TNA Ready To Copy WWE Again

In Berlin from Streetartnews.com

Just like yours truly, TNA saw the writing on the wall that Cody Rhodes was going to come up with another one trick pony gimmick, this time as Stardust. To combat this new angle and create their own, they decided to sign Matt Hardy. Matt is excited because he’s a one trick pony too. Unlike Cody Rhodes, he’s used only one gimmick his entire career. Matt is finally ready to reinvent himself though in his third go around in TNA. I’ve heard from sources that don’t exist that his new gimmick will be Madmartigan. He will help Willow retrieve a magical child who will banish Dixie Carter from TV. Carter will lock all of the Knockouts who are pregnant in Universal Studios. Madison Rayne’s midwife, ET, will aid in getting the child to Willow before being struck with diabetic shock from not eating enough Reese’s Pieces. Willow will meet Madmartigan, who is trapped by the evil Mummy, and get him out of his cage. Willow then entrusts Madmartigan with baby Claire. Madmartigan is attacked by Dixie’s general and his old rival (for the king of the mid-card in the WWE), MVP who takes Claire back to Dixie Carter. Just before Carter can banish Claire off of TV, Willow tricks Carter by making Claire disappear, like she was an employee at Universal Studios who didn’t want to put up with her own TV time any more. Carter then falls into her own spell that banishes her from TV. I can’t wait for this new Hardy reunion. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation – #WWE ‘Future Endeavor Day’

Jeremy: So no more releases as of yet.

Kevin: I would have to think it’s ended now unless the rumor mill is true that no one can get a hold of JTG.

Jeremy: HA, poor JTG. Did you realize he was still employed?

Kevin: Yes because I’ve gone thru that roster page too often recently during shows. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t even make Main Event.

Jeremy: If there was ever a time to replace him wouldn’t it be now? They have Xavier Woods after all.

Kevin: There is no reason to pay someone who can’t even make it to Main Event. JTG should be gone.

Jeremy: Unless he is a trainer behind the scenes? I have no clue what he does as a function for the company.

Kevin: Knowing the inner workings would always help. Maybe he helps choreograph the Funkadactyls routines.

Jeremy: Saw Chris post that he hasn’t had one match this year. What a great way to make money.

Kevin: More reasons to can the guy unless he’s doing something else for them. I bet he’s the mole who is giving TNA the scoop on the WWE’s story lines.

Jeremy: Then he is the worst possible mole ever. I have always figured TNA’s “mole” was the TYV in the office. “Hey look what they are doing. We should do that.”

Kevin: I can’t wait to see what they try to replicate tonight. Hold on, weren’t we talking about everyone who got canned? We haven’t mentioned any of them yet.

Jeremy: Oh yeah, well it sort of goes hand in hand. Some of these people could end up in TNA.

Kevin: If TNA is smart, they’ll stay away simply because more rip off jokes will follow. I know some of them might be useful with re-packaging but none of them are so good that they’ll drag TNA out of the dregs.

Jeremy: Out of the list of the released Evan Bourne will probably end up in ROH again or Dragon Gate USA. He is too talented for this to be the end of his career.

Kevin: He should land on his feet. No one else will care about the pot smoking. The rash of injuries usually subsides at some point. Hell, once brittle Fred Taylor even had a string of injury free years for the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Jeremy: His injuries were from a car accident as well and then a string of “bad luck.” Regardless he has immediate merchandise potential as I have said since WWE called him up. TNA should take a look but they won’t.

Kevin: He’s the only guy I wouldn’t blame them for picking up. I’d be disappointed in him if he did that though. Everyone in wrestling has to know it’s a black hole.

Jeremy: At this time though if they come calling you sort of have to listen and at least consider it. Drew Mcintyre can still make a go of things.

Jeremy: Allow me to interrupt this conversation for breaking news: JTG has been released.

