Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

From wikihow.com for cheating on a math test.

From wikihow.com for cheating on a math test.

I was surprised at how many people thought it was surprising that John Cena won. Though the WWE has done a good job of building up Daniel Bryan, they haven’t really built up any of the other new Superstars to the level that they could win the WWE Title. Another era of John Cena begin. Let’s roll.

HHH & Steph come out and look happy. Steph babbles about Seth Rollins and his big win. HHH tells us that John Cena was always an A+ player. He then introduces Cena. Let’s hope he doesn’t shake hands with them. They didn’t. Congrats. Steph gives him the big roll out for WWE 2K15 with Cena looking quizzical. Cena calls them out on their looks from last night. HHH plays white rapper which I find funny for some reason. HHH then throws down the veiled threat. HHH gives him the hard way at Battleground. It’s a Fatal 4 Way match. Randy Orton & Kane will be taking on Cena & Roman Reigns. HHH tells Cena that there’s always a Plan B if he survives the Fatal 4 Way. Seth Rollins comes out while Stephanie looks like a troll.

RVD is taking on Seth Rollins. RVD gets to continue his job tour for the WWE. (Next Day Note: I make RVD sound like an idiot for coming back for the same reasons Chris Jericho did later. Smart idea by RVD to be a stepping stone too.) RVD gets the upper hand with an enziguri after the early exchanges. RVD shoulder blocks him in the back. RVD continues to work the back over. Rollins regroups outside and catches RVD unaware. Break. Rollins counters into a single leg crab. Still think that move is stupid. RVD kicks Rollins in the jaw. Rolling Thunder on the back. Most psychology by RVD in a while. Split legged moonsault continues the work on the back. Rollins gets thrown into the turn buckles with a head scissors take over. RVD nails Rollins with a cross body to the floor. Rollins Dragon Screw leg whips RVD while he’s in the ropes. Curb Stomp for the victory. Rollins wants to be called the right thing. He’s Mr. MITB. I wasn’t wrong Seth. I picked you to win. Sometimes in wrestling there are hijinks. Dean Ambrose interrupts him. Dean tells him Kane was Plan B because Rollins’s Plan A didn’t work. Ambrose tells him he’ll be there any time he tries to cash in the briefcase. Smart move on his part.

Rusev comes out with Lana. Please let there be no promo. Crap, in ring promo. America is used to failure. No one can stop Rusev. Jack Swagger‘s music hits. Awesome! They should come down according to their own words. Zeb Colter is defending our country. He gives us a free speech brush up. They are taking advantage of our freedoms. I’m guessing Swagger loses but a win here would be welcome. We The People! Working better with the crowd already than Big E did. A pair of arm drags to make Rusev run? Really. I’m glad they’re not rushing it either. Let this happen at your all too soon next PPV. (Next Day Note: The WWE tries to work in shades of gray more these days but they still usually book a baby face vs a heel. This angle though is a perfect shade of gray. Plus I feel like heels should hate each other more than baby faces. The later could do more of a UFC respect thing.)

Winning from captiveinternational.com

Winning from captiveinternational.com

Sheamus is in the ring and awaiting the introduction of the Usos. They are taking on the Wyatt Family. People enjoy the entrance but it’s catch up time for me. Jey starts against Erick Rowan. Jimmy comes in for double team action. Break because of the entrance.  Jimmy & Rowan are in the match still. Bray Wyatt splashes Jimmy in the corner with some help. Luke Harper comes in quickly. Jimmy hits Whisper In The Wind. Sheamus battles Rowan. Sheamus does Ten Beats. Sheamus double shoulder blocks Harper & Rowan on the outside from the top rope. Wyatt distracts Sheamus. Rowan knocks him out of the ring. Harper gives Sheamus a big boot in the mush. Poor Mitchell Cool trying to sell that dumb Sgt. Slaughter move still. Sheamus kicks Wyatt who fires back with an uppercut. Super kick by Harper. Sheamus with a back breaker. Jey starts to clean house. Flying Uso who cleared by a lot today. Super kick by Jey leads to a two. Exchange of finishers. Jey gets hit by the Harper clothes line for the win. Much needed win for the threesome after all losing last night. Who is this announcer? Tom is his name. Nikki didn’t think she made a mistake last night. She gets to take on the Funkadactyls by herself next. Did Steph happen to be extremely close or that they knew when Nikki would be interviewed? If it’s the later, how since matches aren’t determined?

Bo Dallas has a moment of silence for Daniel Bryan and Bad News Barrett. The crowd stays a little too quiet. Jerry Lawler makes a lot of Bo jokes. Don’t stop Bo-lieving. Nikki is miraculously ready to go including hat cutely crooked. Big threat there Steph. Cameron & Naomi come out. Why would anyone think this is a problem since the Funkadactyls have had their own problems? Cameron starts out. Face buster by Nikki. Naomi tags herself in. Nikki tries to jump her but gets kicked in the head. Naomi with the Final Cut for the win. Cameron steps to Naomi after the match. Charles Robinson knows how to chill bitches out like Ringo.

