Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Review of @WWE #Raw1000

As Jeremy so eloquently put it, tonight starts my descent into madness. No, not the Aurora variety madness but the kind that makes me want to throw my lap top against a wall kind of madness. Tonight will likely be a very good, packed show. The writing will fall apart after tonight though. As for the poll below, I voted for “It doesn’t matter, the title was rendered meaningless long ago.” I’m not sure it was a long time ago but I had been long harping on the meaninglessness of the IC, US, Tag Team & Women’s Title. For some reason, since main event level guys held the belt, I didn’t think about it being meaningless. It is though. Mostly because as another choice point out “It doesn’t matter, John Cena is basically “the champ” anyway.” So, CM Punk may be merch champ and putting on spectacular matches, but you can tell the WWE doesn’t really favor him. Or even Sheamus. Enough editorial, time to do it during the review.

And just so you know, this is our 1850 post. Beat that WWE! We get a retrospective of Raw. It was a nice enough video package. Vince McMahon comes out first. I didn’t listen to his special email message that he sent out. Why is the chairman introducing Degeneration X? I’m guessing everyone else on the internet asked this question. They’re rebels who don’t, aw, you get it right? Even the video package accompanying their entrance seems lame. Shawn Michaels acts out of breath and really stupid. HHH checks for his underwear too. They introduce Road Dogg, Billy Gunn and X Pac. Gunn & Michaels get cutesy with another line. Damien Sandow interrupts the proceedings. You aren’t going to save us. We’re going to get this dreck for the rest of the three hours tonight and in the future. What did I type earlier? This episode would be fine? I’m taking that back already. They still have two words for us. Yuck. Time to get drunk.

I miss Jim Ross coming out because I wanted to get cake for my girl. Wink, wink. Rey Mysterio comes out before he can say a word. He’s teaming with the botch machine Sin Cara. Sheamus is on the team too. We can’t have too many matches tonight so let’s have huge tag team matches! Chris Jericho is still a heel by being on their team. Dolph Ziggler is out the chute next then Alberto Del Rio. Then a commercial.

Ziggler starts off against Sin Cara. Oh, by the way, no animosity between Mitchell Cool and Ross. Stupidity central. My vote is Jericho costing Ziggler and his team the match. Looks like Ziggler is going to cost Jericho the match. Sheamus wins with the Brogue Kick. Not much of a match. What? JR is only calling one match? Fuck off WWE.

Why an I watching these dumb videos? I still don’t care about Tout. Charlie Sheen is hosting from Las Vegas. I’m glad he can Skype so we can plug something else. I buzzed through the replay of AJ & Daniel Bryan from last week. AJ then gets to talk to Layla. Of course dumb shit is happening outside of their locker room door. Kill me. The hand is grown up. Shouldn’t it be half black? Mark Henry was the father.

Sonic gets pimped. Why would wrestling be important during the 1000 Raw? Jack Swagger gets to lose to the Funkasaurus. Another match that doesn’t matter. Shazam app. Clay gets to introduce Dude Love. Splat was an accurate description from Cool. Swagger gets the Mandible Claw with the mandatory gullet use. Trish Stratus gets to talk yoga to HHH. We’re supposed to laugh again. We don’t.

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Jeremy’s Blog: Initial thoughts on Scott Hall: The Wrestler from E:60


In case you missed it last night, ESPN is offering up the Scott Hall’s “The Wrestler” segment from E:60 online. The segment was incredibly short and really shows how bad off Scott Hall is now. What it doesn’t do is explore anything in great detail. Sure, it gives probable cause for his addictions and shows what he goes through now, but there is no deep investigation. Some of this is the pratfall of committing only 15 minutes or so to the actual story.

The piece features a bunch of other wrestlers, friends, family or wrestling execs commenting on Scott Hall, but the way the short documentary was packaged it came across like they are distancing themselves from his ailments rather than explaining.  These are just my initial thoughts on the program. I reserve the right to reverse course after more viewings, so go screw.

Kevin Nash comes off as a jokester instead of a concerned friend. His line about driving a stake through Hall’s chest as the only means of killing him may be funny but it is sad all the same. It was never explored past that. It was a one-off comment that added little. Sure, it is meant to explain the copious amount abuse Hall has done to his body, but it came off as aloof instead of poignant.

One aspect that should have been explored to same detail was the fact that X-Pac/Sean Waltman was in a similar position and came out of it and thus his pain at seeing Scott continually failing would have been stronger. Waltman taking issue with promoter Steve Ricard is spot on, but then listening to Hall try and explain his situation afterwards lessened the blow. He says that a combo of medications messed his head up so bad that, “Brother, I didn’t even know what country I was in. I don’t even remember being there.” It is hard to feel sympathy for someone who appears to be reveling in it as he smiles and nearly laughs while explaining it all.

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Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 7/2/11

1. CM Punk

2. Vince McMahon – McMahon was recently interviewed by Bloomberg Enterprise, and while he does seem to be mellowing at his old age (or maybe because the interviewer was a cuter girl than Bob Costas), he did admit that he’d be happy never retiring and “dying in the chair.” And while he did show a good sense of humor while saying that, I can’t imagine JBL will be back to clean up the carcass, so he might want to consider the beach. – Eric

3. Sean Waltman – The Real X-Pac has been all over social media lately, particularly really cranking up his video efforts via his Facebook page, http://www.facebook.com/therealxpac. If you’re like me and grew up on the Lightning/1-2-3 Kid, give his shows a shot. His voice is ruined by years of puking all over himself, but his advice is sage, and his opinions are as educated as his feet. – Eric

4. Randy Orton – So Randall does a live radio interview and outs Kelly Kelly as being a dart board behind the scenes. This is nothing to be ashamed of but when it gets played by Randy and the hosts like she is a whore instead of a girl who likes to cum, that is the problem. Kelly, get you some dick and carry on. – Jeremy

5. Dolph Ziggler – He has been getting praised by former wrestlers as the next possible guy to go up the ladder. It was also made public knowledge he got inside Kelly Kelly’s vagina and may have dated a porn star. How can you not like this guy? – Jeremy

6. Linda Hogan – This thing is the exact opposite of Kelly Kelly. This troll went on The Today Show as well as Opie and Anthony (XM 105/ Sirius 206) and spouted a bunch of shit about Hulk Hogan. He has a small penis, he ripped out clumps of her hair, he was abusive and a bunch of other unsubstantiated claims. What did Hulk Hogan do in response? Basically nothing. Hulk Hogan took the high ground. Let that sink in. – Jeremy

7. #JeffHardyWatch – Join Twitter and help us mock one of our favorites as he awaits trail for a September 2009 arrest for possession of 262 Vicodin prescription pills, 180 soma prescription pills, 555 milliliters of anabolic steroids, a residual amount of powder cocaine, and drug paraphernalia. Is this a completely dickish and unnecessary thing to do? Yes, yes it is. But it’s funny. – Kevin

8. Make Up – The WWE must have actually had problems with the voting last week for “Power To the People.” They advertised for nearly a week before that Sin Cara would take on Evan Bourne. As a second make-up, without acknowledging it, they had Kofi Kingston spin the Raw Roulette Wheel and get a “Player’s Choice” stipulation in which Vickie was then banned from ring side. Good on you for listening to the fans. Now do it more often. – Kevin

9. Sin Cara – He really really sucks. – Dusty

10. Sweet Daddy Siki – In his book, Bret Hart identified Sweet Daddy Siki as the best. That statement was a true statement. – Dusty

11. Raven: Wrestling Superstar – So at SuperCon in Miami, Raven had a booth. My eye in the sky tells me he was visited by maybe eight people within an eight hour time frame. He was rude to boot. He’s The Wrestler without a career peak. I hope he dies. I also feel the urge to point out how absolutely terrible a show Ghost Hunters is. – Dusty

CM Punk is “back,” Waltman and JBL love him, Hogan’s ex makes Warrior look like Ed Leslie

Ma'am, the difference between you and Nicole Simpson is people know who the hell she is. Was. Whatever.

(NOTE: Make sure you check out the Stunt Granny Audio below!)

According to Prowrestling.net, the “work-shoot” angle that has been CM Punk’s recent challenge for the WWE Title has taken various twists and turns thanks to WWE.com. First, Punk’s bio was removed from the Superstars roster page. Then, WWE.com noted that, despite Punk’s “suspension,” he’d made good on his promise to appear at various live events. I am very happy (maybe even proud) that we all got past the “whoa, is this real?” scuttlebutt (this ain’t 1996, folks) and moved onto liking this angle for what it is: A) Punk’s chance to shine and B) WWE allowing the curtain to be pulled back a little on that idiotic daughter and doofus son-in-law. (And C) a chance to mention Colt Cabana on national television again, which is probably good, since his new Web show ain’t gonna pay the bills.)

