Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation – #WWE ‘Future Endeavor Day’

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Jeremy: So no more releases as of yet.

Kevin: I would have to think it’s ended now unless the rumor mill is true that no one can get a hold of JTG.

Jeremy: HA, poor JTG. Did you realize he was still employed?

Kevin: Yes because I’ve gone thru that roster page too often recently during shows. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t even make Main Event.

Jeremy: If there was ever a time to replace him wouldn’t it be now? They have Xavier Woods after all.

Kevin: There is no reason to pay someone who can’t even make it to Main Event. JTG should be gone.

Jeremy: Unless he is a trainer behind the scenes? I have no clue what he does as a function for the company.

Kevin: Knowing the inner workings would always help. Maybe he helps choreograph the Funkadactyls routines.

Jeremy: Saw Chris post that he hasn’t had one match this year. What a great way to make money.

Kevin: More reasons to can the guy unless he’s doing something else for them. I bet he’s the mole who is giving TNA the scoop on the WWE’s story lines.

Jeremy: Then he is the worst possible mole ever. I have always figured TNA’s “mole” was the TYV in the office. “Hey look what they are doing. We should do that.”

Kevin: I can’t wait to see what they try to replicate tonight. Hold on, weren’t we talking about everyone who got canned? We haven’t mentioned any of them yet.

Jeremy: Oh yeah, well it sort of goes hand in hand. Some of these people could end up in TNA.

Kevin: If TNA is smart, they’ll stay away simply because more rip off jokes will follow. I know some of them might be useful with re-packaging but none of them are so good that they’ll drag TNA out of the dregs.

Jeremy: Out of the list of the released Evan Bourne will probably end up in ROH again or Dragon Gate USA. He is too talented for this to be the end of his career.

Kevin: He should land on his feet. No one else will care about the pot smoking. The rash of injuries usually subsides at some point. Hell, once brittle Fred Taylor even had a string of injury free years for the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Jeremy: His injuries were from a car accident as well and then a string of “bad luck.” Regardless he has immediate merchandise potential as I have said since WWE called him up. TNA should take a look but they won’t.

Kevin: He’s the only guy I wouldn’t blame them for picking up. I’d be disappointed in him if he did that though. Everyone in wrestling has to know it’s a black hole.

Jeremy: At this time though if they come calling you sort of have to listen and at least consider it. Drew Mcintyre can still make a go of things.

Jeremy: Allow me to interrupt this conversation for breaking news: JTG has been released.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

20140607_111246I spent the past weekend in Richmond VA visiting with my older brother and his family. I will fill in the particulars later in the week but let’s just say I definitely went to a pair of breweries thanks to his hospitality. I did manage to squeeze in Smackdown then Impact Wrestling after we got home from the trip. There were only two memorable things between the shows. One was my boy Dolph Ziggler continuing his “big mouth” persona and having a great match against the newly turned heel Seth Rollins. I also enjoyed that Rollins, HHH and Orton didn’t spill the bag on the reasoning for the turn. Another small positive from the show was that neither Dean Ambrose or Roman Reigns showed up. TNA yet again showed how inept they are by cruising into a rating under 1 million people. The only positive in yet another train wreck of a show was James Storm making a re-appearance after a year plus hiatus. Ken Anderson has been doing some terrible work and Storm got to call him out on it. Like many TNA story lines though, Storm looks awesome and likeable as the heel and Anderson looks like a douche as a baby face. On to Raw now. Let’s roll.

Sometime after I wrote this introduction, news started to trickle out that Daniel Bryan is too hurt to compete at MITB. HHH & Steph are here are brag about being right. They give us footage of Dr. Joseph Maroon of telling us that Daniel Bryan can not compete. I had to look up images of Maroon and they actually got him to do that video. How much did they pay him for his time? Steph strips him of the title. They are really hamming up this angle up. The crowd is really flat. Alberto Del Rio is the first entrant into the match for the title. HHH informs us that Randy Orton gets a spot because of his status. I’m starting to think the crowd is bummed. Anyone who loves wrestling should be. No matter how much they make logical points, Bryan being out of wrestling sucks. HHH turns to Seth Rollins talk. They are in a match against the Wyatt Family with a partner of their choosing. That doesn’t get much heat either.

