Stunt Granny Audio #258

Malkin-meets-Putin-thumb

Vladimir Putin is not impressed by Evgeni Malkin. From penguins.nhl.com.

We’re back with an audio show about wrestling. How about that? Who is we though? Well, it’s Kevin and Shahid after a few technical difficulties. The list of topics was so simple that they kept on running into each other. They started off with the easiest topic, Daniel Bryan being stripped of the WWE Title. Who does the WWE give the title to? John Cena? Randy Orton? After those two, the WWE roster gets pretty thin at the top since CM Punk left and Daniel Bryan out due to injury. Would the WWE bring in Brock Lesnar to be champion? Why is Paul Heyman still touting him at every turn if he doesn’t come back for a shot he said he wanted before Wrestlemania? How awkward would it be if they decided to give the strap to Heyman’s other client, Cesaro? Would any of the young guys like Cesaro be considered? The WWE is giving us plenty of Rusev, so does he have a chance? Will Lana ever order him to “Crush” someone other than black gentlemen and Zack Ryder on the roster? Would the WWE give the title to Seth Rollins?  Speaking of Rollins, how good was his promo? How about Dean Ambrose? Last but not least, Roman Reigns? Or is he least? Would Ronda Rousey fit in with the Shield? Does the WWE give Ambrose & Reigns a third person or will they split up after this feud concludes? Because this is the first wrestling show in a while, Kevin & Shahid don’t conclude until they’ve answered all of these questions and more. Click on the link below to figure out those answers!

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

20140607_111246I spent the past weekend in Richmond VA visiting with my older brother and his family. I will fill in the particulars later in the week but let’s just say I definitely went to a pair of breweries thanks to his hospitality. I did manage to squeeze in Smackdown then Impact Wrestling after we got home from the trip. There were only two memorable things between the shows. One was my boy Dolph Ziggler continuing his “big mouth” persona and having a great match against the newly turned heel Seth Rollins. I also enjoyed that Rollins, HHH and Orton didn’t spill the bag on the reasoning for the turn. Another small positive from the show was that neither Dean Ambrose or Roman Reigns showed up. TNA yet again showed how inept they are by cruising into a rating under 1 million people. The only positive in yet another train wreck of a show was James Storm making a re-appearance after a year plus hiatus. Ken Anderson has been doing some terrible work and Storm got to call him out on it. Like many TNA story lines though, Storm looks awesome and likeable as the heel and Anderson looks like a douche as a baby face. On to Raw now. Let’s roll.

Sometime after I wrote this introduction, news started to trickle out that Daniel Bryan is too hurt to compete at MITB. HHH & Steph are here are brag about being right. They give us footage of Dr. Joseph Maroon of telling us that Daniel Bryan can not compete. I had to look up images of Maroon and they actually got him to do that video. How much did they pay him for his time? Steph strips him of the title. They are really hamming up this angle up. The crowd is really flat. Alberto Del Rio is the first entrant into the match for the title. HHH informs us that Randy Orton gets a spot because of his status. I’m starting to think the crowd is bummed. Anyone who loves wrestling should be. No matter how much they make logical points, Bryan being out of wrestling sucks. HHH turns to Seth Rollins talk. They are in a match against the Wyatt Family with a partner of their choosing. That doesn’t get much heat either.

Sheamus vs Wade Barrett is a MITB qualifying match. These guys have fought a lot recently and I can’t really argue about it. His Bad News is that he’s coming down with the title. That’s not bad news! JBL sounds like he’s drunk already. It could be an interesting night. He figured the opening segment bombed with the crowd so he’d join in. I do feel like Barrett is getting some of the swagger back in his promos recently. Sheamus clubs away on Barrett. He then brings Barrett in the hard way. Sheamus cross body blocks them over the top rope to get the break. Barrett suplexes Sheamus. I guess I don’t understand Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole’s view point on the title stripping. Sure, it’s disrespectful to strip the title without informing him but at the end of the day, it’s the right move with the injury. Barrett hits Winds of Change for a two count. The crowds awakens with dueling chants. Sheamus misses a dive from the top rope to the barricade. Sheamus gets in at nine. Wasteland but Sheamus kicks out. White Noise from an attempted Bull Hammer Elbow. They exchange punches. Head butt by Barrett allows him to toss Sheamus into the post twice. Brogue Kick from the corner for the win. Sheamus sold the damage in the corner before pinning him. Another good match and I understand putting Sheamus into the spot. Let Barrett keep racking up wins on lesser opponents. Barrett should be in that picture soon if he keeps up. Luke Harper sometimes get urges from a deep, dark place. Bray Wyatt admits to his urges. Wyatt reminds us that the Wyatts beat them. Wyatt is reborn. I love that angle which started on Smackdown. (Next Day Note: With all of the religious words thrown around Wyatt’s promos, being reborn after a crushing defeat is perfect. Now he just has to win an extended feud.)

