TNA Ready To Copy WWE Again

In Berlin from Streetartnews.com

In Berlin from Streetartnews.com

Just like yours truly, TNA saw the writing on the wall that Cody Rhodes was going to come up with another one trick pony gimmick, this time as Stardust. To combat this new angle and create their own, they decided to sign Matt Hardy. Matt is excited because he’s a one trick pony too. Unlike Cody Rhodes, he’s used only one gimmick his entire career. Matt is finally ready to reinvent himself though in his third go around in TNA. I’ve heard from sources that don’t exist that his new gimmick will be Madmartigan. He will help Willow retrieve a magical child who will banish Dixie Carter from TV. Carter will lock all of the Knockouts who are pregnant in Universal Studios. Madison Rayne’s midwife, ET, will aid in getting the child to Willow before being struck with diabetic shock from not eating enough Reese’s Pieces. Willow will meet Madmartigan, who is trapped by the evil Mummy, and get him out of his cage. Willow then entrusts Madmartigan with baby Claire. Madmartigan is attacked by Dixie’s general and his old rival (for the king of the mid-card in the WWE), MVP who takes Claire back to Dixie Carter. Just before Carter can banish Claire off of TV, Willow tricks Carter by making Claire disappear, like she was an employee at Universal Studios who didn’t want to put up with her own TV time any more. Carter then falls into her own spell that banishes her from TV. I can’t wait for this new Hardy reunion. – Kevin

Weekend Rewind – TNA, Will They Be Bought?

Smashing-PumpkinsJeremy and I addressed the TNA sales rumors on the Audio this past Friday. Janice Carter, mother of Dixie Carter, emphatically denied them later that day proving that once again, we have a mole inside of TNA. Prowrestling.net was still standing behind their sales story even after this news. We don’t care who’s right because we’re either going to continue watching a train wreck or be hopeful that a new owner can come up with better ideas than the current regime.

To confirm that things are going swimmingly for Impact Wrestling, TNA announced on Saturday that the Impact Zone at Universal Studios will now be broadcast from Soundstage 19 instead of the old Soundstage 21. This is important because they are moving from a stage that is 22,000 to one that is 16,500 or a 25% reduction in size. This would be like the WWE deciding that instead of using Madison Square Garden that their new home base is back in the Hammerstein Ballroom where they debuted Raw. I’m sure TNA is perfectly happy with this turn of events.

The last in the trilogy of news pieces on Dot Net about TNA this weekend was revealing that one possible buyer could be Billy Corrigan of The Smashing Pumpkins. It’s possible that he is just going to buy part of the company. Corrigan currently owns Resistance Pro Wrestling in Chicago and he had interest in buying ECW. It would be interesting to watch some of his current promotion to get a glance at how TNA might be run in the future but I’m having a hard time getting through website. The opening page starts things off poorly by featuring a giant picture of R Pro Champion “The Ego” Robert Anthony and his giant nipples. By going to their website’s merchandise tab, I can see that he has a similar infatuation with former WWE employees that TNA has. By looking at their roster, at least none of them are on the roster. At least it looks like they’d make the roster a manageable size unlike TNA.

We will keep an eye on the TNA sales situation, unless we’re having a Siamese Dream about Stunt Granny booking TNA. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #198

Jeremy & Kevin are back for an edition of the audio that you don’t want to miss. The guys start off by talking about which members of the Stunt Granny crew were drunk last week and didn’t get around to a show because of it. Who’s boss got the bar tab? They do end up talking about wrestling and they start with WWE Raw first. How long does three hours and five minutes feel in real time? Or even when watching all on the DVR? Jeremy & Kevin ponder if the program wouldn’t feel as long if the product had more structure. How often does the WWE cut off it’s own legs when they can make small tweaks to their format? They end up talking specifically about CM Punk and Jerry Lawler? How old is Lawler? And does the crowd reaction mean anything? Is it good that they bark like seals when chanting “Feed me more!”? Someone who didn’t want more was Claire Lynch. She’s gone from TNA but why? And can an angle still be hurried even though it has been going on for three to four months? Of course Jeremy & KEvin finish off talking about TNA with their big topic, Aces & Eights? Is this angle starting to wear thin? What can TNA do to keep this angle moving forward? Last but not least, which bad announcer did they bounce as a topic since they didn’t want to depress you too much? Find that out and more by clicking on the link below!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #198

