Stunt Granny Audio: OHPA 6

Ken and Ken are back for another edition of OHPA! They don’t do much yammering before getting they jump on their first topic: An Epic Rap Battle between Superman and Goku. Why did this topic remind Kevin of Idiot Intern? What is their history with the show Dragonball Z? How dedicated was Ken to the show? What piece of electronics starts off discussion of old technologies? Why do they like Goku better than Superman? How was the Rap Battle itself? They move on to talking about another love from their past, arcade games. Ken & Kevin bring up StevenF’s article about beating Dragon’s Lair. How much do they remember about the game? Did they ever beat it? Why was it different from many other video games of the time? How much did it cost to buy Space Ace, which was Dragon’s Lair in the future? How did that compare to the cost of a Nintendo? Why could you play multiple games on this arcade console?  How did 50 Cent’s terrible first pitch make it into this segment? What humble brag event finished this story? Which one of your hosts would have done the same? Ken & Kevin end with a topic from Kevin’s recent travel, legal marijuana in Colorado. How many jobs has it created? Is it more likely to be legalized in OH or PA in the near future? How is the state Washington doing with their program compared to Colorado? Of course Kevin tried some while he was there so go ahead and roll one up and click on the link below for a high-larious show!

Stunt Granny Audio: OHPA 5

Ken and Kevin are back for another week of weird scientific discovery. Ken forwarded Kevin an article and video (above) about octopuses. Of course, he has a hard time remembering whether the articles were about squids or octopus. What factoids about octopus did they not know? Where are their brains located? How does the original Iron Chef factor into this equation? How much extra research did Ken not pass along to Kevin? How long do octopi live? What happens when they have sex? Speaking on both of those matters, how crazy is the life of an antechinus? How do you have a column named Absurd Creature of the Week? How long can one keep that up? How focused are the males on sex? How long could your hosts keep up this pace? What happens to these males as they are having sex? What about the females? How many children do they birth? How many of them can they feed?  Even though both of these creatures are weird, how strange are the Japanese and their game shows? Why would three Olympic fencers take on 50 amateurs? What crazy game shows did Ken’s friend bring back to the States (gasp on video cassette) after he taught in Japan? Why would anyone ever sign up for this game? Back to the fencers though, who wins? Will the guys spoil the finale and not provide the video evidence? Follow this link for the video. Welcome to the wild world of OHPA when you click on the link below.

 

The Daily News – “Mad Dog” Maurice Vachon Dies at 84

Greg Oliver of Slam! Wrestling reported that “Mad Dog” Maurice Vachon. I have never watched Vachon so I have no basis for writing this article. Luckily, Youtube has a clip of Mr. Vachon doing his speech for his Hall of Fame induction in 2010. Condolences to his family. – Kevin

Are Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards Headed To The WWE?

This clip from Preston City Wrestling has people wondering if Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards have signed with the WWE. If they have, I will have to compliment ROH for keeping them off TV for most of the last several months. When they have been on, it’s been in the tag team division. The last point is where I think the WWE would put them because neither of these guys have fantastic mic skills. I mean, you did watch that Youtube clip above, right? It’s also good thing for both of these wrestlers that the WWE has revived the use of manager’s also because of said verbal abilities. I enjoy Eddie Edwards but still have yet to figure out why Davey Richards has ever been called “Best In The World”. If they have signed with the WWE, it will be interesting to see if they get the CM Punk treatment and get sent to NXT to learn the WWE style or if they get a pass straight to the main roster.