Lana comes out and runs down Obama as a girly man. He is no Vladmir Putin, who has wrestled bears. Crush! is so stupid. Crush was only cool in Finding Nemo, dude. Lana, we don’t need to worry about Mother Russia. We should continue to be worried about China. It’s going to help to name him simply Rusev. Yep, going to make all of the difference. Zack Ryder gets to lose to him again. His record is unblemished because he’s wrestled 3 guys a bunch of times. The Accolade. The whole “control” by Lana is very antiquated too.

Goldust is teaming with R Truth against Rybaxel. Truth starts against Ryback. Curtis Axel takes over on the early beat down. Goldust gets a luke warm tag. A crossbody by Goldust takes out Axel & Ryback. Ryback makes a save on a pin. Truth gets tossed out of the ring. Axel rolls up Goldust for the win. A heel wins in his home town. Layla El is acting really catty to the make up lady when Summer Rae comes in and dumps milk on her then beats her up. Layla’s character has taken a big step back in the toughness department. I don’t like that.

Continue reading

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

fridge1My refrigerator died almost five years to the day of purchase. The Grandma Fridge hasn’t been fired up. It’s a legit 50s fridge that my fraternal grandparents purchased. When my last refrigerator died, I fired that puppy up and it worked even if it sucked down a shit ton of power. Since it’s freezing ass cold out, I decided to use nature as a refrigerator. Mother Nature comes in handy. Used to use it to keep my Mountain Dew cold while I was in architecture studio because we had a ledge and operable windows. You could keep stuff cold most nights (and days) of the spring semester since it was warm for about the last two weeks of class. Any way, enough about my weird refrigeration techniques and adventures. Let’s roll.

Randy Orton takes his time as usual. I skipped out on the early promo but was more than happy to hear Orton putting himself over with a lot of conviction. HHH & Stephanie McMahon come out to throw cold water on his parade. I’m glad Steph has really found that condescending tone in just about all of her promos now. She tells him that he’s going to wrestle Daniel Bryan and the rest of the competitors in following weeks. JBL, Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler give us the low down on the New Age Outlaws versus Cody Rhodes & Goldust. The Shield comes down through the crowd. We get more announcers recapping the cheap baby face win and the Shield’s impending feud with the Wyatt Family.

For some reason, Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston & Big E Langston are taking on the Shield. Dean Ambrose starts against Langston. Kofi takes over against Seth Rollins. Roman Reigns is the last one to join us. Kofi starts getting his ass kicked. Rey gets the first hot tag. Rollins is in the ring selling. Reigns sneaks a tag in. Tall Hart attack by Rollins & Reigns leads to a commercial. Rey sells for a while. Big E gets the 2nd hot tag. He’s taking over on Reigns. We get the finishers spot that ends in the Superman Punch. Ambrose tags in as Reigns is ready to go for the spear. Ambrose executes a move but is still getting a cheap win in my books. The Wyatts warn the Shield that they’ve made a grave mistake. Fun, creepy stuff. I really wish this would have been at Wrestlemania for my own live enjoyment.

Bad News Barrett greats us with some Super Bowl talk. Jerry Lawler smacks him down, I guess. That’s the reaction we’re being given by Mitchell Cool & JBL.

