Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

TNA doesn't deserve the picture of a real train wreck.

I haven’t had hope that TNA would take over the WWE for prominence, probably ever. I had traveled to Altoona and barely had my wits about me when I got back. Despite doing an Impact Wrestling review, I had forgotten about Bound For Glory. It seems that TNA forgot they had a pay per view too. What a truly horrific way to finish your “Super Bowl”. Those guys don’t deserve anyone’s money. The results also make me know for sure that despite the WWE’s major slump and veering off course after giving me hope recently that they’re still easily the best wrestling product on TV. I love PWO, but they are still training people on the job who graduate up to both of these organizations. I enjoy seeing that development. Of note, for some reason or another my Twitter froze up last night (on my computer and phone) while trying to do a near delusional review of Smackdown. I hope that doesn’t happen tonight. 9:15, Let’s roll.

I get to FF to start the show. They’re trying to make it worse than TNA. Johnny Wooden GM starts us off. John, we don’t find anything you do humorous or entertaining at all despite trying to get the “irony” boos. I’m shocked that JR really shows up. When’s the punch line coming? The main event is set and I’m completely uninspired. Shouldn’t there be a stipulation that the loser leaves Raw? How does that settle their differences? Orton is introed as we hit the first commercial break. Just wow.

John Morrison gets a good pop from the Mexicans. Sheamus doesn’t do much better. The heels (Christian, Cody Rhodes & Mark Henry) come out in short order. I can’t believe that Cole had to explain to us that Lawler was put thru a table by Henry to explain why Lawler was happy Henry went thru a table. Memories are for losers. Orton assaults Rhodes so that they can make some real animosity before their match on Sunday.

We are informed that it’s now a tag team match. I’d imagine since Morrison is the only one without a PPV match, he’s taking the pin. Sheamus & Christian fight thru the crowd to take it down to one on one match. Morrison looked good in defeat. The toss into the World’s Strongest Slam was cool and most guys couldn’t pull that off.

Brodus Clay gets more hype. He needs to be on Smackdown with the other giants. Man, they expanded that. Clay delivered well. Johnny Wooden GM gets the hoochies because he’s an evil GM. Del Rio comes in. Winner gets to chose stips for the PPV. Um, don’t we need another stipulation for the match? Eve is taking on Beth Phoenix at Vengeance. She gets to beat Natalya who has been the jobber. Eve busted out some reverse Cross Rhodes reverse then a top rope moonsault to try and make herself look like a worthy in one match. The WWE even realizes it’s throwing that match together with a quickness.

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Kevin Went To WWE Raw At Nationwide Arena

Welcome to Nationwide Arena in Columbus OH!

I’m going to compile my tweets for this post and add some commentary. I’ll get more into it when we do a audio/podcast. Speaking of which, I completely failed on making a logo for iTunes. Or any work on the t shirt design. Anywho, this will be some additional information while with holding any thoughts on the quality of the show. I can’t stop watching American Ninja Warrior. Just saying.

I’m sure #Raw is here tonight. Wouldn’t be able to tell from the empty parking lots.

Half empty

(Commentary: For Columbus Bluejackets or Clippers games, I wouldn’t have been able to park here unless I got in much earlier to the event. The Jackets games aren’t even selling out but they are far more cars there. I would have been parking in the lot one street farther away from the arena.)

I’m pretty sure the upper deck is only open across from the hard camera. I’m near the stage. Good seat. Nothing happening. (Commentary: I expected something to start around 7:45 which is when I got to the parking lot. I didn’t think I’d be waiting another thirty minutes later.)

@missiebird That’d be yahoo Kevin (Commentary: Our good friend Missie checked in. Unlike my prick site mates.)

I came sober. I’m an idiot. (Commentary: I usually have a couple of beers before heading down. I neglected to do so today. It was my mistake because I was stuck in between two fat people. The bitch to my right wouldn’t even stand up to let me through when I thought I was seated past her. I will save my wrath for my neighbor to the left for later. I’m drinking water now. I got to work tomorrow.)

Some adult had their title belt inside of a custom fitted bag. The dork bar has been raised. (Commentary: Need I say more?)

Retrospective of #Wrestlemania Not much time for Superstars. They have the skirt up for it. (Commentary: I expected a little more length out of these matches. I’m not sure completely why.)

Some African American woman is introing Primo & Do You Remember Drew McIntyre who gets a decent pop. (Commentary: Drew ended up with the biggest pop for anyone before Raw. I’m confused too. I haven’t looked up who the ring announcer was.)

