#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

The_Persistence_of_Memory

The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali

I went to bed last Thursday night without watching the end of Impact Wrestling. I had caught the beginning where MVP, Kenny King and Bobby Lashley come out upset that Eric Young had evaded their attempts to take the TNA World Championship from him. MVP called out Eric Young who promptly threw down a challenge to MVP which was then accepted by the impetuous Kenny King due to MVP’s injury. Eric Young won in short order thanks to help from everyone in the back who is now anti-MVP. In the next segment, MVP set up a second match for the champion against Bobby Lashley. This is where I stopped watching. Much to my surprise when I saw headlines the next day, Bobby Lashley had been crowned new TNA World Champion. Here’s my break down of this epic ineptitude.

As noted in previous editions of this column, I try to start with a clean slate. When EY came out for his verbal beat down, the crowd in Bethlehem PA was very much behind him. I feel like the Orlando crowd was getting behind him too. I can accept that everyone doesn’t view him as a blatant rip off of Daniel Bryan so he’s worthy of being cheered. Even though many people, including myself, ripped the decision to give EY the belt, he is trending in the correct direction so you shouldn’t take the strap off of him. Having the heel faction in charge continue to put him behind the eight ball is Wrestling 101. I did think to myself “More copying of Daniel Bryan” but what other options are available for an unworthy, small wrestler? I can accept repeating that aspect of the angle by having EY take on both King and Lashley. After that point though, I start scratching my head.

I don’t get why you’d take the belt off of EY once you commit to the angle. If the wrestler in question were a big name, I may be able to accept it. I am assuming that MVP was going to be the recipient of the title had he not been injured. I’m also assuming they were going to have him win the strap at the Slammiversary. If that was the case, why not give Lashley the title at the PPV? Jeremy covered this on Stunt Granny Audio 260 when he said that it was carnie booking. If the advertised match doesn’t happen, the person who was advertised for the match has to win. I think that is a dumb theory. MVP isn’t a big enough name to get me to accept this angle though I would argue he’s a more recognizable name than Lashley. TNA doesn’t realize that Lashley isn’t a big enough name. Lashley may have been in the WWE but he was far from a big name there even if Donald Trump chose him as his combatant in a Wrestlemania match against Vince McMahon & Umaga. One would think that TNA would realize that if Hulk Hogan can’t move the needle, no retread from the WWE is going to do so.

Since I’m assuming MVP was going to win at Slammiversary, the next question is why chose Lashley instead of letting MVP heal? MVP is doing all of the talking for his faction. He is the more complete package as far as wrestling and mic work goes. It is terrible how he has been booked going from baby face to heel with a drop of a hat. I think MVP’s delivery and demeanor have come off well in the segments. If you believe MVP, his injury wasn’t major. Why not wait until he heels to move the strap over on the next PPV? You could feud Young with King and Lashley so that Young can finally get to MVP. You could build up EY while waiting for a better option as your future champion to recover.

Bobby Lashley has said next to nothing in the group. Kenny King has supplied the comedy for that group. I’m really glad TNA decided not to give him the belt. The reason Lashley hasn’t gotten the mic is that he is terrible on it. It’s been quite a few years now that being good on the mic is a required skill for a main eventer. Brock Lesnar may have a mouth piece in Paul Heyman, but he’s got a couple of things Lashley doesn’t. He isn’t terrible on the mic. Lashley may have won the NAIA Wrestling Championships but Lesnar trumps him by winning the NCAAs. Lashley may have been in MMA but Lesnar was the UFC Heavyweight Champion. Could Lashley tie most of us into a pretzel? Sure. Does he have a resume even close to that of Lesnar? No.

Another person that I could think to compare Lashley to is Roman Reigns. He was in The Shield. He was the guy who didn’t get any mic time in his group. Reigns still isn’t getting much mic time which I think is a good decision on the WWE’s part. But he and Lesnar both possess something that Lashley hasn’t even had, good in ring skills. Lashley may have a laundry list of accomplishments, but it hasn’t translated to the ring for reasons that are unknown to me. Lashley is a big guy but not a monster like Lesnar. Lashley (6′-3″, 275) is about the same size as Roman Reigns (6′-3″, 265) but he doesn’t possess his athleticism. Lashley isn’t going to pull off an apron drop kick any time soon. Lashley has neither the mic or in ring skills to be a champion.

Another reason I could think of to take the strap off of Young is that he needs to go film his show “No Limits” for Animal Planet. In that case, TNA shouldn’t have committed to giving him the title in the first place. EY isn’t taking off time though. He was on Fox & Friends to hype both his show and TNA. I’m just throwing this out there, but maybe if he’s the guy getting TV time, EY should be the one toting the strap. After EY is the pitch man, Lashley comes in an awkwardly stares at him to end the segment. The reason Young is out there is that he has been at a minimum good on the mic or else he wouldn’t have stuck around as a comedy act or been recruited to be a TV host.

