WWE’s hilariously stupid new idea: Monday Night Raw going to three hours every week.

What do you do when your ratings are falling; no one on the roster outside of three people are over and the top part of your roster may be off for the summer? Well, you extend your flagship television show to three hours.

Yes that’s right, if two hours of mediocre to below mediocre television isn’t enough for you WWE has the remedy; an extra hour. Starting July 23rd, just in time for kids in the south to go back to school (No really, they send these poor bastards back at the beginning of august for some reason), WWE is adding an extra hour to every single episode of WWE Monday Night Raw.

Oh yeah, starting July 23rd you will virtually be guaranteed to see Lord Tensai, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Mason Ryan, Kane, the tag team champ people, the other tag team, that up and coming guy, the timekeeper, some fat kids in the stands, bored adults and Big show crying, still.

Really thought, the best part about this news is the fact Kevin reviews Monday Night Raw each and every week here on Stunt Granny. Check out his Almost Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw every Monday night, or so. His descent in to madness will be totally worth the read. Have fun stupid. -Jeremy

Breaking WWE NEWZ: John Laurinaitis still has a job

So if you are a complete idiot this is a surprise. WWE.com confirmed the WWE Board of Directors has decided John Laurinaitis should remain as the interim General Manager. If the storyline holes needed to grow larger well, this is helping. So what power does the COO have in a company like WWE? How could they remove Vince McMahon and then Triple H but let, you know who fucking cares.

WWE loves running with ideas and concepts that are old. By old I mean played out and uninspired. So the fact that they will continue with the evil GM gimmick for the foreseeable future is not surprising. What would have been surprising is if this did end and Triple H would remove himself from television again, let Undertaker grow his natural stringy hair out and have their rematch at WrestleMania 29. See, we plan on attending WrestleMania 29 so another twenty minute snoozefest between those two would be appreciated for a bathroom break.

So brace yourself for at least twenty minutes of screen time per episode of RAW featuring Smiling Johnny Wooden (TM Kevin Difrango)   -Jeremy

On a side note spell check offered Urinalysis as a correction for Laurinaitis. Go figure.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Surprisingly, the caption in the picture doesn’t refer to having to watch Raw again. Or even a warning to you the reader about the quality of content. I always bring the quality. No, I’m referring to my buddy Sean stopping over in thirty minutes. The one that in the below post all but raped me during New Year’s Eve. I was going to be content to sit here and watch Raw and get to bed somewhat early. Now he’s going to fuck that plan up because I’m taping Raw and Hawaii Five O as usual. That means we need to head out to watch football, which I do want to catch. Plus, I want to know what the surprise is. Sorry Twitter folks, I might no be around for that. Let’s roll.

We get a recap from Kane’s speech last week. Then John Cena hits the ring. He gives us some New Year’s Resolutions. He is going to remain true to himself. Cena shows off his awful shirt. Kane gives him some advice over the PA system. Embrace the hate. We can only hope. Even Shawn Michaels embraced it a little bit in his feud with the Undertaker. We get the video one last time. I can’t wait for it not to pay off.

Daniel Bryan starts off against Cody Rhodes. I’m ready for my first dirty finish of the year. My money is on a Booker distraction leading to a Bryan win. Mitchell Cool pointing out Bryan’s losing streak before his title win shows why he should win clean tonight. Get this guy a little more credibility. Wow, Bryan does win clean. He did a good job on Smackdown. He’s getting the promo part of the wrestling business now. They recap the Truth on Miz beat down. Johnny Wooden GM talks to him. He plays good GM by pointing out the Miz’s flaw. Miz fights Sheamus again but he is protected from Truth.

I took 2012-1988 and got 24. How is it the 25th anniversary? Cool predicts 2012 as the year of Wade Barrett. Randy Orton is getting time off to fake his injury. Good for him. Barrett continues with his barrage. Santino interferes. Oh, it just his match opponent. Santino brags he spent more time in the Rumble. He looks more like Jeremy Piven every week. No one is surprised it’s a squash match. The Bellas get screen time to give Miz a hard time. Truth is stalking him. He wants us to stay quiet.

I missed between here and the 10 PM hour. From that point forward, I watched at the bar I went to without sound so I’ll do more of an autopsy like Dusty did since I’ll have sound when I watch tonight. If you want to catch my in time reaction, along with those of Jeremy, Eric and a very special guest Dan Keuster, go follow @Stuntgranny, @GrannyMaes and @difrango11. I’ll avoid the results too so that I can do the first half of the show like I normally would. -Kevin

So I’m going to watch some of this during halftime of the Sugar Bowl. What a snoozefest between Michigan (sorry Jer) and Virginia Tech. Nice of the WWE to miss the Miz attacking Sheamus. Another repeat match from Smackdown since nobody watches it. Miz flees the match. The Lil’ Jimmy act is not as funny when he’s a babyface. Miz walks into a Brogue Kick. Even worse that Truth gets transfixed by water bottles now. How dumb. Somethings are funny once but not multiple times.

Continue reading

Stunt Granny Audio Show #151 part 2

No recording problems this time aside from the fact that we couldn’t quite capture the magic from that portion of the show we skipped out on last night. No need to fear though as the dastardly duo of Jeremy and Kevin make up for it by remembering to talk about Miz selling Subway better than Jared ever could and Zack Ryder and his character’s translation to TV. They talked about the main event picture on Raw and how there seem to be more options than in a long time even with Rey Mysterio’s knee injury that will shelf him for a while. They explain how potty talk can be used for emphasis by none of than pure bred baby face John Cena. Enjoy part two more than part one by clicking on the link below.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #151 part 2

Spoilers From Tonight’s WWE Raw Taping II

Stunt Granny is live again for the second time in a month at Raw!

I forgot that Mr. Eric Nelson is attending Raw tonight from Des Moines, Iowa. He’s passing along some spoilers so I’m here to add my snarky comments to his live texting. Let’s rock this bitch out like Hold For Swank.

8:19 PM EST – Almost no reactions for anyone during the mania intro video, just lots of woos. Could be an interesting crowd. (Great, let’s hope this crowd doesn’t sit on it’s hands like the ones in Cleveland.)

8:26 PM EST – Jack swagger beat jason jones. Dominated him grappling. jones showed decent fire on two hope spots, swagger won with his finish. Lots of boos. (Swagger really should get a name for his gut wrench power bomb.)

8:44 PM EST – Evan and primo beat carlito and chavo in a good ten minute match for superstars. Great reaction for evan, afew cheers for carlito. Rate battery, no show. (The last comment was his answer to us doing a short live show afterwards. I have no fucking idea what a rate battery is though. Let me go to bed on time at least.)

8:56 PM EST – Gail kim over katie lea. Not bad at all. Katie worked an arm and gail sold it like two pros (and unlike most guys). (That’s not too big of a shock to me. I could gripe about the WWE using their women wrong but it’d be as useful slamming my head against a brick wall.)

Their Numbers = Our Numbers UPDATED

Wrestling numbers go up, our numbers go up.

According to Prowrestling.net (by way of prowrestlingevents.tk)  TNA iMPACT! will be going head to head with Monday Night Raw on March 1st. I did a simple search on TNA’s site and they have no information regarding this event. I looked on the WWE’s site and their event will be in Oklahoma City with guest hosts Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong. TNA still has nice dreams (Obvious movie tie in that I’ll beat you over the head with by the end of this article) that they can still compete with the WWE. TNA’s poor timing will probably make their higher ratings go up in smoke (Feel free to groan) because this date will be 27 days before Wrestlemania. The WWE will be in full swing with their preparation for their big show and big names will be swapping brands more than Cheech & Chong passed joints in Still Smokin’. TNA did get a minor bump in ratings (up to 1.3 from 1.0) this past week but they’re going to need to sustain that momentum for another month for this second skirmish to matter. I’ve got no faith in TNA especially since one of Hulk “Yellowbeard” Hogan’s best ideas is to recreate an angle that occurred in the WWE twelve years ago with Kurt Angle playing the part of Bret “The Hitman” Hart, AJ Styles being Shawn Michaels and Hogan acting like Vince McMahon. The WWE will happy to have the opposition hype Hart versus McMahon at Wrestlemania while also doing so on their own programming. – Kevin

