Stunt Granny Audio #226

Hulk Hogan and Iron Sheik going at it.

Hulk Hogan and Iron Sheik going at it.

It must be that time of the week again. The time when Kevin and Dusty grace all you lovely people with their magical mystical presence. This week our heroes start things off by discussing TNA’s continued roster purge. This week the victims are Luke Gallows and Tara. Gallows’ exit mystifies them but they agree both Tara and Jeremy Maes have seen better days since their Heat stint came and went. They move on to talking about WWE’s latest Monday Night Raw. It was an attack heavy show as the Wyatt Family and The Shield both joined in on all the reindeer games. Just what are the names of the Wyatt family members? Does Mitchell Cool even know? How long is it going to take Mark Henry to actually retire? Dusty sidetracks things twice, first by having a terrible cellular phone and second by asking Kevin if there was anyone who could have replaced Hogan in the big push spot in 1984. They also talk about how there is Sum Tin Wong with journalistic fact checking these days, and a whole lot more, so you need to listen before you spontaneously combust.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #226

Tara is getting naked in Penthouse? Please be true.

It has been a long time since a wrestling Diva/Knockout has gotten naked but according to her Twitter account the wait may be over. Yes, after years of anticipation it sure seems like Tara or better known from her WWE days as Victoria, may be stripping down. This is speculation of course but she is being coy on her account .

Be sure to pick the newest edition of Penthouse to see your favorite knockout, Tara. Hubba Hubba

Considering she has stated in the past that she would gladly pose for Playboy it is possible she will disrobe. Let’s save the balloons and streamers for when the magazine actually comes out though. This reeks of being none other than a trick to get us to buy the magazine only to find it is just some stupid interview about her body shop or her abbreviated stint training for an MMA career.

Regardless, we should all be on the lookout as this could be a dream come true. Yes this comes about five years too late but once you have a dream why should you ever let it go right? Besides it is Penthouse so there is a good chance she is pissing on an ice sculpture of Poseidon and really, lets hope so.

Oh yeah, notice I didn’t say look out for the magazine because who buys fucking glossy pages of pictures when you have Google image search? -Jeremy

So Stacy Keibler is apparently dating George Clooney now

My eagle eyed eye in the sky from California sent me this article the other day, and since I will do anything to increase the number of hits to our site since I have no shame whatsoever when it comes to this stuff, I’mma present it the way it was sent to me, and oh look at the hotty boom body pictures:

George Clooney dating pro wrestler Stacy Keibler? Really?

Well, that didn’t take long.

George Clooney, who broke up with his Italian actress girlfriend of two years, Elisabetta Canalis, earlier this summer, was officially on the market for less than a month before former professional wrestler Stacy Keibler swooped down and staked her claim.

“It’s more than just a fling,” a pal of the 5’11” Keibler dishes to Us Weekly, adding that the lovebirds have known each other for “four to five years.” The pair enjoyed some quality time together at Clooney’s summer place in Lake Como, Italy in early July last month–and now, this past weekend at Clooney’s spread in Los Angeles’ San Fernando Valley.

Kiebler was photographed entering the gates of Clooney’s Studio City, CA compound on Sunday afternoon. As of Monday afternoon, Keibler had not been seen leaving the property.

The attraction between Clooney and Keibler seems to have been growing for a while. The pair met at an Oscar party in 2006 and became close after he admitted that he was a fan of her hoofing on “Dancing with the Stars.”

“It’s so funny,” Keibler told People at the time. “George Clooney came up to me, and he was like, ‘You’re so great. You should win.’ And I said, ‘You watch ‘Dancing with the Stars’?”

Keibler’s dance moves seem to have help her win Clooney’s heart. “They’re basically exclusive at this point,” says Keibler’s pal.

***

I personally do not care. I’m just like a crackhead here: I need more hits. More hits for this here website! In any event, my favorite Clooney role is, was and always will be Return of the Killer Tomatoes. My favorite Stacy moment was when she pointed out her legs go from here to there. That was very helpful of her. – Dusty

So Tara Probably Burned Down Her Bike Shop

WWE Ice Cream Bars are a tremendous way to cool down while things are heating up at Black Widow Customs!

From the Observer:

TNA star business on fire      

Arson investigators are on the scene as of this afternoon at Black Widow Customs, a Louisville custom detail shop believed to be owned and operated by Lisa Varon, who is Tara on TNA.

The shop was the subject of a Consumer Watch investigation last night on WHAS, Ch. 11 in Louisville.  Firefighters who put out the fire this morning termed the fire suspicious.

Firefighters were called this morning when an employee got to the shop, and saw it had been broken into and vandalized and found several small fires on the ground near a car inside the shop.  He attempted to put the fires out unsuccessfullly, and they spread, destroying the entire inside of the building.

Investigators are looking into the coincidence of the shop being featured on a television report last night and the fire this morning.

A complete report is at http://whas11.com/ in the news section.

I refuse to believe this story because I find it impossible to believe that any pro wrestler would ever be involved in anything remotely shady, and I do not need to have this bubble bursted by a middle aged aspie with a first grade grammar level. – Dusty

Stunt Granny Audio – The Dusty Solo Project

All alone. All by myself.

Yeah, that’s right, it’s just Dusty this time folks. You’re in for a half hour of total disaster here, as Dusty talks about Dolph Ziggler and the rest of his former Spirit Squad buddies, Jack Swagger and his terrible hair and his terrible everything, the fact that everyone looks, wrestles and talks exactly the same now, and how every new wrestler is given a terrible name by the WWE “creative” team. He even has a few passing words for TNA as well, because he is onery, okay? So please listen to this, and he promises it will never happen again.

The Dusty Solo Project

TNA Sacrifice PPV Review

Fuck You Bill Gates or whoever created Windows and Audacity.

OK, so Kevin and I recorded an audio since we are both in the same building together. So we , meaning I, bought the PPV and watched the entire thing and had strong opinions. So we drank a bunch and recorded. You know, like men do. Right near the end Audacity, the recording program., takes a stinky crap and we lose everything. It was a good show too. It was full of farts and other types of jokes. It was funny and honest. I guess this is what happens when you combine the both. So, in review, we gave the PPV a slight thumbs down but it wasn’t a suicidal sort of thing. Oh, furthering the review, fuck Audactiy and fuck Windows XP. So, before we leave you we will leave you with a summary for each match we can remember. -Jeremy

Team 3D vs. The Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money Inc.

Kevin- Without 3D this match is better than it was. Too bad the Band will shit on MCMG.

Jeremy- Team 3D ruined a perfectly good match. I haste them, not personally but in a ” I never want them on a television show I watch again” way.

ROB TERRY vs. ORLANDO JORDAN

Kevin- This match was all that is wrong about TNA. Bad character development and bad in ring wrestling.
Jeremy- Orlando’s Cirq De Soli entrance was gay. Hey that fits. Oh this match sucked.
KAZ vs. DOUGLAS WILLIAMS
Kevin- Decent match but they should have made Kaz interim champ much like Shane Carwin is interim champ for the UFC Heavyweight Champion. I’m glad Douglas Williams won even if I’m not sold on him or his rant against high flyers.
Jeremy- Doug Williams is boring. I don’t get his appeal.
MADISON RAYNE vs. TARA
Kevin- Madison works out at the same gym as I do. She’s pretty hot in person. I hope she gets more in ring work because she has potential.
Jeremy- Kevin has seen Madison Rayne in the flesh or so he says. Yup, and Masa Chono junior is a cunt for interupting Tara’s goodbye.
SCOTT HALL & KEVIN NASH vs. INK INC.
Kevin- Scott Hall may have eaten Syxx-Pac. He may have shared a leg with Kevin Nash. I love grey chest hair.
Jeremy- Why is Jesse Neal on a PPV instead of Samoa Joe?
ABYSS vs. DESMOND WOLFE
Kevin- Abyss with Chelsea is not as funny as George the Animal Steele with Elizabeth. TNA sucks. Still. I’m sure you’re all surprised.
Jeremy- Desomnd Wolfe could be in WWE. He could be on Smackdown right now in the mid card pushing the bottom of the uppee tier. Instead he jobs to a retard. Good choice moron.
MR. ANDERSON vs. JEFF HARDY
Kevin- Anderson’s assholes is said and chanted yet Taz needs to stop before saying up “Shit” creek without a paddle. Decide what audience you want and stick to your plans.
Jeremy- Good match with a really weird crowd. How can Jeff Hardy not be roundly cheered by everyone. Oh, he’s in TNA.
STING vs. JEFF JARRETT
Kevin- Sting sucks. Jeff Jarrett sucks. At least Jarrett is in good enough shape to take off his shirt and ring jacket. Maybe that’s why he took in the stripper and her kids and not Sting who is jealous.
Jeremy- Why do you start a match after one guy beats the other guy down? It makes no snese and Slick Johnson should should be incinerated immediatly.
ROB VAN DAM vs. A.J. STYLES
Kevin- RVD had an awesome promo before the match. TNA is actually letting him be the old RVD from ECW. Solid match that had way too much Jay Lethal. Woo! Another bad gimmick. Woo! RVD wins because Mike Tenay was smart enough to want to see the in ring action. Thanks for finally being a professional announcer and not reading off a note pad in front of you while the camera has a shot of it. You’re less professional than us. Fuck you Mike Tenay.
Jeremy- Good match and should have been longer. I have nothing bad to say about it other than the ridiculous amount of times RVD played to the crowd was tiresome.

Mickie James released by WWE

Mickie James released something in my pants.

Straight from the “I can’t believe they released her” and “They don’t know what they are doing!” file; WWE released internet darling and over all fine looking woman Mickie James. This should shock absolutely no one with half a stump on their shoulders. Look at how Mickie has been used for the past few months. They had Maryse berate her and call her at just like Rachel Ray. Then they had the stick figure charisma vacuum Michelle McCool and her funny Telemundo sidekick Layla call her Piggy James and with the help of WWE’s production staff mock in her with different videos. WWE wasn’t even trying to hide the fact they hated her look and her “win” against Michelle McCool was sad. On top of that she lost the belt right back and never got a word in. If the rumors that the WWE are using her tardiness catching up with transportation are true, well, good for her. You know she did it on purpose.

But allow me a moment to speak directly to Stunt Granny Hall of Famer Mickie James

“Mickie, Alexis, do you mind if I call you that? I love you. Good luck with your music career and if possible stay away from TNA. Yes they will tempt you with an offer of money and dreams of success but it is all lies. Look at Tara/Victoria. Look at how they botched her from the get go and now she is just another pretty face albeit a very pretty face. But Mickie you are more than that. We here, no, I won’t speak for the group, this is between you and me; if you decide to keep wrestling there are plenty of opportunities to wrestle. ROH brings in Shimmer wrestlers for their cards. There is the Female Fight League and they have some talent to work with. How great would it be wrestling Cheerleader Melissa and Awesome Kong? I know how great it sounds writing this.

You know what else sounds awesome?  You sending me pictures of yourself in different states of undress. Yeah, I’m forward like that but it’s all good. You can reach me at stuntgranny@gmail.com. Drop me some digits baby and let’s see where this thing goes. You know, now that there is no conflict of interest. What, the whole girlfriend thing? Nah, it’s cool, she knows the score. When its meant to be its meant to be ya know?  If not, no big thing girl. Good luck in whatever you do and stay sexy.” -Jeremy

The Art of Wrestling – TNA Poo Poo Platter

Different greasy Chinese food = Different crappy TNA shirts

Different greasy Chinese food = Different crappy TNA shirts

Like I did with Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston, these shirts from TNA don’t have enough design effort is put in them to merit their own articles. I guessed that the WWE didn’t want to be putting too much effort into shirts with young talent. TNA doesn’t really have the excuse because all three of these shirts are from WWE retreads: Taz, Sheik Abdul Bashir and Tara.  They all have a fan base that would love to snatch up a shirt since their commentator or wrestler jumped to the “competition”.

Let’s start with our good buddy Taz who got to drop a “Z” in the company switch. The shirt uses the black and orange colors that Taz has been known for since he started wearing boots. Stumpy is making the normal dumb face that nearly every TNA model wears and is pointing towards the shirt. I hope we all realize that FTW is ninny for “Fuck The World”. Considering that a majority of fans are disconnected from his days in the original ECW, people don’t know the background on this aspect of Taz’s character. He doesn’t want that any more because his protege, Samoa Joe, did the exact opposite of what that original character would have done and joined a powerful group to help him out, even though they’ve done squat for since then. His chummy persona and minor distancing from Samoa Joe since he has joined the broadcast team has only made “Fuck the World” all the more laughable.

On the back of the shirt, “Survive” in orange is arched above a white circle that is framed by a thick orange line. The number “13” is created by negative space showing the black of the main part of the shirt. There are also five bullet holes which refers to his upbringing in Red Hook. The problem I see with that is he hasn’t reconnected with that part of his persona in TNA and hadn’t talked about Joey Numbers for years as an announcer for the WWE. Underneath the ball is the ending of his mantra “If I Let You” which again is nothing that he has referred to in years.  Only in this picture do you see “Red Hook, NY” which is outlined in silver for some reason.  Why add that random color?  You could have used white and connected with the ball. This shirt is a little more complex than I had imagined from seeing the front, but it still has too many holes to make a lot of sense.  It keeps with Taz’s long running nature though so I can’t bash it too much.  I’ll give it a thumbs in the middle.