Since Davey was vague in the above promo, there is still the possibility that they have signed with TNA. That would be a mistake on both ends. Richards & Edwards aren’t going to bring in new fans. Likewise they won’t garner any new fans in TNA or if they do, it won’t be enough to budge the needle. Richards & Edwards would probably just do the same American Wolves schtick in TNA since everyone stagnates there. In the WWE, they would at least be challenged to come up with a new gimmick. We’ll have a howling good time waiting to see where these two wrestlers find their new hunting ground. – Kevin

#ROH is the Worst Part IX

hoopla_shirtI know this image has already taken a tour thru the internet, most notably on a certain Facebook page not named Stunt Granny. I held off on commentary because how does this not scream “ROH is the Worst”? Jeremy had asked me to review it before I saw the post on Facebook but had forgotten about it until I started mowing through my back log of episodes. Jeremy & I had gone back and forth about whether this shirt was even worth buying for a goof but we both agreed we’d be feeding into the abyss of terrible that is ROH so we wouldn’t even buy it as a gag. Sure enough, in the first episode I watched from 1 June, some tool in the first row already had the shirt.

With my memory thoroughly jogged, let’s get on to breaking down this absolute train wreck. They’re going for a crass (I can’t think of a better word because it’s not outrageous or shocking or trying to appeal to the ladies) with this gimmick so one would think they wouldn’t be shy with the design. The Os in Hoopla scream to be used as a highlighter for her boobs. But ROH designers don’t even feel the need to put any type of definition into the silhouette. They need to at least highlight some of the curves if she’s going to be a hottie. The other option is to capitalize on the mini-hula hoop craze that hit Youtube last year and show the silhouette hula hooping. The word Hoopla Hottie could have even been used inside the hula hoop even if the font would have been smaller than the real shirt.

On the back of the shirt, it has the statement “Take Your Pants Off” which of course then shows a top hat. I understand that Truth Martini needs to be involved since it’s his gimmick and the Mad Hatter hat is part of his schtick but why are you using that image? This shirt is about the women that are around Martini. How could you not use a silhouette of women’s pants? Since we’re being crass, lingerie would imply you got a little more off than just pants.

shirt_girl

You mean to tell me they couldn’t get one of Truth’s Hoopla Hotties to pose like this?

Beside the image, we get a picture of a tuxedo jacketed, hot pants wearing Truth Martini. He isn’t wearing his own shirt which is the point of a model. Let’s go back to my theme of this being crass. Don’t you think that the same tool that already bought this shirt would like a picture of a Hoopla Hottie wearing this Daisy Duke style and knotted at the stomach? Or they could go “Pants off” and have her wearing the shirt without any pants on. ROH can’t even get a t shirt design right. ROH is the worst. -Kevin

Wrestlemania 29 (NY/NJ) Previews Part I

TheShield

Since Jeremy agreed that he wouldn’t be doing previews as I had predicted on Monday, I’m going written for the previews. I’m hoping to do two matches a day including on Sunday. We’ll see if it happens or if I end up stacking them up because I can’t get to them. I’ll be separating them into pairs with one good match and one bad match.

Bad Match

Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett defending against The Miz: We saw The Miz headline Wrestlemania two short years ago in Atlanta. Now he’s get to start the show off…on Facebook/Youtube/WWE App/Tout/Whatever. Wade Barrett was the next big thing until an elbow injury derailed him. I don’t feel bad for the Miz because his character has been stuck in a rut since we last saw him. He was great as a company pitch man when he went on Opie & Anthony recently but it doesn’t change his stale act. I do feel bad for Barrett though. Just as in sports, a man shouldn’t lose his starting job because of injury. I feel like Barrett did. His character got some polishing up during his re-introduction so he’s gone through more change than the Miz. The Intercontinental Belt is a meaningless object though. Most of the time, when someone drops it, they’re finally ready for bigger and better things. Prediction: The Miz becomes the next Chris Jericho and starts racking IC Title reigns.

Good Match

The Shield (Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins) against The Main Eventers (The Big Show, Randy Orton & Sheamus): I’m stretching to put this one in the good category. I have enjoyed the Shield though even if their terrorist inspired videos are too polished. I do think they’ll need to do something more than search for justice after Wrestlemania. I’ve enjoyed the bickering between Big Show and Sheamus. They should be since they were involved in a bitter nearly year long feud. Did I ever doubt that the Big Show would be on the team? Not even when they introduced Ryback who had already been building to a feud with Mark Henry. The match should be a good one as the three season vets should be able to help out a team that hasn’t seen much in ring work in the WWE. Prediction: The Shield finally goes down so we can move on to their next phase.

