Stunt Granny Movie Review: Dead Man Down

DEAD-MAN-DOWN-International-Poster

Dead Man Down is easily the best of the WWE produced films but that also goes with the understanding that it really doesn’t mean anything. Directed by Niels Arden Oplev who gave us the tremendous version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and written by J.H. Wyman, the film follows the usual path of most revenge capers. It doesn’t break any new ground along the way but it does provide near two hours of entertainment.

Inevitably Oplevs next movie was going to be compared with Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and while this was nowhere near the quality it is a solid addition to his short film work.  There are some similarities between the two movies through the characters. Both Colin Farrell’s Victor and Noomi Rapace’s Beatrice are damaged people. Beatrice bears the brunt of her damage by the scaring on her face that masks her emotional damage. Victor hides his damage behind a quiet disposition that masks his plans for revenge.

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Amy Smart is in John Cena’s new movie “The Reunion”

John Cena has another movie coming out called The Reunion and no it is not porn. It is a family tale for forgiveness and all that garbage. The poster lists the stars as John Cena, Ethan Embry and Amy Smart. Wait, what? Amy Smart? Amy Smart from Crank, Just Friends, Crank 2, Mirrors, Road Trip and countless other films?

This is a little confusing though.  The Reunion doesn’t appear on IMDB anywhere. But if you look up Blood Brothers, you find the exact same movie sans Amy Smart in the cast list. So after a little digging and found that she is indeed in the movie. Now you may ask yourself why it matters if Amy Smart is in this flick and the answer is simple.

Amy Smart is incredibly hot.

She is the only reason to watch this eventual piece of shit, which is set to be released October 21. As opposed to me, who is set to release every time I see Amy Smart. So if you haven’t figured it out yet, the entire idea for this post is to get a picture of Amy Smart on our site.

And here it is. Good Day. -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Big 11 (or so) Week Ending 9/10/11

(In the vain of all of these college athletic conferences going out of whack, we’ve decided that the Stunt Granny Big 11 will, from this day forward, include 12 items!)

(Except this one! See, the beauty of the Big 11 is that it can really hold as many items as we like. This week, we liked five.)

1. Kurt Angle – Gargle gargle pill pill drink drive jail. -Eric
2. Jeff Hardy – Hardy made his triumphant return to TNA this week. That’s like being the Employee of the Month at that place where mentally handicapped people sort your cans and bottles. The regular season of the NFL also made its triumphant return to television, so anyone who watched Hardy on TNA live as it happened basically has no penis. -Eric
3. WWE Network – Vince McMahon’s latest foray into the entertainment business is picking up buzz, mostly by people who are hoping WWE simply buys G4 and keeps Ninja Warrior on the air. Believe me, that show is a hell of a lot more entertaining than WCW Nitro from 1999 or replays of WWF house shows from Boston Garden. “Oh my god, Pete Sanchez wrestled Rene Goulet to a 20-minute draw?!?!?!” -Eric
4. Kevin Nash- So he’s gone from WWE for real? Is it an angle? Is it due to his failed alleged physical? Does it matter?  We get Triple H and CM Punk in their first match which is booked like their final confrontation. –Jeremy
5. Michael Luisi- He is the new head of WWE Films, yes it still exists. He spent twelve years at Miramax and they had some decent movies. Just ask Bob and Harvey Weinstein they’ll tell you just how great they are. Here’s hoping Luisi can uphold the excellent quality of WWE’s film releases. You know the ones that go straight to DVD.  –Jeremy

Triple H Has A Movie

I guess since I watched the trailer for “Knucklehead,” Youtube deemed it so tat I would enjoy this piece of trash. Yes, it’s the trailer for “the Chaperone” starring Triple H. I really want to dissect this thing for you, the loyal reading public but there are really no new words to describe shit.  Expectations are so low for WWE produced, cough, films, that this was really not shocking. Triple H plays the Rock, Hulk Hogan, Vin Diesel, Jackie Chan bit of the tough guy tossed in to a suburban environment and connects with a bunch of kids. Then the bad guys show up and instead of just shooting the dumb brats they allow them to use firecrackers to distract them instead of lining them up and curb stomping them to that big kindergarten in the sky.