Wade Barrett has a separated shoulder. The IC Title is vacant. It will be determined by battle royal at Battleground. Yuck. We have seen entirely too many battle royals lately. Paul Heyman introduces Cesaro as the next IC Champion. I could handle that. His opponent is Kofi Kingston who gets an inset promo. We’re supposed to believe he has a chance at the title. Cross body by Kofi early. He monkey flips Cesaro thru the ropes. Flip dive to the outside by Kofi. The announcers have been pushing the Network harder than normal in my opinion. I like Cesaro’s gear. I might have missed it last night. Cesaro does away with the Swing. Kofi head scissors into a victory roll. Uppercut to the back by Cesaro leads to a break. Kingston beat Cesaro during the break. (Next Day Note: This would have been a perfect spot last night to confirm my suspicion that they were pimping the Network more than normal. Having a match finish during the break is a perfect way to do it.) Cesaro starts Kofi around ring side. This could work better than a victory. Cesaro drags Kofi by the hair. Cesaro repeatedly slams Kofi into the ring post chest first. Cesaro turns him inside out with a clothes line. Nice old school beat down. Not good to hear that Michael Cole is down. Santino is talking to Cobra when Adam Rose comes in to pimp Twisted Tea. Cole dusts himself off and says he can continue.

Damien Sandow comes out as Vince McMahon. He starts using McMahon’s catch phrases. Ending with “You’re fired!” Stephanie is pissed. The Great Khali is his opponent. Chop to the head for the win. Quick & painless. Evidently there were rumors about someone all day. I had no idea.

The Miz is back and dressed all in white. He just finished Marine 4. I’m sure it’s great. They should be playing this up if they want him to mean something. It’ll freshen up his character. Similar to what his gimmick was. Chris Jericho interrupts his speech. I have enjoyed his podcast most of the wrestlers so far. Even if they sound more poorly recorded than ours. The Miz isn’t phased. Jericho gives him the Code Breaker. Before it becomes Raw Is Jericho, the Wyatts hit the ring. Jericho loves doing jobs to get people over. God bless him. He gets it. A beat down occurred ending with Sister Abigail. Did I even need to type that?

Fandango is taking on Dolph Ziggler who will be on Main Event against Cesaro too. I hope Chris gets that watched tomorrow. Fandango stomps away but starts gyrating. Ziggler doesn’t take advantage. Layla kisses Fandango. It has been a lively crowd tonight. Summer Rae walks into the middle of the ring and kisses Ziggler. Fandango is a little pissed. Ziggler kisses Summer. Zig Zag while Fandango is distracted. JBL “I think Ziggler got a win win tonight.” Amen.

Will Dolph Ziggler get a new valet? from fanpop.com

Will Dolph Ziggler get a new valet? from fanpop.com

Stardust & Goldust are taking on Rybaxel again. WWE, we need two more tag teams. I’m just saying, it’d help. Put Titus O’Neil back in one. I can’t remember if Darren Young got cut. Goldust starts against Curtis Axel. Ryback comes in on a sneak tag. Ryback uses power to domionate Goldust. Spine buster on an attempted Meat Hook. Stardust & Axel come in. Tucked DDT by Stardust. He hits a Reverse Downward Spiral for the win. JBL is selling the crazy angle.

Paige is in the ring and gets a mic. She is a woman of few words. She talks about her nay sayers. Last night put that story line to sleep. AJ Lee comes back. It’s been quite a night. She admits that Paige was right. Lee still manages to toot her own horn. She needed a slap of reality. Paige isn’t as dumb as AJ thinks. For some reason, Paige leaves it up to the crowd to determine the match although Lee brings it home. Mike Chioda magically appears. Paige boots Lee in the face. Paige head butts her. Clothesline by Paige. Small package and AJ wins. Interesting turn of events. No reason she shouldn’t have kicked out of that. Why the announcers are happy for AJ is a mystery to me.

Main event introductions are always optional. Should be caught up at the very end. John Cena starts against Randy Orton. After some jockeying, Roman Reigns is tagged in. Orton tags in Kane. Orton is in control after the break. Reigns turns it around with a jumping clothes line. Kane blocks the apron drop kick. Orton catches Reigns by surprise. They continue to work over Reigns. Orton extinguishes a tag attempt. Reigns boots Kane. They trade upper cuts. Samoan Drop by Reigns. Cena is in against Orton.  Shoulder blocks. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Kane gets in. Five Knuckle Shuffle. RKO. Reigns tosses Orton out. Superman punch on Kane. Reigns & Orton fight to the back. Cena gets tossed into the steps. Is that part of the Five Moves of Doom? Kane hits Cena with the stairs for the DQ. Tombstone to make us think Kane has a chance in the Fatal 4 Way. I still don’t believe. Charles Robinson calls for the doctors. Seth Rollins music hits. Did everyone forget about Ambrose? (Next Day Note: I’m still confused how Rollins, HHH and Randy Orton can all forget about Ambrose.) Dean fights Rollins through the crowd. The ref correctly pointing in that Cena was hurt. Reigns comes back to spear Kane. Reigns stares down HHH. Good Summerslam match. The stare down stops my DVR. I didn’t feel like going to USA. – Kevin

#WWE Money In The Bank Preview

The Federal Reserves vault of coins. From npr.org.

The Federal Reserves vault of coins. From npr.org.

