CM Punk Gone From @WWE Or Just Another Angle?

angry-girl

Welcome to corporate America CM Punk. According to a report at TMZ.com CM Punk left WWE because of the way The Royal Rumble turned out and the plans for Batista to headline WrestleMania 30. He also disagreed with Daniel Bryan’s treatment and how he not only didn’t win the Royal Rumble but didn’t even appear.

Punk was livid when he learned officials scripted Batista to win the Royal Rumble … because he feels Batista isn’t in great wrestling shape and shouldn’t be featured in the title match at the upcoming WrestleMania.

So essentially, CM Punk wasn’t being recognized for his hard work and seeing others pass him on the corporate ladder pissed him off. This exact same scenario happens every single day in every office on the planet. I texted Kevin and said if this is all true then this is an absolute baby move by CM Punk. He doesn’t get what he wants so he takes off? He would have had a high profile, and logical, match with Triple H on the show. All signs pointed to CM Punk taking on Triple H for the last few weeks if not a month at the least. How was this a surprise? Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe the situation of not getting his WrestleMania main event finally wore on Punk. His interviews recently point that he was on the borderline of a total burn out so it makes sense.

I take back though that this is a baby move on Punk’s part. It is actually a rather impressive move to walk away from guaranteed money. How many of your friends do you hear bitch about their jobs and do nothing about it? Punk essentially told his boss to fuck off and left. He took his ball and went home if you will. Instead of stewing and continuing to waste away, mentally and more importantly physically, in a job he doesn’t enjoy then why not just go? Yeah he has a contract and yes he is letting people down but if he feels that this is important enough to take these actions then he should be envied.

For more on this story as well as Matt Hardy getting arrested as well as Sting to WWE rumor mongering make sure and check out Stunt Granny Audio #245 tonight. – Jeremy

Darren Young comes out in an airport.

WWE-Superstar-Darren-Young

Wait a minute is this for real? Is this how it is supposed to be done now? Outing yourself as a gay man in an airport baggage claim area while some TMZ douche interrupts your privacy? Clearly it was a staged event but still; how did WWE not get in on this and publicize it on their site first? Me thinks someone is getting removed from television for a while.  WWE may be proud of Darren for coming out but they cannot be happy about the lost opportunity to exploit it. What a shame.

It took way longer to come up with this post than usual. I tried to pawn it off on Dusty (methbender again) and Eric (busy doing whatever his woman asks) but they suddenly aren’t checking email.

On one hand it is a landmark sort of story. There have been plenty of gay wrestlers before but none have publically outed themselves in this way. It is clearly a big deal to Darren and his family. It is a big deal professionally and obviously personally. From an outsiders perspective; I don’t really care.  Eric2 and I have talked about this on The Stunt Granny Sports Show, which is on hiatus due to me packing up the recording equipment for my move, and from a performance standpoint it really doesn’t mean anything. He isn’t suddenly going to have incredible matches nor is he magically going to cut promos with ease.  From the fan perspective is anyone going to notice. It is inevitable that there will be crowds that will boo based on his “choice.”  Conversely, there will be the crowds that will cheer while they attach themselves to the news. It is enivitable.

The most curious aspect of this all is how WWE will react. They have already posted a congratulatory message on their site. What I am looking for is how he is used, treated and changed on television. It is ripe for major publicity and we all know WWE loves positive publicity. -Jeremy

News You Can Use: The Briscoes, CM Punk & Zack Ryder’s Buddy

Big_OI’m sure I will be spoiling a total of one person’s day by linking to a report on Prowrestling.net with the ROH spoilers from their most recent taping. Jay & Mark Briscoe are officially gone “indefinitely” from ROH. Mark is gone because of wounds from fighting Jay at Best In The World and Jay is gone because of an attack from S.C.U.M. I could turn this paragraph into another “ROH Is The Worst” article for letting a second champion walk off with a belt but I’m going to look at the silver lining. We’ll either get Fat Hardy or fat Kevin Steen as our new champion.

Another report says that CM Punk has filed a restraining order against his mother because she has harassed him for money. If you’ve ever seen Broke in the ESPN 30 for 30 series, you know Punk did the right thing. The guy has already handed her $100,000 according to TMZ. If you start dropping cash like pipe bombs, she’s never going to stop asking for money. After he cut her off, Punk says that she threatened to kill herself on several occasions. The restraining order wouldn’t be needed if that happens. She is also threatening to release information about Punk’s arrests from his time in high school. Isn’t that called blackmail? Punk wishes that he could just block her like some slob on Twitter who keeps telling him he wouldn’t have been champion for 434 days if it weren’t for The Shield.

In the last piece of news, Adam “The Big O” Ohriner will be on Gut Check tonight. Considering that TNA likes big, immobile men like Rob Terry, “The Big O” will be perfect for their roster. Unfortunately for him even if he wins Gut Check, he’ll get less air time on Impact Wrestling than he did on “Z True Long Island Story”. -Kevin

Jack Swagger just screwed up his WrestleMania plans

This is Jack Swaggers wife.

This is Jack Swaggers wife.

Jack Swagger just totally ruined his push last night by getting arrested for Dui and for possession of marijuana, well pot, but it is the same thing. Actually, why isn’t it marijuana? When has it become acceptable to put slang terms in news stories?

Moving on, Swagger has been off television for months doing whatever it is you do when creative wants to repackage you. He comes back strong and with a distinct storyline. All he has to do is ride the momentum in to a good paycheck from WrestleMania 29. Instead he blazes up and then gets caught.  There is a reason I barely cover wrestling now.

