The #WWE Celebrates the World Cup

The WWE decided to celebrate the beginning of the World Cup today by having some of their Superstars and Divas give a Knute Rockne-esque speech for their home country. You can here what they say in the video but through a special futbol translator, I know what they really said.

Dolph Ziggler – Even the US’s head coach Jurgen Klinsmann doesn’t think the US stands a chance in this “Group of Death” with Germany, Portugal and Ghana. That’s because he played for Germany and is still pissed at Spain for beating them in the quarter finals in 2010. Klinsmann threw our chances as soon as he decided not to include Landon Donovan. That’s why you can only trust manager’s from the USA! USA! USA!

Emma – We’re so great at football that we have our own version called Australian Football. The US isn’t the only country that gets these sports mixed up!

Alberto Del Rio – Mexico is so terrible that the last three World Cup qualifications we’ve played at Crew Stadium in Columbus OH that we’ve lost 2-0 to the USA. That makes it completely logical to think that we can beat Brazil in Brazil without any problems. We’ll just get our cartel to drop some dead bodies in their slums and that’ll scare them enough to throw the match. Hold on, their slums are worse than ours? We’re so screwed.

William Regal – England’s career in the World Cup is the same in mine in wrestling. A small, vocal amount of fans consider me/them great while the rest of the world craps on me/them. At least we have a chance of moving on from Group D since Costa Rica and Uruguay suck. England will then lose in spectacular fashion in the Knock Out Rounds. I’m depressed already.

Kofi Kingston – I’m creating an angle for myself because I can barely stay on TV. I can’t wait to be run down by Zeb Colter and then lose to the re-re-re-repackaged Jack Swagger. Come on Ghana, get me some air time!

Santino Marella – Since I was born in Canada, I got to celebrate a Gold Medal in Olympic Ice Hockey earlier this year. Since I’m Italian on TV, I get to root for soccer power house Italy. I can’t wait until William Regal has to wear an Italy jersey on NXT next week after Italy beats England on Saturday. Mayors aren’t the only one who can make these stupid bets.

Paige – Joe Hart is so hunky.

Cesaro – I can’t wait to say Switzerland lost in five different languages. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio Show #247

US-olympic-mens-hockey-team-rosterJeremy & Kevin are back for another week. They start off talking about why Kevin likes the Winter Olympics. I mean, other than the fact that hockey is the main event of this half of the Olympics. Jeremy brings the show to a screeching halt minutes in by talking about “My 600 Pound Life”. As usual, they finally get around to talking about wrestling. This week’s main topic is the athleticism being shown in the WWE. Being agile isn’t just for the little guys any more. Luke Harper is Jeremy’s main example but doesn’t forget to include Bray Wyatt. Does Erick Rowan get into this grouping or is he being protected too much? The Wyatts took on Cody Rhodes, Goldust & Rey Mysterio? We know that Cody can go in the ring but are the two old guys fitting into this new mold? Were they a look into the WWE’s future during their heyday? Did Cody really need to do the moonsault off the top of the cage? The Wyatts are also ready to take on the Shield at the Elimination Chamber. Roman Reigns is showing off some serious in ring skills that are being highlighted by the Superman Punch and the Spear. Is it more incumbent on the victim than the hitter to make that move look good? These moves look good but what is Kevin’s favorite move that Reigns does? How good is Seth Rollins? Good enough to not talk about his in ring skills? And where does Dean Ambrose fill in with this theme? And how do Jeremy & Kevin squeeze John Cena into this conversation? Find out when you click the link below!

The NHL Lockout

There are usually more people in line for a hockey game than this meager crowd for Raw a couple of years ago.

I couldn’t bring myself to write this article when the NHL lock out was dragging on. Now that it looks like there will indeed be a deal (I’m not counting on it until everyone signs on the dotted line), I find myself in a quandary. The question I keep asking myself is – Do I support a poorly run franchise and sport just so I can keep watching the sport that I love the most or do I yank my money just to prove a point?

Let’s take a closer look the situation.

I give most of my money to the Columbus Blue Jackets because of my love for hockey more than my love for the team itself. I don’t have much of an allegiance with the Jackets because when I started following hockey, I started rooting for the Pittsburgh Penguins and no amount of relocating will change that for me. I have told several of my ticket agents that my only care in acquiring tickets is to guarantee a ticket to the Pens game because it sells out every year they travel to Columbus.  I upgraded to a half a season ticket package with a personal seat license so that I could guarantee tickets to the All Star Skills Competition, which has been a favorite for a long time, and the All Star Game, which I planned on selling because it’s not a high quality game. Now, the All Star Weekend was taken away from the franchise with no promising it’ll come back the next year since the players may be in the Winter Olympics in Sochi or at least 2015. At least I got my money back for those tickets already. I will be without watching the Pens now because each team will only play in their conference. The Penguins are in the East and the Jackets are in the West. A two and a half hour drive southwest sure does make a difference. My biggest draw is gone.

The Jackets have been beaten up during the lock out. In most of the reports I’ve read, they’re one of the low revenue clubs and they don’t have a strong fan base. I think the later part is false. Despite wanting to regularly smack the people around me for yelling “Shoot” when there isn’t a clear line to the goal, I think they have an excellent fan base that has been trampled because of incompetent management that has done a poor job at drafting, trading and signing of free agents. As a long suffering fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates, I can tell you a thing or twenty (years) about bad management. The Blue Jackets fans have had to endure ten terrible seasons, one season with the playoffs (in which they got swept by the Detroit Red Wings) and one locked out season. That is no way to build up a fan base. All of this losing makes it look like there isn’t enough support here. No matter what hard core fans want to say, bandwagon fans will always be around for your franchise. The Blue Jackets would look a lot more like a strong fan base if the they could even accomplish an average season.

So my choice is pretty easy one in theory. Support a low revenue club who perpetually bungles management decisions or take my money back and teach them a lesson. After two lengthy lock outs and one full season down the tubes under Gary Bettman, I’m guessing taking money off the table won’t teach the owners or the players anything. I don’t get to see my favorite team so that takes away from a shortened season. Management did make one good decision during the lock out and hire John Davidson as president of hockey operations, who helped turn around the St. Louis Blues. Despite my anger at both the owners and the players, my love of hockey outweighs my present anger towards all involved in the lockout. I’ll go and enjoy some hockey when the puck drops even if it means giving money to imbeciles who’ll likely do the same charade in eight years when they both opt out of a ten year contract. -Kevin

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