Money In The Bank Contract MatchKofi Kingston vs RVD vs Dolph Ziggler vs Seth Rollins vs Dean Ambrose vs Wade Barrett vs Jack Swagger – If I were the WWE, this match would be the opener. What better way to keep the Championship match winner on his toes than to open up the PPV with this one? Let’s start a process of elimination for winners. Wade Barrett seems to have been injured at this week’s Smackdown taping but as of now the final diagnosis hasn’t been given. It has been rumored as fairly significant by Bleacher Report. I agree with them that he could have been a potential winner in this match. Even if it’s only a minor injury, it seems bad enough to keep him out of the PPV so he’s out. Kofi Kingston is there for his spot and that’s all. RVD was the butt end of 2005 jokes by Seth Rollins this week. That’s exactly why he isn’t winning this match. RVD isn’t on the level to get one last run. Jack Swagger is there because the announcers can say he was a former World Champion. It’s pretty easy to whack those four. I made an argument this week on Stunt Granny Audio 260 that I don’t think Seth Rollins is going to win it. I believe that Dean Ambrose will cost him. Jeremy picked Ambrose to win it. But there could be a scenario that Dolph Ziggler takes advantage of the two warring Shield members and grabs the case. I doubt that happens though. I’m going against my own instincts and picking Seth Rollins. He seems like he’ll hold it over people’s heads for a while and then cash it in down the line.

Summer Rae vs Layla with special guest referee Fandango – I would imagine the WWE will book a breather match after a ladder match. A women’s match that was made on Main Event and confirmed on Smackdown is the perfect answer. I still have no idea who I’m supposed to cheer for. Summer Rae is a heel on Total Divas, NXT (Thanks for the write ups Chris), Raw and Smackdown. Layla is a heel with a heel partner in Fandango. Summer Rae & LAyla have gone back and forth with catty trashings so I can’t even guess with even steven booking rules. I’ll go with Total Divas rules, Summer Rae wins.

Rusev vs Big E – I’m supposed to care that Big E is from the US. I’m supposed hate Rusev because he is “Russian” even though he has a Bulgarian flag on his shoulder. I’m supposed to find Lana hot. That part has been accomplished by the WWE. The other two parts are are unfulfilled. This match should be that of two power houses colliding but is just a match with no real stakes. Big E has had a downward trajectory since winning the Intercontinental Title. Rusev has gone nowhere quick. The WWE hasn’t fed him anyone of consequence. If they felt he was catching on, he could have beaten Dolph Ziggler, the Great Khali or Mark Henry. I think Rusev still has enough new toy shine on him to get the win. Congratulations, every male will still just care about Lana.

Luke Harper & Erick Rowan vs The Usos for the Tag Team Titles – I think the WWE will only book title matches back to back on this PPV at the very end since the Divas Title doesn’t really count. After a couple of snooze worthy match ups, we get what should be the third best match of the night. The Usos have gotten themselves over well. Harper is starting to separate himself from being in Bray Wyatt’s shadow. Erick Rowan is still in Wyatt and Harper’s shadow. I think that’s precisely why the Wyatt Family will win this match. The Usos can recover from a loss. They might even be able to move on as singles competitors since that is the WWE way. For the time being, Rowan is dependent on Harper and to help push the Wyatt agenda of taking over the WWE, they win the tag team straps.

Stardust & Goldust vs Rybaxel – This match was added on Smackdown also. I’m getting a kick out of Cody Rhodes re-inventing himself yet again. We had The Legacy version of him, “Dashing” Cody, “Old School” Cody with the white strap on the IC Title, Rhodes Scholar with a brief appearance of mustache Cody, straight man to Goldust and now Stardust. The guy knows how to keep himself on TV. Ryback & Curtis Axel are just window dressing in this match. They could take a page out of Cody’s book and re-invent themselves with some gimmick. Or they could pull a Goldust and find a persona that Vince loves so much that he uses him over three decades. Whatever Rybaxel does in the future is immaterial for the time being. Stardust & Goldust win this one easily.

Naomi vs Paige for the Divas Title – Naomi looked like she was on her way to a championship reign when Aksana decided to bring that to a halt with an errant knee to the orbital bone. She hasn’t gotten much traction since her return to the ring. Paige is starting to get a following. Having her duel with Cameron on the head sets this past week was a middle of the road effort. Cameron had no leg to stand on with her arguments since Paige had already beaten her twice. It’s hard to come up with trash talk other than “I beat you twice” when you’ve made a person tap on both occasions. I think Naomi’s drought for the title would play out much better if Cameron costs her the match tonight so that Paige retains. Naomi and Cameron can have a feud then Naomi and Paige can meet up later down the line.

Money In The Bank WWE Title MatchKane vs Sheamus vs Alberto Del Rio vs Cesaro vs Roman Reigns vs John Cena vs Randy Orton vs Bray Wyatt – This match has about the same possibilities of the other ladder match. Though I’d be less surprised by some of the winners in this situation. Alberto Del Rio is not one of those options though. Neither is Kane. I wouldn’t be completely shocked if Sheamus won it but I don’t think it’s his time right now. Randy Orton is a possibility but he hasn’t really gotten TV time recently so I don’t think he’s going to win it either. I’d give Cesaro more of a chance to capture the WWE Title than Dolph Ziggler of winning the contract but I still think it’s a little early in his push for the top for that to happen. It’d also create and awkward spot for Heyman who continues to appropriately mention his other client, Brock Lesnar. Bray Wyatt has a real chance to win but much like Cesaro, it seems early in his run. He has the possibility of the rest of the Wyatt Family to help him win the title since these types of matches are no DQ. The WWE doesn’t tend to have that determine a title victor of this magnitude though. Harper & Rowan may interfere but I think the other contestants bounce them in prompt fashion. Roman Reigns has been getting some big moments from Summerslam, Survivor Series and the Royal Rumble. Could this be his big crowning acheivement? It’s possible but like many of the competitors in this match his relative inexperience, especially on the mic, I don’t think he’s getting the strap. That leaves me with John Cena. I don’t like that pick but he seems the most logical to me. I would think a strong heel would be best in this situation so that whenever Daniel Bryan returns, he can feud with them but the WWE is fresh out of those guys unless you count Orton. The WWE though loves dueling chants so we’ll have John Cena vs Daniel Bryan sooner rather than later.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