I may not have been able to bash the last one, but this one should be pretty easy. Let’s take a look at the front of the shirt. My favorite color is orange but I’m not going to buy this piece of garbage. Would it have killed the camera man to tell Bashir that his right wrist tape was falling off?  It’s seriously just text with the oh so creative number of 24(HR)7(Week)365(Days)TNA(Ugh.) I’m full amused by the following this picture though (here).  The next picture is what they should go with all of the time, which is what the WWE does all of the time – an action shot of them either in the ring or coming to the ring. The wrestlers just look more natural in these shots.  The last picture is kind enough to show us the back of the shirt which is equally dumpy. It also includes cross hairs on the front of the shirt which aren’t there in any of the other pictures. This shirt should be flushed down the toilet like a Koran was at Guantanamo Bay.

They're wasting her with that damn spider.

They're wasting her with that damn spider.

Last but not least, we have Tara’s new shirt. They show the front and back all in one photo with no modeling from this fine piece of woman. I’d much rather have her in dumb poses than Bashir showing off his possibly enchanced muscles that have popping pimples all over them. As for the shirt, wow, it sucks. Fuzzy gray text with barely red surround on a black shirt. The gray text doesn’t stand out and the red surround would help if it was brighter and there was more of it. If there is a picture in bewteen “Tara” and “Rizing” the picture is taken so poorly lit that I can’t make it out. On the back, “What A Tangled Web We Weave” is the statement which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense since it’s only Tara who is weaving the web so it should say I instead of we.

I hope you enjoyed that Poo Poo platter from TNA. I sure didn’t. – Kevin

TNA Adds Two More Washouts

Seriousluy? You are paying me?

Seriousluy? You are going to pay me?

 

So for those of you who watched TNA’s Sacrifice PPV last night you may be wondering just who is coming to Impact on Thursday. You know what I am talking about right? Jeremy Borash, he of the famed 1920’s bug eyed reaction shot face, teased us all and then told us to text TNA to find out just who the former world champions will be. It was an exclusive deal for all us who were watching the PPV last night. It sounded like a nice gesture, especially since we paid for the , well, wait a second, some paid for the PPV, and since that hard earned money was not going to be rewarded with their appearance on the show at least we would know before it got posted in message boards all over the internet.

Not being a total rube I just waited it out and much to my surprise TNA has pulled off a shocker in new signings. They have brought in my boo, Victoria, which has already been covered here. They are also bringing in Raven and Shane Douglas. Talk about shocking announcements.

Normally, and as I did just before this, I would rip a company for not giving the paying audience the first shot at seeing debuting people. In this case, they did a good job. Victoria would have been nice but the two duck farts that are returning on Impact didn’t even warrant the hype given for the text service.

Judgment should be reserved until we read the spoilers for the Impact tapings but it is increasingly difficult to believe anything good is going to come of this. Raven and Douglas are nowhere near household names. I guess Shane working in the household section of Target may be something but it isn’t going to help a company with a bloated roster of has beens and never wills. At least Victoria’s signing helps bring a veteran presence to the Knockouts. Raven and Douglas bring nothing. Sure Raven has “the business mind” but he sucks in the ring. He looked horrible in his last appearance and if history teaches us anything it is that wrestlers out of the spotlight come back looking atrocious. Are they going to market XXXXL Raven shirts to cover his gut? –Jeremy

Victoria TNA Bound?

wwe_diva_victoria

According to James Caldwell over at PWTorch.com via a whole slew of detective work, TNA has apparently signed my former flame Victoria. By former flame I mean my former masturbatory fantasy of course. Victoria left WWE earlier this year and claimed it was a retirement. Well, she retired from WWE apparently but not wrestling. Last I knew she was training for MMA fighting but you still gotta pay the bills somehow I suppose.

I like this move for Victoria and for the TNA Knockouts division. For TNA it gives the division a veteran presence now.  There was a creative lull for the division for a few months but the Kong/ Beautiful People feud has been rather good. On top of that there is the possibility that after the Kong/Love feud ends Victoria can immediately move in to the ring with Angelina Love. Just typing that sentence is giving me a chub. The idea of those two hard bodies rolling around on top of each other………see ya.  -Jeremy

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