Stunt Granny Audio #235

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Freed from the shackles of audio ban, Dusty is back once again to join Kevin for another rousing edition of Stunt Granny Audio. The fearless duo talk about whether TNA is really up for sale or not, and if so, who might be among the potential buyers. And does it even really matter since TNA doesn’t exactly have a sterling reputation for knowing what to do with their product anyway. And might this be just another business acquisition for Vince McMahon to add to his tape library?

They then switch gears to talk about the goings on in the last episode of Monday Night Raw. Dusty talks about how he thinks Jay Briscoe is the best thing about professional wrestling right now. Kevin expresses his sadness for the state of his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers right now. Dusty grills Kevin about the Richie Incognito-Jonathan Martin bullying scandal. And a whole lot more fun and nonsense, including Dusty challenging the listeners to come up with an example of a good song about dinosaurs, and it will only cost you an hour of your life and your cold black soul, so why not listen!

56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania XV’s Best Matches

From the year that would be the bane of Dusty’s existence: 1999. Could the biggest card of the year be properly executed by someone who is equal parts idiot and egotist like Vince Russo? Could he offer enough ADD-laden matches that qualify as “best”? Vote now and let’s see what we come up with!

Velvet Sky, totally natural breasts, officially gone from TNA

Any excuse to post these. I mean, this.

And so it is official; after days of speculation Velvet Sky has confirmed she is no longer part of TNA. Via her Twitter account she released the following:

“I have been granted my release by TNA at this time,” Sky wrote. “It’s what’s best for me right now and I wanted to thank TNA and all the fans for their constant support in me. Stay tuned though…

“And I also want to thank Vince Russo for creating and believing in the team of The Beautiful People. We had a great run!”

So now the talk is whether or not she ends up in WWE. Dusty and I discussed this a bit yesterday and it just doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense. But then WWE doesn’t really care about in ring product for the women seeing as how the matches go all of five minutes.

Velvet is a gorgeous woman with giant natural breasts so she would seem like a shoo-in for WWE. Excuse me, giant breasts, my bad, and that isn’t a complaint.  Anyway, the role of the manipulative, bitchy chick has been filled by Eve and she isn’t exactly replaceable (wink).  So what use is Velvet to WWE? She can’t rub her crotch on the middle rope more than once before getting fired.  Does WWE really need yet another woman on the roster to not fill time on television?

Oh, and let the Beautiful People reunion go already. If this was WWE of five years ago then maybe but there is definitely no place for them now. Even with the Bella Twins running out of town. -Jeremy

Viacom may pull Spike from DirecTV, just in time for me to enjoy Impact Wrestling

Is it a) where I do my best thinking, b) where TNA will go if Viacom leaves DirecTV, or c) all of the above?

I feel obligated to link to Prowrestling.net, even though I saw this story on Magnus’ Twitter account while I was on the toilet: Viacom and DirecTV are at each other’s throats about subscriber fees, and Viacom is threatening to pull all 17 of its cable channels from DirecTV, including MTV, all the Nickelodeons, and, yes, Spike, home of TNA Impact Wrestling. I remember a time when I wished a swift, curb-stompy death to TNA, but the post-Russo era has made for pretty good television and, from what I’ve seen through my neighbor’s window, pretty good pay-per-view. Bobby Roode came into his own as a world champion, Austin Aries is being given a run, Bully Ray became the best heel in the business (after Chris Jericho decided to dry up and die), Hulk Hogan, Sting and Kurt Angle found their roles, and even garbage like Robbie E and Garrett Bischoff have followed their paths back down the ladder.

So of course, what happens but TNA’s home network’s parent company threatens to leave a broadcast platform that offers a couple hundred thousand fans, at a time when a 1.0 rating is a time to celebrate. Oops. This sort of posturing and muscle-flexing happens all the time between networks and cable/satellite providers, but the gray cloud still looms. Hey, Dixie, as soon as you decide to scrap the Claire Crackhead storyline, you might want to give Fox a call. They should remember you.

For more on this story from DirecTV’s point of view, go to their sappy video page here. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio Show #176

This week Kevin and Dusty join forces to discuss the epic February 13 Monday Night Raw Super Show. This show was so super, it pre-empted the dog show to CNBC. Was it worth it? Well, if you missed the show (a show that was trending on twitter, I might remind you), Dusty and Kevin are here to break it down for you and answer that question. What did they think of the cartoony Kane-John Cena-Zack Ryder storyline? (Besides that it was very very cartoony.) What did they think of the Shawn Michaels-Triple H-Undertaker showdown? Were the matches on this show so bad the writers might as well have been slashing their ratings with straight razor? What was actually good about the show? Was it that godforsaken debate thing they did to start the show? Was it anything? You need to listen to find out, and it’ll only be an hour of your measley, pointless time. So listen!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #176

OFFICIAL: Vince Russo out at TNA/Impact Wrestling or whatever

According to various reports and straight from the horses’ mouth aka Dixie Carter via Twitter, Vince Russo is no longer an employee of TNA or Impact Wrestling. You know they need to come up with one god damn name and stick to it. Anyway, what started as rumor Sunday finally has been confirmed publicly? The man responsible for so much good in everyone’s favorite second place wrestling company is heading back to an Indy record store near you. Maybe you can get a sneak peek at his book and then swear everyone to secrecy?

Like this news even matters now. TNA/Impact Wre.., fuck it, is near irrelevant in the States after so many years of his garbage. This actually came ten years too late for my tastes. What was your favorite Russo TNA moment? There are so many; is it even possible that there is enough room in cyberspace to share all of them. Well, here goes my favorite.