Jack Swagger is facing Christian. Zeb Colter & Antonio Cesaro are at ring side. Factiod of the night, Christian has never been in an Elimination Chamber match. A little surprising in my book since he was a king on Smackdown for many a moon. Swagger has been dominant for most of the match so far. Swagger goes for a move that he never would normally to give Christian an opening. A counter into a reverse DDT gets Christian a two count. Swagger catches Christian doing a cross body. Swagger Bomb gets countered. Christian rolls up Swagger for the win. We get recap of Brock Lesnar destroying Cody & Goldust.

Road Dogg & Billy Gunn did their introduction as usual. Cody Rhodes & Goldust did before the commercial break. I dig the no escape clause in this match but for some reason I feel this ring will get compromised since they are emphasizing no one will interfere this week. I didn’t type anything for the first break because it was standard fair. Teams taking turns, everyone getting in a little offense. Goldust is getting his ass kicked after the break. A spine buster gets Goldie an opening.  Cody & Gunn come in. Cody is on fire. The teams trade blows. Rhodes nails Gunn with the Disaster Kick. He only gets two and blows up at Chioda. Cody appears to hit a top rope moonsault but it’s on Road Dogg who is not legal. Gunn nails the Fame Asser for the win. I’m not sure why he went for that one. JBL does a decent job of covering for the choice.

Titus O’Neil comes down so we get a recap of him punking out Darren Young. Zack Ryder gets TV time in the ring. Titus is beating down Ryder. The Miz complains on the head set about not having a match then storms away. Ryder gets the knees up for a corner charge by O’Neil. Titus takes over again. Sky High for the win by O’Neil.

Earnie Ladd gets the nod for Black History Month. Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae. Santino Marella is back for a dance off. Santino wants a dance off between someone in the audience and Summer. Emma is introduced. She isn’t really good at dancing if that’s all she’s got. Emma does the arm thing. The audience is confused. They decide to cheer for Emma any way. Stupid.

Sheamus has a match against Curtis Axel. Ryback is at ringside. Sheamus is taking Axel to task early. Sheamus clothes lines Axel off the ring apron. Sheamus puts his head down so Axel knees him in the shoulder. Axel tosses him into the post. Axel continues to work it over. Sheamus makes a come back with a barrage of punches and clubbing blows. Brogue Kick. Ryback talks trash to him.

I’m sure Batista is making another fashion faux pas by wearing a jean jacket. Before he can utter a word, Alberto Del Rio comes down. Why is Del Rio taking Cena’s material from the Rock feud? Batista tries to get Del Rio to go away but Del Rio decides to attack.

R Truth, Xavier Woods & Dolph Ziggler are taking on Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper & Erick Rowan. Woods starts against Rowan because his team mates don’t really like him. Truth & Woods double team him to get the upper hand. Harper gives Truth a big boot. Ziggler gets a hot tag in a so far boring match. Ziggler goes for the big DDT and gets a two count. Ziggler goes for the sleeper but is bucked off. Harper nails him with the big clothes line. Sister Abigail for the win. I’m not sure why Ziggler’s video got internet push over the weekend. I heard similar stuff in his TV promos. The Shield gives a verbal brow beating to the Wyatts. Believe In The Shield. Wyatt says he welcomes the war. See now this is where I say, why anyone think the Wyatts do actually have the clout to beat the Shield? In some ways, it should be a David versus Goliath match up.

Naomi is taking on Aksana. AJ Lee gets to throw on a head set. She goes cocky while Cool prods her. Aksana executing solid looking suplex. I did get a kick out of AJ calling Naomi a baked potato. A pin by Aksana goes awry because she kneed Cameron in the face. Split legged moonsault for the win. Alicia Fox tries to attack but Cameron catches her. Rear View for those at home that love it. Trin is going to have a nice shiner.

Nice of the WWE to let me blow through the entrances of Daniel Bryan & Randy Orton since they were followed by a commercial break. So far, no acknowledgement of the numerous Punk chants. Orton is taking the early phsyical edge without doing much damage. Bryan knees him. Dragon Screw Leg Whip. Bryan starts working over the left leg. Orton’s legs takes several blows to the knee to the ring post. Orton bites Bryan to get out of another hold. Bryan goes back to the injured leg. I hate the butt crash onto the leg. Bryan tosses Orton over the announce table and onto Mitchell Cool. Bryan tosses him in the ring. He goes back to work on Orton’s leg. Top rope head scissors only gets a two count. It’s weird because the announcers are taking center stage. Everyone seems to have traded usual opinions. Cool just selling Orton’s toughness. Bryan strategically kicks Orton. Bryan goes for a single leg crab. Orton tries to get to the ropes but Bryan drags him back to the middle. Orton slides outside the ring. Bryan goes out and pays for it. Back drop onto the barricade to turn the tide. The match feels like a baby face set up for Orton because of how much of a beating he took early. The baby face’s early offensive flurry doesn’t usually last that long. Bryan is kicking Orton in the middle of the ring after the break. Orton counters into a T Bone suplex. “Now that’s the champ!” exclaims Cool. That’s a baby face description not a reviled heel champion. Bryan gets tossed into the ring post and stairs but to his shoulder. Strangely, he’s going after the right arm. Moments later, Cool says “Couldn’t care less about anybody.” Make up your fucking mind. Are you for him or against him? Bryan nails Orton with a top rope drop kick but hurts his own arm. They trade blows. Orton tosses Bryan into the mat. Bryan gets on the Yes Lock. Orton gets a leg on the ropes. A great match like this is best for business. Orton gets drop kicked but returns fire when Bryan goes for number three. Hanging DDT. Bryan kicks Ortonas he’s going for the RKO. Air Goat  for two. Bryan nails the head kick. Kane comes down to ring side. Bryan drop kicks him off the ring apron. Randy Orton gets dumped outside. Bryan nails both with a suicide dive. Kane attacks again but Bryan tosses him into the stairs. Bryan nails the running knee for the win. Orton & Kane attack Bryan. Kane’s fire works go off late. Woof. Never screw up at the end. Always makes it seem worse than it really is. – Kevin

#WWE #Smackdown Spoilers

spoiler-alertSo before I get to the spoilers, let’s ramble about stuff that can be mentioned. The crowd was much smaller for Smackdown than the Raw that was here earlier this year. No one was in the upper deck. The hard camera had people in the next 2 sections beside it for Raw. They were tarped off last night. Columbus also got royally hosed with appearances. I understand that Smackdown is the #2 show but we got no Big Show, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Randy Orton, The Shield, my boy Dolph Ziggler or the McMahon Family. Now, I didn’t expect all of them to be there but none of them? Wow. Thirdly, it was a fun reminder of the change in crowd when you go from the expensive seats to the cheap seats. We sat around an interesting crew, some of which still believed wrestling is real. Yes, it is 2013.

Continue reading

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

kids_health_tvI ended up watching 2 Smackdowns, 1 Raw and 1 Impact Wrestling in roughly a 24 hour time period. No more than 28 hour time period. It was rough. There was debate of watching one of the two ROH but I ran out of time. Fuck those guys anyway. I couldn’t have watched Summerslam for fear of overload. It sounded pretty damn solid. I like the outcomes of the matches. Lesnar needs to win every now and again to stay relevant in between down times. Daniel Bryan losing it to Randy Orton is great for both men. Orton has been stale for a long time. Daniel Bryan will be hotter for even longer. Hunter didn’t need to be involved but makes him more interesting for the first time since he came back as “office guy”. I’m interested to see how this Raw shakes out. Let’s roll.

Hot damn, I forgot it’s in Anaheim. This crowd always blows. John Cena starts the show. By the way, watched the Steelers first team defense get smoked by Rex Grossman. Wow, it’s going to be a long season. 8-8 might look good by the end of this thing. Cena is taking some time off. This crowd is pretty lively. Did the city re-populate? Solid going away speech. Daniel Bryan gets introduced by Cena. Before he can say anything, Stephanie McMahon comes out. She apologizes to him. Bryan does his best undressing her. So they all did this as a big set up to go against Bryan? Steph is being a solid bitch. She tops it off with calling for security. I hope he eventually calls out HHH for being a coward and having Steph do his dirty business.

