Stunt Granny Movie Review: After Earth

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Will Smith +a post-apocalyptic Earth + Father & son mending old wounds while overcoming new challenges should equal an entertaining  film.  Unfortunately, when the primary ingredient is Jaden Smith, and the chef is M. Night Shyamalan, your end product is the dull, dry plate of lasagna known as After Earth.
A quick synopsis – Earth is abandoned due to cataclysms and global warming, with Humans settling on a planet outside the solar system called Nova Prime.  Years later, the planet comes under attack by an invading alien species via biological weapons known as Ursas – blind monsters who sense humans via fear pheromones. A special military force known as Rangers are trained to hide their fear (called ghosting) in order to successfully attack these creatures.  Fast –forward to the present time where Kitai Raige (Jaden Smith) bristles under the shadow of his famous father, General Cypher Raige, while also dealing with the guilt of a previous family tragedy.  As a form of healing & bonding, the Raige clan travels together on a routine training expedition.  Of course they run into an impossibly-formed asteroid field and are forced to crash land on a now quarantined Earth.  Being the only survivors, they must find a way to reach an emergency beacon while avoiding an erratic weather climate, as well as an animal kingdom which has evolved to hunt humans.

While typing that synopsis, I realized that there is an engrossing story that could’ve been told.  Unfortunately, it was presented in a ham-handed, half-assed way.  There were warning signs beforehand that this wouldn’t be an enjoyable movie – the fact that Jaden Smith’s name came before Will on a poster was one.  The fact that the director of the movie was downplayed as much as humanly possible was another. But hey, it’s a Will Smith sci-fi movie – even with a flimsy story, I’d thought at the very least I’d get to see Will Smith do Will Smith events in a charismatic, slightly corny, yet entertaining manner.  Even the director of the Village, Lady in The Water and that goddamn travesty The Last Airbender couldn’t ruin a simple layup.  Well, that’s what I get for assuming, for M. Night did the seemingly impossible – he made a dull, middling, boring Will Smith science fiction movie.

When it comes to creating an effective science fiction movie, there are three factors to consider – setting, story and stars.  After Earth presents a gorgeous setting, being the first major release to take advantage of 4K resolution.  The movie is crisp, clean and realistic, with proper sense of scale and movement.  Unfortunately, it’s an empty world, bereft of depth.  One thing not absent are blatant plot contrivances.   I’m not the one to nitpick science fiction movies, due to the fact of a certain suspension of disbelief required for enjoyment.  But there’s no goddamn way I can believe with a straight face that a civilization which developed  interstellar space travel and wormhole technology are hunting scent monsters with magic Swiss army knives.  Seriously, there are no guns in the future?  A bigger issue however, is the setting of earth itself.  We are told countless times how dangerous Earth has become, and how lethal the predators have evolved.  What’s actually presented area bunch of baboons, a snail, a few jaguars, and an Eagle fight.  Future empty earth may look gorgeous, but it never seems as dangerous as it’s portrayed to be. Furthermore, how could these creatures evolve to kill humans, when there haven’t been humans present in a millennia?

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Jeremy’s One Paragraph Movie Review: Men in Black 3

Men-in-Black-3When the first trailer debuted for this movie it was groan inducing. Oh look Will Smith is being sarcastic and shit again. Is that a gruff Tommy Lee Jones? Wait, what the hell is Josh Brolin doing in this movie? The most important question though was ;  was another Men in Black movie really necessary? Was anyone clamoring for a follow up after the disaster of Men in Black 2? So, going in to this expectations were low and part of e really wanted to hate this movie. Well, despite all of that, Men in Black 3 was pretty entertaining. Sure it is full of flaws and was a little too proud of its cleverness (Lady Gaga is an alien? No way!) but it was at least fun. It ran the risk of losing the audience though as the set up took a it too long but once the time travel aspect is enacted the movie takes off at a rather brisk pace. The film also has the positive creative direction to barely explain the time travel rules while at the same time minimally giving the audience an idea of what they can and can;t do. make sense? Well welcome to Men in Black 3. Just go with it and do not think of what is going on for maximum enjoyment. -Jeremy

Jeremy’s Monthly Movies for May 2013

movie_nightIron Man 3- May 3, 2013

Look Iron Man 2 isn’t nearly as bad as people made it out to be. Yeah it had its flaws but then it also led us right to The Avengers so all is forgiven. The previews have been coming fast and in abundance an each one looks more badass then the next. This is the official kickoff movie for the summer season and looks like it will be well worth the money. I have the tickets already.

The Great Gatsby- May 10, 2013

I have no idea what The Great Gatsby is about and I know I should but whatever. The previews look to be the usual mess of visual and music from Baz Lurhman and that is a good thing. This is clearly geared toward gay men and women as those re the only people I have heard mention this flick as a must see. No shame in that as it will drag in a larger audience this way. It will also benefit from make good ticket sales for men dragging their women to see Iron Man 3 the week before. Possible theatre movie but not set in stone.

Peeples-  May 10, 2013

First off I am not black that I know of; so I understand this movie is clearly not marketed for me. I do liek funny movies and this, well, this doens;t seem to cut it. I remember seeing this preview before GI.Joe and immediately called out that Tyler Perry had his hands in this in some capacity and I was spot on. So, after all of that this movie doesn’t look terrible but it doesn’t look very interesting as well. It is the same basic formula as every other fish out of water movie. The only curious development is that David Alan Grier appears to have abandoned his normal shtick and plays the straight man. So yeah save the cash and wait for TBS.

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