Sheamus vs Wade Barrett is a MITB qualifying match. These guys have fought a lot recently and I can’t really argue about it. His Bad News is that he’s coming down with the title. That’s not bad news! JBL sounds like he’s drunk already. It could be an interesting night. He figured the opening segment bombed with the crowd so he’d join in. I do feel like Barrett is getting some of the swagger back in his promos recently. Sheamus clubs away on Barrett. He then brings Barrett in the hard way. Sheamus cross body blocks them over the top rope to get the break. Barrett suplexes Sheamus. I guess I don’t understand Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole’s view point on the title stripping. Sure, it’s disrespectful to strip the title without informing him but at the end of the day, it’s the right move with the injury. Barrett hits Winds of Change for a two count. The crowds awakens with dueling chants. Sheamus misses a dive from the top rope to the barricade. Sheamus gets in at nine. Wasteland but Sheamus kicks out. White Noise from an attempted Bull Hammer Elbow. They exchange punches. Head butt by Barrett allows him to toss Sheamus into the post twice. Brogue Kick from the corner for the win. Sheamus sold the damage in the corner before pinning him. Another good match and I understand putting Sheamus into the spot. Let Barrett keep racking up wins on lesser opponents. Barrett should be in that picture soon if he keeps up. Luke Harper sometimes get urges from a deep, dark place. Bray Wyatt admits to his urges. Wyatt reminds us that the Wyatts beat them. Wyatt is reborn. I love that angle which started on Smackdown. (Next Day Note: With all of the religious words thrown around Wyatt’s promos, being reborn after a crushing defeat is perfect. Now he just has to win an extended feud.)

Lana comes out and runs down Obama as a girly man. He is no Vladmir Putin, who has wrestled bears. Crush! is so stupid. Crush was only cool in Finding Nemo, dude. Lana, we don’t need to worry about Mother Russia. We should continue to be worried about China. It’s going to help to name him simply Rusev. Yep, going to make all of the difference. Zack Ryder gets to lose to him again. His record is unblemished because he’s wrestled 3 guys a bunch of times. The Accolade. The whole “control” by Lana is very antiquated too.

Goldust is teaming with R Truth against Rybaxel. Truth starts against Ryback. Curtis Axel takes over on the early beat down. Goldust gets a luke warm tag. A crossbody by Goldust takes out Axel & Ryback. Ryback makes a save on a pin. Truth gets tossed out of the ring. Axel rolls up Goldust for the win. A heel wins in his home town. Layla El is acting really catty to the make up lady when Summer Rae comes in and dumps milk on her then beats her up. Layla’s character has taken a big step back in the toughness department. I don’t like that.

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Random NXT: The Arrival Thoughts

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The opening match of NXT Arrival made absolute sense. There was no way this match was going to disappoint and really it was bound to upstage anything else on the card. Placing it first with plenty of buffer matches in between allowed the Women’s Title match as well as the NXT Title match to still make an impact.

Wow, that was just great stuff. Cesaro winning never seemed like a forgone conclusion even though he has been heavily featured on WWE programming. Sami Zayn is going to do big things when he gets the call up and after that match it seems like a forgone conclusion he will be up sometime after WrestleMania.

Thus starts the “Not ready for the big show” part of the event.

Mojo Rawley has the look of Nikoli Volkoff. That works for the 80’s but now it makes him bland. His gimmick of the over excited, hyped, frat brother isn’t going to work in the big show but it does make him standout in the smaller NXT.

CJ Parker’s promos crack me up but the overall gimmick will get lost like Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks. Yeah I used Reks because they both have dreads.

William Regal is awesome.