If there is one thing to praise in all of this it is the epic beard that Triple H sports in the first half. It doesn’t look real at all which means it probably is and is as bad as it appears. Also, look out for Yeardley Smith clearing slumming it in the hopes this ignites her career and thus she can hold up The Simpsons people for more money. I like her way better in The Legend of Billie Jean but then it was all about Helen Slater in that flick anyway. So look for this on Netflix soon. It can be set to the instant queue right next to Knucklehead and Legendary. -Jeremy

Big Show Has A Movie Trailer: Knucklehead

Yup, that’s right; it is the official trailer for WWE Films “Knucklehead” featuring The Big Show.

It would be easy to start off with the following line: “Apparently a bunch of knuckleheads approved financing for this movie.” but I am sure this will be abundantly used through countless other DVD reviews.

So, starting differently, this is going to be a total piece of shit. Is it any wonder that Samuel Goldwyn films makes abotu $0.77 on every movie they finance? This just shows that the sophomoric writing of WWE is accepted outside the WWE machine. Look, I don’t care who wrote it so save it. This is garbage inside of a dead baby’s coffin bad. If you wonder how this opinion was obtained you can follow these simple rules.

1: Fat/large guy falls a lot.

2: Fat/large guy has gastrointestinal issues

3: Fat/large guy is not retarded

4: Fat/large guy is the star of the movie

5: WWE is associated with the picture in any way. (Oh yeah that’s a zinger)

I had some hope that Melora Hardin would get naked in this since she is dreamy but then it is PG-13 and geared for kids. You know, the retard generation who laugh at anything.  So watch this and then come back in a month when I get it from Netflix. -Jeremy

Movie news: Gorgeous George biopic, DDP/Danny Trejo flick expected

danny trejo

"Read my interview or I'll kill you."

What a weird (but awesome) place to find professional wrestling information: According to The AV Club, WWE Films is slated to film a biopic on recently inducted WWE Hall of Famer Gorgeous George, based on the book “Gorgeous George: The Outrageous Bad-Boy Wrestler Who Created American Popular Culture.”

The picture breaks McMahon’s odd, self-imposed code of never doing a film about wrestlers, an exception he made because of the unique historical impact George had—not only within the world of professional wrestling (which borrowed all of his flamboyance and outsized theatricality, and the idea that audiences love rooting against a bad guy almost more than rooting for the good guy), but well beyond it. Both Muhammad Ali and James Brown said that they based their boastful self-promotion on George, while a chance meeting with Bob Dylan (which he later wrote about in The Chronicles) gave the young singer “all the recognition and encouragement I would need for years.”

A big congrats to Vince & Co. for finally embracing pro wrestling history pre-Bruno Sammartino (or pre-Hulk Hogan, for that matter.)

Also according to The AV Club, Danny Trejo (soon to be of “Machete” fame, as well as almost 200 other roles) is set to star in “Vengeance,” a movie that takes its cue from the Charles Bronson “Death Wish” series, where Trejo plays a vigilante whose wife and kids were killed and who goes on a murderous rampage. And Diamond Dallas Page is in it!

DT: Remember I told you that I love Charles Bronson? Charles Bronson was doing movies called Death Wish, where they kill his family and he becomes a vigilante. That is basically the storyline: They kill my wife and daughter, and I take revenge, vengeance, on criminals. I kill people that are jaywalking.

AVC: Really? Is it a comedy?

DT: No, no, no. It’s a really serious vigilante flick.

AVC: And 50 Cent and Jason Mewes are in it?

DT: 50 Cent, Jason Mewes, Diamond Dallas Page, Donal Logue, Baby Bash, Tech Nine, Houston Alexander, and Rashad Evans. We’ve got some monsters in it.

So yeah, good for Diamond Dallas Page, who worked with Trejo on the Rob Zombie film “The Devil’s Rejects.” The Trejo interview is really good, and it makes me wonder if meeting DDP would turn the new old softy from a life of boxing to a routine of Yoga for Regular Guys. -Eric

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