Weekend Rewind – Jim Ross, Impact Wrestling on Tour, AJ Styles and More

what_goes_on_tour– I am kindly requesting that anyone using Twitter stop asking Jim Ross if he’s going to be at “Insert WWE Event Here” in this case Old School Raw. The WWE doesn’t want him around. If you ask Ross this question, I will be sure to send one of our minions out to chop your fingers off. If you then get skilled enough to type with your toes, I will send out another minion (I can’t have them get noticed) to remove all of your toes. If you’re so dedicated to professional wrestling and learn how to type with your nose, you will be killed by a third minion then dropped off in the bed of the next person that asks Jim Ross whether he’ll be at the next event in Oklahoma City.

– I read on Prowrestling.net, by way of PWInsider.com, that TNA Impact was unable to secure a sound stage at Universal Studios. I’m sure everyone believe Dixie Carter and her mother now that they’re not looking to sell the company. I’m sure every business is turned away by their largest supporter.

– Speaking of TNA, our good buddy Jeff Jarrett will return to the ring with his lovely wife Karen Jarrett for USA Championship Wrestling. I’m sure it’s just a primer for his special Royal Rumble appearance. I’m sure everyone would mark out for him like they did for Kevin Nash when he came back. Except they’d mark out for Jarrett when he’s the fastest man ever eliminated.

– I hate headline writers. I mention this because there was a header on Dot Net “ROH New: Current Champion Unable To Appear At Television Tapings” which I was bummed about because I thought it meant no Adam Cole. He is one of the few things to look forward to watching that dreadful product. Fortunately, the headline was marginally misleading because it was Kyle O’Reilly, half of the tag team champions, who won’t be at the tapings. I do like him as a wrestler but reDRagon has barely been on TV recently. No big loss. We’ll get to see another dozen matches between C & C Wrestle Factory and umm, hmmm, since ROH has the greatest tag team division in professional wrestling.

– Since we hop scotched over to ROH, let’s talk about AJ Styles. If for some reason you didn’t see Roderick Strong incorrectly hold onto Styles’s legs during a Styles Clash go to jdew1492’s Instagram account. I’ll hope that all of that working out he does in his gym in Tampa included neck strengthening exercises. If he’s out for an extended period of time, at least AJ Styles can rip off Zema Ion’s angle when he broke Jesse Sorensen’s neck. Should we take bets on whether ROH would let Roderick Strong go like TNA did to Sorensen? I’m sure Dan Kuester can give us a good over under for that bet. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio Show #200

Wow! What a special edition of Stunt Granny Audio! We made it to 200 (and change, let’s be honest here), and we brought the four-man pain! Dusty, Jeremy, Kevin and Eric discuss CM Punk vs. John Cena headlining WWE Hell in a Cell, the Daniel Bryan-Kane tag team being an indicator of the current-day tag team scenario, TNA Impact Wrestling being re-upped for three more months of live TV (and we want to know why), and even Chikara’s King of Trios weekend, featuring, yes, Meng, the Barbarian, the Warlord, and Aldo “Tell Me When on the Parmesan” Montoya. All that, and the Mount Rushmore of Snack Foods, if you’d just click to listen! It’s special! Very special! As special as a two-headed girl!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #200

Stunt Granny Big 11 (Or So) Week Ending 4/9/11

1. Bill DeMott- Who would have ever thought Bill DeMott would make the top of any list? But with his star-making showing on “Tough Enough,” DeMott has found himself one of the most retweeted wrestlers on Twitter. Nicknames for “TE” kids like “Skidmarks” and phrases like “green as goose shit” have endeared the former Gen. Hugh G. Rection to a whole new audience. -Eric

2. Michelle Deighton- How this bottom-rung “Tough Enough” contestant ever made it onto “America’s Next Top Model” is beyond me; she’s uglier than sin on Sunday. But to be true, she’s also married to a guy who’s famous for being on “Survivor”… except by now when you tell people that (“He was Jonny Fairplay on ‘Survivor'”) the most frequent response is, “I don’t remember.” -Eric

3. Sheamus- What a shitty WrestleMania weekend this guy had: got fed to Sin Cara upon his debut, saw his match against Daniel Bryan bumped from the main WrestleMania card, and had to meet Stunt Granny’s Jeremy Maes at a train station. (Something tells me this isn’t the first time “Jeremy Maes” and “train” have been in the same sentence.) -Eric

4. TNA- This company is the pits. I tried once again to watch Impact and it is impossible to get through without forwarding the dvr, or vcr if you are a caveman. Suppose I should be specific here; Anderson swerve; Winters mind control of Angelina Love; Audio Sweetenr on a crowd of maybe 1,000 people; Daniels jobbing his first night back……enough, whatever. –Jeremy