Drew did a knip up during the match. Future shock DDT for the win. FBI chant for Little Guido. Still a strangely large cheer for Drew. (Commentary: The knip up was more confirmation that Drew is a face now for some reason or another. I’m still confused.)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

That's what I was doing last week.

I’d like to thank Dusty for filling in for me last week. I felt like a review was necessary of Raw. I know I only started this bull shit to build up to Wrestlemania but has become a nice consistent post of which we are not always the best at. So D-man filling in keeps the consistency and makes things different for the readers. I dig that in both ways.

I didn’t tape the end of Raw last week so I had no idea CM Punk came back until watching Smackdown. I hope his intro song didn’t change. It has. I like “Cult of Personality” but dug his previous music much better. Punks yaps about the little bit of change he has caused and that is why he came back. I like his speech about why he came back. HHH breaks up the party. Cole gets to roll his eyes at JR coming back. Now if only the WWE would give us what we’ve wand for years, no Michael Cole. Punk asks what HHH’s personal opinion of him was. Mick Foley is not main event level. HHH is trying to knock down Punk’s ego. Really is quite funny for him to be saying this stuff. OK, Punk gets to talk about the irony. HHH is got blown out of the water. Cool little segment with Morrison showing of the parkour.

The Divas are trotting out for a Battle Royal to take on Kelly Kelly at Summerslam. Cole has gone from good agitation to just bad heel. KK said that her eye is on Beth Phoenix. She’s doing OK against Cole. She needs to be on there more though. Commercial for a Diva’s match. What the hell?

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

I used this picture a while back. It's back because the Bruins are mauling the Canucks right now.

As is the case when the Stanley Cup Finals roll around, I have split attention during Raw. I’ll probably post the opening segment in between the first and second period then another segment during the next intermission. The only way I get out of this cycle is if Sean leaves. He’s from Boston. Wouldn’t you still keep watching this blowout (4-0) if you were on the ass kicking end?

The Miz is back to looking dapper. Miz cracking wise about Weiner. Miz having a good point about the Attitude Era stars but you aren’t drawing. Neither is Cena. Or at least not well enough. Stone Cold coming out. Man, they are dragging out the All Stars. Piper’s Pit with Miz & Riley. Why does the Miz have on sneakers though? Man, stay classy Miz. They are really trying to prop up the heels by having them go one on one with Stone Cold. They got no one to put people over than those retired. Pretty pathetic. Del Rio gets to beat Kane. Good for him.

The action got kicked off after a commercial.  Cole & Lawler bickering about Del Rio and Big Show’s auto damage is more interesting than this match. Not good news. Thank goodness Kane broke the hold, ahh, sneaky heel wants to break the elbow. Big Show makes the save but Kane backs him off. What is happening to Kane? He’s getting soft in his old age. No big surprise that Big Show and Del Rio are added to Capitol Punishment.

Sin Cara still gets the big entrance even though he’s the worst wrestler in the ring. Bryan comes in to sell because Zeke cant take the beating. Rhodes & DiBiase makes the save but get tossed. Sin Cara gets a cheap victory. I’m arguing with Sean about flashy moves between John Morrison and Sin Cara. He’s been over here too many weeks now. He kn0ws something about wrestling.

Hornswoggle is waiting for R Truth. Hilarious.  Truth better get shot in the nuts. He gets hit but Truth goes for the midget attack. Midget kick in the face. Well played Truth. John Morrison is the way Austin makes things right. Isn’t it a little early to blow this wad? Another midget kicking.

Santino gets to job to Sheamus. Awesome, a “We want Ryder” chant. Sheamus breaks out a Sharpshooter of sorts. Cool. Lawler corrects me and calls it a Cloverleaf.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Vince McMahon did not look this good in the same colored suit.

So, I’m surprised this drawn out Tough Enough Finale got me sucked in as much as it did. It was completely bogus because they didn’t even show the entire match with Bill DeMott. They were too worried about doing live shots from Raw. Of course my DVR skips 10 seconds while flipping programs from Tough Enough to Raw. I missed what Vince did. How great is it to eat a Stunner on your TV debut? I’d say very. Cole amping up the excitement of the choice was too much. I liked Andy more but he still has work to do to get his personality out. What the hell is R-Truth doing? He gets to explain the outfit. Biggest moment of R Truth’s career being in front of McMahon & Stone Cold. R Truth using history against the crowd. A bit more creative than trashing their sports team. Truth is seceding from the WWE until his Title match. Vince makes it a comedy bit. Miz interrupts. I take a break to see that Boston has taken a 3-0 lead. Maybe they decided getting a winning instead of revenge was a better way to go about things. Don’t worry about the cheap shots. Win games. As I type that, Boston makes it 4-0 so I’m going to stick to reviewing for a while. I think Miz needed to go with lighter pants. the dark purple is too close to black. Alex Riley gets to share the spot light. Not really, Cena hits the ring. Vince made it a comedy, Cena’s going to make it not so funny. He was doing fine until making fun of R Truth. Vince gets to tell Cole to shut up. Another stamp of approval. You’re paying Austin, may as well use him.

Santino takes on McGillicutty. Cole tells me he’s half of the tag champs. Honestly, I had completely forgotten. Vlad looks really strange in blue, with an American flag. Longest Santino match, probably ever. At least on TV.  The crowd is eating up Santino’s offense. Santino gets a big pop for the cobra victory. What is a women’s match starting without a commercial break? I got it now.

The crowd is surprisingly into this match. Beth doing a good job of feeding them.  Rebuilding Phoenix needs to be done before Kharma comes back. Nice showing for Beth.

Booker talks to Trish. He has a secret, a Trisharooni. Swagger needs to be introduced by Trish. Booker giving Swagger a clinic in the promo. Punk goes Indian Style on the stage. He gives Swagger a clinic in promos too and he had less time.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

I watched Tough Enough first. I waited to watch Raw.

I couldn’t quite pass up watching this show. Austin screwing with them at the ending is awesome. This show he is coming away looking the best. He’s rattling cages. Not too surprised Jeremiah got booted. The show seemed to be leaning that way. He can get into wrestling easy with more time. Andy has more stepping to do to win this competition.

Starting my viewing at 9:45. I should be able to catch up. It’d be nice to be ready for bed at a decent time. Nice little troops tribute. We go black then R-Truth pops on the screen with no sound. Is this planned? A sign, more black back to the no sound R Truth. Always a fun gimmick. We get a little bit of sound. Cole calling Truth bizarre. They are playing the problems as an angle. Nice of Truth to find the plant family. Sound is acting dumb again. I’m all for different beginnings but this sucks. I do dig the crazy R Truth guy. Wow, who is the broad in the front row in the tie top ref’s jersey. She’s pretty fucking hot. R Truth versus Cena in the main event.

Kharma to speak live? What the hell, she’s got to explain the pregnancy? Awesome.

Kofi Kingston takes on my boy Dolph Ziggler, who went to Kent State. Oh, did I mention that their baseball team is ranked #25 and just won the MAC regular season and tournament securing a bid in regionals for the third time in four years? You didn’t think I’d pass up a chance to toot horns, did you? Cole apologizes to Lawler again. At least they acknowledged the awkwardness. Vickie is looking better these days. Still can’t fix that face though. The match was not impressing me early. It barely got traction before the commercial.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Our desks looked a little bit like this back at Kent State.

I am starting this well past the end of Raw. I went out with a friend from architecture school tonight to catch a band. Good stuff for chilled out, folk music. I’m looking forward to Social Distortion much more tonight. The big talk of the night was the Pirates (He’s from Pittsburgh too) going over .500. It’s early in the season. I’m fine with celebrating though. The last time they were .500 for a season, I was just getting my license. I’m getting old. Go Bucs, even if they finish sub .500.

We start with the introduction of Alberto Del Rio. He tries to make his case. Rey interrupts and makes his case. Miz comes out and makes his case. We love lawyers in this country, right? When does the “judge” aka the Raw GM chime in? R Truth comes out for some reason. Truth says Morrison is in the hospital.Maybe the story Jeremy posted was true. I’ll believe it when he’s out for more than a week. R Truth sucks as a heel too. 3 heels to one face is a weird combination. The judge shows up finally. Truth gets the shaft. I’m guessing he assaults Rey to get a feud if Morrison is on the shelf. Truth’s crazy face is making me laugh. I wish I had a screen cap. Miz runs down the new Raw guys. Rodriguez interrupts Miz. Nice.

The Bellas take on Eve Torres & Kelly Kelly. They can’t advertise what number Kelly Kelly is on the Maxim Hot 100 because it’s not high enough for WWE standards. KK won, Kharma is the main reason for this segment.  The Bellas are the smartest Divas. Eve gets gets her ass handed to her. Kharma runs off KK. The women’s division still sucks. So much for my thought that Eve competed with her size wise somewhat.

Replay of Mason Ryan’s feat from last week. Kane takes Ryan on. I laugh when the fan tells CM Punk “That was a bitch kick.” Show knocks out Punk. Otunga & McGillicutty rush the ring and get tossed. The big guys get their mojo back a little bit. Another I’m wrong moment, Zeke is getting repushed on Smackdown. Maybe if I read spoilers, I’d known before Dusty & I recorded.

Vickie introduces Ziggler who gets to have a cheap win over Santino. Still weird they keep Dolph up there without him going anywhere. My boy drilled that drop kick. Another commercial? Starting to feel like last week.

After recapping Smackdown, Ken Ober (I know it’s not him but he reminds me of him for some reason) asks Truth about earlier. Truth is not getting any better with the time they’re giving him. He’s going to be taken seriously. When he goes intense (without the cross eyes) he’s good actually. Commercial. I’m going to be done by 1 AM.

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Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 4/30/11

1. Randy Orton – He’s the big winner of the draft in my book. Despite being the most popular baby face in the company, he was still living in John Cena’s shadow on Raw. Edge’s unfortunate injury has allowed him to move to Smackdown to become the #1 face on the brand. Good luck finding a suitable opponent though. – Kevin

2. Zach Ryder – He may not have gotten moved around during the draft, but the guy is steadily adding more people to his Zach Pack, which includes the whole Stunt Granny crew. Zach was on Twitter for part of the supplemental draft then joined in the fun on WWE.com. Before he got in there, people were talking him up big time. Top top of Zach’s week, he banged out another good Youtube show. He’s working hard to get himself a spot on regular TV. If he gets enough support from the “internet crowd”, even the WWE will have to start pushing him. -Kevin

3. Triple H – According to PWTorch.com, Triple H’s new title at Entertainment Tower is “Senior Advisor in Chairman’s Office.” This is a promotion from “unfunny juvenile prick” and “second oldest guy who still has his 20-somethings ponytail” (we’ll see if Michael Hayes inserts someone in that position in his own Dok Hendrix likeness). -Eric

4. CM Punk – Is he really going to leave us? PWInsider.com says maybe. My computer virus clean-up guy says, “Stop going to PWInsider.” -Eric

5. Joey Styles – If you’re not following @JoeyStyles on Twitter, you’re missing out on quite a few subversive Tweets that promote sexy-ass pictures of WWE Divas during a PG era, mentions of Team Taz when the little guy works for the competition, and a whole lot of “OH MY GOD!” Oh, and for Earth Day last week, he basically said he was celebrating by leaving the water running and clubbing baby seals. I couldn’t love him more if he knocked out JBL one more time. -Eric

6. TNA Knockouts – Anyone else remember when this was the highlight portion of any Impact broadcast? TNA did its best this week to remind us by including two fat broads and a bunch of other women who aren’t over and don’t draw ratings. Ahh memories. -Jeremy

7. R-Truth – This guy makes for some memorably painful television. You have to appreciate the fact they give him plenty of rope and he knows how to construct a perfect noose. Someone backstage has to love this guy or just how bad these segments are to watch. Why else is this mush mouth half tard on live television? –Jeremy

8. Smackdown – After the draft finished it became clear Smackdown is clearly the B show for WWE now. No more illusions of equality. This also means Smackdown could possibly be the better wrestling show. They have good workers and enough fresh blood to make it way more entertaining than RAW. -Jeremy

9. Michelle McCool – So she’s apparently leaving WWE. It was previously being speculated that she was just taking some time off, but now it is being speculated that she is gone for good. Since we here at Stunt Granny all majored in Speculation (class of 2004, huzzah), we are going to go ahead and “report” that here because what are we without Idle Chatter (minored in that). – Dusty

10. The Undertaker – So does that mean he’s gone too, now? Not that he’s… not already. You know? – Dusty

11. 46 percent – During WWE’s annual Shake Things Up A Bit Extravaganza, 46 percent of their on air talent roster changed to the other “brand.” This gives me severe gas and makes my head explosion. – Dusty

Kevin’s Blog: WWE Draft Breakdown

The WWE draft is more of a swap than a draft.

The draft has been a joke for a while now. The WWE actually conducted a draft with the original show by having the general managers make the picks. I’m not sure they’ve used that concept since then. The WWE started conducting their draft like a swinger’s party. Everyone puts their keys in a bowl, you pull them out and one can get stuck with the hot or the fat wrinkly swinger. The WWE draft is the same way, everyone is in the pool, one of your brand members wins a match and then you could get stuck with the wrestler that’s the hot act or that’s probably going to get cut.

After making fun of Todd McShay in my Raw Blog, I felt like needed some dumb stats to lead off the review. I did a quick roster count. Minus announcers (I’m including Jerry Lawler as an announcer) and managers of which there is 11, you have 74 wrestlers. 30 of them got moved around plus one manager in Ranjin Singh who counted with Khali. 2 of the picks were “wasted” on John Cena so really only 28 people got moved around. 16 people went to Smackdown and 12 people went to Raw. There were 14 heels and 14 faces swapped. Let’s go to the basic list to start comparing them.

To Smackdown: Randy Orton (face), Mark Henry (Newly heel), Sin Cara (face), Daniel Bryan (face), The Great Khali & Ranjin Singh (face), Jimmy Uso (heel), Alicia Fox (heel), William Regal (heel), Yoshi Tatsu (face), Natalya (face), Jey Uso (heel), Ted DiBiase (heel), Tyson Kidd (heel), Tamina (face?), Alex Riley (heel), Sheamus (heel)

To Raw: Rey Mysterio (face), Big Show (face) Alberto Del Rio (heel), Jack Swagger (heel), Kelly Kelly (face), JTG (face), Drew McIntyre (heel), Curt Hawkins (heel), Chris Masters (face), Kofi Kingston (face), Tyler Reks (heel), Beth Phoenix (face)

Smackdown Analysis: No big surprise that Randy Orton was moved over to Smackdown. The program needed a number one face with Edge’s retirement. Orton had been hitting the glass ceiling around Raw anyway with John Cena. Give him top dog status. Which I find a little strange though because Christian is almost assuredly winning the World Heavyweight Title with Del Rio moving to Raw. There’s no chance of the WWE Title moving to Smackdown which makes me feel even stronger about that happening. Sheamus, Mark Henry and Wade Barrett will be the top three heels on the brand. One would have to think Sheamus will be dropping the United States Title at Extreme Rules since Barrett is the current Intercontinental Champion even though he doesn’t have a scheduled match yet. Sheamus is the only one of the three that can really get into the World Heavyweight Title picture the easiest. He could be the transition champion between Christian and Orton.

After those names, you head to what I said was “potential central”. Sin Cara (hot mess and moved to stay away from Rey), Daniel Bryan (He could beat Barrett to let him move up), Yoshi Tatsu (Was still over the last I watched Superstars despite limited chances), Ted DiBiase (needs to step it up more on the mic than in the ring but some there would help too), Tyson Kidd (Great ring work, in a bigger hole than DiBiase mic wise) and Alex Riley (It’ll be nice to not see him sucking on Miz’s teet). There are 3 faces and heels each so they can quarrel amongst themselves with some help for the faces from fellow draftee William Regal.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Even I have been bored by my site. We have been shit recently.

Let’s get this thing started. I’m starting to drink after a good work out. I was tired of not having something new on the site so even though I’m starting my viewing at 10:20 PM EST, I’m posting a running review. Hopefully this will be funny. And if you our great fans are lucky, I’ll even get to infect your ear waves too.

Jeremy and I were talking about this earlier today, Husky Harris would be an awesome addition to Nexus. He played a great dick. Barrett introduces John Cena. Jer and I also agree that it’d be great if Cena doesn’t pull the whole “Enemy Within” shenanigans. I want him beating people down. Tarver is awesome on the mic. Too bad his in ring skills are questionable. Another Jeremy & Kevin topic today. We gab like school girls sometimes. Maybe we should just post those. We tend to cover stuff we don’t get to in audio form. I like Barrett’s offer to Cena about tag partners. I guess we’ll get to see Tarver’s skills. Bourne could make him look silly. Henry will just squash him. Justin Gabriel’s hair dye looks bad but does get him around the boy band look. Why didn’t Bourne attack Taver while he yapped?

Henry doing what I expected after the commercial break. I guess Cena can’t turn right away. I’ll forgive the the short arm. Bourne’s standing moonsault is awesome. Still remember seeing that from the 3rd row or something in Detroit. Cole pulling for Cena is bizarre with his new character. Aww crap. Fucking assholes. That is lazier than our site. You get paid to write this stuff. Make it interesting.  Where is the rest of Nexus? Is Barrett letting Cena thin the herd? The crowd is going pretty solid. The GM saves the day for the first time ever. Wow, not only did the GM stop a boring beat down, he/she just made the angle interesting again. The GM must have something in for Tarver though. He got his ass beat before they intervened.

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