Jeremy Borash Designs His Bedroom

Since I’m the art director here at Stunt Granny, I took special interest in the above picture that was tweeted by Jeremy Borash (@JeremyBorash). As usual, thanks to the nearly omnipotent Prowrestling.net. Borash tweeted:

A new set built at TNA HQ… for what? Tune into the IMPACT post show tomorrow for the details!

I feel privileged to type about twelve year old boys again this week because this set looks like a bedroom one might live in. You’ve got the sexy posters of the Knockouts because you need some spank bank material that the governor on your parents computer won’t let you get to. You’ve got Velvet Sky almost showing her top for a money shot and you can dream about giving Miss Tessmacher a Dirty Pirate. The boy also wants to put up posters of his male heroes like Sting, Hulk Hogan and of course Mr. Counter Culture Jeff Hardy. I’m pretty sure that the boy’s mom bought that desk and microphone at Ikea. At least Borash now has his dream bedroom inside of Universal Studios or somewhere in the heart of Nashville, TN but really does it matter? Congrats on getting past that 5′-0″ mark on the door frame in mom’s kitchen, tyke! -Kevin

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 3/26/11

1. Abdullah the Butcher – I told a co-worker for the first time since I started here that I’m a pro wrestling fan. Of course he wanted to make sure I knew it was fake, but then he knowingly talked about wrestlers using pieces of razor blades to cut themselves during matches. I told him about Abdullah the Butcher and the scar tissue into which he can insert a quarter. I thought my co-worker was gonna puke. – Eric

2. The Miz – Let’s see how many times he ends up on the list this week. The Miz’s appearance on “Conan” was the stuff televisions were made for. Not too many people could verbally get the better of Conan O’Brien, but Miz unabashedly talked over the host, then gave him the nickname “Ginga Ninja” and the catchphrase, “Step into my dojo, mofo!” I really hope it sticks. – Eric

3. Bret Hart – The Hitman relieved himself of the old “HitmanBretShart” Twitter handle but kept up the juvenile, one-sided war of words with Hulk Hogan, particularly via Twitpic (or YFrog, or whatever, who cares), portraying Hogan as a withered-up old hanger-on, to the enjoyment of a few thousand smelly Internet nerds. Meanwhile, Hogan made a cameo on “American Idol,” still one of TV’s biggest rated shows. In other words, fuck you, Bret Hart. – Eric

4. TNA Impact – I swear I am trying to watch this show but damn they make it difficult. This is the exact train of events of trying to watch this week: I went to the DVR menu. I chose Impact. I fast forwarded thru the end of Gangland. I stopped when I saw Ken Anderson. I started getting annoyed at the opening. I fast forwarded until I saw a marker board in the ring. I got more annoyed. I shut it off after four minutes of viewing. I then got a text from Dusty. It wasn’t positive. How the hell were we watching at the same time when we are in different time zones anyway? – Jeremy

5. Michael Cole – Cole is the greatest heel in wrestling. He would make a great character in WWE comics. I mean he already has his own hideout in the Cole Mine as well as a loyal henchman. – Jeremy

6. Eddie Edwards – He won the Ring Of Honor title. He defeated Roderick Strong. Past champions in ROH include CM Punk, Samoa Joe and Homicide. We once met Homicide in Orlando, which is the home of Walt Disney World and Universal Studios.  We were trying to drunkenly speak with Cheerleader Melissa. She was a very nice person but her friend was annoyed. I bet if she knew who we were it would  have had a much more positive effect on her. By the way,  I used these names so I can tag them without a hint of guilt for hits for the site. – Jeremy