5. WWE All-Stars- This game sucks. I rented it instead of throwing down $59.99 on it. Boy oh boy what a good decision. There is no strategy. All you do is punch and kick then try to lock up. The voice over work is crap as it sound like it was recorded on an Emachine laptop then balanced with dental floss. It is pure garbage.  –Jeremy

6.  WWE Undercard- It’s that time of year. So everyone should be on high alert. If it is Friday afternoon and your caller id comes up as Triple H, Paul L, Johnny Ace, WWE Corporate, or whatever you have programmed in your cell phone; don’t answer the phone and show up Monday or Tuesday for work. Treat it like business as usual. -Jeremy

7. Sin Cara – Coolest entrance ever. I don’t care if he clipped his toes upon entry into the ring. I’d never seen his work in Mexico so this one was a surprise to me. He’s got some crazy hops. I can’t wait to see that athleticism in the ring. -Kevin

8. Rock vs. John Cena at Wrestlemania 28 – These two did do a pretty good job of ribbing each other up to Wrestlemania 27. They bent to accept want has to be acknowledged like Cena’s work ethic and Rock’s dislike of Cena. This match up should be a titanic one, so long as neither of them goes down with an injury within the next 12 months. Have fun sailing the choppy seas of the WWE grind, John Cena. Or the placid seas of movie stardom, Rock. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 3/26/11

1. Abdullah the Butcher – I told a co-worker for the first time since I started here that I’m a pro wrestling fan. Of course he wanted to make sure I knew it was fake, but then he knowingly talked about wrestlers using pieces of razor blades to cut themselves during matches. I told him about Abdullah the Butcher and the scar tissue into which he can insert a quarter. I thought my co-worker was gonna puke. – Eric

2. The Miz – Let’s see how many times he ends up on the list this week. The Miz’s appearance on “Conan” was the stuff televisions were made for. Not too many people could verbally get the better of Conan O’Brien, but Miz unabashedly talked over the host, then gave him the nickname “Ginga Ninja” and the catchphrase, “Step into my dojo, mofo!” I really hope it sticks. – Eric

3. Bret Hart – The Hitman relieved himself of the old “HitmanBretShart” Twitter handle but kept up the juvenile, one-sided war of words with Hulk Hogan, particularly via Twitpic (or YFrog, or whatever, who cares), portraying Hogan as a withered-up old hanger-on, to the enjoyment of a few thousand smelly Internet nerds. Meanwhile, Hogan made a cameo on “American Idol,” still one of TV’s biggest rated shows. In other words, fuck you, Bret Hart. – Eric

4. TNA Impact – I swear I am trying to watch this show but damn they make it difficult. This is the exact train of events of trying to watch this week: I went to the DVR menu. I chose Impact. I fast forwarded thru the end of Gangland. I stopped when I saw Ken Anderson. I started getting annoyed at the opening. I fast forwarded until I saw a marker board in the ring. I got more annoyed. I shut it off after four minutes of viewing. I then got a text from Dusty. It wasn’t positive. How the hell were we watching at the same time when we are in different time zones anyway? – Jeremy

5. Michael Cole – Cole is the greatest heel in wrestling. He would make a great character in WWE comics. I mean he already has his own hideout in the Cole Mine as well as a loyal henchman. – Jeremy

6. Eddie Edwards – He won the Ring Of Honor title. He defeated Roderick Strong. Past champions in ROH include CM Punk, Samoa Joe and Homicide. We once met Homicide in Orlando, which is the home of Walt Disney World and Universal Studios.  We were trying to drunkenly speak with Cheerleader Melissa. She was a very nice person but her friend was annoyed. I bet if she knew who we were it would  have had a much more positive effect on her. By the way,  I used these names so I can tag them without a hint of guilt for hits for the site. – Jeremy

7. Kurt Angle – As Eric posted earlier today, Angle was arrested today in North Dakota when he couldn’t keep his car on the road. Police smelled alcohol on him and he was done for. Does TNA have the least professional locker room in wrestling history? There just seems to be no discipline or personal responsibility whatsoever there. – Dusty

8. Kurt Angle’s mugshot – It’s as if he’s simply taking a fan photo on a sunny afternoon.

9. Ian Rotten – Recently ethered into oblivion on some blog talk radio show by a 40 year old weirdo. I experienced this audio in the following way: The two idiots are yelling at each other. I am drowsy. I fall asleep. I wake up. The two idiots are still yelling at each other, now in harsher tone. Ian is basically every lowest common denominator wrestling fan ever, separated only by the fact that he actually got to run his own shows. So kudos for that. – Dusty