Stunt Granny Audio #245

Jeremy & Kevin start off your audio journey by talking about their piss poor recording effort last week. Why did a woman with a pig get dragged into this conversation? They move on to the topics that they started on last week. Does Matt Hardy even matter a week later? Whether Hardy does or not, CM Punk is certainly still news. What does his silence mean? Will fences be mended between him and the WWE? If they are, who can he fight at WrestleMania? Would he bump Daniel Bryan’s spot against HHH? How much at fault is the WWE in the recent crowd reactions? Who will enjoy booing of the main event of WrestleMania if it’s Randy Orton against Batista? How interesting will the crowd be at the Rosemont Arena in a few weeks? Would it work to have Batista turn heel and be the one to take on CM Punk? Is Roman Reigns ready to be a big player on the WrestleMania stage like some people have suggested?  Did the WWE pull the trigger on the Shield versus The Wyatts too early? How much of a train wreck is WrestleMania going to be in the story line department? Do they need a multi-wrestler match to help balance out the loss still of Money In The Bank? Find out the answer to these many questions along with Jeremy’s wedding plans when you click on the link below!

CM Punk Gone From @WWE Or Just Another Angle?

Welcome to corporate America CM Punk. According to a report at TMZ.com CM Punk left WWE because of the way The Royal Rumble turned out and the plans for Batista to headline WrestleMania 30. He also disagreed with Daniel Bryan’s treatment and how he not only didn’t win the Royal Rumble but didn’t even appear.

Punk was livid when he learned officials scripted Batista to win the Royal Rumble … because he feels Batista isn’t in great wrestling shape and shouldn’t be featured in the title match at the upcoming WrestleMania.

So essentially, CM Punk wasn’t being recognized for his hard work and seeing others pass him on the corporate ladder pissed him off. This exact same scenario happens every single day in every office on the planet. I texted Kevin and said if this is all true then this is an absolute baby move by CM Punk. He doesn’t get what he wants so he takes off? He would have had a high profile, and logical, match with Triple H on the show. All signs pointed to CM Punk taking on Triple H for the last few weeks if not a month at the least. How was this a surprise? Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe the situation of not getting his WrestleMania main event finally wore on Punk. His interviews recently point that he was on the borderline of a total burn out so it makes sense.

I take back though that this is a baby move on Punk’s part. It is actually a rather impressive move to walk away from guaranteed money. How many of your friends do you hear bitch about their jobs and do nothing about it? Punk essentially told his boss to fuck off and left. He took his ball and went home if you will. Instead of stewing and continuing to waste away, mentally and more importantly physically, in a job he doesn’t enjoy then why not just go? Yeah he has a contract and yes he is letting people down but if he feels that this is important enough to take these actions then he should be envied.

For more on this story as well as Matt Hardy getting arrested as well as Sting to WWE rumor mongering make sure and check out Stunt Granny Audio #245 tonight. – Jeremy

Matt Hardy has a new promotional video.

So it has been a while since Matt Hardy graced Stunt Granny and even longer since I had thought of the guy but when I read the headline  “Matt Hardy channels Ron Burgundy while promoting his Wrestling Cares Association match against Shawn Daivari” over at Prowrestling.net I had to give it a click.

The video is nothing different than any of the Hardy’s brand of humor that apparently still gets people excited about them. It isn’t terrible by any means and in fact there is one actually funny moment thanks to the grace of video editing.  One unintentionally funny item is that Matt, by his own admission in the comments, wore the wrong color shirt. Just check it out; you’ll see.

The most interesting part of the video is that Candace, or is it Candice, Michelle is wrestling Katie Lee Burchill and that Ryan Shamrock is making an appearance in Daivari’s corner. Who knew any of them were still active?  This isn’t an insult.

Last I knew Candace Michelle was busy weighing down society spitting out babies. Katie Lee Burchill, well, as far as I recall fell off wrestling after TNA screwed up her run? I haven’t seen Ryan Shamrock in a long time and no I am not and will not look up current pictures of her. I care to remember her as this skanky bitch that would totally get it from her WWF days. So leave me be with those memories.

In summary it has been a painfully slow news week so this got posted. Ha ha, you read it. -Jeremy

Matt Hardy is getting married

You know how I know that? That thing I wrote, above, in the headline? It’s because there exists a website called http://skyhardwedding.com/, that’s why.

And so I’ll let you peruse that site at your leisure, and you can form your own opinions on the contents therein, but please allow me one split second on my soap box, just for one second.

Ahem.

All athletes who get married are idiots. You’re roaming around the countryside, going from town to town, state to state, you’ve got rats in every town (I’ve seen Bull Durham, it’s not just wrestling that that happens), there is almost a zero percent chance of a marriage working when you’re a “famous” professional athlete. Ask John Cena, he’ll tell you that there’s no way he would consider getting married again. Oh. Oops.