This buffoon’s gimmick is that he is a real American and is now starting up a “War” with illegal immigrants which of course heads right in World Champion Alberto Del Rio’s direction. What he fails to realize is that the very marijuana he smoked up, allegedly, more than likely came from Mexico. He rails against the very people he exploits? God damnit, social issues are a bitch especially when you are a reasonable human being.

That really has nothing to do with anything though, the fact here is Swagger is a gigantic dumbass. He was given this push based on, um, well, yeah, um, nothing. So first thing he does is totally screw it up. Yeah WWE is toting the company line and saying he is responsible for his own actions and they are totally correct. He could have smoked up at the airport and not gotten behind the wheel and put himself and others in danger.  At least Big Show will still be available to knock out Swagegr and take Del Rios shot. Of course he will lose but it will turn in to the first WrestleMania money in the bank cash in. See, fantasy booking. I still got it.  -Jeremy

Headlines: Kofi to appear on Disney, WWE on “The Soup,” Kelly Kelly on TMZ

According to Prowrestling.net, Kofi Kingston will appear on Disney XD’s “Kickin’ It.” A) No way that just because Linda McMahon lost her Senate race, WWE is leaving its PG-rating audience. B) This makes me wonder what Jason Powell has his Google Alerts set to, “kofi kingston” or “disney xd.”

Also according to Prowrestling.net, WWE will be featured on E!’s “The Soup” this Wednesday at 10:30p/9:30p Central, and again on USA after the 11/26 Monday Night Raw. “The Soup” is hilarious. WWE is not. WWE is especially not hilarious when trying to write “better” comedy for actual hilarious things. This could either be a trainwreck or the greatest thing Joel McHale has done since waking up this morning.

Finally, according to TMZ.com (by way of Prowrestling.net and also something I saw on Twitter yesterday), Kelly Kelly, aka Barbie Blank, blew a tire on her way to a bikini calendar photo shoot, and she changed the tire herself so she wouldn’t be late. It should come as no surprise that she can change a tire since she used to travel with a bunch of pansy-ass WWE wrestlers, who fly in planes and hire tour bus drivers. Harley Race would have ripped off that flat tire and ate it out of spite. The best part about the TMZ article is the reference to “busted rubber.” The worst part is that the sentence didn’t also say things like “Eric” and “inside her.” Better luck next time. -Eric

Amy Weber Nude, Iowa vs Michigan, Knee Injury & Hurricane Sandy Aftermath

I couldn’t find the real deal so I borrowed from TMZ permanently.

According to TMZ, Amy Weber has released nude photos because her lap top was stolen. They were from a Playboy shoot that never made it into the sticky pages under my mattress. You might remember her from her role in JBL’s Cabinet. I had to look it up on Wikipedia to make sure one of my Sippy Time Beers hadn’t dislodged a memory of an average WWE Diva.

According to Derrick Bateman’s Twitter (by way of Prowrestling.net) he is out for an undisclosed amount of time because of another knee surgery. I bring him up because he was signed away from then Pro Wrestling Ohio about five years ago. I haven’t seen him much so I won’t critique his work but isn’t five years enough to know if a guy will cut it or not in the WWE? I know it takes a while to learn the ropes but the time frame seems like plenty. If only the WWE had enough TV time to find a spot for him when he got healthy.

Master thief Joel Luke pleaded guilty to fifth degree theft for swiping the TNA Title and thus bringing great shame to the state of Iowa. He will get two years of probation. If only he could have waited for TNA’s next trip through the state for such an opportunity. He could have stolen the new Jeff Hardy Belt and done all wrestling fans around the country a favor. Yes, even those fans that clearly spend money only on Munchos and Cheez Whiz with backpacks full of Faygo but still have enough government assistance left over to drive to Orlando from Michigan just to see that garbage company.

For those of you concerned about your Friday viewing habits because of NBC’s coverage of a Superstorm Sandy benefit concert, don’t worry, be happy. As of now, you can watch replays of one third of Raw and an hour of Smackdown starting at it’s regularly scheduled 8 PM time slot. -Kevin

Hulk Hogan wins the first battle. Weilds a large pimp hand.

Yet another national crisis has nearly come to end dear readers. No I am not talking about Frankenstorm Sandy , I am referring to the litigation involved in the Hulk Hogan Sex tape. Hulk Hogan has reportedly come to a settlement with Bubba The Love Sponge according to TMZ. Terms were not disclosed but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that Hogan is still suing Gawker and Heather Clem. As a reminder the lawsuit is for $100 million. If Hogan wins this suit this could be the most expensive and haunting penis this woman has ever received.

But really how awesome is Hulk Hogan? Not only does his old wrinkled ass get to bang out a young hot broad but now he is suing her directly for a cash settlement?  Hulk Hogan’s pimp hand has to be as large as his schlong. This old bastard has no right soiling this young woman’s vag but he does and he does himself proud. Now he is turning around expecting her to pay up because they taped the deed and it somehow leaked out for the entire world to see. We should all be so lucky.

I do not understand the big deal. When I am Hogan’s age and some sweet young cooz wants to suckle on the dong of fame then by all means go ahead. Just give me a copy so I can show the rest of the gang here at Stunt Granny. Hell, I would rent out an Imax theater and stretch that shit out to make it fit. (See what I did there?) -Jeremy

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