Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation: Jeremy and Kevin, May 3, 2011

Finally!

Kevin: Just getting around to Extreme Rules results

Jeremy: Underwhelming; Glad I didn’t order

Kevin: I was just going to look at results when the Bin Laden news hit. It does seem underwhelming. I’m happy for Christian. How glad is he that he left TNA?

Jeremy: Maybe should save this but it would have been better without Edge

Kevin: They’ve been so intertwined, it’s hard to argue with the choice  and Christian was being attacked 3 on 1. He needed some help.

Jeremy: See it appears like a default instead of earning it. He only got it because of Edge retiring. He only won because edge interfered. There was also the inevitability of him winning due to the draft.

Kevin: Yeah, there was no doubt in my mind with Del Rio headed to Raw.And yeah, Edge would have kept the title if he wasn’t forced to retire. Impossible to get around that Del Rio to Raw was probably in the books to happen so they needed a baby face champ and Christian was the only one on SD that fit that description.

Jeremy: Yup, hence have the draft tonight dummies.

Kevin: Definitely. Haven’t they done that for a couple of years now? You’d think they’d learn their lesson; boring PPV because they’re all predictable outcomes. All baby face victories except Layla.

Jeremy: Yeah cause Layla wasn’t a face or heel. If McCool is leaving then I guess Layla is the face? I am confused. Then Kharma comes out and destroys Michelle who is the heel so is Kharma a face?

Kevin: That was a bigger train wreck than normal in the women’s division. No one felt sympathetic for anyone even though Layla was trying to “do the right things” like therapy and giving a shit.

Jeremy: Heels doing therapy to me just screamed hate. I guess since it was two women or some comedy tag team, Headcheese comes to mind, that they considered it to be good on Layla’s behalf.

Kevin: They kind of half assed the blame game. Layla didn’t really cost them much and neither did Michelle. Normally, someone pulls the wrong leg, hits their friend with a chair, etc. It was all incidental contact that kept costing Layla matches.

Jeremy: But in WWE no one owns a DVR or, um what are those other antiquated recording devices that even the homelsss consider toilets? VCR’s?

Kevin: One would think since all the leagues pimp Twitter, that they’d acknowledge the existence of technology. People stop being friends for a lot of reasons. Come up with a different one

Jeremy: Jealousy is always the easiest or resentment but there was nothing there.

Kevin:  Which is the other point, if you’re going to keep going back to the same well, at least have something there

Stunt Granny Audio #139

The annual WWE Draft took place this past Monday. Eric and Kevin are here to drop some knowledge on who could be the next break out star from who got drafted and even if they weren’t in the draft. Will anyone end up treading water because of their move? The guys go on to talk about CM Punk and the recent rumor of his impending retirement. Do we think it’ll happen? Is his spot in the pecking order the real problem? How about his size? Take a trip with us in your ears and find out.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #139

SG Poll: Which WWE draft pick is the dumbest for Monday Night Raw?

As you know, we love to stay positive about things here at Stunt Granny, so in a vast departure from that overarching mantra, we want you to tell us which draft move was the dumbest “pick-up” for WWE Monday Night Raw. Any criteria is valid: They don’t look like they belong, they have no one natural with which to feud, they were in the middle of something on Smackdown, they were just on Raw last year floundering directionless, they were just fucking drafted to Smackdown two hours earlier… all ways are the way! Leave a comment and vote!

Stunt Granny Audio #138

Motley Crue definitely approves of R-Truth.

This time around it’s Kevin and Dusty to give you tidings of great audio joy. They start out by critiquing their colleagues Eric and Jeremy with what they got wrong in the previous audio. They talk about the happenings on Raw concerning R-Truth and John Morrison, and how simply cool it is to smoke cigarettes. Who do they think is going to win this season of Tough Enough? Will Rima win it, be the next one eliminated, or somewhere in between? Will Eric Watts get his head out of his ass in time to realize they actually want him to win this thing? Who is Christina? They talk about who might be going to Raw and who might be going to Smackdown in the upcoming WWE draft. They also give an in depth analysis of the drug scene in TNA. All that and so much more, so please listen. And please smoke!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #138

Eric’s Blog: What we’re stuck with after the WWE Draft

crowded

"It's a little crowded in here, guys!"

Wow. After a real stinker of a WWE Draft, Monday Night Raw ended up more top heavy than Punky Brewster as a 16-year-old, while Smackdown is as barren of a wasteland as Bea Arthur’s dead crotch. Seriously, look at how the two rosters came out in the wash (I apologize if I forgot anyone, but my work computer is not conducive to skimming WWE.com’s roster pages):

Raw babyfaces
John Cena, Randy Orton, Triple H, John Morrison, Great Khali,
Evan Bourne, R-Truth, Mark Henry, Goldust, Yoshi Tatsu, Santino Marella, Primo
Hart Dynasty

Raw heels
Batista, Chris Jericho, Edge, Sheamus, The Miz
Ted DiBiase, Ezekiel Jackson, Carlito, Vladimir Kozlov, William Regal

Smackdown babyfaces
Undertaker, Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston, Christian
Matt Lardy, MVP, JTG, Kane, Finlay, Chris Masters, Curt Hawkins, Vance Archer

Smackdown heels
Jack Swagger, CM Punk, Big Show
Dolph Ziggler, Luke Gallows, Shad, Cody Rhodes, Drew McIntyre, Tyler Reks, Chavo Guerrero, Tyler Reks, Dude Busters

Now let’s ponder some of the questions that arise:

*Why keep Edge and Jericho on the same show when their feud has fallen flat?
*Why keep Punk and Rey on the same show when their feud is almost over?
*Who new does Cena have to feud with once Batista leaves? He’s already gone the Edge and Jericho routes, and Miz was treated like a retard last time he tried to feud with Cena.
*How is Morrison supposed to spread the proverbial wings when he’s being smothered by three babyfaces?
*How is Orton supposed to flourish when still stuck underneath Cena and Hunter (when Hunter is healthy)?
*Who is Swagger supposed to get some rub from? Undertaker, who will pin him every time? Rey, with whom they’d reeeeally have to stretch for a legit reason to feud? Or Kofi or Christian, who as of now have earned no right at a title shot?
*And what about Punk, who should be moving up the roster? Not by feuding with Taker, and definitely not in programs against Kofi or Christian.
*I hope the big surprising exciting final pick of the supplemental draft, MVP, has fun feuding with, ummm, Vance Archer? Tyler Reks? Blecch.

I suppose it’s nice that DiBiase has some babyfaces to match up against, and we might be lucky enough to get a Morrison-Miz program (but let’s allow Miz to put a few more wins under his belt against chumps like Goldust and Primo so he can run his mouth, thus causing fans to want to pay to see him get his comeuppance). But what of someone like Cody Rhodes, stuck on Smackdown to have completely unnatural feuds with Chris Masters and JTG? Or Matt Hardy, who, now with fewer people to fight for the buffet over, will gain at least another 75 pounds by the end of “his year,” 2010? Raw is only intriguing because it’s bursting with so damn many people; Smackdown is going to suck, and there’s no amount of shuckin’ and jivin’ Teddy Long can do to fix it.

punky brewster

Stupid reductions.

Dusty’s Blog: Predictions for the upcoming draft

This might be the worst picture I've ever used.

It is with sincere apologies that I post this article a day late and a donut short. I have no excuse, since I had it written and it was explicitly talked about on the audio I just did with Eric (scroll down, yo). I just plain forgot to post it. So a little bit of it is outdated, but it’s a good read nonetheless. Not only did I follow suit from Eric and try to predict who would move to Raw and who would move to Smackdown, but since I know that around this time of year they always fire about 5-10 people, I tried to predict those as well. As you will see, I had some success and some failure. In any event, I have all caps’d the people I am moving, so better for you to see them with my dear.

RAW

Top Tier
John Cena
– The face of the company, so he should remain on the flagship show.
Triple H – Should be used both as a top level main event attraction, *and* a guy that puts over people in the second tier to help build them up.
Big Show – Solid top tier guy mired in the tag team scene right now, which has breathed new life into his career and will make it fresh again when he goes back to singles.
CHRIS JERICHO – Since Raw is the talking show, let’s put the best talker in the company on there. Also helps fill the void left by Shawn Michaels’ retirement.

Second Tier
Sheamus – Being groomed for a top tier spot but isn’t there yet. He will be soon.
Kofi Kingston – They seem to be behind him and want to push him in a meaningful way. A feud with Jericho would get you a long ways there.
Ted DiBiase – With his former Legacy buddies moving to Smackdown, will be allowed to forge out a character on his own. Give him time, the potential is there.
DREW MCINTYRE – Because every single stupid year they do something “shocking” like this, so he takes over the second tier championship role with the Miz moving to Smackdown. He’s Vince’s boy, so now is the time to step up to the plate.
JOHN MORRISON – You know what? Put him back with Melina, take advantage of his charisma, feud him with the right people, and you’ve got a top tier guy a year or two down the road.
KANE – Serviceable guy who can lose to people and never seems to lose his cred with the casual fans.
DOLPH ZIGGLER – Because I think he occupies the same sort of space that Jack Swagger does, so with Swagger on Smackdown, let’s move him to Raw and let him try to get to the next level that way.
TYSON KIDD & DAVID HART SMITH – They seem to be due for a bigger push now, so of course it’s time for them to move to the A show. Tyson Kidd has *it*.

Third Tier
SHAD
– Because they always seem to split up teams that have just broken up, and he’s the big guy, so to my mind, he’s more likely to move over to Raw.
Mark Henry – Solid, likeable guy to keep around and lose to people.
Yoshi Tatsu – They seem to really like him. Not sure how he’ll make it up the ladder, though, and could eventually end up being a non-annoying Tajiri filling out the midcard.
Primo – Has some charisma, but is not likely to move up the card from this here spot.
Chris Masters – Perhaps just fodder for Shad as he moves his way up the card. Could be fired at any time.
Chavo Guerrero – The ultimate cannon fodder, but seems to have a job 4 Life.
Zack Ryder – Cannon fodder of the comedic kind.
Santino Marella – Cannon fodder of the comedic kind.

Women
VICKIE GUERRERO – Because she’s awesome, that’s why.
Nikki & Brie Bella – Hookers to make sex with the male guest hosts.
Jillian Hall – Comedy.
Kelly Kelly – Something nice to look at. No idea how I’d use her, but I’d definitely want to keep her around.
Melina – Put her back with John Morrison. Immediately.
Rosa Mendes – Arm candy for Ryder. Works for me.

Oh, and I forgot to add NATALYA, who would obviously come over to Raw with the rest of the Hart Dynasty. So consider this a footnote.

Smackdown

Top Tier
The Undertaker
– Is firmly entrenched as perpetual top tier dude who works part time. This is probably his last year.
Batista – Will end up being the Smackdown Champion and feud with…
RANDY ORTON – Because someone big has to come over to Smackdown to coincide with the move to SyFy, and it should probably be Orton, who has a natural feud with Batista they can do, and always seems to be the easiest one to keep switching.
Edge – Good top tier option as either a heel or face. Needs to learn how to not get injured.
CM Punk – Really growing as a top tier heel. One of the best.
Rey Mysterio – Steady reliable babyface option on top. Can slip down a tier and work with those guys as well.