So, not that I would expect any sparking brain cells from that drug addled small penised belt collecting, job refusing fuckhead, but at least he’ll be able to afford a nice ceremony on that ROH money he’s bringing in.

And PS, fuck Bull Durham. Bad movie, and I love the DH. Makes baseball more exciting. Suck it. – Dusty

#ROH IS The Worst Part XI

Okay, Ring of Honor would never play an arena this size but it’s what I got when I typed in “arena floor plan wrestling” into Google. I had to go that route after “DuBurns Arena Floor plan” didn’t come up with anything useful. DuBurns Arena has no page on Wikipedia. The best I can do is the Coppermine Restaurant at Du Burns Arena on Facebook. They record at a fancy spot. Woof. The floor plan above will work as a nice tool though to describe what Ring of Honor did wrong now. They did do something right though. But let’s save the good news for after the bad news. I’m that kind of guy.

ROH was back in Du Burns Arena to tape some episodes. Normally, their floor plan would have their walk way through areas H and J then the entrance ramp would be at the large aisle between sections 116 & 117. The set up made it looks pretty full for an arena of well, probably no more than 3,000 since that was the size of the place they played here in Columbus. ROH decided to switch it up for the big match up between Matt Hardy and Jay Briscoe. They placed the entrance ramp in section 114 with a very short aisle to the ring. I have a problem with my example now because it doesn’t convey the tightness of the length of the aisle. Just pretend that the second deck isn’t there and section 114 is about half the size. The WWE has a similar set up when they go to Madison Square Garden. I don’t like that set up but it doesn’t bother me for one reason that became glaringly obvious when ROH used camera angles that weren’t the hard camera. The WWE packs MSG full so no matter what angle they film from, it’s a packed house. For whatever reason, ROH used more non-hard camera angle shots than I can remember in any other broadcast. The main problem as you can guess by now was that the crowd in sections 109-119 was sparse at best. So ROH did it’s best to point out that an arena that is likely in the 3,000 seat area was not full. Even TNA isn’t this stupid. To compound the problems, it seemed that they acknowledged this problem by filming really close up to the wrestlers to minimize the amount of crowd seen. I have close up filming in movies and wrestling because you lose context. ROH is the worst.

The good news? Even though ROH was dumb enough to leave their title belt on Jay Briscoe who was leaving the company (dumb) but they did two smart things. They didn’t put the strap around Fat Hardy’s waist. The other upside was that SCUM beat down Mark & Jay Briscoe before they were booted from the company. TNA wasn’t smart enough to with DOC recently so we need to give ROH an “Atta boy” pet every now and again. -Kevin

News You Can Use: The Briscoes, CM Punk & Zack Ryder’s Buddy

I’m sure I will be spoiling a total of one person’s day by linking to a report on Prowrestling.net with the ROH spoilers from their most recent taping. Jay & Mark Briscoe are officially gone “indefinitely” from ROH. Mark is gone because of wounds from fighting Jay at Best In The World and Jay is gone because of an attack from S.C.U.M. I could turn this paragraph into another “ROH Is The Worst” article for letting a second champion walk off with a belt but I’m going to look at the silver lining. We’ll either get Fat Hardy or fat Kevin Steen as our new champion.

Another report says that CM Punk has filed a restraining order against his mother because she has harassed him for money. If you’ve ever seen Broke in the ESPN 30 for 30 series, you know Punk did the right thing. The guy has already handed her $100,000 according to TMZ. If you start dropping cash like pipe bombs, she’s never going to stop asking for money. After he cut her off, Punk says that she threatened to kill herself on several occasions. The restraining order wouldn’t be needed if that happens. She is also threatening to release information about Punk’s arrests from his time in high school. Isn’t that called blackmail? Punk wishes that he could just block her like some slob on Twitter who keeps telling him he wouldn’t have been champion for 434 days if it weren’t for The Shield.