The Ascension; yuck name. What does The Ascension even mean as a tag team name? Their gimmick is right out of that awkward transition period between the early 90’s and late 90’s. Pairing them with Too Cool though made both men look huge and absolutely intimidating. Despite the criticism this was a solid, formula tag team that did its job in showcasing The Ascension. With the right tweaking they could be up on the main stage soon enough.

There was something totally different about Stephanie McMahon. Her character was totally different and dare I say she looked like she was totally enjoying herself? Oh and maybe basking in a tad bit of pride over her husband’s baby.

William Regal is awesome.
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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I'm not sure if they've watermarked this well enough.

I’m not sure if they’ve watermarked this well enough.

That’s the story around here, it’s fucking cold. I practically had to drag my boxer Cayenne out. Then my knuckle head of a mutt Kia couldn’t get enough even though she knows her hips (because of dysplasia) are going to give out. At least I didn’t have to carry her back inside like a football. Time for some wrestling that’s probably at a locale that’s a tad bit warmer. Let’s roll.

So wrong to have the Old School WWF symbol without the F flags on them. May as well start with Ric Flair considering he was the only man teased for this show. I didn’t see any spoilers in the early AM when I looked at the wrestling sites. That’s right, Baltimore. It’ll be plenty cold there soon enough. I guess he’s our host? Randy Orton comes out. At least Flair did poorly enough that he can follow. Randy wants the Authority to over turn their decision. Randy lays out a platter for Flair to jump on, which he does. Orton goes the intimidation route. Flair pulling out the stops now that he’s dressing down Orton. John Cena comes out to defend Ric Flair’s honor. Cena going hype man. “If you’re feeling froggy, jump” is definitely an “Old School” line. I wanted to go to the Royal Rumble since it’s in Pittsburgh but I slept on getting tickets. When I finally checked Ticketmaster, they only had floor seats left. Too damn expensive. Then I checked Stub Hub, people were selling the cheap seats for 3 times the price. Definitely too expensive. They pimp the WWE App so we can know Jerry Lawler‘s health. That’s a scum bag move even if they told us it wasn’t part of his heart condition. We get a recap on Daniel Bryan.

Daniel Bryan makes his Wyatt Family debut with Luke Harper & Erick Rowan taking on Rey Mysterio & the Usos. I listen to JBL & Mitchell Cool for this entrance. JBL has the right question, how good is this group now? I dig the change in attire even if I saw that picture of him last night. Not too deep into the match, Bryan faces off against Rey Mysterio. Rey tosses him out of the ring quickly for a break. Rowan is working over Jey Uso. He’s (Next Day Edit: Who do you mean, jackass? I was referring to Bryan. I was wondering if he’d pull out some new moves with the new gimmick.) not busting out any new offense, yet. Rey knows how to work with big men so well. Jimmy misses a top rope splash. Mike Chioda in the middle of a Wyatt Family show down. Harper gets rolled up for the loss. Interesting way to start this angle. You can go with a sabotage from within angle for Bryan.

Batista has entered the Royal Rumble. Brad Maddox tells someone that Damien Sandow is having a rematch against the Great Khali. Ahh, three Hall of Famers actually. Kane is wondering why Maddox is talking to the Authority behind his back. Kane reads some of the rules for conduct. These two could be a good combo similar to Kane & Maddox. Fun segment. Big E Langston runs into Nikolai Volkoff singing and the Million Dollar Man with Aksana and finally IRS. I’d take that pay day if I were them too.

Big E Langston is taking on Curtis Axel with Ryback on the head set. Ryback is cracking me up. Langston & Axel brawl in front of the announce desk but nothing comes of it. Big Ending. No surprise. Ryback steals the scene for me. Perfect attitude for his character. Pretty meat head with lots of cockiness.

jocks-Revenge of the Nerds“Rowdy” Roddy Piper is going to interview The Shield. They interrupt his intro. Dean Ambrose stares him down. Then drops a lame age joke. The only person that can match him on the mic is CM Punk. Ambrose gets worked up. Seth Rollins jumps in to calm down Ambrose. Rollins calls Ambrose a better US Champ than Piper. Roddy cracks me up when he grabs Reigns cheek. Reigns threatens to break him in half. CM Punk comes out for the save with the New Age Outlaws. I’d be fine with this turning into a match. No dice with the singles match though.

I haven’t missed Sin Cara or Alberto Del Rio. So of course they’re having a match against each other again. Twice wasn’t quite enough. I’m fine with changing Sin Caras but I really wish they’d change his lighting to normal. Sin Cara misses the Swanton. Kick to the head for the Del Rio win. Of course he wants a piece of Batista. Ugh, are they really giving this clown his twentieth chance? The WWE gives some random people way more chances than other people.

Daniel Bryan wants to be transformed. He can teach them a lesson too about tag team wrestling. Bray Wyatt shows up. He informs Bryan they will be teaming together. “We The People” is a popular chant for a heel team. Jack Swagger starts off against Goldust. Antonio Cesaro gets an atomic drop. Cody Rhodes takes over. Goldust ends up taking the beating for their team. Not for long as Cody tags in. Disaster Kick to Jack Swagger gets him off the apron. Cesaro is legal and whacks Rhodes for the break. Swagger is bear hugging Rhodes. I need to download the App for the Cesaro Swing. You just showed it to me. (Next Day Edit: I know they’re trying to bring you in with this footage but they do it for almost every match which means I won’t download it. I don’t care about an inane interview from Heath Slater.) Cool & JBL try to sell the Real Americans but I can’t buy because of how often they lose. Patriot Lock on Rhodes. He almost gets to the ropes. Goldust kicks Swagger in the pie hole to break it up. Goldust gets the hot tag. He cleaned house something fierce. The Curtain Call for the win. I didn’t figure the Real Americans would win even in a non-title match. DDP meets up with Booker T. DDP Yoga gets shilled. Ron Simmons comes in. Damn. Not the best spot to deliver that one but I love me some Simmons.

Runjin Singh is with the Great Khali for some reason. Damien Sandow is his opponent. Sargent Slaughter gets the assignment. I was hoping for Arn Anderson. JBL agrees with me. Mitchell Cool notes Singh’s presence. I’m not sure why Cool called JBL on the microwave comment. You’re getting hit by something large and heavy like Khali’s hand. Sandow had his leg on the rope when Khali pins him. Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch on an angry Sandow. Sarge dances with Khali. People love it. (Next Day Edit: It just dawned on me that Damien Sandow may be in the midst of his second losing streak gimmick. And Alberto Del Rio gets to call out Batista. Go figure.)

Brock Lesnar comes out with Paul Heyman, who naturally does the introduction. Heyman was just money in that promo. It’s hard to justify writing about it because of Heyman’s delivery. Mark Henry comes out again. Henry has his “arm broken.” I’m still bummed that’s not a longer feud. Big Show comes when I start to FF. Lesnar backs down after taunting Big Show. I’m okay with setting up this feud. Heyman tries for the distraction but Show catches Lesnar and tosses him across the ring. Lesnar sells a leg injury. Lesnar landed pretty hard on his shoulder. Looked like he over rotated.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

New-years-eve-lake-garda-1Preparations for for a New Year’s Eve Party have me starting super late. I did see earlier today that this Raw is taped. I did not click on the “BIG spoiler” post on Prowrestling.net however so this is all new to me. Let’s roll.

I’m going to love FFing thru ring entrances starting with CM Punk‘s. Although, I can’t FF when I’m typing my brilliant thoughts. Ha. Punk did have an up and down year. Thank you Shield for playing me some more catch up. I like super cocky Dean Ambrose. Dean does seem to be getting the short end of the stick recently. My forecasts of doom for Rollins may be wrong. I still say his ceiling is Dolph Ziggler. Punk using divide and conquer on the Shield well. Roman Reigns not as pissed at Rollins as he is at Ambrose. Brad Maddox is back! Yeah. I missed his smarmy ass. He officially gives us Seth Rollins vs CM Punk. Commercial.

What weird shit is going on with JBL complaining about the rope break? Mitchell Cool defending it like a heel announcer. Jerry Lawler making the most sense. They stay in first gear before the next break. Punk rolls out of the way of a back splash. Punk nails a leg lariat. Buckle Bomb by Rollins only gets him a two count. I do like the cockiness Rollins has shown against Cena & Punk attempting their own moves on them. Slick spot with Punk rolling thru a cross body into an Anaconda Vice. The Shield causing distractions but it costs Rollins. He yells at Ambrose. Rollins whacks Punk before the suicide dive. Sling shot turned into a GTS for the win. Another slick spot. Rollins is flat out getting it done in the ring. Everyone knows Punk is no slouch at this point. Brad Maddox is talking to the referee about conduct when HHH & Big Steph show up. Daniel Bryan wants a match with Bray Wyatt (Next Day Edit: So I used to have Daniel Bryan for both names. It’s my favorite screw up that neither Wade Keller nor Jason Powell fix. I have no idea why because I’ve gone back thru reports. Shouldn’t you correct it if you’re making a living off of this?). He has to beat Harper then Rowan to get Bray Wyatt. Steph is going to announce the main event for the Royal Rumble. Steph being condescending. Plus.

Steph comes out for the big announcement. I get to buzz thru the Randy Orton video package. John Cena will be his opponent at the Royal Rumble. No surprise there.

HHH gets to blow his wife. He then acts like he is going to say something she hasn’t heard. Steph seems happy about it. Curtis Axel wants us to forget about the past. Like the two failed stints as a low level WWE player? Dolph Ziggler gets an inset promo too. It wasn’t that great. Ziggler takes a ridiculous spill out of the ring. Axel takes a rough looking spill into the turn buckles. They’re trying to out sell each other. The crowd is not into this match at all. Zig Zag out of nowhere for the win. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for Ziggler.

I would not have picked Big E Langston vs Fandango for a match at the 9:00 PM slot at the beginning of the year. Or even two months ago. JBL tries to sell the ability of Fandango to win this match. Sorry, no one is good enough to sell me on that. Summer Rae is outstanding on the outside. She might over emote but I dig it. Fandango takes a breather. Fandango finally takes control when the break hits. Langston powers out. Fandango counters with head butts. Shouldn’t a man with a pretty face avoid that? Fandango getting in some offense to make his case by himself. Langston rolls out of the ring to save himself. Fandango drop kicks him. Fandango jumps into a bear hug. Overhead toss. Big Splash. Down come the straps. The Big Ending. Another good match.

You're Welcome from Wrestlingfeeds.com

You’re Welcome from Wrestlingfeeds.com

For some reason, I stop to listen to Booker T babble. New Year’s Spinarooni. Bad News Barrett shows up with a raising podium. Gavels are obnoxious which is why they work. He gives a bah humbug speech but for the New Year’s.  Renee Young is a bit too happy to introduce Damien Sandow. He claims he’ll quit if he doesn’t win. He should beat whichever clown the fans vote for.

Sandow’s opponent ends up being the Great Khali. I’m starting to wonder if this was the big spoiler. Khali is using the power early. Only a matter of time until he takes out the legs. Mitchell Cool trying to sell the Khali’s title reign as something more than it was. Elbow of Disdain doesn’t quite get it done. Chop from his knees gets Khali up again. Khali is working the crowd and cracking my shit up. (Next Day Edit: Seriously, him working the crowd was so awkward it was hilarious. I can’t remember the last time he had a match this “long” either.) Sandow whacks Khali’s head off a turn buckle and rolls him for the win. The cover was jacked up so the announcers try to cover. I’m glad Sandow quitting isn’t the surprise.

R Truth is taking on Brodus Clay. Xavier Woods is on the head sets again. They must like his mic skills. Poor Woods has to sell back story as he’s sympathizing with his opponent who got blasted. Clay tossing Truth like a sack of potatoes. Woods distracts Clay. The Funkadactyls join in. Truth kicks a charging Clay. Facebuster for the win. They all dance.

HHH gets to introduce Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar. Lesnar has a new shirt. I like his Steve Austin like abilities to whip up a new shirt. I dig it too. Cool rendition of his back tattoo. He wants to be WWE Heavyweight Champion. The winner of Cena vs Orton has to take on Brock Lesnar. Hmm, that’s a weird time to have him challenge. Between the Rumble and Wrestlemania? He issues an open challenge. Mark Henry answers the bell. Nice. This can’t take place now. Lesnar nails Henry as he gets into the ring. Henry tosses Brock over the barricade. Henry gets driven thru the barricade. F5 on the floor. Aww. Damn. I wanted a match between the two. So John Cena wins the belt then, right? No way they make Lesnar a baby face figure against Orton. (Next Day Edit: After clicking on said link, this was the major spoiler and not the end of the show. It’s Wrestlemania season so now that Brock isn’t going back to the UFC, why is it surprising he’s back in the WWE? If you think the WWE wouldn’t use him for the biggest card of the year, shot yourself. I’m still bummed that him and Henry didn’t get a feud. It didn’t need to be a long one but have them face at the Rumble.)

Total Divas vs Non-Total Divas again. Eva Marie gets to be a heel on the baby face team. Kaitlyn is a baby face on the heel team so it all works. Cameron tags in but is unhappy with Eva. Alicia Fox comes in for her spots. Summer Rae gets to use the long legs. Aksana is in before I can type the previous sentence. They trust Cameron to sell more then Eva. Nikki gets a hot tag? All hell break loose. Summer Rae distracts Nikki. Aksana elbows Nikki face first into the ring for the win. Weird choice for a winner.

Brad Maddox is apologizing to the Authority for the ref botch. Brad has Steph’s favorites lined up. He also has HHH’s favorites lined up. (Next Day Edit: For next week’s Old School Raw. I guess that’s pertinent information.) Maddox woos and shows why he should get more TV time.

Daniel Bryan starts out against Luke Harper. I’m taking it this match goes longer than the Rowan part. Harper looks like Rob Zombie would cast him in a movie. Power dominates early. Gator roll. Bryan starts on a mini roll but gets planted with a tilt a whirl slam. Commercial. Fun stuff from the WWE App. Thanks for making me not download it. Pair of clotheslines by Bryan. Suicide dive connects. And a second time. Top rope drop kick. Chopping the tree kicks. Head kicks only gets two. Brutal looking power bomb that Bryan kicks out of. Bray Wyatt with a fantastic reaction. Bryan still kicks out after a couple of moves. Bryan catches Harper in the Yes Lock. Harper powers out. Bryan with the running knee out of nowhere for the win. Fun stuff. Erick Rowan decks Bryan from behind. The ref let’s Bryan stand before he rings the bell. Rowan tosses him into the steps. He then tosses Bryan over the announce desk. Bryan starts to budge as the commercial hits.

Rowan pancakes Bryan. Rowan slaps Bryan in the belly as he’s perched on the top rope. Middle rope fall away slam. Big man move 101. Small Package for the win. Small guy move 101. Harper drops a few elbows on Bryan but Harper restrains him. Bray Wyatt takes his time getting into the ring. Bray charges Bryan but doesn’t attack. Harper & Rowan attack before any fisticuffs happen. Good choice. They assault him some more. No one in the back likes Bryan. Wyatt sings. Our story ends here. This is the end. Bryan says “You’re right.” Bryan is given the mic. He admits that the machine never let him win. He says even the fans chanting for him everywhere he’s ever been could change their mind. Bryan wants to join the family. Bryan crawls over to him. Sister Abigail but seemingly willing on Bryan’s part. Harper and Rowan carry Bryan to the back. Well, something needed to happen for the Wyatt Family. Interesting choice because he is so much bigger than everyone in the group. Bryan ends up waddling up the ramp by himself. The fans chant no. Bryan acts like the crowd is going to change his mind but he doesn’t. Nice. It could end up sucking but whatever. Got to pull the trigger to find out if it works. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

water-drippingI was very happy that my new counter tops were installed today. Unfortunately the night has ended with the water main dripping and me not being able to find my plumber’s wrench. I wonder if Baby Momma Drama took them since he did so much house work. I had another intro but this one over rode it. Let’s roll. Really late.

The WWE allows me to go with the regular introduction because the video package reminds me of my indifference to this unification. I don’t hate that Randy Orton won. I don’t like that he won either. I don’t care that John Cena didn’t win. I wouldn’t give a care if he won either. A standing ovation, Mitchell Cool? Really? I don’t even hear a lot of boos. Orton has looked like a bitch but you know he’s a multi-time champion so it’s credible that he won the match up. HHH & Steph are posed rather seductively which is really odd. Isn’t it supposed to be more fun to be the heel? Because Randy Orton’s speech is hello boring. John Cena bags on him and his comatose speaking. He tries to goad him into a match with Daniel Bryan. Randy Orton steps over the line so Steph smacks him down. I don’t want a title shot for Daniel Bryan because he’ll win then lose later. Oh Steph, you’re so coy and funny saying we don’t understand the WWE Universe. HHH makes the match. So is this supposed to be the funny part where I laugh because Orton keeps putting his foot in his mouth to the Authority so they put him in his place, he apologizes then they rinse and repeat? This is the second round. How did I forget about the Wyatts? Interference city.

Goldust & Cody Rhodes are defending against Rey Mysterio & Big Show. Cody starts off with Rey. I grabbed water because I knew the match would go to commercial. Big Show tagged in to get said break. Big Show slam keeps going. The announcers make a hilarious joke about the presidential selfie. I’m dying from laughter here. The WWE is so hip and current because they’re making jokes about something recent. I would not be disappointed if some of these people tweeting comments that get on Raw were killed in a fiery accident. They’re the most mundane statements ever.  Is Randy Orton better than Daniel Bryan? We’ll find out tonight on #Raw! Knock yourself off. Goldust gets the hot tag against Big Show. Goldust gets choke slammed. Cody makes the save. Dust misses a twisting cross body. WMD. Rey drops the Dime from Big Show’s shoulders for the win.

Christmas Santa match. Oh goody. Bad News Barrett graces us with his presence. We can’t win the lottery. You definitely can’t when you don’t play. Randy Orton is mad at Steph & HHH. Kane is around this time. Steph turns around the argument and points out the obvious three on one match for Bryan. They keeps emphasizing the single championship but he’s still carrying around two belts. Care to explain?

Dolph Ziggler is taking on Fandango with Summer Rae. I must have glazed over the fact that Fandango beat Ziggler. (Wednesday Edit: Tuesday was that kind of day. On the TLC preshow.)  Jack Swagger should meet his fate at hands of one of the tweeters. The announcers are still enamored with the selfie. Ziggler barely beats Fandango with a roll up. I’m beyond annoyed. Shouldn’t Ziggler renew his confidence with an ass kicking? I think so. I’d say that about anyone who needs to get back on track.

Big E Langston & Mark Henry are taking on Jack Swagger & Antonio Cesaro. Langston starts against Swagger who tags out to Cesaro quickly. Henry takes over on Swagger. Langston gets back in. I love how the announcers are talking about Langston being a great champ. Yeah, he does that real effectively in a tag team. The baby faces are dominating who ever is in the ring. Right when I thought the WWE was positioning the Real Americans for a title run, they look terrible. Cesaro & Swagger double team Langston to change moment. The gut wrench suplex by Cesaro is impressive. Cool shot of Cesaro jumping on Langston’s back as he tries to make a tag.  Henry gets the hot tag. Paying homage to the Junkyard Dog! I love when Cool goes through puberty on air. Cesaro teases the Big Swing but Big E got the hidden tag and stopped it. (Wednesday Edit: What a terrible sentence it was before the correction.) Big Ending for the win. The Real Americans get knocked back down the ladder again.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

From roflcat.com if you can't read really small print.

