Fuck yes: Bob Barker to host Sept. 7 WWE Raw

Wait... does her name tag say "Kimala"? I swear I just found this doing a Google Image Search. Weird.

According to Prowrestling.net, Bob Barker has confirmed he’ll be the guest host of WWE Monday Night Raw on Sept. 7 from the Allstate Arena in Chicago. Why fuck yes? Because I’ll be there! I watched Bob Barker host “The Price is Right” ever since I was a wee lad on my grandma’s knee. I love that old man. If there’s any way I could even shake his hand and say “thank you” one time, my life would be complete. Oh, and maybe if the wrestlers got to play some TPIR games. “Mark Henry, you’re going to play PLINKO, for a chance to win a hamburger!” Or Hornswoggle plays that game that used to be called Punch-Out, but all he can break through is the bottom row of holes. I can’t wait! -Eric

Enjoy Sarita’s Legs

I have never looked at Sarah Stock, or as she is known now as Sarita, like this before but damn. Here she is on Hermie Sadler’s talk show from TNA. I don’t know who Hermie Sadler is but I know even his voice isn’t enough to make me stop watching this video. Look at her freakin legs. TNA is doing all of us a disservice by allowing her to cover those beautiful babies her ring wear. Get her some short shorts or trunks immediately. We need to see those shiny, toned and glamorous sticks in all their glory on a weekly basis.  OK, enough talk; go watch. -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Audio #56

These dogs are a barkin.

Yes that’s right, it’s a Stunt Granny Audio on the weekend or a Monday depending on when you got over here. Jeremy and Kevin run down a few things TNA and a few things Smackdown in this edition. They start off with the fundamental problems of the Bobby Lashley/Dixie Carter interview from Impact. They then marvel at the technological handicap of Mike Tenay. They even manage a conversation about the flawed logic of The World Elite and Hernandez. Oh and Jeremy marvels about Sarita’s legs.

They then move on and of course, discuss the CM Punk/Jeff Hardy cage match. Not to leave out big brother, they also dissect Matt Hardy and just what is wrong with him right now. Before it is all over they discuss the suspension of Rey Mysterio and how he has no one to blame but himself. Yes there’s more but where’s the fun in giving it all away here? So listen already.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #55

Roxxi On Way Back To TNA

Innocent Roxxi is adorable

Wait a minute, what the hell is this? Can it be that there is actually some good news coming out of TNA? According to Prowrestling.net via some webcast thingamajig, TNA is bringing back Roxxi. This is a great move by TNA and can’t believe they are making a good choice for a change.

For those of you who don’t know, Roxxi was fired because she got in a fight with Rhaka Kahn. So it is safe to say that since Rahka is more than likely done with Kurt Angle that it was safe to bring her back to the company.

Moment of full disclosure: I love Roxxi. TNA did their best to fuck with her after shaving her head. They treated it like no big deal and never gave her the push she deserved. Then they saddled her with that awful cursing gimmick and eventually fired her. Well, they suspended her first and then fired her. Sorry, did not renew her contract. Whatever.

One request though for TNA officials and Roxxi; please dump the plaid tights. There is no good reason to saddle that delicious backside with that garish pattern. -Jeremy

Rey Mysterio Suspended

Hmm, this pic seems fitting.

 

God damnit! This is what happens when I continually talk up somebody and their resurgence. Rey Mysterio has been suspended according to WWE.com. If you have listened to any audios over the last three months I have continually sang his praises and pointed out how he was in better shape and remaining injury free.

This just sucks. Rey has been so good the last few months and even thirty days off TV is too much. How else are they going to build up his match with Ziggler at the next PPV? Dolph is solid but he can’t carry the entire feud right now.

This is also a big blow to Rey’s reputation. As well. He is billed as kid friendly by WWE and use his likeness for about a zillion kiddie ads. How this affects all of this remains to be seen. Really, probably nothing happens but it is an interesting problem. Does WWE place drug offenders face all over ads for WWE Kids magazine still?  They can’t use Jeff Hardy now since he is gone as of Friday. Guess John Cena has some double duty on appearances for little brats now.

One final thought: my paranoia is at an all time high and could this be an elaborate plane for Rey to feud with CM Punk? -Jeremy

The Art of Wrestling – The American Dragon

Why does the American Dragon use a Chinese dragon for one of his shirts?

With Bryan Danielson headed out of Ring of Honor and into WWE Developmental, I figured it was a good time to take a look at the merchandise he had in ROH and see if the WWE could use it.

The first shirt on ROH’s t-shirt list is the “Cattle Mutilation” on sale now for $15.00. In the child friendly environment of the current WWE, this shirt and for that matter the name of his finisher is going to get changed. I’ll take a quick look at the shirt though. I’m a sucker for black and gold (really yellow unless you’re talking Penguins) so I like the color scheme. The design itself is really simple with just the name of his finisher in a non colored and colored half box. I have no idea what the greater than (>) and less than (<) symbols are supposed to mean between all of the lettering. Even when the WWE goes to simple (Kofi and Bourne) the design has some type of appeal (at least to the kids) so check this shirt off the list.

Danielson’s second shirt might fly but again is so simple that even a child could come up with it. It just says “Danielson” in black lettering and a red outline with “bricks” taken out that are strewn all around the letters in no particular order. At the end of that is a pink heart that contains “Pro Wrestling” in the same font used for “Danielson”. The lettering is just the abscense of the pink color that shows off the light gray of the remainder of the shirt. Do the women that are willing to go to a ROH show even enjoy this shirt? Just complete and utter laziness that isn’t even worth the $10 it costs to buy this shirt. I’d rather be caught wearing Shawn Michaels chaps than this shirt so I’m sure the WWE won’t use it.