The timing of these title changes is a whole separate problem from worthiness of who has the strap. TNA has now gone two consecutive pay per views, keep in mind that they only have four, without a Heavyweight Title change. But to keep you on your toes, they decided to have EY win the strap the show prior to one while Lashley won the show after one. Anyone that shucked out money for either of those has to feel like an idiot or at a minimum like they didn’t get their money’s worth. It is a no win position to try and defend how their decisions not to have the pay offs on PPV.

Giving the TNA World Title to Eric Young was a mistake. Having MVP win it Slammiversary would have been a mistake too. Allowing Bobby Lashley to win the title on a regular televised show is the biggest mistake of the three. Congratulations TNA, you have allowed Ring of Honor to become the second best promotion in America. – Kevin

News You Can Use: C.M. Punk, Sting & WWE Slam City

From misfits.cinderblock.com

From misfits.cinderblock.com

– A couple of stories struck me over the weekend. One being that Dana White was asked if CM Punk would fight in the UFC. It always reminds me that the majority of wrestling fans are dumb as bricks. CM Punk wears a Gracie Jiu Jitsu hoodie and incorporates mixed martial arts moves into his professional wrestling move set so that automatically makes him good enough to fight in the best MMA company in the world. I can’t wait to start playing hockey for the Pittsburgh Penguins because I wear their shirts often and have been known to use moves by Sidney Crosby & Evgeni Malkin on my nephews to score goals in bubble hockey. CM Punk was also in the news because he was on “The Talking Dead“. I guess that would make him an actor so he should immediately be one of the detectives on the next season of True Detectives.

Sting participated in a Q&A in England and was asked if he was going to face Undertaker at Wrestlemania 31. I’m glad that bricks can now speak or else I wouldn’t have content for the site. At least Sting was smart enough to say “I really don’t know. I can say that I would love for that to happen.” because that is as likely to happen as CM Punk capturing a title in the UFC.

WWE has teamed with Mattel to make WWE Slam City, a cartoon that will have 26 two minute episodes. They already have four episodes posted. It’s definitely for children so I’m not sure I can review it properly. I may watch a PG product about fake fighting but I have standards. I’ll have my nephews view it and give me a review for the site. I’m sure they’ll do that for their super cool uncle who happens to play for the Penguins. – Kevin

Thanks to Prowrestling.net for the news stories.

#SippyTimeBeer Review – Wisconsin – Ale Asylum

Ale Asylum AmbergeddonAs I have mentioned in a couple of audio shows, I have a friend who is originally from Wisconsin. The last time they went there, I tossed them $20 and told them to bring me back what they could in the craft beer department from Wisconsin. They delivered twelve beers back to me. Instead of going in order of drinking the beverages, I’m going to concentrate on a single brewer with each article. Up first, Ale Asylum which is brewed and bottled in Madison.

Ambergeddon – The beer above was the first one I tried from this company because I’m all for amber beverages since I enjoy the malt. Ale Asylum believes traditional ambers will be extinct but I’m pretty sure that’s a gimmick coming from the name. If do want to replace traditional ambers with this style of beverage, they might want to work on the formula. They put entirely too much hops in this beverage. I can understand their thinking in that throwing in some additional hops will make it different but sometimes it doesn’t work and this is one of those times. The hops overwhelmed the malt which isn’t as prominent of a flavor to me when they’re alone. This beverage comes in at 6.8% ABV so it has some kick to it. Both BeerAdvocate and RateBeer are much happier with this selection than I was. It’s a year round selection so if you want to give it a try, have at it.

Ale Asylum Bedlam! IPA CroppedBedlam! IPA – Of the three selections I had from Ale Asylum, this one was may favorite. After complaining about hops in the previous beer, it seems strange that I’d select the hoppiest beer as my favorite but this one mixed in the floral notes of citrusy hops along with Belgian yeast to come up with a terrifically different IPA. That is one of the reasons why I dig this company. They’re willing to try some different things but sometimes they’re not always a hit with even one individual. Didn’t like the first experiment on a beer type I enjoy, but loved the second one which is a beer type that is still new to me. They say the citrus comes from grapefruit & lime peel rind which helps cut through the heavier hops taste. The Belgian yeast gives it a tang that I haven’t had before but would welcome into other IPAs. This beer comes in at 7.5% ABV so it isn’t much heavier than Ambergeddon. Check out the reviews on BeerAdvocate and RateBeer if you’d like but we all agree this time. It’s a seasonal selection so it’s only available

Hopalicious – I either didn’t take a picture of this beer or I accidentally erased it. So it’s a good thing that I put a review into my Untappd app (difrango11 if you want to look me up) or else this beer would have been lost until my friends go back to Wisconsin. Unlike the other two beers, this one is not an experiment of mashing flavors together. This one is a straight up American Pale Ale. The other two descriptions were like a fresman English major writing but I think they nailed this beer on the head without going over board: “And we made it for the everyday hophead who wants bold, citrus hop flavor without crazy bitterness.” It’s heavy on the hops for a pale ale but it’s not overwhelming bitterness. It had a good taste to it which means it came in second place.

Good news on the beer front from yours truly who invested in Land-Grant Brewing a couple of years ago by way of Kickstarter. They have struggled with finding a location in which to house their equipment in. They had a contract last year that was yanked out from under them. It seems though that they’ve locked in a location in the Franklinton area of Columbus. I didn’t get to try their beer when they debuted them during the spring game in 2012 because I was in Atlanta getting ready to attend Jon Jones vs Rashad Evans. Here’s to hoping I have more #SippyTimeBeer to taste later this year. – Kevin

@RingOfHonor Is The Worst

From funnyjunk.com

From funnyjunk.com

The Top Prospects Tournament got to the semifinals on TV on January 25. I didn’t watch it until it became abundantly clear that Peyton Manning had staked his claim on the “All Choke Team” during the Super Bowl. I’m in no hurry to watch ROH. They introduced Raymond Rowe as the first combatant. Corey Hollis was his opponent. ROH always does a tale of the tape before each match up which I like. The problem came along with the tale of the tape though. It noted that Rowe had debuted in 2003. Is he really a top prospect if his career has already spanned a decade? My vote is absolutely no. You’re a career minor leaguer. Kevin Kelly & Steve Corino should be using like “wily veteran move” to describe what Rowe is doing. Hollis was noted as debuting in 2009, which is the cut off for me to be a prospect. One needs some seasoning in a smaller league then you move on to bigger and better things. ROH is a good stepping stone after being seasoned in a local independent company.

Last column, I noted that I hated the size differential between Hanson and Cheeseburger. We had a similar problem this episode because Rowe is 6′-1″ and 247 pounds and Hollis is 5′-8″ and 192 pounds. That is a 55 pound swing. This discrepancy would not happen in the UFC or any other fighting league. This is professional wrestling though and you can do that. It sounds like I am countering my point I made previously but I am refining the thought. These participants, especially after the first round, should be somewhat evenly match in the skills department. They’re both desperate to get a contract with ROH and get a shot at the TV Title. They should be scrapping even if there is a size differential. Unfortunately, this match only went 5 minutes.

On the ROH management front, wouldn’t you be pissed if your talent evaluator Prince Nana has whiffed on Kongo, Cheeseburger, “The Benchmark” Bill Daly and Corey Hollis, who got into the second round? Nana may have also let in a current member of the ROH roster in the form of The Romantic Touch aka Rhett Titus even if he lost his match. A scout doesn’t get every pick right but Prince Nana has brought in a full half of bad tournament plus a fraud. That’s not just missing a prospect, that’s missing the iceberg you’re about to hit.

I have an ongoing problem with “ROH fans.” Considering that roughly 75% of their fans have TNA or WWE shirts on, they are just wrestling fans. But you consistently hear from people that they enjoy ROH because of the relative lack of story lines and concentration on wrestling. So it really got my goat that the crowd cheered quite loudly for “The Barrister” RD Evans, who is accompanied by the lovely Veda Scott. Evans is a fantastic character and quite entertaining. Scott plays her role well as taking over Evans law firm. I’ve got no problem with them at all. Evans & Scott are touting his imaginary thirteen match winning streak which grew to fourteen after the end of his match. If you enjoy wrestling and the story line “free” ROH, why do you enjoy a character that is complete story line? ROH fans are the worst. – Kevin

Jeremy got an Xbox One. So here is the review: Part 3

xbox-one

Nothing is perfect and the Xbox One is no different. If you missed part one and part two of my review, well, those are hyper-linked so feel free and read those first. The Xbox One has been fun so far and even if this part goes over some of the frustrations it is still a good system that could be great. It is also understandable that every system is going to have a few stumbling points right out of the gate and what Xbox One has experienced can be overcome and most likely will be by spring of 2014.

Microsoft has, much like any other tech company, is pushing their cloud service. The Skydrive is their go to product for storage and it works pretty well and it is fast. Files can be uploaded and downloaded on any number of devices. Since I have a Windows 8 laptop it came standard and the basic storage option is free. It is handy and maybe I am just so used to discs by now but there had to be a better alternative.  Also, the Skydrive does not come equipped on the system. I had to download it and from there it linked to my current account. So for those who do not have a Microsoft account they may not know what the Skydrive is for. There are other solutions for online storage and the app can probably be used but this leads to another negative.

The initial launch of the Xbox One should have had a good deal of apps ready for use. As it stands now there are very little to choose from. Most were already available on the 360 and Windows 8. After so many different apps have become available for Windows 8 it is quite a surprise to see so little available. The standard apps are all there such as Netflix, ESPN, Hulu Plus and Crackle. Sure there are others but nothing compared to the amount currently available on other platforms. I would expect there to be as many ready for the launch but would have settled for at least fifty percent of that.  This will obviously change as the system gains momentum but the same issues that plagued the Windows 8 app release is plaguing the Xbox One. You would think Microsoft would have had that figured out. There is no Flixster, Ultraviolet, UFC, WWE, Instagram or even Facebook for that matter.

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Booker T Tells the Kettle Its’ Black And Calls Out Ronda Rousey

Pot_calling_the_kettle_black_by_CoelasquidSo when I went to Prowrestling.net, I found a link to this story on Yahoo! Sports that interviewed Booker T about his jail time, helping kids learn English in Singapore and MMA. I found the last topic the most interesting. The delicious irony of Booker T saying

I don’t think the lifespan (of MMA fighters) is very long, and you could get hurt really, really bad doing it…Plus, when it’s over with, where do you go from there?

The day after Adam “Edge” Copeland got the opening segment on WWE’s flagship show Raw, Booker tells us MMA fighters don’t have long careers. Why did Triple H make half a dozen “Stack of dimes neck” references then Book? Because Edge had a long career? Oh no, because he had a short career. I’m sure Steve Austin decided to move along during the height of his popularity because of the huge movie roles that he is landing. That’s right, Austin had to move on because of injuries too. He isn’t landing huge roles either. Austin isn’t doing bad for himself but you don’t hear Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson doing a podcast because he needs some extra change in his couch cushions. I’m also going to guess that Booker thinks that Chris Benoit had a nice long, healthy career.

The second part of the statement shouldn’t go unnoticed either. Booker T, again just last night, was telling Big Show to be professional and not do anything stupid because he needed to support his young daughter and family. If WWE wrestlers are more diversified than your average MMA fighter, shouldn’t you advise Big Show to do what is right because he has a back up career? How about you Booker, what’s your back up career to wrestling? That’s right, it’s being a wrestling personality. And running a wrestling school. It certainly seems like you moved on from wrestling Book. Then he moved on to ripping on Ronda Rousey who

…couldn’t find her way in life and found it through going out and beating other girls up.

From Bustedcoverage.com

From Bustedcoverage.com

So the guy that needed jail time to get straightened out is telling a woman who got into the Olympics at the age of 17 that she couldn’t find her way in life? Who is this guy kidding? Has he even taken as much time as yours truly to read Ronda’s Wikipedia page? Maybe Booker did but I doubt it or else I wouldn’t be able to rip on him. If you get into the Olympics before you can drink alcohol legally, you have found something in life to do. I could care less if it’s beating up people of the same gender. You made a living wearing tights and well, I’ll let him hoist his own petard

Wrestling is Shakespeare. Phantom of the Opera. Romeo and Juliet. That’s what it is – men in tights

At least he laughed after that comment. Hopefully he’ll find a lot of public shaming for some really stupid comments funny too. – Kevin

Retro Movie Review – The Octagon Starring Chuck Norris

octagonmovieposter

Ken and Kevin are back with another edition of the Retro Movie Review. Kevin suggested The Octogan after having his memory jogged by Dana White on Joe Rogan’s Podcast. Did Ken get to watch this movie as a child? Did his father approve of Chuck Norris? Why is that even relevant? No one is surprised that Chuck Norris is a bad ass in this movie but what caused this bad ass to turn his back on participating in karate tournaments. There are both mercenary ninjas and terrorist ninjas in this movie. Lee Van Cleef leads the mercenary ninjas. Who leads the terrorist ninjas and what relation does he have? Why aren’t both of these groups one in the same? What did the terrorist ninjas do to get such a reputation? How much of a mystique are put on ninjas in this movie?  Ken & Kevin get around to talking about Chuck Norris’s physique. What contribution did Ken’s wife make? How old was Chuck Norris when he filmed this movie in 1980? If terrorist ninjas were recruiting, where would you look to sign up? What do the terrorist recruits have in common with the rag tag group of cabbies in D.C. Cab? Chuck is slaying the ladies in this movie but who ends up being his true love interest? And how exactly does she help him invade The Octagon? Find that out and more when you click the play button below!

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