There was that one time that one guy came to the ring and turned on that one guy and then the next week he turned on another guy who had just turned on that other guy who was teaming with some guy who was friends with another guy who had a female friend in a bikini crawling on her hands and knees in a show of power feminism but she was betrayed by her one piece wearing prudish friend who had designs on that one guy who was about to turn on the champion guy who was really a puppet of the commissioner who was that guy everyone knew but no one cared about and this all led to a ratings bonanza.

You know what I am talking about. -Jeremy

Vince Russo may or may not be out as head of TNA creative

"Ugh, just make up ya' fuckin' mind, I gots womens to objectify ovah heeah!"

According to WrestleZone.com, Vince Russo was replaced as head of TNA creative by recent hire and former WWE and Ring of Honor writer Dave Lagana and that Russo wasn’t even present at the Against All Odds PPV last night in Orlando. Clearly our banner at the top of this page was the motivating factor in the move, and not years of failure to bring TNA into the mainstream or above a 1.5 extended cable rating or 25,000 pay-per-view buys, not to mention climbing his greasy ass behind the wheel of the 1979 Chevy Nova that was WCW and driving it directly into the Des Moines River.

However, in a second article at Prowrestling.net, multiple sources are disputing the news, saying Lagana was merely helping out at Against All Odds. Yeah, he was helping. He was holding the door for Russo while slapping an “#IWantWrestling” note to his back.

We’re not a site that likes to jump to conclusions, but we also need to think objectively about these conflicting reports. In short, Jason Powell has a decade-plus-long history of being accurate, while WrestleZone has been around since I started brewing this cup of coffee, and one of its main writers is an on-air character for Pro Wrestling Ohio. I know that if Kevin was the PWO commissioner, we’d have more on our minds than reporting accurate news. I also know that if I was right as often as Powell is, I’d be swimming in my vault full of gold coins in St. Paul just like he does. -Eric

TNA Audio #5 – Swinging From The Barn Door

Yeah man, Direct Auto Insurance is awesome. Say, don't we have a title match coming up or something?

This is a very special edition of TNA Audio because not only do Dusty and Matt discuss the February 9 Impact episode, but they also go above and beyond the call of duty to talk about the February 12 Against All Odds pay-per-view as well! That means that your earbuds are in for a sweet, sweet serenade about things like:

-Why Dusty feels like Hulk Hogan is a human acid trip, and why he is responsible for that woman’s hideous attire.

-Why they both feel like TNA is really getting the hang of solid, episodic storytelling, and why they might have a leg up over WWE when it comes to this.

-Why Magnus might be on the cusp on something, if he can break free from the boys in the back and bullshit of the politics behind that curtain.

-Why the company would really be in business if only they could figure out how to properly end the main events of their pay-per-views.

And a whole lot more nonsense, including Dusty yelling loudly at his dog, Matt being lethargic because this was one of the most boring Impacts in a long time, Dusty hoping people notice he just got a new phone and that’s why he sounds like a whole lot better this week (fingers crossed), Dusty standing silently to Matt’s side with a towel around his neck making intimidating looking faces, Matt quietly binging on his free ice cream from last week while Dusty rants, and a whole lot more, so listen or death!

Stunt Granny TNA Audio Show #5

TNA Audio #3 – Bleep you Michigan, Wisconsin is the mitten

Ref Hardy will make a disturbing face at you if you do not listen.

Our intrepid heroes Dusty and Matt continue their slog through everything TNA, this week focusing on the January 26 edition of Impact. Included herein:

-Dusty imagines a Mike Tenay-free universe

-Someone in TNA either thinks that Eric Young is actually funny, or knows that Dusty and Matt hate him and like torturing them with him

-Why TNA needs to either shit or get off the pot when it comes to being a taped show

-Why Sting is an ineffectual authority figure

-An examination of whether even TNA knows what they’re doing with their main event scene right now

And a whole lot more nonsense, and it’s only worth an hour of your time, so you need to download this immediately, or else!

 

Stunt Granny TNA Audio Show #3

Ronnie from MTV “Jersey Shore” coming to TNA

Ronnie Jersey Shore

Douche chills...

According to PWTorch.com (if you can see it under the huge headline “ROODE AWAKENING?” which should have been followed by 😮  Ronnie from MTV’s hit TV show “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA. For those of you who, unlike me, don’t watch the show, Ronnie is what they call a “douchebag” because he breaks up with his skeezy girlfriend on a monthly basis, and a “gorilla” because he’s all tanned and spiked like the rest of these guidos but he also lifts heavy in the gym and has an unnatural body size for someone who lives in New Jersey, which means you should be skinny from dodging from stray bullets.

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro gets in the ring with TNA’s IMPACT WRESTLING on SpikeTV! Star of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” makes his wrestling debut on Thursday, November 3.

Yes, you read that right, his “wrestling debut.” Wow. OK, rather than outright make fun of this decision by TNA, let me take a different approach and list the top six reasons why Ronnie from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA Impact Wrestling:

6) TNA thinks it’s leveraging Viacom’s connection between shitty Spike TV and a highly rated show on MTV, because obviously the Robbie E and Cookie gimmicks worked so well for them earlier this year.

5) Scott Steiner heard about “Ronnie Juice” and, instead of understanding that’s a name for Ronnie’s shitty mixed drink, assumed this guy would bring him steroids.

4) Dixie Carter wants to have extra-marital sex with someone with a New England accent other than Vince Russo.

3) Eric Young is tired of looking like the biggest dipshit on the roster.

2) Hulk Hogan is tired of being the most orange person on the roster.

And the No. 1 reason Ronnie from “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA:

1) It’s god damn christ-punching TNA, and any chance they get to throw an appearance fee at a celebrity (and last I checked, Ronnie was commanding between $12,000 and $20,000 an appearance), they do. Because they’re idiots.

It’s like fucking Groundhog Day around here. Join us again in four hours when TNA makes its next stupid-ass business decision. -Eric

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