Update: There’s a second report from Prowrestling.net that iMPACT! will indeed be moving to Monday’s permanently March 1st. I’m just giddy that TNA may be crushed by the time my birthday hits two days later. They are going to be live one week and tape the next week’s on Tuesday and repeat the cycle. If the WWE is smart, they won’t pull a Bischoff and announce title changes on air about their “competition”. Even the WWE’s crowd could have given a shit less about TNA programming on January 4th because they didn’t mention TNA at all. The Orlando crowded chanted “We don’t need Bret” and other anti-WWE chants. Vince will thank you later for the free advertising. – Kevin

The Dallas Media is Fucktarded

I wonder if the Dallas News covered this prime time drama too.

Not to be done by our Australian counter parts, the Dallas News decided to go with a story about Mark Cuban wanting to get retribution on Randy Orton for an RKO he had taken in 2003. Cody Rhodes shot back that he can bring “Cowboys or Mavericks” into a six man match with Legacy. Hey dumb ass, Cuban only owns the Mavericks. The creepy old guy with perma-grin owns the Cowboys. I’d imagine, since the Mavericks don’t have a game, this angle will happen. Cody wants it to happen just so he can not look like a twig in comparison to someone else. Too bad that they’ll probably tower over him, especially if they bring the David Hasselhoff loving Dirk Nowitski. At least the Dallas News is smart enough to not be treating this confrontation as a real assault so we do at least have half a step on those dumb kangaroo humpers. -Kevin

Thanks to Prowrestling.net for bring this story to my attention.

The Architecture of Wrestling – The Joe

The exterior is so bland, I feel like you could play "Where's Waldo?" with Joe Louis Arena.

The exterior is so bland, I feel like you could play "Where's Waldo?" with Joe Louis Arena.

With a little extra time on my hands, I figured it was time to delve into the arenas that the WWE visits on a regular basis. For my first selection I’ve gone with the building that was the host of Monday Night Raw, Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, Michigan. I think it’s a bit unfair to start here because it was built in 1979 (if you want more history information go here) and an aesthetic arena design wasn’t exactly something that a majority of venues were worried about. It will serve as a nice base line though for newer arenas and to show how far arena design has come.

It is a hexagon with a large parallelogram that cuts through the longest portion of the building. The parallelogram is the highest portion of the building. Just below that are two bands that are flat with piers at the corner. In between the piers on the lowest two bands of the building the building seems to conform to the curved nature of the seating bowl. It just looks like it was tossed together rather than planning out some recesses and raised areas to create visual interest. The flat roof doesn’t create any visual interest either.

JoeLouis_Aerial2

Even with the exterior as mashed together as it seems, it’d help if it had a different paint job. The red base only helps to make you notice that the top is a bland gray that blends in with the bland gray around it. Normally, I would worry about the arena matching or having common elements with the buildings around it but all I see in the near distance are gerbil tunnels and parking garages which aren’t exactly design oriented structures. Considering the awfulness of those structures, it’s all the more reason to do something more to make the arena stick out with a better paint job.

The structures around it also put on display that the site for the building is pretty atrocious unless you have x-ray vision to see through the walls of the arena to look out on the Detroit River. If the water front was developed, it would help to spruce up the surrounding area, give the arena something to borrow some of it’s extrerior design from and give a purpose to the Joe being sited on a river.

Nothing like having to take a nice long walk up a flight of stairs before even getting into the arena concourse.

Nothing like having to take a nice long walk up a flight of stairs before even getting into the arena concourse.

I can’t really say too much about the interior but I assume it’s a pretty standard layout (especially from the seating chart) so I’ll hold off criticism of it. In total, there isn’t a whole lot to like about the extrerior of this building including the surrounding area. – Kevin

It Was Good Knowing You Chris

You and your Slammy had a great second run.

You and your Slammy had a great second run.

Evidently Jeff Hardy may not be the only big name leaving the company this weekend.  (Was that a spoiler?  Tough cookies.) Chris Jericho decided to open his mouth a little too wide when he did this interview with the Baltimore Sun (Thanks to Prowrestling.net). The whole interview itself is a good read but there is a small part that may land Chris on the “Future Endeavors” list –

When you were in WCW, it seemed as if the guys at the top were reluctant to work with and elevate guys who had potential such as yourself. Now that you are in the position of being a top guy, did what you experienced in WCW influence how you approach working with younger guys?

It wasn’t reluctance; it was just denial. They just wouldn’t do it and it [ticked] me off so much because there was a lot of money left on the table. It’s something that I said that I would never do. We’re in a crisis period in WWE and we need to build new guys. When Shawn Michaels came back to Raw, he said, “Whose been built since I left?” On Smackdown we’ve built [John] Morrison and [Dolph] Ziggler and Cryme Tyme. The Intercontinetal title has been rebuilt now with Rey Mysterio. But I can’t tell you on Raw who has been built over the last six months. They better do it soon, because when this generation of performers is gone, who will replace them?

I think he’s absolutely right but the idea that Vince McMahon can tolerate dissension makes me laugh. Vince and USA view the increased ratings on Raw as proof that guest GM role is working well. If they came around to Jericho’s thinking, the ratings would be even higher because the new fans would get to latch on to young stars and follow them for a long time. It’s a laughable thought though that this blunt assessment of the state of Raw would be a catalyst for change. If Shawn Michaels and HHH are so mesmerized by the writing that they actually participated in those awful skits last week, we can all be pretty sure that Jericho will be pushed out like so many others for voicing his negative opinion. At least he has VH1 and a new Fozzy album to fall back on. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Was Raw

I didn’t get around to this last night because I went home to watch the Penguins (lose) which is a funny story that I can hopefully tell if I record with one of the other chaps later tonight. I had the pleasure of sitting beside two people who didn’t quite fit in their seats and practically sitting on this hot wife’s lap.  Too bad her child and husband were there. I’d love to be able to make fun of the guy but he’s banging a smokin’ hot wife hopefully every night.

Shay Mack, a giant Irishiman, defeated Jamie Noble for Superstars.  Noble did some good mic work before the match making fun of Mack’s pastiness. Noble was on offense the majority of the match but Mack ended up winning with a Rock Bottom Back Breaker. He was OK and fits the WWE molds of  “Bigger is Better” and “Ethnic people we can exploit”.

Next was an “exhibition match” between the Big Show and Hornswoggle who got a solid pop. Big Show teased tossing him into the crowd but then Goldust made the save. Goldust got his ass kicked and Big Show left.

Lilian doesn’t just screw up on camera. She forgot to promote t-shirts and then had to do the shirt cannon. Josh Matthews did a best sign contest. There were a boatload of Cena signs. The Bella Twins did the kiss cam. They have much better trunks than I previously thought. I’m glad they threw in these random things because I couldn’t have handled another Wrestlemania or tour of Iraq commercial.

The Dark Match was John Cena & Batista against Big Show & Randy Orton. Orton continued to sell his injury from the end of Raw. The biggest pop may have been when Batista and Cena teamed up to suplex Big Show. Cena acted like all was fine and ended the match with an Attitude Adjustment on Big Show.

I’ll be back later with more of my observations and hopefully a show tonight. – Kevin

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