Stunt Granny Monthly Movie Guide for March 2013

3611797208_2ea4838d13

Welcome Stunt Granny readers to the first installment of the Stunt Granny Monthly Movie Guide. Each month I will be bringing you a few select trailers for the month’s big releases. Yeah the preview will be full of opinion but then why else are you even bothering reading this site?  Of course in typical Stunt Granny fashion I got a late start so we are only going over the final two weeks of March. Check back around the beginning of each month for more trailers and exposition. Well, if you are interested in that kind of thing. -Jeremy

Olympus Has Fallen – March 22, 2013

Good lord another Gerard Butler action flick. This guy hasn’t made a good movie since, um, 300? Machine Gun Preacher was just meh but not terrible. It is good to see him out of his awful romantic comedies though.  This flick is directed by Antoine Fuqua who has to be one of the most confounding directors in the last twenty years. He has a clear visual style but he allows his movies to plod along. There is just something about all of his films that is never quite right. Something has held him back for years from making a truly great movie. This movie looks to be another in that line of near misses. The plot is typical Hollywood big budget disaster flick mixed with a Die Hard scenario. Ugh, nothing original and judging from the previews nothing we haven’t seen before. Totally skipping this one.

Spring Breakers – March 22, 2013

On the surface this looks like a movie made just to exploit its young stars. You may be correct in this assumption but then you look at who directed this and you have the possibility for one psychotic romp. Yes, Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens have found themselves the star of a Harmony Korine film. Yes the same guy that wrote Kids. Yes the same guy that directed Gummo, Julien Donkey-Boy and Trash Humpers. The trailer looks like a total disaster but if anyone can tighten up a disaster it is Korine.  It has the potential to be another Hangover like success but the previews that have made it on television make it look more akin to “Project X” and “21 & Over” and that is not a compliment. There is sure to be a healthy dose of satire mixed in with breasts and a whole lot of swearing. Count me in.

G.I. Joe: Retaliation –  March 28, 2013

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was pure garbage. Outside of the costume worn by Ray Park as Snake-Eyes there wasn’t one good thing about the movie.  As an avid G.I. Joe comics, animated series and movies  and action figures it was an insult. The fact a sequel was being made was a shock as it didn’t do strong box office. On top of that the prospect of bringing back in the same people again was plain infuriating. Well, all my fears were settled as they dumped all but a few people from the original and brought in a new producers and director. Gone is the International format for the Joes as they have been replaced with all fan favorites. The results of all this change has given us a movie that looks and feels just like a G.I. Joe comic.  Every preview that has been released has been better than the last and it has successfully built up a solid buzz. Out of all of the movies being released this year this is in my top ten. It looks to be a solid action flick that will appeal to both diehard fans as well as the general movie going public.

The Host – March 28, 2013

So I finally saw this trailer before “Dead Man Down” last night and boy does this look like a snoozer. It has nothing to do with the fact this is written by the broad who wrote the Twilight novels. Hell, the novels may be good. I have no clue but what I do know is the Twilight movies were unwatchable garbage.  Sorry, this isn’t about Twilight. So, from what I gather the world is taken over by beautiful people who like shiny objects. They apparently nest in humans who essentially become hosts. It is an end of all humanity scenario and all we should care about is the true love between two high glossed teenagers? Really? Oh and if this is the future why the hell are they driving cars and not jet cars or for that matter just friggin teleporting? You want to waste your money go ahead. If you are trying to get laid then by all means go see this sure fire crapfest.

Advertisements

Daniel Bryan WWE “YES! YES! YES!” T-shirt available at Hot Topic, punk kids rejoice (and stink)

No one who shops at Hot Topic is built like this.

I was walking around Merle Hay Mall in Des Moines, Iowa, the other day, you know, cruising for chicks, when I glanced inside Hot Topic, a store where I used to shop all the time in high school and college (where else was I going to get my Manic Panic blue hair dye and my copy of NOFX “Maximum Rocknroll”?), and what did I see hanging on the wall of overpriced T-shirts? The cotton-poly tee featuring the pro wrestling chant that’s all the rage: Daniel Bryan’s “YES! YES! YES!” shirt!

Now, let’s connect a few dots here: A Google search for Hot Topic yields this paragraph:

Hot Topic specializes in music and pop culture inspired fashion including body jewelry, accessories, Rock T-Shirts, Skinny Jeans, Band T-shirts, Music T-shirts, 

Yes, “skinny jeans” is one of their primarily sold items. (And what wrestling fan is going to fit into skinny jeans?) Now then, what about the Wikipedia entry for Hot Topic?
Hot Topic is an American retail chain specializing in music and pop culture-related clothing and accessories, as well as licensed music on CD. The majority of the stores are located in regional shopping malls.[4] The first Hot Topic store was opened in 1988 by Orv Madden, who retired as CEO in 2000 and was replaced by Betsy McLaughlin, who helmed the company until 2011. Lisa Harper assumed the position of CEO in March 2011. The company went public and began trading on NASDAQ in 1996. In 2006, Hot Topic was placed 53rd on Fortune 500‘s Top Companies to Work For list.[5]
No wonder this place is referred to by jaded 20-something borderline hipster punks as “Hot Profit.” I can tell you that, for a place that sells Rancid 7-inches and My Chemical Romance screenprint shirts, they aren’t afraid to put life-size Justin Bieber and “Twilight” cardboard cutouts in their store fronts.
So basically, Hot Topic is a store with an identity crisis, and somewhere through the cracks slipped a WWE-licensed Daniel Bryan T-shirt. As if one of these fat emo-goth chicks or acne-ridden not-punks would actually buy this shirt, what are the odds that, when they do, the receipt reads “John Cena”? -Eric

So DDP does some pretty awesome stuff.

I have been sick for the better part of two weeks now with no end in sight. So, while feeling sorry fvor myself I came across this video over on GammaSquad. Check it out I sure hope this is legit.

Apparently DDP, yes that DDP, and his goofy yoga shit do work? How high of a fever can you run before hallucinating?

A quick side note” Water for Elephants” has one of the most hilarious endings in film history. Skip the rest of this shitty movie and go straight to the end. the elephant kills the bad guy. I shit you not. it grabs a pipe and kills the guy. -Jeremy

%d bloggers like this: