Main Event Review From Someone Who Actually Watches It

Night Sky by Mark Unrau by way of boombeats.com

Night Sky by Mark Unrau by way of boombeats.com

Triple H starts the show off with more star power than usual. He says that a lot of people are asking “Why?” lately. In particular, they’re asking why did the Authority strip Daniel Bryan of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship? Triple H explains that they did it for the fans because they deserve a fighting champion. He runs down the list of superstars who have already qualified. He then promises that there would be something magical, historical, and unforgettable at Money In The Bank; that being the guarantee of a new champion. He transitions to the other reason people are asking “Why?” and introduces Seth Rollins.

Seth Rollins comes down to the ring wearing a new gray suit/black shirt combo. I don’t really like it compared to his usual all black look. He says that when he laid out his now former partners he felt power like he never felt before. He calls it a power Reigns, Ambrose, and the fans would never feel because they are too afraid to create and seize opportunity. He praises Triple H as someone who knows how to get to the top and calls his former partners dead weight he needed to cut loose so he could “adapt and evolve”. Just as he says his new “Evolution of Seth Rollins” catchphrase he is interrupted by his opponent tonight Dolph Ziggler who calls Rollins a “self-centered scumbag traitor” who needs his “egotistical boss holding his hand”. Good opening promo.

Jimmy Uso vs. Luke Harper

As the match began the announcers wondered whether The Wyatts’ two victories ensured them a future shot at the Tag Team Championship. If that doesn’t then what does?  They go back and forth at the beginning until Harper throws Uso into the middle rope throat first. Harper then hits Uso with a suplex and goes for the Gator Roll into a side headlock. Uso fights out of the headlock and is finally able able to mount a major offensive move with a corkscrew somersault onto Harper. Uso is not in charge long as Harper nails him with a big boot. Uso backdrops Harper out of the ring on a running charge. Uso is cut off from hitting a suicide dive but a forearm. Harper re-enters the ring and goes for his spinning clothesline but Uso ducks, superkicks Harper, and pins his dazed opponent after a roll-up for the win. Decent short match.

Lana comes out to address American women who she calls slaves to commercialism. Lana calls them overweight and fat and says their men really want her but they can’t have her because Russian men are strong like Vladimir Putin.

Rusev vs. Kofi Kingston

Nothing much happens until Rusev clubs Kofi in the back of the head and stomps away viciously. Kofi gets only short hope spots as he is caught every time by Rusev. A fall away slam leads to Kofi being dumped to the outside where his is whipped from ring apron to retaining wall by Rusev. Back in the ring Kofi stuns Rusev with a dropkick but is caught again running the ropes by Rusev’s superkick. Rusev then finishes Kofi with The Accolade for the tap out. Rusev and Lana celebrate afterwards in front of the Russian flag.

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Stunt Granny Audio #255

The better half.

The better half.

If you were wondering why it is considerably more sexy in here, it is because Dusty and Kevin are back for another rousing edition of Stunt Granny Audio. Kevin starts things off by breaking things down in the NHL Stanley Cup playoffs, and Dusty retaliates by regaling us with the lowdown on the NBA playoffs. They then move on to talking about the latest episode of Monday Night Raw. Dusty is still disgusted by the overly long Gettysburg Address reading interviews that WWE seems to love. Does Paul Heyman get a pass for his work? Where does Rob Van Dam fit in to this current landscape? Is Stephanie McMahon the worst?

They then break down which promotion has the better looking women – WWE or WCW. Which TNA performer has that ass? Which ring announcer chick does Dusty prefer – Renee Young or Christy Hemme? If you have to ask, you’ll never know. Do they have any faith in Jeff Jarrett and Global Force Wrestling making a dent in TNA’s business? What kind of pizza do they prefer? Who was the better member of the Powers of Pain? All that and a whole lot more nonsense, and if you don’t listen, you’re going to get arrested for public stupidity.

Wrestlemania XXX Preview: Randy Orton vs. Batista vs. Daniel Bryan

batista-orton-bryan

Jeremy & Kevin are starting this show off astonishingly by ignoring the possibility of HHH being in this match. Their medium is working on the internet so if it breaks when HHH wins the first match, at least people won’t get to hear this podcast as they make asses out of themselves. They first grapple with separating the build up for Batista’s return, his subsequent turn for the better into a heel then his gripe with Randy Orton. How has Orton looked with his on and off relationship with the Authority? Is he the longest reigning transitional champion ever as Shahid suggested several weeks ago? When did this feud get clarity and finally start moving towards a match worthy of the slot of main event at Wrestlemania? Will Daniel Bryan have more left in his tank than a notoriously poorly conditioned Batista? How good has the chemistry been between Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton in the past? Will it translate when Batista is in the ring? If you thought our predictions for the last match were earth shattering, wait until we blow up the universe with the final predictions!

 

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview Shows
WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Bray Wyatt vs John Cena
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Brock Lesnar vs The Undertaker
WrestleMania XXX Preview- Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal
WrestleMania XXX Preview- The Shield vs The Corporate Kiss Asses
WrestleMania XXX Preview- Daniel Bryan vs Triple H

Eric’s Blog: @WWE must change the stipulation of WrestleMania 30’s Triple H vs. Daniel Bryan match

“Nice amateur booking, ya piece of crrrrrap!”

WWE has stumbled all over itself since August 2013, trying to book Daniel Bryan as a main-eventer to capitalize on his huge popularity while keeping the attention on pretty much anybody else around him. From playing second banana to Randy Orton and Triple H to being leapfrogged by Batista, WWE is only now “getting it right” in the eyes of the fans, who have latched onto the concept of “the face of WWE” in a way decision-makers never intended.

It seems to me that Daniel Bryan was not originally slotted to be a part of this chapter of the “face of WWE” angle. The likely plan was for Bryan to be pissed enough at CEO and part-timer Triple H to wrestle and beat him at WrestleMania 30 in a really good match…and that’s about it. At the other end of the card, Randy Orton would have heelishly attempted to “save face,” if you will, against the returning hero, Batista (although who in the hell would have believed in either of them as the face of the company?). When WWE fans shit all over Batista’s return and jeopardized plans for the main event of the biggest show of the year, WWE had to call an audible and add the popular Bryan back into the angle.

Elements of what I assume were the original plans are still there; Triple H screws Bryan time and time again until the Goat Face challenged the King of Kings to a match. Triple H finally said yes. (“YES!”) But now, with Batista going over like a fart in church and Bryan’s popularity at a fever pitch (WWE Extreme Rules: The Fever vs. the Fart!), they had to add the obvious stipulation: If Daniel Bryan beats Triple H at WrestleMania 30, Bryan will be added to the show’s headline match versus Orton and Batista for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship.

That’s very white of them, except that there’s no drama whatsoever. If Triple H wins the match, absolutely nothing happens. Worse, nothing changes – Hunter is still the big mean CEO, Bryan is still the underdog with the beard, and we still get the Orton-Batista match we don’t want.

WWE needs to change the stipulation of the Hunter-Bryan match so that if Hunter wins, he’s added to the title match. And there are a million ways to get there:

  • “Orton, you’re a whiner! Batista, no one likes you! I’ve universally beloved! I would make a better champ!”
  • “If this company is going to have a face, it oughta be the COO and the 1,800-time champion!”
  • “I gotta regain control of this circus, and the best way to have control is to have the title!”
  • “Bryan, you are so undeserving of a title shot, that I’m making myself eligible to motivate me to kick your ass even worse.”

And 9,999,996 more.

What this does is literally scare fans into thinking Triple H is so egotistical that he would really add himself to the title match at the expense of not just Daniel Bryan but the entire (ahem) WWE Universe. Hunter has a history of doing such things. It shouldn’t be enough for someone with Hunter’s background to simply keep Bryan out of the match. He should crave his own chance at the title, an outcome that would smash Bryan’s spirits like a hairy bug.

WWE needs to create the threat of this big, bad bully pulling the rug out from under the underdog. So again, keep things the same so it’s as plain as the noses on our faces that Bryan will win, or change the stipulation so that, nearfall after nearfall after nearfall, we’re on the edges of our seats.

Random NXT: The Arrival Thoughts

nxt-arrival-p

The opening match of NXT Arrival made absolute sense. There was no way this match was going to disappoint and really it was bound to upstage anything else on the card. Placing it first with plenty of buffer matches in between allowed the Women’s Title match as well as the NXT Title match to still make an impact.

Wow, that was just great stuff. Cesaro winning never seemed like a forgone conclusion even though he has been heavily featured on WWE programming. Sami Zayn is going to do big things when he gets the call up and after that match it seems like a forgone conclusion he will be up sometime after WrestleMania.

Thus starts the “Not ready for the big show” part of the event.

Mojo Rawley has the look of Nikoli Volkoff. That works for the 80’s but now it makes him bland. His gimmick of the over excited, hyped, frat brother isn’t going to work in the big show but it does make him standout in the smaller NXT.

CJ Parker’s promos crack me up but the overall gimmick will get lost like Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks. Yeah I used Reks because they both have dreads.

William Regal is awesome.

The Ascension; yuck name. What does The Ascension even mean as a tag team name? Their gimmick is right out of that awkward transition period between the early 90’s and late 90’s. Pairing them with Too Cool though made both men look huge and absolutely intimidating. Despite the criticism this was a solid, formula tag team that did its job in showcasing The Ascension. With the right tweaking they could be up on the main stage soon enough.

There was something totally different about Stephanie McMahon. Her character was totally different and dare I say she looked like she was totally enjoying herself? Oh and maybe basking in a tad bit of pride over her husband’s baby.

William Regal is awesome.
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Shahid’s Blog: CM Punk and The Culture of Personality

CM-Punk-cm-punk-29763250-680-768

Apparently CM Punk is returning from his brief hiatus to Monday Night Raw in Chicago.  Perhaps he’ll cut another promo explaining his absence, and is inserted into the title match.  Maybe he’ll complain about HHH holding him down, and switch positions with Daniel Bryan.  Neither the reasons regarding his departure nor the cause of his return are of importance to me.  If he was able to finagle himself into a higher position at WrestleMania, then God bless him.  Wrestling is a ruthless business, and the primary goal of an individual is to maximize their earnings while minimizing risk.  I’m not a fan of CM Punk, but I have admiration for his drive, and can appreciate his difficult journey towards the upper echelon of WWE.  Since he’s talked of retiring in the near future, he should use whatever leverage he has accumulated to achieve his main event goals before he rides off in the sunset.  He’s not a villain for doing so, and he is no different than any other wrestler who has used similar tactics.

He’s also no better than any of those wrestlers.  I’m aware of the legend of CM Punk.  An indy anarchist who overcame a broken home to walk his own straight edge path.  A super nerd who plows through the hottest women in (and sometimes outside) wrestling. A pipe bomb slinging truthslayer who somehow defeated the evil booking of Vince McMahon and the chicanery of the locker room politics.  He’s somehow reached the apex of WWE even though he’s a proud Paul Heyman guy, and not a muscled up manufactured mimbo like John Cena, Randy Orton or Batista.  And now he’s going to ride into Chicago as the conquering hero, due to the power of his fans, who hijacked the system and saved us all.

What a bunch of nonsense. CM Punk, after being frustrated with booking, decides not to resign when his contract expires.  He’s allowed to cut a shoot style promo, burying popular superstars, and playing into internet stereotypes, while being a heel.  He beats John Cena for the title at Money In The Bank in his home town, and leaves with the belt.  He comes back, while holding the belt, with a raise and a higher position on the card.  He has a high profile match with HHH and deals with some nonsense from Kevin Nash.  Then he wins the belt again, and has the sixth longest title reign in WWE History.  He has two main event title matches with The Rock, followed by a WrestleMania match against The Undertaker.  Not to mention a PPV match with Brock Lesnar at Summerslam.  Now, with him speaking of retiring again after his contract expires, he decides to go home because he doesn’t like his position on the WrestleMania card.  Or he needs a break from the road, or perhaps frustration with part timers moonlighting as super stars stealing his spotlight.  Or something.

How is any of that WWE’s fault?  Why is Batista being punished for being offered a position based on his name and legacy?   Why do we have to hear CM Punk chants during Randy Orton Matches, or angry fans chanting for Randy Savage or Husky Harris during main events involving young talent?  CM Punk left and came back on his own accord.  WWE didn’t send him home.  Vince, Steph and HHH didn’t frame him for a wellness violation. For all this talk about looking out for the full timers and young talent looking to climb the career ladder, his actions have done damage to those individuals.

I wonder how Daniel Bryan would feel if he got pushed down the card because Punk was rewarded for his temper tantrum.  I seriously doubt The Shield, or Kofi Kingston, or The Usos appreciate hearing CM Punk chants while they’re busting their ass trying to do their jobs.  John Cena, who is a bigger star than CM Punk, is in a midcard feud with Bray Wyatt for WrestleMania.  I don’t hear his fans throwing a hissy fit trying to derail the show.  People commend him on his bravery of speaking his mind, while not drinking the corporate Kool Aid.  Dolph Ziggler spoke his mind, and decided to ignore advice, and he’s suffering for it.  If Kofi Kingston decided to stay home to prove a point, he’d still be home.

For all the talk of CM Punk being a Paul Heyman guy, in truth he is a Vince McMahon guy.  People love to rightfully complain about his booking decisions, and how they don’t reflect what the fans want.  Yet CM Punk wouldn’t have worked his way to his current position without the blessing of Vince McMahon.  All of the snarky remarks, Stone Cold shirts, Macho Man trunks and pipe bombs happened on his watch.  This isn’t some Brian Pillman situation – Punk wasn’t going to show up in TNA with a bigger contract.  He played the game just like HBK and Nash, HHH and Hogan, and Austin and Lesnar before him.  Yet all of those individuals were savaged for their selfish actions, while Punk is treated as the love child of Malcolm X and Peter Parker.  I guess what Batista said on Smackdown was true – fans will cheer their heroes if they can convince themselves they could be them with enough hard work.  It’s also delusional and hypocritical.

I’m not angry at CM Punk, and I’m glad he’s back.  Adding him to the card will make a better show, and since I’m attending WrestlMania 30, I’m rooting for an enjoyable experience.  I just hope his fans don’t have a nerd-fueled heart attack if Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker close out the show….. -Shahid

Stunt Granny Audio #244

Winning.

Winning.

If you don’t think it’s time for another edition of Stunt Granny Audio, then you are a complete imbecile because it is absolutely time for another edition of Stunt Granny Audio! This time around, your co-pilots are Kevin and Dusty, and oh my my, is there a lot to talk about! The two discuss the impending induction of Ultimate Warrior into the WWE Hall of Fame. Will his speech be as bat shit crazy as his old promos were? Who the hell is going to induct him? Is Vince McMahon crossing old vendettas off his list before he kicks the bucket? The two also get off on a side tangent here about Vince dictating in his will that his corpse still be involved in angles.

They also discuss how Monday Night Raw is usually really good during WrestleMania season, but express their frustrations on the whole Daniel Bryan/Bray Wyatt storyline. They also talk about ridiculous contracts being given out in professional sports (congratulations, Clayton Kershaw), make fun of the new Chicago Cubs mascot, and a whole lot more wackiness than you can shake a stick at, and it’s only going to take about an hour of your life, so listen to it or else they’ll send Crowley after you!

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