10. WWE’s partnership with Kmart – I guess WWE figures before all the Kmarts in the world are driven out of business by the existence of Walmart and the fact that they are crummy, dirty stores, they better form a partnership with them to promote their house shows. Soon enough, though, Ian Rotten will be hosting IWA MS shows on the parking lots of each and every one of these fine retail stores. – Dusty

11. TNA’s Spring Cleaning Sale – Don West is the fucking fucking man.

Dusty

Stunt Granny Big 11 (OK 8)- Week Ending 3/5/11

1. Triple H- If he’s gonna bigfoot the entire roster, then he’s gonna bigfoot the Big 11, too. He came back last week and said nary a word. This week, he demolished the should-be-valuable King Sheamus, tore down the whole roster with one promo, and then clucked in a mainstream interview that he’s rich, married to the boss’ daughter and is a WWE exec while still being an active wrestler. I bet he can lick his own balls, too, and if he can’t, he should suffocate himself trying. -Eric

2. Bret Hart- The Hitman grabbed himself some Twitter real estate, including his middle initial “S” in his handle to effectively allow us to refer to him as “HitmanBretShart.” For a guy who’s so egotistical, he’s not very self-aware. -Eric

3. Hulk Hogan. Speaking of Twitter, the Hulkster used the popular social media tool to fire back at accusations made by Shart, insinuating that Hart was a two-faced back stabber who used to shoot himself up with steroids. Two wrongs don’t make a right, brother. -Eric

4. Sting – He returned to TNA and triumphantly won the TNA Title from Jeff Hardy. Sting may have used the photoshopped image of himself holding up the Undertaker’s Streak card to leverage himself a better contract and title reign. Now the Undertaker can officially drop the Punk Card on Sting’s wrestling career. – Kevin

5. Evan Bourne – His victory meant jack since it was against a battered Sheamus but he got to show off the best finisher in wrestling today. I’m pumped and I want to keep him in the news. – Kevin

6. Country Bars- Holy shit, It’s like Halloween 24/7 in these places? What a great excuse to play dress up and not have people staring. Well other than me. –Jeremy

7. Cody Rhodes- Ok the Phantom of The Opera gimmick is kind of funny. It gives him a showcase for his talking without exposing his still green tendencies in the ring. I like it and the match with Rey Mysterio at WrestleMania could be the jump start for a hm. He is in the ring with a pro and better learn a lot while he can. –Jeremy

8. TNA Impact- TNA should make immediate plans to never, ever, go back to Orlando other than cleaning out the studios. TNA looked big time Thursday as an actual arena atmosphere was great. Yes the show still sucked but it was a huge improvement over Universal and the stale ass environment and crowd there. -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Audio #114

It’s time again Grandkids; time for some audio knowledge. Jeremy and Kevin continue pulling their weight and talk on things related to wrestling and beer. Yes, beer. Kevin gives his run down of the Great American Beerfest in Denver. Find out what beers he tasted and just how drunk he got and how fast. They finally get to wrestling and they talk about the ridiculousness of TNA’s decision making. They discuss Samoa Joe’s apparent determination to get back in shape.  They then turn to NXT and try to figure out if this show is bad on purpose or if this is just the way WWE feels women should be treated. They then turn it around to a conversation about women’s wrestling and the recent signing of Mickie James by TNA. There is, of course, more but you have to listen for it. 70 minutes!

Stunt Granny Audio #114

Remember! No TNA Impact Tonight

Lobster Dog is unmoved.

Bad news if you are eager to watch some wrestling tonight; Impact isn’t on and it isn’t Friday. Yup, Spike TV has deemed the NFL and ESPN College Football too big to put little old Impact on tonight, At least that has to be the reasoning, right?

Impact and especially TNA rank so high on Spike’s importance scale that reruns of “Gangland” bumped it. They removed Impact for repeats even though TNA is coming off of a PPV. So, this clearly kills all of the credibility of Dixie Carter. You know, the chick who runs or owns or cameos or bigfoots or whatevers Impact and TNA. She constantly spews about how Spike loves TNA and blah blah blah and then they get treated like an episode of “The John Henson Show.” You remember that right? That’s what I thought.

So to make up for the fact that their only show got bumped for reruns, they are putting on a web show of…….wait for it……. a live Q&A with Dixie Carter. Yes, instead of taping some matches or putting on a best-of show or interviewing wrestlers or getting over angles, they are having a question and answerzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

This bitch is everywhere now. Remember when she wasn’t on TV? Well, Impact still sucked but she wasn’t on so I am not sure what my point is here. Anyway, I have a suggestion for Dixie Carter that will make this web show at least passable and it involves her being naked and her playing with her vagina. There, that I would tune in to for about three to five minutes.  -Jeremy

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