Also according to Prowrestling.net, both Sean Waltman and JBL have posted video blogs praising Punk’s promo on Monday Night Raw. Waltman has posted some fun, breezy videos on Facebook (check it out here), and over the years, JBL is proving himself to be less of a complete prick and more like Old Biff from “Back to the Future,” that uncle or family friend you love to hate and who probably really does know it all but doesn’t always need to give you a noogie to prove it (check out JBL’s Facebook page here).

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Linda Bollea accused ex-husband Hulk Hogan of abusing her throughout their marriage, saying she would ask him what was for dinner, and he would wag his finger at her, punch her three times, give her the big boot and legdrop her off the countertop. Hahaha, nooo, no, that’s not really what she said. Linda said Hulk was always on drugs and throwing chairs and that she feared for her life. Whoa. That’s harsh. I’d rather take the legdrop. This, of course, is all to promote her new book, “Wrestling With the Hulk,” which was released yesterday. Hopefully she also released the location of her hairdresser and tanning salon, because WOOF, you’ve got a cosmetic lawsuit on your hands, Big Bird! -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio Show #145

I luvs me the twittetube!

Because we’re not always interested in the wrestling week in and week out, we decided to cover the topic of social media and wrestlers’ use of it. This topic was too big for just two men so Eric, Jeremy and Kevin joined in the fray. We start off my talking about how odd it is that two icons, the Ultimate Warrior & Hulk Hogan, from our childhoods are having a cat fight by way of social media whether it is Twitter barbs or Youtube diatribes that have distracting back grounds. The guys further the conversation by wondering what the end game is for some of these wrestlers. Do they do it to placate their egos? Are they doing it just to get their characters over? Do they think there’s a pot of gold at the end of the social media rainbow? The boys close out the show by talking about the social media firestorm that they were directly (we think) involved with, the Jeff & Matt Hardy tasing video. Kick back with more social media in your ear holes!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #145

Chyna to make more porn, eidvo43we.. oops, can’t see, gouged my eyes out

chyna

Yowza. According to Prowrestling.net, Chyna has made an “extremely graphic porn” movie called “Backdoor to Chyna,” starring herself and two male leads. Because at this point, the bar for porn is set so high that you absolutely must have three lead actors, or it’s hardly worth stealing from a bit torrent site and eating a bag of Cheetos with your other hand, m i rite? As you may remember, in 2004, Chyna and her then-boyfriend Sean Waltman released a semi-produced sex tape they titled “1 Night in China,” where X-Pac stuck his X-Coc in about any hole he could dig to Chyna. If I recall correctly, a review posted on SomethingAwful.com likened an anal sex scene featuring Chyna’s heavily pimpled ass to “someone shaking a large pepperoni pizza off their arm.” Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?

This news comes weeks after TNA brought in Chyna to play the part of Kurt Angle’s mistress. Let’s see… bestiality jokes are too easy… clouded judgment due to too many pills, nah… John Piermarini is to Kelly Kelly as Vince Russo is to Chyna? Maybe. Let’s just all agree that it’s good Chyna finally got her act together, until the opportunity to get railed by two guys in front of a camera crew and work out her daddy issues came a-knockin’. -Eric

Hulk Hogan shows off back tattoo, scars in no-name Canada town

GEEEEYIKES, what the hell is that?? It looks like a little kid with scissors and crayons went nuts on a broken leather couch!

According to the MadMic23 blog (by way of Prowrestling.net; click both links to get the full stories), Hulk Hogan appeared in something called Brantford, Ontario this past Saturday to interfere in a six-man tag featuring his friends Virgil (Wrestling Superstar), the Nasty Boys and Fat Brutus Beefcake. Blah blah blah, Beefcake gets double-teamed by the Nasty Boys, blah blah blah, Hogan makes the save, tears off his shirt, and… OH MY GOD! Jesus Christ, cover that shit up! Almost 300 fans in Brantford were treated to a view of Hogan’s new tattoo, which faintly reads “IMMORTAL” in some awful garage-metal-band font across his shoulders, and two surgery scars flanked by a bunch of loose skin on his back. Don’t you just want to grab a handful?

In other news, this show also featured such legends as X-Pac, Tatanka, Scott Steiner and Kevin Nash (total bump count: 9, all from Sean Waltman). If you needed any more proof that Canada is about 16 years behind even Des Moines, Iowa, this show is it. -Eric

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