20140607_111246I spent the past weekend in Richmond VA visiting with my older brother and his family. I will fill in the particulars later in the week but let’s just say I definitely went to a pair of breweries thanks to his hospitality. I did manage to squeeze in Smackdown then Impact Wrestling after we got home from the trip. There were only two memorable things between the shows. One was my boy Dolph Ziggler continuing his “big mouth” persona and having a great match against the newly turned heel Seth Rollins. I also enjoyed that Rollins, HHH and Orton didn’t spill the bag on the reasoning for the turn. Another small positive from the show was that neither Dean Ambrose or Roman Reigns showed up. TNA yet again showed how inept they are by cruising into a rating under 1 million people. The only positive in yet another train wreck of a show was James Storm making a re-appearance after a year plus hiatus. Ken Anderson has been doing some terrible work and Storm got to call him out on it. Like many TNA story lines though, Storm looks awesome and likeable as the heel and Anderson looks like a douche as a baby face. On to Raw now. Let’s roll.

Sometime after I wrote this introduction, news started to trickle out that Daniel Bryan is too hurt to compete at MITB. HHH & Steph are here are brag about being right. They give us footage of Dr. Joseph Maroon of telling us that Daniel Bryan can not compete. I had to look up images of Maroon and they actually got him to do that video. How much did they pay him for his time? Steph strips him of the title. They are really hamming up this angle up. The crowd is really flat. Alberto Del Rio is the first entrant into the match for the title. HHH informs us that Randy Orton gets a spot because of his status. I’m starting to think the crowd is bummed. Anyone who loves wrestling should be. No matter how much they make logical points, Bryan being out of wrestling sucks. HHH turns to Seth Rollins talk. They are in a match against the Wyatt Family with a partner of their choosing. That doesn’t get much heat either.

Sheamus vs Wade Barrett is a MITB qualifying match. These guys have fought a lot recently and I can’t really argue about it. His Bad News is that he’s coming down with the title. That’s not bad news! JBL sounds like he’s drunk already. It could be an interesting night. He figured the opening segment bombed with the crowd so he’d join in. I do feel like Barrett is getting some of the swagger back in his promos recently. Sheamus clubs away on Barrett. He then brings Barrett in the hard way. Sheamus cross body blocks them over the top rope to get the break. Barrett suplexes Sheamus. I guess I don’t understand Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole’s view point on the title stripping. Sure, it’s disrespectful to strip the title without informing him but at the end of the day, it’s the right move with the injury. Barrett hits Winds of Change for a two count. The crowds awakens with dueling chants. Sheamus misses a dive from the top rope to the barricade. Sheamus gets in at nine. Wasteland but Sheamus kicks out. White Noise from an attempted Bull Hammer Elbow. They exchange punches. Head butt by Barrett allows him to toss Sheamus into the post twice. Brogue Kick from the corner for the win. Sheamus sold the damage in the corner before pinning him. Another good match and I understand putting Sheamus into the spot. Let Barrett keep racking up wins on lesser opponents. Barrett should be in that picture soon if he keeps up. Luke Harper sometimes get urges from a deep, dark place. Bray Wyatt admits to his urges. Wyatt reminds us that the Wyatts beat them. Wyatt is reborn. I love that angle which started on Smackdown. (Next Day Note: With all of the religious words thrown around Wyatt’s promos, being reborn after a crushing defeat is perfect. Now he just has to win an extended feud.)

Lana comes out and runs down Obama as a girly man. He is no Vladmir Putin, who has wrestled bears. Crush! is so stupid. Crush was only cool in Finding Nemo, dude. Lana, we don’t need to worry about Mother Russia. We should continue to be worried about China. It’s going to help to name him simply Rusev. Yep, going to make all of the difference. Zack Ryder gets to lose to him again. His record is unblemished because he’s wrestled 3 guys a bunch of times. The Accolade. The whole “control” by Lana is very antiquated too.

Goldust is teaming with R Truth against Rybaxel. Truth starts against Ryback. Curtis Axel takes over on the early beat down. Goldust gets a luke warm tag. A crossbody by Goldust takes out Axel & Ryback. Ryback makes a save on a pin. Truth gets tossed out of the ring. Axel rolls up Goldust for the win. A heel wins in his home town. Layla El is acting really catty to the make up lady when Summer Rae comes in and dumps milk on her then beats her up. Layla’s character has taken a big step back in the toughness department. I don’t like that.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live’ Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

From Street Fighter the movie.

From Street Fighter the movie.

So I had to laugh that the first pay per view I could have watched on the WWE Network, last night’s Extreme Rules, ended up being a side show that I couldn’t do a post on because the Pittsburgh Penguins were playing the New York Rangers. Of course I’d have something else to watch when this PPV was on. I did keep an eye on the final four matches while watching the game but that didn’t give me a good feel for them. Since the Network has the ability to watch said PPV as soon as it is over, I did just that last night, this morning and at lunch to play catch up. Now I’ve got to play catch up on Raw with another game on tap tonight. Let’s see how far I can get before the 3rd period starts.