In the last piece of news, Adam “The Big O” Ohriner will be on Gut Check tonight. Considering that TNA likes big, immobile men like Rob Terry, “The Big O” will be perfect for their roster. Unfortunately for him even if he wins Gut Check, he’ll get less air time on Impact Wrestling than he did on “Z True Long Island Story”. -Kevin

ROH Is The Worst Part III

This week’s offense is brought to you by Kevin Kelly. The truth is, I feel like I could write this column every week I watch this show. Kevin Steen came out to repent. Steve Corino came out almost immediately. They start to reveal an angle which also is a reason why I think Kelly is terrible. The past couple of months Kevin Steen has been noticeably absent from any SCUM related activities. Kelly has all but ignored this significant piece of information. I will say that at some point he did note it but not nearly enough to say the words “And what a championship reign he had!” as Kevin Steen denounced the current state of SCUM. Kevin Kelly has hated Kevin Steen for the past year and four months. How can this man take Steen at his word? Steen didn’t exactly hold SCUM back from their underhanded tactics. Shouldn’t you need a little more proof that Steen has changed his ways? If he isn’t skeptical, Kelly needs to say that he has been wrong for the past how ever long Steen has been evil. It seemed like Evil Steen had happened right before I started watching, which is the a fore mentioned time frame. You can’t flip a switch like that as the voice of a company.

Steve Corino is now angling to take a seat beside Kevin Kelly. I think he’s a good talker. I’d like to have him calling out Kevin Kelly. But the problem is that Steve Corino is still trying to wreck Ring of Honor. His platform is terrible. You can’t wreck a program that is the worst already. -Kevin

Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies has finally happened

Far be it from me to disparage people making a living but god damn I wish wrestlers would save their god damn money. How else do you explain “Pro Wrestlers vs Zombies”? The movie comes to us from writer and director Cody Knotts. He of such other low budget fare “Breeding Farm” and “Lucifer’s Unholy Desire.”   I just don’t understand when you take a meeting for a low budget movie what pitch these guys heard.

“Alright we have this cool premise guys. We mix the world of zombies and pro wrestling. It is going to be just as good as Zombie Strippers I promise. We have a budget of about $370.00 and a boatload of unfulfilled favors to cash in. The shoot will be magic. We have a shooting schedule of about three days so scheduling will be over a holiday weekend. Believe in me when I Say this will get you in to Hollywood that much faster. Well in your case Mr. Piper I should say back in Hollywood. I mean god damn “They Live” was fucking beautiful.  Now just imagine they alley fight scene but with zombies in a prison with all natural lighting and heavy metal music. How awesome right?  Sure it is an exact rip off of The Walking Dead season but the genre is ripe for some creative borrowing. Hell, The Walking Dead is a mashup of a bunch of other zombie movies. So ya with me? You ready to be a star? ”

So it may not have gone just like that but really could it be that much far off? Who needs the work this badly? Judging the entire movie from the trailer, which is the purpose of a trailer so you know, this looks terrible. Shane Douglas actually is kind of funny because he essentially is playing “The Franchise.” Other than that one item this really looks terrible. Kurt Angle continues his stellar acting gigs but there is no chance of improving over “Buffo The Scary Clown“. No really, this clip is genius.  But the acting is not going to be the worst part of this movie.

Was this flick shot with a flashlight and ketchup bottles? Sure the atmosphere appears to be the inside of a prison and if this isn’t a Kubrick experiment using only natural light then boy is this going to be hard to watch. Literally, this is going to be impossible to tell what the hell is happening.  If you can’t see the action then nothing else matters. Wait I get it now this movie is supposed to be some French Existential film on the absurdity of the zombie genre?

It has occurred to me that maybe I am just being a total dick right now. After watching the trailer for the tenth time this could be a fun movie. So let’s cut the jokes and do some actual commentary.

There are some legitimate issues with the trailer. The music is terrible and far too loud. It covers up too much of the dialogue and doesn’t enhance the action. It isn’t a matter of personal music tastes at all but the screeching 80’s metal god voice is not good for the small amount of time given. Just straight music with no lyrics would have been a better choice.  The lighting of the film, from what was presented, is a big problem. Scenes are just too dark. The shadowing makes it difficult to see the action. I am not sure how this can or even will be addressed in post production but it needs some attention. The acting is about what you should expect from a low budget horror flick starring professional wrestlers not named Dwayne Johnson so that gets a pass.

Guess there is not much else to be said until the final product is released. Make sure and stop back on Stunt Granny as it will be reviewed. (Take that as a request  for a screener copy) -Jeremy