Damien Sandow is taking on Cody Rhodes again. Good thing I didn’t watch this part of the PPV. The crowd is back to it’s normal self for this match. They get a commercial break. Good for them. Cody had a long run of offense. Sandow got out of Cross Rhodes. Sandow gets hit by the Disaster Kick. Sandow irish whipped Rhodes into the corner. Rhodes rolls up Sandow for his second straight win. Brad Maddox gives us a tweet from Dolph Ziggler. Maddox puts him in a handicapped match with The Shield. My boy is still getting some good attention.

Paul Heyman reminds us of CM Punk’s loss to Brock Lesnar. Paul is hoping Punk rejoins him. He forgives Punk. That trick never works. Heyman still loves him. No one seems to care. The Bellas are mad at the Funkadactyls. Noami chills out Cameron? I can’t remember their wrestling names.

Mitchell Cool helps me out. I had them switched. The Funkadactyls are wrestling AJ Lee & Layla El. Reality show team wins, right? The lady and I are going to do a double dose of Total Divas sometime later this week. Naomi is taking the punishment. She gets out of it with an enziguri. Layla knocked Cameron off the apron. Naomi rolled her up for the win.

Dolph Ziggler gets to the ring for the Hounds of Justice to come down from the crowd. I wonder way Dean Ambrose has moved to the Under Armour shirt. Seth Rollins turns it around with the help of Charles Robinson. Roman Reigns gets to lay the wood. Cool backed JBL into a corner fairly well. JBL battled out well. Reigns gets caught moving slow. Rollins makes a save. Ziggler sells a jumping spear to Reigns for the loss. Good showing. He gets a triple power bomb.

Alberto Del Rio has a seriously busted up eye. He fights whatever happened to Sin Cara. Lawler tries to make it exciting. He fails. Sin Cara acts like he’s hurt. Maybe he is. That’d be kind of funny. He plays up the Latino crowd. Are they turning him baby face since Orton went heel and back to Raw? Ricardo Rodriguez tells us Del Rio isn’t a hero. He is out to introduce his new client. It’s RVD. Weird combo. Is it supposed to be like Bill Alphonso & RVD weirdness? RVD chases Del Rio from the ring.

Continue reading

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

WontBeSurprised

You can see the website for the picture well enough. If you’re blind but somehow reading these words, it’s from LOLpix.com. I will not be surprised when Curtis Axel is introduced by Paul Heyman at the 9 PM slot. My woman asked me who it was. I thought she meant Kury Angle. Oh well, it’s not a big deal. I saw the tease earlier today so I knew something was coming.

They start with ambulance. Ryback wants an ambulance match. Aside from the whole vehicle, what’s the real difference with the match stips? Ryback going full heel by running down the fans. Glad they’re putting some gusto behind it. I don’t think he delivered though.

One sure fire way to catch up, FF the introductions. At least Fandango, Wade Barrett, The Miz & Chris Jericho got entrances. But like any good match, nothing happens except for more WWE App pimping. Fandango and Summer Rae bring us back. Jericho ends up taking advantage of Barrett. The Miz comes in for the cheap figure four tap. Jericho partners with Summer Rae but then blows her off. I guess that’s what you call it. Weak sauce.

Vickie comes out without her better half. She rigs a vote for Jack Swagger‘s next opponent. Of course it’ll be Randy Orton. Very pumped about the Shield holding lots of gold. Kane and Daniel Bryan start witty banter then it turns into arguing. Kofi is the piece maker oh, because he’s teaming with them tonight. The Shield will have another easy win.

Sheamus gets the big win but Mark Henry gets the TV time. He went home. Jerry Lawler implies it might last for a little bit. Titus O’Neil is his fodder. Darren Young will factor into the match but Sheamus will overcome. Yep, he gets to eat some barricade. O’Neil takes advantage. JBL & Lawler are putting him over something fierce. Young factors in again which gets O’Neil a near fall. White Noise. Brogue Kick. Mitchell Cool even calls him game at the end.

I’ll still listen to Paul Heyman‘s spiel. I didn’t know Lesnar was taking a break. Good for him. Come back at Summer Slam. Oh my lord, it’s a re-package Michael McGillicutty. Curtis Axel has himself quite the playoff beard. His new name is a mash up of his dad’s & grandfather’s. Good deal. Heyam is surprised by HHH‘s appearance. Did the internet explode when he big footed a possible new star? Axel steps up. After a slap, we get a match between the two.

Alberto Del Rio and Big E Langston go at it. Was I not paying attention to the news or did I really not see an update on my boy Dolph Ziggler? Big E showing off the strength with the Del Rio cross arm breaker turning into a ring post baseball bat. Aside from a Lawler joke about Ziggler keeping AJ monogamous. Big Ending for the victory after some eye gouging.

Kaitlyn attacked AJ Lee last night. Layla El is her opponent even though she’s #1 contender. AJ locks in the Black Widow for another win.

Zack Ryder takes on Cody Rhodes for who is really in the dog house. I’m sort of in the dog house. Baby Momma Drama is dragging his feet on the move out. It’s time to draft some legal documents. Horray for friends. No, I can’t pay attention to another feed. Well, maybe I could if it’s silent like Ryback. Disaster Kick to put Ryder in the dog house. Ryback gets to pummel Ryder more. Mention that Ryder was Cena’s friend! Turn Ryder heel after this beating.

The Shield shows up for their match. I’m glad they got time to brag before the match. Kane & Daniel Bryan interrupt and bring a commercial. Kofi Kingston starts off the match. He gets to take a beating too. Bryan gets to be the hot tag. Lawler re-tells an already bad joke about voices in the head. Dude, quite after one bomb. Big six man stand off to break. Kofi gets to botch some offense. Daniel Bryan is awesome in the ring. Big surprise, I know. Kane gets the second hot tag. Double suicide dive. Kane & Reigns are in the ring. Ambrose & Rollins dispatch their opponents. Flying knee by Rollins. Spear by Reigns for the win. Glad they didn’t pin Bryan. More of a statement pinning Kane. HHH gets to act tough.

Kaitlyn & Natalya get to act weird. Cody Rhodes makes the segment much better than it had any right to be. No one is surprised when Randy Orton runs away with the voting. At least they didn’t fudge the numbers to make it look like a closer race than it ever could have been. Him and Jack Swagger start after the break. The match gets my attention when Orton starts selling a knee injury. More app pimping. I feel like it’s the Twitter rage all over again. So naturally they show the Twitter ticker after the break. Swagger gets Orton into the Patriot Lock. He had to switch legs. Ha ha. RKO out of nowhere. That’s his trademark more than anyone else.

Curtis Axel gets the big second entrance. Nice of HHH to let him follow. Axel looks a little bigger than the last time I saw him. The announcers are selling HHH’s injuries from last night. Almost certainly confirming that he’ll win. HHH is trying to shake something off. He can’t get back into the ring. Trips sits down for a spell. The doctor then calls it. I’m not engrossed. Or worried. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Spring-Cleaning

I’ve been doing extra house cleaning to make room for my lady friend. Baby Momma Drama is supposed to be exiting to make space for her. I just finished cleaning out the pantry to make room for all of her baking equipment. I love cooking but don’t do much in the baking department. I’ve already hit my closet to make room for clothes. It’s been nice shedding stuff I haven’t worn in years. Anyway, it’s getting late enough. I got my intro in. Let’s roll.

It looks like we’ve got ourselves a dance off to start the night. I FF thru their entrances. Fandango‘s outfit is outstanding. Is Jericho‘s partner from Dancing with the Stars? I don’t care to rewind. I’m hoping they’re giving them more mic time than dance time. The old berate the woman gimmick. Nice way to go with him. If they go with Summer Rae being in on it, I’ll like it even more. Good of Fandango to finish off Jericho with the dance floor. Awesome, she was in on it.

Zack Ryder continues to get TV time as a jobber. That usually leads to some mediocre gig like 3MB. I’m glad Alberto Del Rio is on the WWE App. I’m not downloading it. I watch too much already. Ryback rules.

Tons of Funk get a very short entrance while the Prime Time Players got squat. Sweet Tea starts against Darren Young. Wow, that was worthless. Young gets the hair pick to the throat of Clay so that O’Neil can get the roll up. Unlike ROH getting something of a pass from me for the Paul London situation, the WWE in no way gets a pass for having Dolph Ziggler wrestle anytime in less than a month. Anyone that loses that much memory needs recovery time. For probably much longer than a month. Fuck Jack Swagger.