WWE Cyber Monday Deals

The WWE advertized deals up to 90% off select items during Raw last night. Naturally I started looking for deals last night during the show in my Blog (see below, I’m not linking it) but couldn’t find any in the first three or four pages. Luckily, the WWE has kept these deals going through today. I have looked through many more pages. Here are the deals I came up with that are 90% off.

Zack Ryder – 8×10 Unsigned Photo – Are you ready to go to a wrestling convention, bro? I say pick up this SSSIIICCCKKK photograph so that you can shell out the money you saved for his autograph.

WWE Magazine – August 2011 – I mean, who wouldn’t want this priceless item for 99 cents? I was curious to find out what exactly was in this magazine so I could make fun of it’s stellar contents. The WWE didn’t mention the information when you’re giving this away for 90% off! Instead of getting that information, I’m going to leave you with a Youtube clip that reviews the magazine. Naturally, no American is dumb enough to do this review. It is a very riveting so enjoy.

Yes, that is the entire list of items 90% off out of a total of 401 items. Advertisements are always genuine. Never a hint of a lie in them. At least you can get these items for a combined $1.18. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I got my new DVR set up for baby momma drama since he has a 49″ TV in the basement. I barely got the dogs walked in time to start this blog on time. Since they’re in Las Vegas, instead of showing one of the casinos, I’m going to give you the product that the Venetian is modeled after. Welcome to the Doge’s Palace in Venice, Italy. Enough babbling, at least from me. Let’s roll.

CM Punk gets a victory speech. Hmm, would not have remembered that Punk made the speech in Vegas. Big Show interrupts him. Show gives him his speech since changing to a heel. Punk replies with Cody Rhodes speech from the build up to Wrestlemania. Any one can say that they’re going to be the one to beat up the champ that will cost them the belt. I will not be watching the first Raw on Youtube.

I’m glad Mitchell pointed out that the Primetime Players didn’t look that way last night. I had forgotten the other two were the champs. I’m trying to remember who used the manager mic last time around. I’m happy for the commercial break so that I can finish eating dinner. I choose to clean while the cable guy was here instead of eating. Damn it, one more piece. I thought the mic gig was funny the last time. Abe is not doing the trick for me. I look at Twitter for five seconds and Truth pins O’Neil for the win. Abe flips out for some reason. AJ is texting when Daniel Bryan comes into the picture. Bryan is apologizing when Eve Torres interrupts. She tries to be saucy.AJ backs away from Goat Boy but still lets him kiss her cheek. Looks like she’s off the Punk scent.

Alberto Del Rio takes on Zack Ryder. Is this a get heat back match or is Ryder starting to go in the right direction? Del Rio wins in a squash match. Fabulous. Rey Mysterio makes a reappearance. I had pretty much forgotten about him. Rey dials up a 619. I think Del Rio’s feud with him was the only time I liked ADR. Why is Cool welcoming Rey back? He’s a baby face. You should hate him for attacking Del Rio unprovoked.

Heath Slater is in the ring when we come back from commercial. Rikishi is this week’s “legend”. He gets a solid response. Bansai Drop for the win. Rinse, repeat. And we get a dance routine with the Usos. The response is not as good as the Funkasaurus.

Continue reading

Top 15 Pro Wrestler Commercials for Non-Wrestling Stuff

In honor of Rent-a-Center’s earth-shattering sweepstakes to meet Hulk Hogan and Troy Aikman, we thought we’d compile a list of the top 10 TV commercials starring professional wrestlers that weren’t for a professional wrestling product. These larger-than-life figures explode onto the TV screen with such abandon and fervor, such charisma and passion, that how could you *not* buy a pizza from them?

