Shahid’s Blog: Cracked Glasses of Nostalgia – An Adult’s Walk Down ECW’s Memory Lane

ecw I remembered being depressed after moving from Philadelphia to Atlantic City during my high school years.  Separated from my family, friend and comfortable surroundings for a dump of a coastal city was a jarring experience.  WWF wasn’t helping either – Friar Ferguson and Beverly Bros/Money Inc main event matches would turn any smile upside down.  On a random Thursday evening, I stumbled upon a new wrestling promotion.  Gritty, small, loud and realistic, it instantly drew me in.  Regardless of the fact that I was watching a plodding match featuring Tully Blanchard, I was enchanted by the promos, violence and music of what was known as Eastern Championship Wrestling.  I can vividly recall talking to like minded individuals about how ECW was actually real, instead of that scripted crap of the WWF.  Seeing Sandman, a fat drunkard with a cigarette with Woman or Missy Hyatt on his arm just seemed authentic on some visceral level.  Hearing adult promos from Cactus Jack, Steve Austin and Shane Douglas made WCW and WWF seem quaint and childish.  State of the art matches from Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho,  Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit…..violent brawls from the Public Enemy, the Pitbulls, Terry Funk….Sabu vs Taz…Raven terrorizing Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman…..sexy females with scant clothing and even less decorum.  ECW was a teenager’s dream.  Hearing the Gangstas come out to Natural Born Killers to engage in a blood bath made a Bret Hart match seem boring as can be.  I can remember waking up at 1 am to watch an ECW episode consisting of a pissed off Steve Austin just spitting venom at Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes and WCW.  In a pre screw job, pipe bomb, real name era, it was as if someone had a peephole behind the magic rasslin curtain.  By the time they invaded Monday Night Raw to promote their first PPV, I was a full-fledged ECW acolyte.

Now, I’m sure there are many individuals in my age group that share similar joyous memories of ECW.  Even with One Night Stand and a brief resurgence led by Paul Heyman, it still felt hollow and empty, missing that rebellious fire of the 90s.  So when the WWE Network arrived, ECW was the first area delved into, due to an adolescent fondness. Even though it lacked the music and didn’t have the weekly shows, I was excited to see how well it held up.  So I watched a few ppvs and weekly shows and then watched a few more.  I tried jumping around during various time periods, hoping to shake this nagging sensation.  After a week of watching, I had to admit to myself that ECW, like many teenage passions, didn’t age well.

I won’t use revisionist history and proclaim ECW an overrated vanity project and minor league system.  It was enjoyable and revolutionary, and I will always cherish those teenage memories.  But watching it now is borderline painful.  Seeing the Sandman no longer brings feelings of awe and admiration. Now, I witness a slovenly bum who was a perfect example of smoke and mirrors.  Instead of rooting for the underdog story of Mikey Whipreck, I scoffed at the notion that he could ever beat Steve Austin in a match (side note – him pinning Austin killed any notion that ECW wasn’t predetermined).  I can understand the reasoning and logic behind pushing individuals like Tommy Dreamer and Justin Credible, instead of superior talent such as Chris Benoit and Rob Van Dam.  But as a fan today, I have little tolerance of watching Eddie Guerrero in the midcard, for fear of being snatched away by WCW and WWF.  For all of the wonderful long term angles pulled off by ECW, there were too many instances of inconsistent referees, match stipulations, and haphazard PPV’s.  If WWE tried to pull the ol “Let’s announce two matches, and we’ll work out the rest of the details later” style of booking, they would get crucified. I almost forget, they did try that…it was called December to Dismember, and it was universally panned.