Teddy Long comes out to give the verdict. Of course the clown car out for the verdict. Number one contender’s match for Jack Swagger and Alberto Del Rio. Big E Langston takes on Del Rio or Swagger but I have to download the WWE App to vote. Piss off. No.

Dean Ambrose challenges for Kofi Kingston‘s US Title at Extreme Rules. Damien Sandow tries to sell us on his ability to beat Kingston before said PPV. Ha. Sandow is doing a much better job in the ring being convincing than with his mic work. Trouble in Paradise out of nowhere. I hope they have Rollins & Reigns go after the tag titles now so that they can all have gold. I like faction gold hoarding.

Josh Matthews gets to serve up Mark Henry‘s promo on a tee. I love the other announcers calling Matthews a moron because he is. Sheamus and Henry end up lighting each other up with straps. That should be a fun match on Sunday. They’ve been selling this PPV something fierce.

Randy Orton takes on Antonio Cesaro again. Good on Jerry Lawler and later JBL to sell their previous match. RKO out of nowhere. That seems familiar for some reason.

3MB is in the ring for the Miz. I feel like he has been missing but in no way do I care. Lawler is animated tonight, sneaking in an Indians reference. The Pirates are doing okay themselves too. Tonight was not a banner night though. Heath Slater gets to catch a beating. Kind of a cool spot having Miz toss Slater onto 3MB. It didn’t look that smooth though. Figure Four for the win. Ah, big return says Mitchell Cool. Thank you sir. He did defend trying to call the match earlier this segment. He does the right thing sometimes.

Awesome, Reigns & Rollins are going for the tag team titles on Sunday. Make like dwarves and hoard some gold. Ambrose starts the match which gets the announcers to mention the idea. Kane starts out for his team. Holy shilling the app Batman. I’d actually be up for just seeing the matches the whole way thru. Evidently it’s an elimination match so Kane got tossed right before the second break. This crowd is going nuts for Daniel Bryan. The numbers game catches up to Daniel Bryan while John Cena was taking an Edge Coffee Break (TM). Cena hulks up from the fans. Attitude Adjustment on Rollins for an elimination. Reigns gets tossed for shoving the ref. Ambrose can’t get the cheap pin though. He gets caught in an STF. Reigns & Rollins attack to cause the DQ. Triple power bomb. Ryback came down and whacked the ankle with a chair.

Ryback isn’t going to play by the rules any more. Ryback rules. Big E Langston is going to end up taking on Jack Swagger. More app TV time infill. Good to see Ziggler doing media from his place still. This match is getting nothing from the crowd. Langston makes it to the ropes while Swagger has on the Patriot Lock. I was interested to see what they’d do with him. He’s gotten some squash matches but Swagger is a step up from that. Big E gets counted out. Nice way around him being pinned. Alberto Del Rio goes on the attack. They trade finishers. Langston joins the fun. Del Rio stands tall. The crowd is still sitting on it’s hands.

AJ Lee is taking on Natalya while a zoo is on the outside including the Great Khali, Hornswoggle, Kaitlyn and the Bellas. The later three are on the head sets. The secret admirer thing is so 1980s. The Bellas still stink on wheels. Kaitlyn doesn’t know what to do on this shit show. AJ locks in the Black Window for the tap out win. Interesting. AJ’s heat is dead.

Chris Jericho tries to look serious. The camera angle was weird. The promo was okay. He needs to be more heelish.

HHH comes out. Oh boy, he became a man in the ring. He feels alive in a cage. Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman come out. Trips wants to fight. After much very good blathering, Brock doesn’t fight for free. Brock is up to 320? Ha. He’s bigger than his UFC days but not that much bigger. HHH calls him a bitch for the I don’t know how many-eth times. Lesnar acts like he’s taking the bait. Thet brawl. Not like we haven’t seen it before. Brock better win on Sunday. Even steven booking agrees with me. -Kevin

%d bloggers like this: