequence as Sheamus cleans house and tags in Jimmy Uso who hits Luke Harper with a superkick but does not realize that Harper made a blind tag to Bray Wyatt. He catches Jimmy running off the ropes with Sister Abigail for the win. Really good match!

Final Thoughts:

Good show this week with an important announcement, a hot angle, advancement in the Divas division, and a Good main event. That is all you can ask for from Main Event. – Chris

3MB is now a One Man Band, Baby!

Heath Slater

I’m sure localbozo.com doesn’t care if I use his screen grab.

I suppose this is what you get when you cannot handle the Shield for the boss? WWE has released two more competitors (see, keeping with WWE protocol) as Jinder Mahal and Drew McIntyre received the bad news today.  So just like that the fourth strongest faction in WWE has been destroyed.

WWE sure seems bent on breaking up their factions outside of The Wyatt Family so far. Seth Rollins turned on The Shield. Evolution saw the departure of Dave Batista. Now, they couldn’t break them up so they had to fire two-thirds of the Three Man Band.

Out of the three members, (Hornswoggle doesn’t count as he is a mascot) Jinder Mahal was the blank slate. He never caught on. His only shining moment came on Total Divas when Eva Marie mispronounced his name. Maybe that should have been the first hint that you needed to do some extra work to be a household name for WWE fans?

Drew McIntyre is a weird case of being elevated much too soon and then falling off. He may have sabotaged his chances by fighting with his wife, Taryn Terrell, a few years back. Taryn was arrested after the “domestic incident” but the damage was done. His push ended and he disappeared. If you can’t keep your woman in line you aren’t going anywhere in WWE. You cannot place the WWE in a bad position or you suffer the consequences. Even divorcing  the woman will not matter. His career in WWE never recovered but he certainly made the best of his spot in 3MB. He stood out while Jinder faded away.  Let’s be frank here, no one is going to overshadow heath Slater.

So all the best to the both of these men.  Seriously, good luck out there. -Jeremy

Review of #WWE Main Event From Someone Who Actually Watches It

vanilla-ice1

I wonder if Damien Sandow is a good contractor too. From hiphopwired.com

We here at Stunt Granny are looking to expand our coverage of sports, entertainment and sports entertainment. Our good buddy Chris Calamita has come on board to do a couple of reviews for us. He’s going to suffer through Main Event and then enjoy NXT. Here’s his first crack at the show that is still better than ROH or TNA. – Kevin

Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton welcome us to this week’s edition and throw to the opening contest…

Cody Rhodes w/ Goldust vs. Curtis Axel w/ Ryback

During the entrances, we see clips of The Brothers Rhodes being destroyed by Evolution last night on Raw and then follow with a wwe.com exclusive of Rybaxel confronting a defeated Rhodes family. Axel made a reference to Barry Horowitz and Ryback gave them a Dr. Scratch N. Sniff inspired raspberry before shoving down Goldy as Cody does nothing. The match begins with a tribute to Mr. Perfect as Axel does his leapfrog followed by a sweet high dropkick from Cody. Cody then kicks Axel’s leg out from under his leg and Axel takes his father’s patented bump off of it. The match then slows down with Axel in control (shocking I know) and not even a chop exchange gets a reaction from the Atlanta crowd. I mean I know this isn’t a Japanese crowd or even an ROH crowd but they didn’t even “Whoo!”. Cody makes his comeback with other people’s moves again namely Goldust’s uppercut and Bob Holly’s draping groin kick. Cody finally hits something from his own repertoire, that being his moonsault, for a nearfall. Ryback then gets on the apron which brings over Goldust to assist but Ryback quickly disposes of him and climbs back on the apron where he is greeted with a Disaster Kick. This all distracts Rhodes long enough for Axel to clip him from behind, cradle him, hook the tights, and get the win in an average match.The brothers are despondent afterward but show no overt signs of dissension.

Recap of last night’s Cena/Wyatts/Lawler angle which ended with the Usos making the save setting up tonight’s Main Event on Main Event.

R-Truth vs. Damien Sandow

I hope you all appreciate the sacrifices I’m making by watching this show so you don’t have to. And… And…

Here comes D-Sizzle, dressed in a red/white track suit, a gold chain with a roll of duct tape around it, shades, a backwards baseball cap, and a gold grill. He’s here to treat us to a rap…

Yo Everybody know Hotlanta is the hip hop capital of the world

That being said I’m about to break y’all off something proper

You know I roll with the sinners but I’m praised like a saint

And when that bell rings I go hard in the paint

When fools start to step I start tossin

My teeth are clean but I still be flossin (holds up duct tape)

Truth interrupts saying “You rappin, ain’t nobody got time for that”. You’d think D-Sizzle would be totally flustered after such a witty retort but he continues

I’m holding it together like tape

Do you have a problem with that cuz in

I’m about to run up and get done up

Thuggish living til the end

Tell a friend

*mic drop*

And I take back my opening line. I love this show. The performance of D-Sizzle is a must watch. Unfortunately the match had to start. Thankfully its short as Truth escapes the You’re Welcome and hits whatever it is Truth calls his jumping Downward Spiral for the win.

Recap of the Bryan/Stephanie angle on Raw

Brie Bella vs. Natalya

Usual Divas match between these two as literally nothing of note happens early. Anyway the match goes on until Brie catches Natalya in a half crab which is reversed into the Sharpshooter by Natalya which gets her the tap out win. Brie then breaks down and cries into her sister Nikki’s ample bosom. Lucky girl.

Renee Young then interviews the Usos who call John Cena “Big Us (ooss)” and say that being real family gives them the advantage.

Music video recap of the Shield/Evolution angle from Raw.

The Wyatt Family cuts a promo that begins with a longer than usual speaking part for Luke Harper. Harper says Bray created for them a stronger bond than family. Bray then called the Usos pawns in John Cena’s game who are guilty by association “and together they will burn”. Rowan finishes with “Run”.

Main Event – World Tag Team Champions The Usos vs Luke Harper and Eric Rowan (non-title)

Rowan starts off still wearing the sheep mask but it is quickly slapped off by Jey. A quick tag out on both sides bring Harper in with Jimmy. Harper hits an impressive dropkick as we go to commercial. We come back from commercial with Rowan in the ring and Jimmy about to make a tag to Jey. Jey comes in and run mild until a fall away slam send him rolling to the outside. Harper goes after Jey whipping him into the ring apron and whiffing on a running elbow that Jey still has to sell. Harper throws Jey back into the ring and tags Rowan back in. Jey attempts a comeback with an enziguri to Rowan but Harper is tagged in and stops the attempted tag on the other side. He hits Jey with the big boot for a 2 count and then does his gator roll into two suplexes which is certainly creative. Harper hits a Michinoku Driver for a near fall that is broken up by Jimmy. Harper goes for the charge into the corner but gets a boot in his face and a 2nd  rope dropkick which helps turn the tide. Jimmy finally gets the hot tag and runs wild with a Samoan Drop and a Superkick. Rowan breaks up a pin attempt which bring Jey back in for a donnybrook. The Wyatt Family members end up outside where The Usos hit them with Running Planchas. Jimmy Uso then throws Harper back in and climbs to the top turnbuckle. Rowan, however, manages to toss Jey Uso into the ropes on the outside causing Jimmy to momentarily lose his balance. Jimmy is still able to make the jump but he ends up jumping over Harper who has fully recovered and manages to hit Jimmy with the spinning lariat for the 1-2-3 to finish what was certainly a good match. I assume this means that the 3rd match in 9 days between these 2 teams will take place at Payback with the titles on the line.The Wyatts aren’t finished yet with the Usos as they jump them after the bell. I lose track of which Uso is which at this point but I know Rowan ran one back first into the post while Harper threw the other out of the ring where he landed at the feet of Bray Wyatt. Bray then gave him Sister Abigail on the floor and then went back to his rocking chair and laughed maniacally as Harper counted to 10 as the show came to a close.

Final Thoughts:

Its Main Event so nothing Earth shattering ever happens but the antics of D-Sizzle and a good main event make this episode a thumbs up. Recommended if you have 45 minutes to kill this week. – Chris

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

destructoid.com

destructoid.com

I’ve thought about a couple of introductions and scrapped both of them. One will become a column. The other will remain on the scrap heap. So, let’s roll.

Bray Wyatt greets us during the Raw introduction with another rendition with “I’ve Got The Whole World..” I do dig his choice of Hawaiian shirts. After singing with him, the crowd starts “What?”ing him. Have they finally found John Cena’s equal in being able to split a crowd? Then after talking about his teacher lady more, they start singing again. Wyatt is evil. Necessary at that. He calls Cena a phony. Now a “Cena sucks” chant. Hold on, are they in Chicago again? I have a good picture set up for Stunt Granny. John Cena pulls some misdirection music and attacks Wyatt who was by himself after Luke Harper & Erick Rowan ran for the ramp. He AAs Wyatt and leaves the ring before they can attack. I’d love to know why they keep replaying Steph & Brie. It’s terrible acting.

Paul Heyman ends up insulting the crowd then patting himself on the back when defining what the crowd & stars roles are. Awesome. Oh, they’re in England. If there are spoilers out, I didn’t read them. He announcers a match between Cesaro and Sheamus for the US Title later in the night which ends up being right now. I wish this match had more build up. Does it make sense that they could be building up the US Title too quickly? Whatever, I’ll take this match. I have enjoyed their past slugfests. The match picks up after the break. Sheamus gets in the Irish Curse Back Breaker & Rolling Hills. He can only get two. Cesaro turns it around by tossing Sheamus into the corner face first. Sheamus gets caught with an uppercut as he jumped off the top. Sheamus power slams Cesaro. Heyman distracts Sheamus. Cesaro takes advantage and wins with a German Suplex. Nice. I like Heyman playing more of a role in Cesaro’s matches. Lesnar & CM Punk were well established and he enhanced them. Cesaro dodges the hand shake. Nice. I’m not sure Sheamus goes into Evolution if he’s going to feud with Cesaro.

Big E Langston is taking on Ryback in the first of a series of Beat The Clock Challenge for a shot at Bad News Barrett for the Intercontinental Title. I hate these challenges because the matches are inevitably short. Ryback is distracted by the clock. It’d be much better just to attack the person. You’re wasting time by looking at the clock especially in the first match. You’re setting the standard. It matters when the clock counts down after wards. Big E takes the Meat Hook Clothesline but kicks out three consecutive time. Big E gets tossed too far but pops up quickly. Big Ending at 5:02. Great, matches shorter than 5:02. My favorite kind. It reminds me of the Daniel Bryan interview with Chris Jericho. They both said that no matter how hard they worked, they were never satisfied with a three minute match. It wasn’t enough time to make it quality.

Why isn't this one on Total Divas?

Why isn’t this one on Total Divas? from 2009abc.deviantart.com

R Truth has the Funkadactyls. The English love Fandango and Layla El. Before the match starts, Summer Rae comes to the ring. She kisses Fandango and attacks Layla. So is that Summer’s music? Is she a baby face now? Truth, Cameron & Naomi become window dressing.

Stephanie comes out to Daniel Bryan’s music. Ha. She is at her mocking best. Stephanie is ready to say “Bad News” when they introduce Wade Barrett. Oh no, she just uses a video prop. She’s only contemplating stripping Bryan of the title. She then gives ideas for who should be champion. The crowd plays along with her games. She then demands he be at Raw next week. Where I expect him to say he can defend the title at the PPV.

The Union Jacks comes out. Nice of them to remember this gimmick. Heath Slater gets mic time for the first time in a long time. Lana comes out hoping not to laugh at herself again. Alexander Rusev shows up. He takes out Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre then Jinder Mahal. It appears as if Slater will have a match with him. The whole “Crush” thing is stupid. The Accolade. Great a short match even when there’s no clock to worry about. The Shield is in the back in some odd room as usual. Dean Ambrose thinks Evolution is scared of them and he doesn’t want that. He wants their best shot. Roman Reigns tells them they’re going to keep coming at Evolution. Seth Rollins admits to a mistake in his last match with Batista. He’s going to correct that mistake. Believe In The Shield.

RVD takes on Alberto Del Rio, who gets a terrible in set promo. He’s some smug crazy person now. JBL only plays up the angle more. Congrats, ADR, you have a gimmick again. RVD takes a Back Cracker with 2:30 to go. Del Rio wastes time and gets clocked. RVD misses the Frog Splash. 1:30 left. Del Rio rests entirely too much time. Van Dam rolls him up for the win with 47 seconds left. Great, matches shorter than 4:15. The announcers have to act excited about this development.

Renee Young interviews John Cena. He’s bringing the Usos with him again. I can handle this rub especially if we get an Usos vs Harper & Rowan match at Payback in two weeks. They do some silly heart pounding thing. HHH talks their group up. Randy Orton tries to continue it. Batista is going to do it all by himself. Let this not be a short match in this sea of short matches.

Seth Rollins comes to the ring. HHH makes himself an announcer and Randy Orton as the time keeper. He then introduces Batista. Mitchell Cool correctly questions JBL’s opinion. Rollins has a microphone for some reason. Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns come down as guest commentators. This just became stupid. Ambrose informs us that Brad Maddox made them official commentators. Why did Ambrose take us to break? Why am I laughing about it? Rollins barely touches the steps he’s supposed to crash into. He’s no John Cena who shoulder blocks those things into the ring barrier. Batista starts the ground and pound on Rollins back in the ring. I know why I laughed earlier now, because Ambrose is killing me. “Reigns’ momma hit him harder than that” about the nine stitches. Rollins fights off the superplex. Rollins nails a Block Buster. Rollins runs into a boot. Rollins drop kicks Batista thru the ropes. Suicide Dive by Rollins. “He didn’t do anything” after Orton at least attempted to grab Rollins leg. Order is restored. Rollins nails a spring board knee for a two count. The Game pushes Rollins off the top rope. Orton and Ambrose join the fun. HHH clocks Rollins which gets the DQ. Batista is the brunt of another spear. HHH distracts the Shield, Batista slips out. Why is Evolution the underdog after losing again? They need to out smart the Shield and soon to seem credible.

James Van Der Beek from TheAtlantic.com

James Van Der Beek from TheAtlantic.com

Alicia Fox is in the ring. Paige is her opponent. The crowd politely applauds. I go to get a beer, Sun King Brewing Fistful of Hops, which I picked up on an unexpected trip thru Indianapolis. My trip should really make it to air or print. Complete ridiculousness. Paige gets to learn about WWE policy mandating that you job in your home town. Alicia Fox wins. Luke Harper compares John Cena to a mouse. Bray Wyatt thinks Cena & the Usos are like dominoes in a mine. They all fall down.

Mark Henry is taking on Dolph Ziggler, who wants to show off quickly. Henry comes into the inset promo and laughs at him. If my boy wins this match under the time limit, I’d feel really bad for Mark Henry. That’s another thing about these beat the clock matches, the formula is predictable. It is usually longest match, shorter match, time limit match (this one) and winner of the challenge. Ziggler is recovering with 1:30 to go. A second drop kick takes way too much of a toll on Ziggler. Henry catches Ziggler and power slams him. Henry wastes time. Zig Zag but time runs out. Thanks for sticking to the formula and not making me look like an ass. It’s only three matches? Bad News Barrett lays out a celebrating RVD. The crowd is much more behind Barrett. He informs us that England sets the time for the entire world. I guess I’ll have to look up Bloody Yak like everyone else that isn’t English. (Next Day Note: It usually has penis attached to it according to the Urban Dictionary. I didn’t get amusement out of finding the answer.)

Adam Rose comes out with more action than Paige, less than Barrett. Renee Young interviews him. Sort of. She asks to know what a “Rose Bud” is. We’re not to be lemons. JBL cracks me up with Bunny hate. Rose just wants Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger to have some fun. The crowd cheers for them too. The Bigg Hoss still cracks me up. Colter tries to insult them but they keep up being Rose Buds. Zeb challenges Rose. Swagger sucker punches him. Swagger goes after someone in the Exotic Express. Adam Rose gets the jump on him. Colter & Swagger beat a hasty retreat.

I blow through the ring entrances for John Cena & Luke Harper. Just short of catching up. They cut to commercial early which I agree with. I can skip first gear. Cena takes too much time on the Shuffle. Harper misses a Mafia Kick then a clothes line. Cena gets in the Five Knuckle.  Harper gives him a tilt a whirl face plant. This back and forth is too quick for my liking. Harper takes over and finishes it off with a suicide dive. Harper nails a super kick but Cena kicks out at two. Neck breaker by Harper only gets another two. Cena nails a clothes line. STF gets locked in. Harper breaks it. The Usos stop interference by Erick Rowan. Wyatt Abigails the Usos in the ring. Attitude Adjustment on Harper. Rowan blasts Cena for the DQ. Sister Abigail to Cena. The crowd plays sing along. Harper & Rowan attack Cena. Fall away slam onto the ramp. Sister Abigail on the stage. Cena loses a shoe. Sing along time, because we haven’t had enough of it. – Kevin

#Smackdown Recap & Total Nonsense Analysis

zionbuffalo.org

zionbuffalo.org

I just wanted to mention before starting the Smackdown review that Impact Wrestling was not that terrible, until the very end when MVP turned on Eric Young. You have just spent the last several months saying the management won’t take advantage of the situation and MVP does just that. Ugh. You ruined a good ladder between the Wolves & the Bromans and generally other decent work.

– Sheamus defended his US Title against Dean Ambrose. Mitchell Cool embarrassed himself with his opinion. Ambrose may have lost the title under shady circumstances but as soon as he gets a singles match, that complaint is out the window. Dean Ambrose has done himself quite a bit of good to gain in ring credibility the last couple of weeks. He’s cranked up the “loose canon” movements which isn’t my favorite but I like what I’ve seen in the ring. Sheamus got the win, which is only right if the Shield is going to be tied up with Evolution.

– Rob Van Dam & Big E Langston took on Bad News Barrett & Cesaro. Big E got to lose to Cesaro in a hurry. I would not have expected that short of a match. I was thinking it’d get a commercial break.

– Alexander Rusev took on Kofi Kingston. I’m not disappointed I skipped Lana’s promo. The whole Eastern European gimmick isn’t working, let’s double down on it with the promos. The Accolade is applied in short order.

– Bray Wyatt implies he’s going to try and make Cena dark again. So we’re back to this part of the angle, huh? I’m still enjoying these promos. I  just don’t think the thought process for this feud is there.

– Fandango was off two weeks and I didn’t know. All I thought to myself when his mixed tag match with Layla El against Santino & Emma was announced was “How many straight weeks has this been on TV?” Layla got a distraction roll up pin for the win. She ends up kissing Fandango on the stage. According to Mitchell Cool, Summer Rae is supposed to be upset. Who would she come back with to extract revenge? She’s a heel still, right?

– Roman Reigns got to play tired against Mark Henry. A gigantic Samoan Drop by Reigns led to a spear which got him the win. That match wasn’t much longer than the others tonight.

– Another Los Matadores & El Torito vs 3MB (Drew McIntyre & Heath Slater) & Hornswoggle allows me to mention the weeLC match announcer getting in trouble for having John Cena talking to the Wyatt’s in his Instagram picture. I looked at that picture several times and didn’t notice them. I’m the observant type because they weren’t exactly hidden. El Torito pinned Heath Slater.

– Batista took on Seth Rollins. I love Batista bringing back the apron as a weapon. I have enjoyed it’s ridiculousness for a while now. I liked the match. Rollins went for broke and ate the announcers table for a Batista count out win. Now if only Randy Orton had gotten one of the two wins tonight, it would have been a better night for Evolution. I’m not sure you could pull that off though as soon as you tossed Sheamus into the equation. The Shield couldn’t go 0-3 so Orton can’t take on Reigns.

– The main event of John Cena & The Usos vs The Wyatt Family started with 10 minutes left in the show. This show was the worst night of wrestling in a while for the WWE. I don’t think anything was overly offensive but they haven’t featured on long match. The show opener (I haven’t been timing them) felt like the longest and it still didn’t feel that long. Jimmy was going for an unnecessary dive on an already fallen pile when Luke Harper catches him with the Discus Clothesline. Cool looking move but really dumb on his part.

 

Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation – Stanley Cup Playoffs and WWE Raw

Lana NXT

Jeremy: That was an interesting game with Pittsburgh Penguins and the Columbus Bluejackets last night.

Kevin:  I was so annoyed by the start. The Pens took control after the TO though. It took them a while to crack Bob still.
Jeremy:  Shows the inexperience. Shouldn’t blow a two goal lead in 3rd.
Kevin:  They’ve done that twice so far this series and I do think it’s partially inexperience. The other part, which is what is bothering me more, is the Pens are more talented. Granted, outworking them is helping the CBJ stay in it.
Jeremy:  I started flipping between Raw and hockey so didn’t see enough to see that.
Kevin:  So Wednesday should be interesting.
Jeremy:  Yeah for sure. Thought of that last night. Pivotal game. No chance Cbus can go down 3-1
Kevin:  Which is what I’m hoping for. As soon as I knew I only had game 4, I was hoping the Pens weren’t on the verge of a sweep because they have only swept 1 team under Dan Bylsma.
Jeremy:  no one can sweep so far which is good
Kevin:  Did Tampa finally win? Walked the dogs during intermissions and started watching Raw after the game.
Jeremy:  Oh forgot about them. I was out by 10:30 or so. Have to watch end still but no shock Cena won even if by DQ.
Kevin:  I’ll have it in a next day note but it was funny of the WWE to skew a vote against the baby face to continue the narrative.
Jeremy:  Yeah I know. Like the outcome was in anyway a surprise.
Kevin:  It’s so weird too since it’s basically the same mistake he made against Nexus that he claims to regret. Learn from past mistakes, John.  Just read that Jim Ross thinks the fans voted for that situation. Either he’s a rube or he’s still covering for the WWE. Either way, it’s a bad look for credibility.
Jeremy:  Nah I have no doubt the fans really voted that. Why would they want anything but the most in that?
Kevin:  Then why would the 2nd most votes be just for Harper?
Jeremy:  Harper is awesome. I am convinced the app stuff is for the hardcore stuff which is why they keep explaining hwo to do it. They think the average fan is stupid and reading the comments on pics and that, ugh, they are.
Kevin:  I just need to read the comments from Twitter they post on the screen. The Tweets couldn’t try to be less mundane.
Jeremy:  Oh yeah those are great. Totally useless.
Kevin:  So I’m sure the comments are just as priceless. Luke Harper rulez! Thanks @TheBeztWWEFan
Jeremy:  I am not doing better than that one. You nailed every aspect, down to the Z in the name.
Kevin:  I’m not even sure if I could Tweet something like that. Maybe I could just to see @Stunntgranny scroll across the screen.

Jeremy:  I considered it but just no
Kevin:  The level of shame attached isn’t worth it.
Jeremy:  Exactly.
Kevin:  Ha. Anything else jump out at you during the show?
Jeremy:  They got Daniel Bryan off tv fast to deal with his dad dying. thought that was a nice touch. Crazy month for that guy. Total roller coaster.
Kevin:  Included that in the corrections I just posted. That is the definition of up & down.
Jeremy:  yeah, when he came out I expected him to say something about it, hence the Brie Bella cameo.
Kevin:  I didn’t know that was news before the show. Never much check the sites after noon.
Jeremy:  I saw it on twitter or something. Not a usual destination but came across it somehow.
Kevin:  I was avoiding that being behind in the game some
Jeremy:  OK, so Lana’s real name is CJ Perry on the SSV board have near nude pics of her already. Damn fine work.
Kevin:  I decided to put Paige pics in the column instead of Lana.
Jeremy:  Nice. She is attractive.
Kevin:  I’ll have to take a look at the Lana pics though. Never been much for blondes.
Jeremy:  Ha. Booooo.
Kevin:  I wouldn’t kick Lana out of bed for eating crackers after watching that short video.
Jeremy:  Nope
Kevin:  Probably a little short on a column still. Dusty is doing the show tonight. So anything else strike you from Raw that we can discuss?
Standard_Poodle

Jeremy: Ran home and watched that main event. Weak shit. The Super Cena stuff doesn’t work anymore. Everyone else has some realistic tendencies but hsi act is so bad in comparison. He did , maybe, 7 moves all match and won. The instant DQ at the end was idiotic. Really bad stuff. It should have just been a beatdown and no match.
Kevin:  Whoever booked the match did pace things well in that Bray Wyatt kept letting Cena off the hook by playing to the crowd which allowed him to get those 7 moves in.
Jeremy:  yes that was OK but it was a beat down for 15? min. it is just the character doesn’t meld with the new or current guys
there are too many established “legit” guys now. It isn’t like he is facing Alberto Del Rio. If it was Erik Rowan takign a AA and then a nearfall then ok, but not Wyatt who you are tryign to build up. You have to sell a cage macth for christ sake. If he can beat him with the interference what is the damn point?
Kevin:  Why I skipped over that aspect of it is a mystery to even me. Rowan is getting in less and less ring time as their gimmick keeps getting used. Not a good sign for him. You are right that he should be the one nearly losing. Not the guy who already lost to Cena at Wrestlemania.
Jeremy:  Right,I know that Cena is ” the standard” now but there is money in the idea that the younger guy is nto ionly getting in to his head but wearing him down physically. Having him get beat for 18 minutes only to make a comeback like nothing happened is not a smart way to further a story.I am not even hating on Cena. This would be a good week to see whot he producer of the segment was. They need to get across the importance of looking weak. Remember Nexus just crushing Cena a few years back. It was startling because it never happened. Last night was a moment to do the same. Cena cannot win against the Wyatt Family. They are too strong or they have worn him down so far between the onset of the feud and now. It makes Cenas eventual triumph that much bigger. Fuck, this is easy.
Kevin:  But you don’t know the back stage politics, man! HHH would never take a spear from Roman Reigns to help build up Evolutions feud with the Shield. So why would John Cena receive a beat down?
Jeremy:  Well Cena did take a beat down after the fact as well but it rings hollow. Yes I am ignoring your very accurate point about Triple H. It was just a very poorly conceived segment. It would also help if the Attitude Adjustment wasn’t a sorry looking finisher. Outside of Ryback who has a weaker looking final move?
Kevin:  So glad Bad News Barrett isn’t using Wasteland any more. But trying to think of bad finishers and am coming up empty. Looked at the roster after thinking on it and still nothing.
Jeremy:  I was aiming more at bigger guys with weak finishers. Anything that consists of a flat back bump isn’t too harsh looking. It also depends on the delivery. If Cena drove the body to the mat or at least kept his hand on the stomach to make it look like he was driving them then cool. He simply flips the guy on to the back. No different than a hiptoss or a back drop.

Kevin:  It reminds me of the Walls of Jericho in a way. It looked good at the start but looked weaker when they started doing it a lot. Jericho turns it into a Boston Crab. Cena has gone from a DVD to as you noted, tossing someone on their back.
Jeremy:  Even the STF has gotten a bit better ever since Austin tod him on his podcast to tighten it up. ll of this factors in making this angle with The Wyatts work. They are believable in their actions and moves and he has the responsibility to do the same. It falls on the producers to get it over as well.
Kevin:  Ha. Didn’t listen to that one but it’s good that Austin called him out. Austin was the best at doing the little things to keep it look realistic. I remember him just punching people as he drug them back to the ring. One of the reasons I like Austin over other people.
Jeremy:  It is alwasy the little things that go towards making things realistic. Even if the announcers, which they didn’t, would have brought up the fact that all John had to do was get dirty to fight back it would have helped last night. Fight fire with fire.Some cliche like that.Imagine after all that with Kane and Daniel bryan he gets up and gives the running knee to kane.
Kevin:  That would have been ridiculous. DB and Cena have much different characters. Cena’s needs to be more like DB. Allow a beat down to happen. As much as we’ve talked up Cena for losing key important matches, he doesn’t allow beat downs like he should.
Jeremy:  Well he allows the beat down but never the culmination of the beat down. He has no issue showing one cheek but he never goes full on ass.

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