A Native American interpretation of a dragon.

The last shirt in ROH’s arsenal is this one. It is a maroon shirt which matches his trunks. The front has a picture of himself with a determined looked and hands up in a fighting pose. Wrapped around his picture is a dragon that is decidedly Chinese inspired. Considering he was the  “American Dragon” (at least according to the Online World of Wrestling) I’m a bit surprised it doesn’t look more European in style which tend to be larger in the body and not quite as long. I even found a Native American dragon that could have been used. I do like the look though and it gives his picture a border without just a plain old black outline. It is strange that the light appears from the left side of him since the shadow is on the right side of his face. The shadows are on the dragon are the exact opposite which isn’t bad but just curious.

On the back of the shirt, is “American Dragon (below) Bryan (below) Danielson” which is sandwiched between two dragons. The print is vaguely Asian inspired as are the dragons still. The only knock I can mention is that the infill of the text and dragons on the back are white while the dragon’s chest and tail on the front are white flesh colored to match Danielson’s picture. This design could fly quite easily in the WWE but the chances that they keep his moniker is between fat and none. At least this shirt is on sale for $20 so get it while it’s cheap. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #55

Eric and Kevin are back to discuss the pros and cons of WWE Summerslam (yep, in a fair and balanced way). They also talk about how various WWE superstars’ careers are moving along after Summerslam, including MVP, Jack Swagger, Chris Jericho and Big Show, and other wrestlers who weren’t on the show, like Evan Bourne and the ladies. The guys also have a decent discussion on how the PG rating is really affecting WWE programming and what the writers need to be careful of. More than talking about just the matches on the recent shows, they really get in-depth about the minutiae of things! We’ll be damned!

Stunt Granny Audio #55

Randy Orton: Eugene was released because of his weight

NO, Eugene, stop! That's your thumb, you can't eat that!

According to Prowrestling.net, Randy Orton was quoted in the UK Sun (damn, how does the UK keep getting better American wrestling stories than American papers?) explaining why Eugene, a.k.a. Nick Dinsmore, was released so soon after his WWE return:

“He came back two weeks ago and came in a little heavy from where (management) wanted him to come in,” Orton stated during a SummerSlam promotional appearance.

“Nick is a good friend of mine. I pulled some strings to get his job back and he comes back all overweight. So all in all, I’m a little upset with him right now.”

God, where do I start… You have a guy playing a retard. While there are plenty of, as Vince McMahon would say in the mid-1990s, “special olympians” who are physically fit and even work out, the first thing I think when someone mentions Corky isn’t “Greek god.” So you’ve pigeon-holed a perfectly good worker (*cough*pillhead*cough*) with this awful gimmick that will never get him over or allow him to collect main-event money, you ask him to look like shit, he comes back looking even shittier, including his bush-league outfit (probably the one he’s been wearing on the indies), and somehow this shocks you? And what did you so, re-sign him sight unseen?? “Randy, run to Kinko’s and fax him this contract.” That’s stupid. It was stupid to bring that character back. It was, dare I say, retarded to create it in the first place.

If you really want Nick Dinsmore around, tell him to get a tan, work out, cut his dumb hair, shave his beard and throw away his outfit with the turkey-made-by-hand-outline on it. Then have a guy who proved his mettle in OVW come in and work a style that isn’t stealing other people’s moves and hulking up with his freaky retard strength. Get a fucking clue, guys. -Eric

GLAAD is anything but

That's the same face I make when I try to watch Raw.

So if you are on the internet and you have lots of o4u about things, you’re probably all up in arms about Vince McMahon’s use of the word “gay” this past Monday on Raw. Or maybe you don’t care at all, because you know it was a total throwaway line. But you know who does care? GLAAD. Here is an excerpt from the GLAAD Blog site:

McMahon here wasn’t implying the performers were gay, however, he used the term in a derogatory manner. It’s just another example of how people throw around the word “gay” derisively.

This came from the leader of a $500 million-plus organization who holds a lot of power in what he says and what he does.

The WWE’s website states, “WWE is committed to family-friendly, PG content across all of its platforms including television programming, pay-per-view, digital media and publishing.” However, off-handedly using “gay” in a derogatory manner is anything but family-friendly.

WWE programming reaches 16 million viewers each week. McMahon needs to understand that the words he uses and how he uses them can greatly affect people’s lives.

GLAAD is reaching out to McMahon and the USA Network.

Okay, you go do that, GLAAD. Let’s pretend that trying to suggest to Vince that something he said or did might not have been the right thing to do. We can ask Bob Costas about what a sane, rational person Vince he is. Well, you can. I’ll be busy buying Vince that big blue balloon he asked for. – Dusty

Lilian Garcia feels the need to stick around longer…

This is about how many people were at her last concert, too.

… but thankfully not much longer. According to a post on Prowrestling.net about her Twitter account, Lilian Garcia will be on WWE programming for “a few more weeks.” Look, a paycheck is a paycheck, and a sweet girl is a sweet girl, but how she can continue to show her face after messing up at least once every week, including her horrible botches at Summerslam at the end of the Randy Orton vs. John Cena match, is beyond me. If I kept screwing up that much with my life, I’d be single, $10,000 in credit card debt and about to move in with my mom. Oh… -Eric