Second Tier
THE MIZ – Because of the double second tier title switch. Let him go crazy on people. I’m salivating at his potential interaction with all the top tier guys, including Punk.
CODY RHODES – Has no identity whatsoever, so it’s time for him to move to the other show and work with some other people, and some of the same people in a different setting.
MVP – Maybe a new setting will help restore whatever it was that made him look so promising what seems like 80 years ago now.
CHRISTIAN – Because it’s another relatively big name to switch, Vince doesn’t really like him, so move him over to the other show, where he can interact with old friends like Edge and Matt Hardy.
Matt Hardy – Yep.
Jack Swagger – In about the same boat as Sheamus on Raw, where he’s going to be a star if things go right, but he’s not quite there yet, and maybe the new faces from Raw will help him get there.
R-Truth – I’ll tell you what the fuck is up.
Third Tier
JTG – Carries himself like he belongs. Out from under the shadow of Shad, this could be his time to shine.
CARLITO – Get him away from his feuding former tag team partner, and he’s like a C-grade version of the same boat MVP is in.
EVAN BOURNE – I love the guy, but I must be alone. Still, his style plays better on Smackdown.
Luke Gallows – Punk’s right hand man, rarely wrestles by himself. Perhaps that’ll change now that there’s some new midcard faces.
Caylen Croft & Trent Barretta – How much do you want to bet they break up at some point in the next year?
Shelton Benjamin – Remember him? Do ya?
Ezekiel Jackson – Could be due for a bigger push, since he looks the part. Needs some kind of hook and I have no idea what.
Finlay – Reliable veteran.
Goldust – Reliable veteran.
Great Khali – Big guy to do jobs. The Smackdown version of Mark Henry.
Kung Funaki – Cannon fodder with perpetual employment. The Smackdown version of Chavo.

Women
Michelle McCool, Beth Phoenix, Mickie James
EVE, GAIL KIM, MARYSE – Let’s have all the women wrestlers on one brand, please?
Layla – Michelle McCool’s valet or whatever, part time wrestler.
Serena – Punk’s girl.
Tiffany – Best GM ever.

And yes, they need to hire Awesome Kong immediately.

FIRED
Alicia Fox – No idea what to do with her, and they always get rid of a couple women every year.
Katie Lea – See above.
Curt Hawkins – No idea how he made it this long.
Jimmy Wang Yang – Unless he knows some dark Illuminati secret like Funaki, time is almost up for him.
Slam Master J – Total joke.
Vladimir Kozlov – I like him more than pretty much everyone alive, but his usefulness has expired.
Mike Knox – Sad, but they aren’t using him, and they always fire at least one guy that I think they shouldn’t, so…

Eric’s Blog: Shaking down the rosters after the WWE Draft

draft

Smarter than the Erie Couch Potatoes!

We here at Stunt Granny never espoused expertise in either professional wrestling booking or professional wrestler booking mind-reading. But that never stopped us from armchairing it every once in a while! Dusty and I are the biggest fantasy bookers since Russo & Ferrara, and as a supplement to this week’s audio, we present to you our preferences (not predictions) and expectations for this year’s WWE Draft, to be held on a special three-hour Monday Night Raw next week. Ooh, ooh, me first! (A bit of a foreword: My overall goals here were to balance the number of (usually available) headliners on each show, give some midcarders a chance to shine, and make fun of the lesser Hardy brother.)

RAW TOP BABYFACES
1. John Cena
Why keep him on Raw:
He is the face of WWE, he is the centerpiece, he is the biggest star, and there’s no way he’s moving from the A-show.
2. Triple H
Why keep him on Raw:
He thinks he’s the face of WWE, he thinks he’s the centerpiece, he thinks he’s the biggest star, and there’s no way he’s moving from the A-show.
3. John Morrison
Why move him to Raw:
If you’re going to push a guy to championships and DVDs, you might as well do it on the mothership; plus, it’s good for top-tier heel-face balance.

RAW TOP HEELS
1. Batista
Why move him to Raw:
He’s already there every week; he’s also likely to take some time off soon (or be injured), so putting him here with the rest of this list means not leaving a gaping hole on Smackdown.
2. CM Punk
Why move him to Raw:
Fresh babyface opponents and a chance to lead the pack as a dominant heel.
3. The Miz
Why keep him on Raw:
This is the biggest stage on which to shine, and Miz is the next big star.
4. Big Show
Why keep him on Raw:
He and Miz are a great package, and even if Show takes some time off because he’s an aging giant, there are still plenty of heels atop this list (read: Batista’s write-up).
5. Sheamus
Why keep him on Raw:
Hunter loves him, and he can float between top feuds with Morrison and midcard feuds with others (where he’d offer some rub as a former WWE Champion).

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