Dean Ambrose has to win a 20 Man Battle Royal to retain his US Title. Of course, JBL agrees (Next Day Note: I had ends in there. Wow. Brutal error.) this dumb decision. Jerry Lawler makes it worse by agreeing with JBL on battle royals being exciting. They’re not until there are 4 people left which is essentially a tag team match. Mitchell Cool is busying driving home the point that The Authority set up this match to weigh in. Three times in the opening three minutes isn’t quite enough because our attention spans are a maximum of sixty seconds. Big Show spanked Heath Slater who acted like Show got some taint. A segment. No surprise. Back after the game goes to overtime or is over. My boy Dolph Ziggler gets eliminated by Cobra. Yuck. Ryback, Curtis Axel, Sheamus, Jack Swagger & Dean Ambrose are alive. Axel gets back dropped out of the ring by Ambrose. It was silly that Ambrose won the slugfest with Ryback (on the ring apron). Good low drop kick to eliminate him though. Ambrose wiggles out of being tossed to eliminate Swagger. Sheamus nails Ambrose with a Brogue Kick. Sheamus tosses him to win the US Title. Not even Sheamus can bring prestige back to that belt without consistent defenses and being featured. HHH comes out after Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns try to calm Ambrose down. He announces a match between the Shield vs the Wyatt Family. How many times can we go to this well? I’m sure I’ll enjoy the match though.

Renee Young gets to interview Sheamus. He admitted that things haven’t gone as he’d have liked since returning from injury. He tells Dean Ambrose to have no hard feelings. (Next Day Note: Not exactly getting a warm & fuzzy feeling about the US Title from that short promo.) Brie & Daniel Bryan are interrupted by Stephanie McMahon. She warns them to stay put until their matches tonight. A Kane mask is on the back side of the door. Ominous!

RVD comes out for a singles match with Cesaro. The later is preceded by Paul Heyman. Rolling Thunder connects early so that Cesaro can get advice from Heyman. Good ploy on their part. Finishing off my Seventh Son Lost Sparrow Black IPA as a victory Sippy Time Beer. Pens 2-0. RVD keeps the offense going. A sling shot leg drop only gets a two count. I really hope this CM Punk chants stops. (Next Day Note: I heard it at least 2 more times last night. Chicago will not be any better next week.) Cesaro takes over by clothes lining RVD over the top rope. RVD leaped into an upper cut. Running, jumping upper cut in the corner by Cesaro. His triple gut wrench suplexes only get a two count. RVD  gets caught trying to monkey flip. RVD gets caught in the turn buckles. RVD got his foot out then put it back in. Cesaro gets DQed by going over board on RVD. Van Dam looks “clueless” as the medical staff tries to help him. (Next Day Note: I was thinking this feud had more potential for Cesaro than Jack Swagger. You can’t take back that triple threat match especially since it was elimination style. They could have planted the seeds last week then started on this feud. The problem with my idea is that RVD doesn’t get PPV money then.)

The Wyatt Family is in Albany. I will take this time right now to address anyone who thought that child last night with the voice alteration machine was creepy as fuck, I will be sure not to seek your opinion on scary movies. I would imagine that you never read our Walking Dead reviews because that be too much for you. (Next Day Note: Here is such an article. He claims to like slasher flicks. I call Bravo Sierra and revoke your man card.) John Cena should have kicked that kid right in the mush and walked out of the cage. Wyatt looks to be continuing this feud with Cena. Wyatt says that he is doing this for the children, a bunch or random groups and then the crowd. They boo which still makes me wonder why people sing along with him. Bray Wyatt is a god. Of course they sing. Why? I just heard you boo him. Boo him singing. He does it poorly enough to be booed. Though I think that’s part of the act so I don’t have a problem with it. (Next Day Note: Cena beat three men and lost to a little child. What else is there to explore in this feud?)

Cody Rhodes comes down with Goldust. Ryback was already in the ring with Curtis Axel. Cody is taking on Ryback in singles action. Ryback uses his power early. The announcers talk about the Rhodes Family slump. Ryback with a delayed suplex. JBL makes a good joke about Wyatt calling himself a god. (Next Day Note: I believe it was after Cool acted indignant that Bray Wyatt would do that. JBL’s response was “I don’t know anyone else who’d do that.” Why neither Cool or Lawler laughed is beyond me.) A Disaster Kick by Cody gets me into the match. Cody goes to the top rope. Goldust tries to stop Curtis Axel from interfering. Goldust gets pushed into the post which wobbles Rhodes. Ryback Shell Shocks Rhodes for the win. Daniel Bryan and Brie are in the room when the lights go out. They flee and run into Stephanie, who will bring their car around. How about firing Kane and not allowing him in the building if you can’t control him? Wouldn’t that be best for business?

Los Matadores & El Torito get to throw a Cinco De Mayo. They toss candy into the crowd. 3MB save us? They offer peace so that they don’t wreck their party. Everyone fights. No one is entertained. (Next Day Note: There’s a reason I didn’t highlight anyone in this segment.)

From Dailiywrestlingnews.com

From Dailiywrestlingnews.com

Alexander Rusev gets to beat Kofi Kingston. The amount of pictures Lana took before coming the WWE reminds me of the good old days when you could find soft porn pictures of almost all of the Divas. Kofi gets the feet up to stay in it. A cross body barely gets a one count. Kingston nails the fulcrum kick. Rusev “crushes” Kofi. Rusev gets Kofi to tap out to the Accolade. Daniel Bryan is paranoid as they get into a car. Stephanie has a heavy hand. (Next Day Note: I swear one of the writers watches Archer because they make fun of Lana Kane for having man hands all of the time.) She then tells them to wrestle their matches. Um, why did you offer to get their car then? (Next Day Edit: Why not have Stephanie tell them she’d get the car pulled around then not have it where it was supposed to be? Steph could say the valet screwed up and deny the trouble Kane has caused again.)