The biggest issue with ECW is the same factor which added to its popularity – the extreme violence.  Seeing someone kick out from a power bomb through a flaming table with thumbtacks, only to get rolled up due to seeing the 34DD’s of Francine seems asinine today.  The constant one-upping of finishing moves led to many negative habits, not only by ECW, but by WCW and WWF. WCW was rightfully mocked for taking the piss out of ECW concepts, featuring hardcore matches with cotton candy used as a weapon.  But as an adult, I prefer that approach more so than WWF, which raised the bar to an extremely dangerous level i.e. Hell in a Cell with Undertaker-Mankind, and the myriad TLC matches.  Classic events, but considering the mark left on many of the individuals, something that is watched with trepidation.  But nothing makes me cringe more than the chair shots to the head.  When I first saw Tommy Dreamer plaster Raven square in his hipster face, I remember screaming like a girl at a Bobby Brown concert.  But after current knowledge of concussions and long term damage, I can’t help but cringe. I won’t even touch upon the menace known as New Jack (that’s a column for another day.)

As far as the adult content, what seemed risqué as a teenager comes off as misogynistic and trashy today.  Shane Douglas cussing every 3rd word makes him come off as an uncouth doofus. For every great promo from Raven or Cactus jack, there was some nonsense from the Pitbulls, or some foul mouthed diatribe from Rhino. And it wasn’t restricted to the wrestlers – hearing an arena full of angry men chanting crack whore or she has herpes doesn’t seem cool anymore.  I’m definitely not a prude, and I specifically remember the eye candy of ECW very fondly.  Between Beulah, Missy Hyatt, Woman, Francine and Dawn Marie, ECW definitely upped the sex appeal factor from the almost quaint days of Missy Hyatt and Sunny.  Today – well, seeing a skinny broad with some silicone enhancements taking a pile driver just seems unclean.  Any doubts to ECW being a mainstream entertainment vehicle vanished with my wife’s utter look of disgust after hearing a Dudley Boys promo.  My “it was a different era, baby”  didn’t hold much weight.

Regardless of my experience, I’m very grateful for the opportunity to traverse down memory lane with a more mature point of view.  ECW will always have a fond place in my heart, and I am grateful and cognizant of its effect on professional wrestling.  However, next time someone complains about Vince’s asinine booking and longs for the halcyon days of Paul Heyman, gently remind them that Steve Corino and Justin Credible were ECW World Champions, but Rob Van Dam and Stunning Steve Austin weren’t. And then tape their expressions for YouTube. -Shahid

Weekend Rewind – #Impact365 and Kassius Ohno

In the video above, you can see Bully Ray attacking Tommy Dreamer and dear lord, why is Terry Funk still taking bumps? You’re 69 years old. It’s unnecessary. I’m perfectly fine with my father having mowing lawns being his most strenuous activity. Any who, Bully Ray challenged Tommy Dreamer to a Falls Count Anywhere Street Fight at the House of Hardcore even this past weekend. I love the idea of using a house show to advertise a pay per view. Too bad I don’t in any way  want to see Tommy Dreamer fight anyone.

Prowrestling.net is saying that Kassius Ohno, better known as Chris Hero, has been “Future Endeavored” by the WWE. The 33 year old is going to move on to greener pastures if that is the case. It took CM Punk about six years to get to main event status. If Ohno had gone to the gym, he might have gotten a main event slot in approximately 2019 when he’d be 39 years old. The WWE isn’t losing much by getting rid of him and Ohno will get more exposure at the tail end of his career by suffering in TNA or ROH. If the WWE had called him up, they would have followed the pattern with recent major call ups though, Ohno would become a cousin to Apolo Anton Ohno since he could come out on a sheet of ice on the stage and have a big entrance. Everyone will think it’s cool for about two months then even the WWE writers will forget you’re on the roster…cough, Fandango, cough. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Interview Series: @ExtremelyCute Colin Delaney of @AIWrestling

Does Kevin grill Colin Delaney like Tazz?

Stunt Granny brings back its’ interview series with former ECW star and current Absolutely Intense Wrestling’s Colin Delaney. He joins Kevin to talk about the JT Lightning Invitational Tournament which takes place May 11th and 12th at Turner’s Hall in Cleveland Ohio. Delaney talks about Tommy Dreamer and his opponent, Archibald Peck with valet Veronica. What will those two men have in common after Peck’s first round match with Delaney? Marion Fontaine and Facade will battle for the right to take on Delaney. What does he think of these men? Is he worried about either of them? Will other big names like BJ Whitmer, Colt Cabana, Matt Cross and Josh Prohibition be a concern to Delaney? Allysin Kay defends the AIW Women’s Title against Jennifer Blake? What special insight does Delaney have in this match up? Find out that and more when you click on the link below!

Stunt Granny Interview Series- Colin Delaney

Guest Blog: Dan reminisces about ECW in light of recent Extreme Reunion fiasco

"I'm gonna hang a flyer right here and FRANCHISE this light pole's ASS HA HA HAAA!"

Well, the ECW reunion show took place over the weekend and the reports I have read have not been very complementary of the show.  I read the fairly detailed report over at prowrestling.net (http://www.prowrestling.net/artman/publish/miscliveevents/article10024865.shtml) and one or two other reports and it sounds like the fans who made up an impressive crowd for an indy show turned on this show in a big way.  I do think it sounds like the crowd did not have very realistic expectations for the show.  The things I would have hoped that this show would have tried to accomplish they at least attempted.  I feel like for this show to have any chance of repeat success they would have to use some of the established names to get the fans interested in new talent.  With the interference in the Gangstas match and the use of new Raven’s followers it sounds like they tried to set up some things for the next show.

The obvious problem with this show is that the ECW style takes a serious physical toll on the wrestlers and to expect most of these guys to be able to work the types of matches they did well over eleven years ago just isn’t very realistic.  When one starts thinking about the alleged health problems or scares that Sabu and Justin Credible had that prevented them from performing at the show it makes the event a bit more depressing.  Many will write about and talk about how the extreme style has possibly ruined people’s lives and certainly contributed to many premature deaths.  As a fan who discovered ECW on a grainy UHF TV station (yes I had to disconnect my cable to watch ECW, this station was so small it wasn’t on any cable systems but was part of the “America One Network”) and loved watching ECW programming it’s not pleasant to think about the price many of these wrestlers I enjoyed watching so much have paid.

I went to several later day ECW shows in St. Louis but I only made it to the ECW Arena once for “Cyberslam ’98”.  When I first started taking the Torch I was rather frustrated to read about Cyberslam ’96 and ’97 AFTER it had occurred or I might have made one of those shows as well.  I had a great time at this event and met some very interesting folks (maybe that goes without saying).  I was then in grad school so while I did not have a tremendous amount in common with many of these performers I certainly appreciated what they did and enjoyed the question and answer sessions and thought seeing a card at the ECW Arena was one of those things I was able to take off my bucket list.

Because I have great memories about those experiences watching and enjoying ECW I wanted to reflect on those people who were most benefited from working in ECW.  I’m sure it’s not a complete list and this is not to say that these performers would not have done well if ECW did not exist but since many have been focusing on the cost ECW incurred on many of its workers I thought I would reflect on who benefited the most from their ECW experience.  Please feel free to add suggestions to this list.

1.  Taz — Make no mistake about it.  The ECW Taz was as bad as they come (in a good way).  At the show I went to he physically manhandled one of many body builders the WWF wanted to get behind in Brakkus and the fans loved every minute of it.  However, he parlayed his ECW success into a frustrating WWE run followed by many years making what I am guessing is pretty good money as a TV announcer.  As great as Taz was when I saw him wrestle….  well let’s say I don’t think he will be entering the real (Observer) hall of fame or even the WWE version anytime soon.  As far as making a great living based off of what he contributed to ECW I’d say Taz is the #1 choice.  God bless him for making money as far as I am concerned also.

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Beulah McGillicutty wrote a children’s book?

