Dusty’s Blog: Post Monday Night Raw Autopsy

If you didn't like this week's Monday Night Raw, this picture should hopefully put things into perspective for you.

This one will be short and sweet since I’m feeling under the weather today. Kevin wanted me to do this because he’s busy with something or another else. We’re choking down Summer Slam, so they better make this count.

Triple H comes out to start the show. How long do you get to be the new COO of the company before you’re just the COO of the company? He said there were lots of changes going on in the company, what with them going from having no champion to now having two. He said they’re going to resolve that issue at Summer Slam with a match between John Cena and CM Punk to determine who the undisputed champion will be. Punk got a big pop again at the mention. Hunter said a match of that magnitude is going to need a special guest referee of equal magnitude to keep the law and order. So, of course, it’s going to be him. Stevie Wonder could have seen that coming. Ray Charles could have seen that coming. A visually impaired person who needs the assistance of eyewear in order to see things properly could have seen that coming.

In any event, Hunter then got down to the business of laying out the format of the rest of the show. We’ve got a contract signing between Punk and Cena (I’m sure that will go just swimmingly), as well as individual matches for the both of them against other dudes. Hunter said Cena’s match is first, and actually it is going to be right then and there. I love how they do that on wrestling shows, the faux surprise “let’s have a match right now!” thing. What were they going to do otherwise with that time? Just show an empty ring? Have Triple H talk longer? Before they went to break, Cena got in Hunter’s face to question the guest referee stipulation. Hunter told him no one is bigger than him, basically laying down the law there. Interesting.

Back from break, and Cena is taking on Jack Swagger. WWE forgot to fire Swagger on Black Friday a while back, and they’re going to punish him for it by making him job on television. Or something like that. I’m not reviewing the matches this week in any sort of meaningful way, if you want to know the truth of it. Besides, Swagger is not good, so it would just be a bunch of sentences saying stuff like “Swagger did something poorly” and “Swagger sold something poorly.” I just saved you some time. Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment for the victory. It was your basic John Cena match that he had every week while I was doing Smackdown reviews back in the day. I guess Swagger and Carlito are interchangeable.

Later in the show is going to be Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz. Isn’t Rey hurt? Isn’t Miz not much better off? What’s going on here? They show clips of Bret Hart vs. Curt Hennig from Summer Slam 1991, which is one of my favorite matches of all time, ostensibly to get people excited about this year’s Summer Slam. Done and doner.

Ricardo Rodriguez interrupts Scott Stanford (the broski of the forever) to introduce Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio is going to be taking on Punk tonight, and he vows to finish what he tried to start at the Money in the Bank pay-per-view. So apparently Punk is a babyface now, in that he is a babyface when he is facing heels and a heel when he is facing babyfaces. Who doesn’t think Punk is this generation’s Randy Savage, the best thing to happen to wrestling in the last 10 years? If so, harm yourself immediately.

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WWE Release Day! Melina, Chris Masters, Vladimir Kozlov, David Hart Smith

(Fast-forward to about 1:30 to see the latest – and last – appearance of “The Masterpiece”)

Welp, it was bound to happen sooner or later, and when it didn’t happen at the customary time immediately following WrestleMania, I’m sure these Legends of WWE Superstars (exclusively on WWE.com) were increasingly more freaked out about answering their phones when a 203 area code popped up. According to Prowrestling.net, three superstars and one diva have been released, and one more diva claims to have quit (and she probably did).

So say goodbye to that sorry-ass no-talent hack Melina (and to the ultra-talented-and-thus-totally-wasted Gail Kim), to Chris Masters (does that mean he can’t challenge Zack Ryder for the Internet Championship?), to Vladimir Kozlov (who will replace him in his sitcom with Santino Marella? and hey, he got a good pop from the Des Moines crowd a few weeks back), and to David Hart Smith, the third-generation star who (edited to remove reference to dead people’s shadows).

In summary, good luck to Masters, Vlad and Kim in their future endeavors, good luck to David Hart Smith finding something to do with your life that doesn’t involve Del Taco, and good riddance to that insult-to-intelligence Z-grade J-Lo Melina. Hooray Black Friday! -Eric

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Vince McMahon did not look this good in the same colored suit.

So, I’m surprised this drawn out Tough Enough Finale got me sucked in as much as it did. It was completely bogus because they didn’t even show the entire match with Bill DeMott. They were too worried about doing live shots from Raw. Of course my DVR skips 10 seconds while flipping programs from Tough Enough to Raw. I missed what Vince did. How great is it to eat a Stunner on your TV debut? I’d say very. Cole amping up the excitement of the choice was too much. I liked Andy more but he still has work to do to get his personality out. What the hell is R-Truth doing? He gets to explain the outfit. Biggest moment of R Truth’s career being in front of McMahon & Stone Cold. R Truth using history against the crowd. A bit more creative than trashing their sports team. Truth is seceding from the WWE until his Title match. Vince makes it a comedy bit. Miz interrupts. I take a break to see that Boston has taken a 3-0 lead. Maybe they decided getting a winning instead of revenge was a better way to go about things. Don’t worry about the cheap shots. Win games. As I type that, Boston makes it 4-0 so I’m going to stick to reviewing for a while. I think Miz needed to go with lighter pants. the dark purple is too close to black. Alex Riley gets to share the spot light. Not really, Cena hits the ring. Vince made it a comedy, Cena’s going to make it not so funny. He was doing fine until making fun of R Truth. Vince gets to tell Cole to shut up. Another stamp of approval. You’re paying Austin, may as well use him.