7. Kurt Angle – As Eric posted earlier today, Angle was arrested today in North Dakota when he couldn’t keep his car on the road. Police smelled alcohol on him and he was done for. Does TNA have the least professional locker room in wrestling history? There just seems to be no discipline or personal responsibility whatsoever there. – Dusty

8. Kurt Angle’s mugshot – It’s as if he’s simply taking a fan photo on a sunny afternoon.

9. Ian Rotten – Recently ethered into oblivion on some blog talk radio show by a 40 year old weirdo. I experienced this audio in the following way: The two idiots are yelling at each other. I am drowsy. I fall asleep. I wake up. The two idiots are still yelling at each other, now in harsher tone. Ian is basically every lowest common denominator wrestling fan ever, separated only by the fact that he actually got to run his own shows. So kudos for that. – Dusty

10. WWE’s partnership with Kmart – I guess WWE figures before all the Kmarts in the world are driven out of business by the existence of Walmart and the fact that they are crummy, dirty stores, they better form a partnership with them to promote their house shows. Soon enough, though, Ian Rotten will be hosting IWA MS shows on the parking lots of each and every one of these fine retail stores. – Dusty

11. TNA’s Spring Cleaning Sale – Don West is the fucking fucking man.

Dusty

Stunt Granny Big 11 (OK 8)- Week Ending 3/5/11

1. Triple H- If he’s gonna bigfoot the entire roster, then he’s gonna bigfoot the Big 11, too. He came back last week and said nary a word. This week, he demolished the should-be-valuable King Sheamus, tore down the whole roster with one promo, and then clucked in a mainstream interview that he’s rich, married to the boss’ daughter and is a WWE exec while still being an active wrestler. I bet he can lick his own balls, too, and if he can’t, he should suffocate himself trying. -Eric

2. Bret Hart- The Hitman grabbed himself some Twitter real estate, including his middle initial “S” in his handle to effectively allow us to refer to him as “HitmanBretShart.” For a guy who’s so egotistical, he’s not very self-aware. -Eric

3. Hulk Hogan. Speaking of Twitter, the Hulkster used the popular social media tool to fire back at accusations made by Shart, insinuating that Hart was a two-faced back stabber who used to shoot himself up with steroids. Two wrongs don’t make a right, brother. -Eric

4. Sting – He returned to TNA and triumphantly won the TNA Title from Jeff Hardy. Sting may have used the photoshopped image of himself holding up the Undertaker’s Streak card to leverage himself a better contract and title reign. Now the Undertaker can officially drop the Punk Card on Sting’s wrestling career. – Kevin

5. Evan Bourne – His victory meant jack since it was against a battered Sheamus but he got to show off the best finisher in wrestling today. I’m pumped and I want to keep him in the news. – Kevin

6. Country Bars- Holy shit, It’s like Halloween 24/7 in these places? What a great excuse to play dress up and not have people staring. Well other than me. –Jeremy

7. Cody Rhodes- Ok the Phantom of The Opera gimmick is kind of funny. It gives him a showcase for his talking without exposing his still green tendencies in the ring. I like it and the match with Rey Mysterio at WrestleMania could be the jump start for a hm. He is in the ring with a pro and better learn a lot while he can. –Jeremy

8. TNA Impact- TNA should make immediate plans to never, ever, go back to Orlando other than cleaning out the studios. TNA looked big time Thursday as an actual arena atmosphere was great. Yes the show still sucked but it was a huge improvement over Universal and the stale ass environment and crowd there. -Jeremy

Peace Out, Six Sided Ring

Comes with flag and championship belt!

According to PWInsider:

Say goodbye to the six-sided ring. TNA has a traditional four-sided ring set up in the Impact Zone for tonight’s Genesis PPV.

TNA had been using the six-sided ring since debuting at Universal Studios in May 2004 for their first Impact taping.

Good riddance to bad rubbish, even though the six sided ring did seem to have an invisible touch-ay… it reaches in and grabs right hold of my heart… – Dusty

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