Simple reason to post pics of chicks in bikinis.

So who knew Beulah McGillicutty was an author of children’s books? Put your hands down liars no one knew that. Apparently though she has some connections through Mick Foley and she has indeed published her first children’s book titled” Gerturde the Great.” It is written under her actual name of  Trisa Laughlin for no fact other than to distance herself from her wrestling moniker and history.

It seems like it has the basic themes any children’s book contains and really who cares because children are stupid anyway. They have no comprehension and primarily are just glaring at the pretty colors. What sets it apart is that it has artwork by Jill Thompson and she is a rather amazing artist. Jill is also the same artist for Mick Foley’s children’s books as well as longtime comics professional and is responsible for Scary Godmother. If you haven’t read these stop reading. Go on to Amazon.com and order them already. You can wait for the punch line here so get to it. I included the link damnit.

There is also news that Beulah may write an autobiography. Here is hoping it contains scintillating stories of Tommy Dreamers sweaty balls only because I imagine them being wrought with moisture at all times of the day, much like mine . Oh and it has to contain the proper technique for masturbating with a silver vibrator; cause that shit was hot. -Jeremy

Extreme Wrestling Returns?

I thought this mother fucker was gathering carts at Target? Apparently I was wrong? He still wrestles? If you haven’t watched the video here is the quick synopsis. Shane Douglas is sad he missed the final event at ECW Arena, blah blah. But have no fear the revolution is starting again with, wait for it, yet another reunion show for ECW “stars.”

Yup, just in case you haven’t had enough of old timer ECW wrestlers here is your chance to once again feel the excitement, the entertainment and the majesty of ten to fifteen broken down old men pretending it is the late nineties.

How many times is this same, tired old act going to be pushed out? Does anyone remember the train wreck of TNA’s ECW reunion?  Who out there is clamoring for one more Tommy Dreamer versus Raven match? Can we roll out Sabu and have him go one last time against anyone? No seriously? Anyone? Come one there has to be someone out there wanting to probably not get paid as much as they were told.

While there is no talent list up on the site yet you have to figure the same old people will show up. By same old, I mean everyone involved. The guy with the hat, the dude with the log black hair and sunglasses, Joel Gertner, Francine, that one fat guy, the other fat guy, the other fat guy next t him, the dirty guy, the guy who…you get the joke.

Nostalgia acts are sad. Seeing someone in their fifties pretending to be the person they were in their twenties and thirties is sad. I forgot half of the content of this video already due to this creeping sense of sadness. Oh look grampa has a beret on backwards and keeps laughing it should be adorable but it isn’t.  -Jeremy

Tommy Dreamer to quit TNA, not TGIFriday’s

Tommy Dreamer

"Mmmmm, thish spi... spinach dip ish good, you guysh."

Oh, the jokes just write themselves, don’t they? As usual, riding the coattails of Mick Foley, Tommy Dreamer has announced that he, too, will finish up his run with TNA iMPACT Wrestling, with this weekend’s shows in Marion, Ill., and Memphis, Tenn. being his final appearances, according to Prowrestling.net. With Foley and Dreamer both departing TNA, Matt Hardy has to be absolutely salivating thinking about the glut of leftover hoagies in catering. Seriously, Matt Hardy is a slovenly piece of shit. Don’t you people get it yet? How many Hostess Snack Cake jokes do I need to make before you understand?!

This news does beg a true concern: What will TNA do with all of the company logo T-shirts they ordered special for Tommy? Maybe Don West will put them in a grab bag: “For just TWENTY DOLLARS, you could get FOUR TNA DVDs and a T-shirt TOMMY DREAMER… PROBABLY WOULD HAVE WORN!” Where do I sign?? Also, further condolences to Tommy’s wife Beulah, who now has to see Tommy at home every day. Beulah can seek consoling by heading west on I-80, taking the MLK Pkwy exit, turning left at the second light… -Eric

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