Santino takes on McGillicutty. Cole tells me he’s half of the tag champs. Honestly, I had completely forgotten. Vlad looks really strange in blue, with an American flag. Longest Santino match, probably ever. At least on TV.  The crowd is eating up Santino’s offense. Santino gets a big pop for the cobra victory. What is a women’s match starting without a commercial break? I got it now.

The crowd is surprisingly into this match. Beth doing a good job of feeding them.  Rebuilding Phoenix needs to be done before Kharma comes back. Nice showing for Beth.

Booker talks to Trish. He has a secret, a Trisharooni. Swagger needs to be introduced by Trish. Booker giving Swagger a clinic in the promo. Punk goes Indian Style on the stage. He gives Swagger a clinic in promos too and he had less time.

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WrestleMania 27 Preview #4- The Two Matches To Get People Bonus Money

Jeremy and Kevin get to review John Morrison, Trish Stratus & Snooki against Dolph Ziggler, Michelle McCool & Layla along with The Corre against The Big Show, Kane, Vladimir Kozlov & Santino Marella. The WWE tried to build up one of these matches and not the the later so the guys lumped them together. Find out which one of the guys has slept with someone bigger than Snooki. That’s the best part of the show, may as well highlight it.

WrestleMania 27 Preview #4- The Two Matches To Get People Bonus Money

Past WrestleMania 27 Preview Audios
Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan
Randy Orton vs. CM Punk
Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

Big Week here at Stunt Granny HQ.

I typed in “Big Week” in the Google image search. I had a hard time figuring out why this would be under that category. I guess spring break is a big week. I only had a real spring break when I was studying over in Italy. That ruled.

CM Punk is sitting Indian style in the ring. Nice start. Never would think they’d go in this direction. Huge reaction for him. Are we in Canada? An excellent choice for an opener. This feud needed more time on TV than it has gotten. Punk gets the DDT. Randall thinking about the punt.  Crowd against Punk now. Keith collapses under his own weight. Crowd chants CM Punk. I’m confused. Randy chant. Make up your mind.Orton is playing hurt well. Punk hits the GTS but gets to lose at Wrestlemania. Punk is one of the few people to not get embarrassed in his hometown.

Edge explains that he can attack Del Rio on Raw. Christian and him are headed to the ring.

Grabbed myself a beer. Yuengling rocks. I’m trying out how to pimp this blog. Flipping through my Twitter as Del Rio takes his grand time getting to the ring. Dana White pimped the #WWE because his boy the Rock is on Raw. Nothing going on in the match with Clay starting for the heels.

Clay has to be called impressive. Dude has had 3 matches in the last week. Who was the winner of NXT again? Del Rio trips up Edge going for the spear. Edge ends up giving it to Clay anyway. Del Rio attacks Christian, Edge runs him off. Del Rio gives Edge the Cross Arm Breaker. Guess we know two winners on Sunday now. Del Rio shouldn’t win the title already anyway. Talk about too much, too soon. Oh my lord, the “bar” that Snooki & Trish are at is terrible.

Why is Cole pimping an iPad? Is he supposed to be slick and cool like the Miz because of it? Cole tells King he has to wrestle Swagger. Not much meat to sink my teeth into writing wise so far. They’re highlighting the matches so I can’t bitch. South Park’s “Montage” will never leave my had as they show video of HHH & Undertaker.

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Smackdown Spoilers

Taken for the sole purpose of using for this spoiler post.

I tweeted all of the results from @Stuntgranny last night. When I got home, Kent State was in the process of losing at Colorado so I was too consumed to put this post together.  I’m going to string together my tweets and add a little extra commentary. I’m hoping to talk about Raw and this taping so I’m reserving some commentary for your ear holes. Since these are spoilers, I’ll only show my first Tweet before putting up a read more link.

Tweet: The parkin is barren. I’m either here early or it’s a light crowd -K. After: The parking, I hate spelling mistakes, was light as was the crowd. They had a whole lot of tarped off area. I went to a Blue Jackets game last week and there was 8-10000 people. There couldn’t have been any more last night.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

It's been a parade of men in trunks as the WWE shows off it's roster for the 40 man Royal Rumble.

Jeremy IMed me last week and said that he was getting the Royal Rumble. For some reason, it hadn’t dawned on me that I could actually buy a pay per view instead of watching it at Dusty’s neighbor. I have decided to join him in purchasing the pay per view so I’m going to type and talk my mind this week. That means I get the week started with a blog and a Leinenkugel Creamy Dark.

The GM screws Edge one last time. At least they’re keeping an ongoing storyline for a change. Someone has a shot at #40. Tyson Kidd is dispatched first. Wow, has Jack Swagger fallen and not just for this challenge. McIntyre is another guy in a downward spiral. “Who wants to see a smashed lap top computer?” Can’t say I ever imagined those words would be uttered on Raw. Even worse that the crowd popped for it. CM Punk and crew come out. Are they trying to show off all 40 competitors tonight? Mason Ryan officially gets a name. CM Punk cuts an OK promo. Barrett gets a crack on the mic. Edge is such a pussy for leaving when Nexus showed up. Nice big man show down. Mystery GM chimes in to make a Barrett vs. Punk match. The loser has their crew yanked from the Rumble. I’m going to have to count the roster size. They are going to exclude some good wrestlers and add jobbers which is royally dumb.

Morrison & Henry take on Sheamus (another guy who’s been in a funk for longer than I expected) & Del Rio. I smell Henry taking a pin. They take a match break at a predictable time.

Mark Henry takes on Sheamus, who looks like a pansy until the Rogue Kick. Del Rio gets the arm bar on Henry. Looks like I was a little off since Henry tapped out. Two heels should not be celebrating and smiling at each other. On should have turned on the other and tossed him out of the ring to prove they’d win on Sunday. Faces played patty cake like that.

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