Alberto Del Rio gets to job to Daniel Bryan even though he’s sure to get distracted this match. Del Rio gets the early push. Bryan turns up the heat. A back cracker gets things turned around for Del Rio. He tosses Bryan against the barricade. As I watch this match, I can’t get a tweet from Mick Foley out of my head about this angle. He compared the angle with Kane & Bryan to the Kane & Zack Ryder skits. Del Rio softens up the arm with a four count arm pull. Bryan works over the knee. Del Rio drops Bryan on the barricade. Bryan with a  drop toe hold that lands Del Rio’s face into a turn buckle. Del Rio shoulders Bryan in the corner. He lays into Bryan with a clothes line. Bryan fights Del Rio off the top rope. Flying Goat head butt only gets two. Drop kicks in the corner by Bryan. Suicide dive by Bryan. Del Rio enziguris Bryan off the top rope. Del Rio takes too long going for the cross arm breaker. Bryan puts on the Yes Lock for the tap out win. Bryan & Brie run back stage. They get into the car but it won’t start. So you pop the hood first? Kane is in the back seat. Kane ends up on the hood of the car. Bryan drives a short distance away then checks on Kane who entirely too straight to fool anyone except Bryan. Bryan & Brie still drive away unharmed. I have no idea what Mick Foley is talking about. (Next Day Note: It also drove me nuts that Bryan has been shown as an environmentalist on Total Divas but they decided to give him a Lincoln Continental for some reason.)

Big E Langston is taking on Bad News Barrett again. The Intercontinental Title is somehow being defended on Raw. Big E is on the offense early. After Big E beats him up outside the ring, he tosses him back in. Big E shoulder blocks a steel post when Barrett dodges. Big E barely beats a ten count. The crowd is sitting on their hands. They finally break after I anticipate it during the count. Barrett misses a high kick. Big E turns it around. Barrett gets the knees up on the splash. Big E gets kneed trying for a running shoulder block. Big E runs into Barrett. Big E spears Barrett through the ropes. A pair of over head suplexes by Big E. Barrett rakes the eyes. Barrett nails the Bull Hammer Elbow for the win. I still have some hope for Big E after that match. Not a complete burial. (Next Day Edit: I can’t wait for Barrett to get the same de-push Big E got after winning the title.)

From crazy-einstein.com Exotic roses didn't look as cool.

From crazy-einstein.com Exotic roses didn’t look as cool.

Zeb Colter comes out with Jack Swagger who is wearing a Bigg Hoss zip up sweater. He debuts the deportation list. Adam Rose shows up with his Exotic Express. He stages falls into them. They carry him around the ring. Rose dances around them. He wants Zeb to be a Rose Bud. Does this ridiculousness happen every time this guy comes out? It’ll get obnoxious but it’s a good introduction.

The Shield taking on the Wyatt Family is the main event. All three fight to start but Erick Rowan & Dean Ambrose end up starting the match. Luke Harper ended up pairing off with Seth Rollins. Roman Reigns comes in to share in the beat down. Rollins ends up back in the ring to sell for the Wyatts. It would make sense for the Shield to favor Rollins & Reigns. They try to push Main Event for John Cena’s response to the Wyatts. I won’t watch. Ambrose gets the hot tag against Rowan. Ambrose nails the middle rope sling shot clothes line. The teams face off three on three. Ambrose & Harper are in the ring. Ambrose ends up taking more of a beating because we can’t have Reigns sell yet. Rollins nails the senton over the top rope. Rollins hits a combo in the corner. Standing shooting star press. Rollins gets pushed off the top ropes. What a ballsy move. Looked pretty safe. Harper nails a suicide dive. Bray Wyatt charges into Rollins in a corner. Ambrose gets tossed into the announce table. Rollins gets Harper off the top ropes. Rollins gets to hot tag Reigns. He gets to take out Wyatt first. Reigns shouldn’t jump to clothes line. It looks better than Kofi’s but it’s still stupid and unnecessary. Everyone brawls in the ring. Ambrose & Rollins take out Harper & Rowan. Superman Punch by Reigns. Evolution comes out. Ambrose & Rollins nail another pair of suicide dives. Superman punch on HHH. Wyatt takes advantage and cross bodies Reigns in the stomach. Sister Abigail’s Kiss for the win. Evolution attacks the Shield. Lawler busts out the battle/war analogy. (Next Day Note: So why didn’t Evolution win with some under handed tactics at Extreme Rules if this feud is going to continue?). – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

kids_health_tvI ended up watching 2 Smackdowns, 1 Raw and 1 Impact Wrestling in roughly a 24 hour time period. No more than 28 hour time period. It was rough. There was debate of watching one of the two ROH but I ran out of time. Fuck those guys anyway. I couldn’t have watched Summerslam for fear of overload. It sounded pretty damn solid. I like the outcomes of the matches. Lesnar needs to win every now and again to stay relevant in between down times. Daniel Bryan losing it to Randy Orton is great for both men. Orton has been stale for a long time. Daniel Bryan will be hotter for even longer. Hunter didn’t need to be involved but makes him more interesting for the first time since he came back as “office guy”. I’m interested to see how this Raw shakes out. Let’s roll.