Let’s stick with the Hulkster, who hawked Right Guard in 1991 with the savoir faire of Robert Goulet and the acting chops of Mr. Belvedere. Starting this list off with anything less would be uncivilized!

Wrestlers seem to end up in commercials for food quite often. What was I saying about pizza and gargling copious amount of pills? Oh yeah, here’s Kurt Angle, following his 1996 Olympic gold medal win, ready to chow down on some Pizza Outlet:

Wow, wrestlers and pizza go together like, um, wrestling fans and bigger pizzas. Pizza Inn cashed in on the popularity of the Von Erichs in Texas in the early 1980s, but really, who in the hell is going to believe that 170-pound Mike Von Erich taught his brothers, ripped-ass Kevin and blown-up Kerry, anything about eating?

Keeping in the realm of food, I don’t have five minutes nor two scoops of Kellogg’s Eat Shit & Die for Mick Foley, but I do remember this Chef Boyardee commercial starring The Rock, pre-Hollywood but well into his puffy Nation of Domination days. Hell of a shirt, Rock; don’t date yourself too much or you might get chaffed:

Honorable mention: And because superstars’ shuckin’ and jivin’ doesn’t stop at the front door of Titan Tower, here’s Booker T and his big fat momma, eatin’ up all tha food:

I swear to sonny Jesus, this commercial with Andre the Giant made me want to try Honey Comb, and thus allowed me to become a fat shit for the first 28 years of my life:

John Cena, the face of WWE and hero to millions of children everywhere, can’t resist that double meat? Tell me he didn’t just say that!

And in the locally sold booze category: If I were you, Chicago Lake Liquors, I’d give Mad Dog Vachon a coffee break:

Of course, this wouldn’t be a discussion about great commercials with wrestlers if we didn’t include spots for Slim Jim! Here’s one with Macho Man Randy Savage and some teenagers, blowing things up Beavis and Butthead style:

And one with Ultimate Warrior and some more explosions (never let it be said that Slim Jim doesn’t understand its market; I still nice “Niiiice, antique!” every time I see a plastic chair):

More drinks: Man, the NWA/WCW got the short end of the advertising stick back in the day; while Hogan, Warrior and Savage were running wild, Rick Steiner was crawling around like a jackass with Roos on his hands:

And if you can’t land Mountain Dew like the WWF, get your first fattest babyface to drink the second-best thing!

Geez, I guess wrestlers and soda go together like wrestling fans and pizza and soda. Now here’s an idea I can get behind: Sting + population control, thanks to Sprite:

And now TNA is making deals with shitty auto insurance companies, because who better to hawk insurance you can finally pay for than wrestlers who only make $300 a week:

And finally, because we all go to our grandpa for weightlifting advice (“Back in my day, we punched a potato sack until our knuckles bled like stuck pigs! We put our polio-crippled brother on a rope and we dragged him 2 miles!”), here’s Ric Flair’s latest venture into advertising, for Fuel in a Bottle:

Oh, wait, we can’t talk about Ric Flair and TV commercials without posting Bruce Mitchell’s two favorite things in the whole world, wooin’ like Ric Flair and scratchin’ them lottery tickets:

Wow, 15 greats plus an honorable mention. Did we miss anything? Post them in a comment below!

So DDP does some pretty awesome stuff.

I have been sick for the better part of two weeks now with no end in sight. So, while feeling sorry fvor myself I came across this video over on GammaSquad. Check it out I sure hope this is legit.

Apparently DDP, yes that DDP, and his goofy yoga shit do work? How high of a fever can you run before hallucinating?

A quick side note” Water for Elephants” has one of the most hilarious endings in film history. Skip the rest of this shitty movie and go straight to the end. the elephant kills the bad guy. I shit you not. it grabs a pipe and kills the guy. -Jeremy

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