From roflcat.com if you can’t read really small print.

I have a 3/4 done post about beer that I was hoping to post, I have a perfect column in mind for last week’s ROH airing that I just watched last night and I tried to get done a Weekend Rewind last night but it sits in worse condition than the ROH idea. Very unproductive weekend. I will get cracking this week. I really enjoyed doing the Walking Dead Mid-Season Review today so that’s a good start. We watched Total Divas right before doing this column. Another good thing. Although she is really irritated with the show this week so it should make for a funny column. (Next Day Edit: She was so pissed she didn’t know what she’d write. I told her to let the sarcasm out. Always makes me laugh when she gets snarky. We’ll see what happens.) Let’s roll.

CM Punk graces the ring first. He has the best guts in the business. He wants to live in his own universe away from HHH. He’s bleeped so I’m quite sure they knew it was coming. Stephanie McMahon comes out. The Authority is for free speech. The look on Punk’s face when he questioned Steph was priceless. Punk needs to direct his questions to Kane. Shouldn’t he get new music with this character? Kane gets to drone on. Punk challenges Kane to a match. The Shield shows up. How can JBL say there’s no collusion when they were directly working for the Authority the last several months? The worse fact is that neither of the other announcers have come up with this point. Mitchell Cool tells us they’ll only have one belt clarifying loop holes that everyone was looking for with their wording from last week. (Next Day Edit: I still think this build up isn’t enough for this type of match. Having the unification happen at TLC isn’t helping my misgivings.)

Damien Sandow gets to beat my boy Dolph Ziggler since Big E Langston is the Intercontinental Champion. Big E is on the headset. I’m sure Dolph wants a shot at the IC Title so that he can start chasing Chris Jericho’s record. They have a standard match which makes it bizarre after two consecutive brawls. JBL points out that a concussion cost Ziggler his second title reign. Oh no, he didn’t he called him out for his short title reigns. You’re Welcome for the Sandow win. I want to vomit. Shortest match of their trio.

The Divas get a gigantic tag match again because there’s no good way to get them on TV otherwise. The Bellas & Natalya are taking on AJ Lee, Tamina & Summer Rae. Tamina takes a beating from the Bellas early. Tamina takes over on Brie. AJ Lee continues to skip around the ring. Summer Rae botches a sunset flip. Natalya gets the hot tag. AJ makes the tag when Natalya is down. She played opossum. Small package by Natalya gets a victory. (Next Day Edit: Roll up win #1.) She continues on her hot streak. AJ  skips away from the match.

Holy Christ on a pony. Bad News Barrett. Who thought this was a good idea? My woman has a perfect question “Why is he stealing Damien Sandow’s material?” Randy Orton is glaring at Brad Maddox. He wants to be recognized as the greatest ever. Maddox is going to be his errand boy. Maddox needs to trim the bear. Not a good look. Daniel Bryan hits the entrance. Weird that he’s this pumped up.

Bryan takes on Erick Rowan after the break. It’d be criminal to not give him a microphone tonight. They still have plenty of time. It’s a power versus speed match. JBL going off the rails. They’re exchanging smaller flurries of offense than I’m used to. Rowan tosses Bryan into the barricade for a break. Nice of them to start an extended sell after I mention it. Rowan keeps going with the beat down. Bryan got shut down on an apparent comeback. I’ve been trying to ignore the Slammy categories because they make my brain hurt. I think JBL drank before this show. Rowan misses a splash to get things moving in the right direction. Rowan slows him with a boot to the face. Roll up out of a guerrilla press slam for the win. (Next Day Edit: Roll up victory #2.)The lights go out. Bray Wyatt tells Rowan & Harper to stand down. Bray understands Bryan. Together they can bring the machine to it’s knees. Interesting. Will a storyline finally be complete with the Wyatt Family? (Next Day Edit: Of course this storyline will be completed and everyone will be crapped on like Alberto Del Rio after it’s over. See below.)

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