Hot damn, I forgot it’s in Anaheim. This crowd always blows. John Cena starts the show. By the way, watched the Steelers first team defense get smoked by Rex Grossman. Wow, it’s going to be a long season. 8-8 might look good by the end of this thing. Cena is taking some time off. This crowd is pretty lively. Did the city re-populate? Solid going away speech. Daniel Bryan gets introduced by Cena. Before he can say anything, Stephanie McMahon comes out. She apologizes to him. Bryan does his best undressing her. So they all did this as a big set up to go against Bryan? Steph is being a solid bitch. She tops it off with calling for security. I hope he eventually calls out HHH for being a coward and having Steph do his dirty business.

Damien Sandow is taking on Cody Rhodes again. Good thing I didn’t watch this part of the PPV. The crowd is back to it’s normal self for this match. They get a commercial break. Good for them. Cody had a long run of offense. Sandow got out of Cross Rhodes. Sandow gets hit by the Disaster Kick. Sandow irish whipped Rhodes into the corner. Rhodes rolls up Sandow for his second straight win. Brad Maddox gives us a tweet from Dolph Ziggler. Maddox puts him in a handicapped match with The Shield. My boy is still getting some good attention.

Paul Heyman reminds us of CM Punk’s loss to Brock Lesnar. Paul is hoping Punk rejoins him. He forgives Punk. That trick never works. Heyman still loves him. No one seems to care. The Bellas are mad at the Funkadactyls. Noami chills out Cameron? I can’t remember their wrestling names.

Mitchell Cool helps me out. I had them switched. The Funkadactyls are wrestling AJ Lee & Layla El. Reality show team wins, right? The lady and I are going to do a double dose of Total Divas sometime later this week. Naomi is taking the punishment. She gets out of it with an enziguri. Layla knocked Cameron off the apron. Naomi rolled her up for the win.

Dolph Ziggler gets to the ring for the Hounds of Justice to come down from the crowd. I wonder way Dean Ambrose has moved to the Under Armour shirt. Seth Rollins turns it around with the help of Charles Robinson. Roman Reigns gets to lay the wood. Cool backed JBL into a corner fairly well. JBL battled out well. Reigns gets caught moving slow. Rollins makes a save. Ziggler sells a jumping spear to Reigns for the loss. Good showing. He gets a triple power bomb.

Alberto Del Rio has a seriously busted up eye. He fights whatever happened to Sin Cara. Lawler tries to make it exciting. He fails. Sin Cara acts like he’s hurt. Maybe he is. That’d be kind of funny. He plays up the Latino crowd. Are they turning him baby face since Orton went heel and back to Raw? Ricardo Rodriguez tells us Del Rio isn’t a hero. He is out to introduce his new client. It’s RVD. Weird combo. Is it supposed to be like Bill Alphonso & RVD weirdness? RVD chases Del Rio from the ring.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

The Color RunMy girl and I did the Color Run, the happiest 5k on the planet, this past weekend. It was amusing to have someone douse you in colored corn starch (basically) at four different stations. We had fun people watching which always makes us happy. We will do it again since the proceeds go to Columbus Parks & Recs, of which we take advantage of for frisbee golf and dog walks amongst other things. Time to get to some wrestling. Let’s roll.

We start with Paul Heyman, CM Punk and Brock Lesnar recap. Then Cena recap. Brad Maddox introduces the show. This could be the world’s quickest turn around for a contract signing after the announcement of a match. Doesn’t this wait until the week before the event? John Cena comes out first. Maddox asks him why he chose Bryan. Maddox runs down Bryan’s look. Daniel Bryan comes out to answer the questions. Maddox goes after Bryan wondering why Cena chose him for the match. Cena talks up Bryan and his qualifications but then ends by saying he’s still going to beat him at Summerslam. Maddox interrupts Bryan when he’s ready to talk. Maddox has really flipped the switch from unsure of himself to being a smarmy ass in this segment. It was well played but his character changed way too much unless they explain it later.

Sheamus comes out sporting a serious bruise on his leg from the MITB match. Ouch. Alberto Del Rio is his opponent. The “What’s trending, Cole?” sign gets a laugh out of me. Why are they chanting his name now? JBL talks up Del Rio and in my opinion it’s deserved. Nothing like being left at the top of the card for two years before finally finding out what clicks for you. Awesome break with Sheamus forearming Del Rio outside. Del Rio took advantage of the leg during the break. Damien Sandow watches from the back, with a suit on so we’ve got nothing to worry about. Sheamus keeps making mini-comebacks but nothing sustained. Sheamus sells the bad leg on the Irish Curse back breaker. A Top rope enziguri only gets Del Rio a two count. Sheamus crumples, Del Rio rolls him up for the win. Nice match.

Anyone with a set of eyes knew that Vickie was getting a job with a quickness. I didn’t expect it on Smackdown. Booker T & Teddy Long argue like a bunch of girls. That’s all that break was. Woof.

Christian came out before the break but his opponent didn’t come down until after it. Titus O’Neil gets to take the Prime Time Players into singles competition. Wow, O’Neil tossed Christian back into the ring as Jerry Lawler described it “Like a frisbee”. Another ouch. Interesting that Lawler calls Christian an over acheiver. Pretty much code for “He’s stuck at being a fringe main event guy”. Killswitch. The Prime Time Players don’t start their singles reign well. Josh Matthews is joined by Ryback. He does enjoy bullying. He hates average. Good promo.

Mark Henry comes out and loves Texas. He calls out the Shield. They answer the call. The Usos come out to make the save. That was a weak save. But it makes it official that they want people to cheer Henry. John Cena talks to Daniel Bryan. He claims someone else is pulling the strings. Bryan asks him to politely not interfere in any of his matches. That always means a beat down is coming.

Darren Young is a much more obvious sacrificial lamb against Dolph Ziggler. I wouldn’t have been surprised if O’Neil won. The Prime Time Players couldn’t have been asked for better opponents. Both are great in the ring and sell really well. Flap jack for Young gets him a near fall. He argues with the ref. Zig Zag. Big E Langston slides into the ring. Dolph gets the upper hand but the power kicks in. Ziggler is starting to throw in even more athleticism to show off for real now. Good character change to make even more people cheer him. He could be an under control Kofi Kingston or Shelton Benjamin.

Miz TV brings us Total Divas and his hosting of Summerslam. I’ll have to talk to the lady for real about a column. Miz sounds too stern introducing the Divas. The Miz calls Jerry Lawler up because he’s an old horn dog. Eva Marie slaps Lawler. The Miz closes the segment with “Awesome.” How can the Divas be happy about that segment even if they’re getting their own dumb show? They just pooped on them.

HHH talks to Brad Maddox. Steph steps in like she wasn’t around when HHH just left. I can’t stop laughing at how that was filmed. I mean, did HHH & Steph not acknowledge each other? His office can’t be that spacious that there’s two separate doors not in view of each other. They love vignettes for the Wyatt Family.

Fandango come out with Summer Rae. It’s his birthday. Damien Sandow is on the head set. Cody Rhodes is Fandango’s opponent. A fun match is going on while JBL, Cool & Sandow argue. Cool with a knock out of a line when he says he gets evaluated every Monday night. Disaster Kick into Sandow on the apron and Fandango in the ring who got the briefcase more than the kick. Cross Rhodes for the win.

CM Punk gets to talk about his second replay of the night. Punk says that Brock Lesnar’s biggest weapon is the fear he generates. Punk is not afraid. Isn’t this the same reason he was going to beat the Undertaker? The Best vs The Beast. Interesting. Paul Heyman likes the salesman ship. Heyman gets around to accepting the match. Heyman ends by saying “The Beast is the Best”. Punk glares at Heyman.

Wade Barrett gets to lose to Rob Van Dam. Oh good gravy, they talk about the Royal Baby a second time. Barrett is looking tough early though. He got busted up too but I missed it looking at my email. Standard RVD offense. Five Star Frog Splash.

Zeb Colter is mad at people for chanting “Yes!” Daniel Bryan got a hand out from John Cena. Ha. Perfect heel schtick. Jack Swagger gets in the ring. The announcers point out that the opponents could be limitless. OU Sucks! Swagger drops Bryan going for a suicide dive. Yes Lock! The obvious second opponent is Antonio Cesaro. Break. Cesaro looking strong. The booing after Bryan’s false start of a comeback was hilarious. It was perfect because it made no sense to have that moment there. Bryan kicks out of a European Uppercut which was aided by Swagger tossing Bryan off the top rope. The announcers are blowing him too. Now that they’ve established a pattern, the earlier momentum shift made sense. Basement drop kick in the tree of Woe by Bryan. Cesaro countered a super side suplex. Bad choice of suplexes by Bryan. Cesaro pummels Bryan but he still kicks out. Another really long match. Bryan counters out of the Neutralizer. Suicide dive takes out both Swagger & Cesaro. Bryan counters a super upper cut into a small package. Wow, that was slick. Alex Riley reappears. Brad Maddox has another opponent in mind. I take it we get a Big Show return? Didn’t I see that floating around the internets this morning?

It is not. Ryback is the opponent. He gets to dominate Bryan. The crowd chants “You can’t wrestle.” Ryback has a chin lock on. That seems so wrong. Bryan counters into a single leg crab. Ryback takes over quickly. Knee to the jaw of a charging Ryback. Meat hook gets a two count. Ryback sets up a table. Bryan nails a suicide dive that drives Ryback into the announce table. Missile drop kick gets a two count. Yes Lock in the middle of the ring. Ryback gets the break. Ouch. Power bomb on the floor. Power bomb through the table for the Bryan DQ win. John Cena makes the save after the match. Cena challenges him to a tables match. Vince McMahon backs up Brad Maddox. Are we finally getting some traction on this family feud story? -Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #225

Well gang, it looks like Dusty’s audio ban has been lifted, as the Wisconsin Dream joins Kevin Difrango for this action packed edition of Stunt Granny Audio! The duo start things off by talking baseball. Dusty’s A’s are playing Kevin’s Pirates, so there is worlds of intrigue at play here. Why is Bud Selig waiting for the All Star Game to levy fines? Why not wait until Feezil Day? The conversation then turns to the upcoming Money in the Bank PPV spectacular. Who will win the A-team MITB match? Who will be the Shelton Benjamin high spot artist who has no shot of actually winning? Will Kane actually be in the match? (WWE.com says yes, Wikipedia says no. Who can you trust in this day and age?) Then it’s time to talk about the B-teamers match. Kevin realizes there are many guys in the company who are just spinning their wheels. Any one of them could get a win at the PPV to get out of their funk. Dusty breaks some nooz, revealing to Kevin that in addition to the GutCheck guys, Matt Morgan has just been released from TNA. They discuss the possibility of him coming in to WWE. They also talk about the exciting debut of the Wyatt Family and the possibilities of their future use, and Dusty drops a Pat Buchanan reference. And a whole lot more, so listen or you will perish.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #225

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