Eric’s Blog: How much new blood is too much new blood?

Self-explanatory

Give me three character traits about each of these new WWE wrestlers:

Ryback, Damien Sandow, Antonio Cesaro, Brad Maddox, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, Big E Langston

I can do this for maybe four of the eight listed here, and I’d be stretching in a couple of cases. So tell me why I should spend $40 on a ticket or $60 on a pay-per-view to watch them do anything.

WWE introduced a number of new characters throughout 2012, including a glut of them in the past 10 weeks, with only a couple of them receiving proper character development beyond superficial “I hate this guy and want to beat him up” or “I hate you people and want you to stop booing me” type stuff. Most of them are rookies to the WWE main roster, others are repackaged familiar faces, but they are all a part of an unlabeled “new talent initiative” coursing through WWE.

But what good is new talent when you hardly know a thing about them? The basis of pro wrestling is emotional investment: Do you care enough about this guy to pay to see him get beaten up? Do you care enough about that guy to pay to see him get his revenge? WWE has proven itself over the decades as a master emotion manipulator, but especially when they put forth a great deal of effort. It’s when they introduce a new character and let him languish that things get frustrating.

Take the example of Antonio Cesaro (with a white wine pairing), the former Claudio Castagnoli who enraged and then endeared himself to Ring of Honor fans through his actions and his character development. When he landed in WWE, he became a nondescript European rugby player (so of course he’d “go pro” by becoming a wrestler, just like plumber TL Hopper and dentist Isaac Yankem) who may or may not be the strongest man pound-for-pound in WWE, depending on how the Smackdown announce team feels that Friday. To hear him talk, well, you’d know he thinks he’s superior to Americans, because aren’t all British royalty? Oh, that’s right, he’s a Swiss rugby guy. Huge disconnect there for me, that can’t be corrected just because he gives Brodus Clay a face plant.

Stunt Granny Audio Movie Reviews: The Hobbit

Jeremy and Kevin are here to talk about “The Hobbit”. They didn’t just go to the regular theater though. They’re both big dorks so they viewed it in forty eight frames per second. Jeremy is the movie buff kind of dork. Kevin is the he’s read all of J.R.R. Tolkien’s books that have to do with the Lord of the Rings dork. Did anything before the movie start the problems? Are their views on the movie the same? Do they agree that the movie was too long? Did Kevin try to explain away the length with his book wormery? What did they think of the clarity of the forty eight frames per second? Does Peter Jackson use 3D as well as James Cameron? Kevin did have to explain the difference between orcs, goblins and trolls. But did all of them appear in the book? Was Jeremy able to keep track of the dwarves? Did that end up hurting the movie when the heroes were in peril? Was there too much peril? What real spoiler did Kevin give away for the second Hobbit movie? Find out on this audio journey to Middle Earth.

Stunt Granny Movie Reviews – The Hobbit

Link

#SippyTimeBeer Review

Southern Tier – 2Xmas is another interesting take on a Christmas beer. It is a tribute to a glogg which is a mulled wine drank during winter in Scandinavia. This product is a beer though. There is plenty of mulling going on with orange peels, cardamom, cinnamon, clove, ginger root and most prominently figs. When I took my first swig of it, the figs and assortment of spices punched me in the mouth. There are so many spices that they get lost. It becomes one flavor aside from the figs. It’s not a typical fruit so it stands out. I didn’t like the beer at first. Baby Momma Drama disliked it enough to request drinking Columbus Brewing Company’s Winter Warmer. I’ll get to that one later. The day he asked for that though was the day I started liking the beer. It grew on me so drink with caution. Remember to take a look at TheFullPint for other Southern Tier beer reviews.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I want to pull out my hair from the majority of results this weekend on both Ring of Honor’s iPPV Final Resolution and WWE’s TLC PPV.  The Shield going over was not a decision that made me want to pull my hair out. I may add to this later.

Oh dear lord, both Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler pander to the lowest common denominator by telling us how to download an app for our smart phones. Rey Mysterio is taking on Damien Sandow in a singles match. I guess Rey wants his win. OR they’re keeping this feud going even longer. Neither of those excuses work for me. The first award gets more hype than the match. Booker T joins us. How nice of him. Our first award for most shocking moment of the year. Booker wants us to download their app. Fuck off. I’m not downloading it. I FF thru the award nominees. The Boogeyman comes out. I’m confused.

They did that just so Booker could say he did not just see that. Ugh. Brad Maddox comes prematurely. Get it? Wooka wooka. Kofi gets it for walking on his hands. Eve Torres is taking on Kaitlyn. I like the outfit change for Kaitlyn. Gut Buster for the Kaitlyn win. We get the New Age Outlaws to present an award. The crowd still eats him up. Comeback of the Year. How can Lawler not win that award. People would be heartless if they didn’t give it to him. Wooka wooka. He wins it.

Kofi Kingston takes on Tensai. The crowd is still chanting Albert. Trouble In Paradise. I wasn’t even slacking off on that match. It was that quick. Wade Barrett attacks him from behind. They explain again downloading apps. Fucking idiots.

Vickie Guerrero presents the Kiss of The Year award to AJ Lee and John Cena. Vickie wants her to explain her actions. She goes full on heel. This turn was predictable but it still wasn’t the right call. AJ kisses Dolph Ziggler. Vickie runs off screaming. Dolph acts like he wasn’t kissing back. Um, OK. Shouldn’t they be a couple if she’s a heel? Get Vickie away from him? The Great Khali is coming to the ring with Natalya Neidhart.

David Otunga gets to job to him. Wasn’t watching the match since the Slammy’s are so much more important. Ric Flair is presenting the Superstar of the Year Award. I would be surprised if my girl hadn’t texted me about it. John Cena wins the award. The grown man holding up the U C(an’t) See Me sign needs to be castrated. Or at least snipped. Cena wants to give the award to Flair? So he can sell it to cover debts. CM Punk comes out. Cena sure vamoosed quickly. Ric Flair takes Punk up on his one legged ass kicking scenario. Punk heads to the ring for the commercial break.

WWE partners with Hire Heroes USA

According to my Yahoo visit, which also entailed seeing how excruciatingly close my win was over Dusty in fantasy football, WWE has partnered with Hire Heroes USA, a group whose mission is to… well, here, I’ll let Yahoo explain it:

WWE (WWE) today announced a partnership with Hire Heroes USA, an organization committed to serving our nation’s veterans through personalized and customized job search training and assistance. To support Hire Heroes USA’s mission, WWE will make a donation and utilize all its assets, including TV broadcasts, live events, digital and social media to generate awareness and raise funds. In addition, Hire Heroes USA will partner with WWE to implement a veterans hiring initiative and enhance WWE’s military hiring practices.

The partnership, which will expand WWE’s commitment to the military through the support of programs that create job opportunities for U.S. military veterans and their spouses, will be featured during the 10^th anniversary of WWE Tribute to the Troops. This annual holiday special airs on USA Network this Wednesday, December 19 at 9 p.m. and on NBC this Saturday, December 22 at 9 p.m.

This is a fantastic partnership that makes total sense given WWE’s history of affinity for our armed forces, including free pay-per-view transmission, free tickets, and of course the Tribute to the Troops. However, interesting that this fell under Yahoo Finance, at a time when WWE stock is trading at $8, slightly less than a pack of cigarettes and with less return. What, was the Yahoo Pre-Determined Sports section too full of boxing results? Was the Yahoo Six-Man Tag That Made Internet Nerds’ Heads Explode section down for maintenance? -Eric

New TNA Jeff Hardy album isn’t released, it escaped!

“A-duuuhhhhhhhhhhhh”

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA mega-super-duperstar Jeff Hardy has released his debut album, “Similar Creatures,” on the TNA Knockout Music label. (Wow, really TNA? A record label? I know WWE has one too, but I assure you this was a money-making strategy and not another example of a presidential hairbrush handle in the cooch.) For those of you who haven’t heard Mumbly Jeff Hardy’s post-grunge flounderings in the past, waste your own time Googling it, I’m at work right now. But I assure you, the same kids who run around their backyards like Day-Glo mongoloids in their Jeff Hardy T-shirts and wristbands are going to listen to this and cringe. And keep in mind, they eat paste. -Eric

More @WWE Overboard Advertising

The WWE is back at it with the 90% off deals for a three day sale that ends on the 15th. Here’s the new list of items that are actually 10% of their original value.

John Cena Green Foam Hand – The hole between the fore finger and thumb is barely large enough to fit my penis thru it and it’ll act like a cum towel. Anytime you can get a two for one present, you need to jump on it. You can buy it for $1.49.

WWE Zombies Reusable Bag – Do you want to make sure that you save the planet until the zombie apocalypse? You can even still use the tote bag after the zombies rise by carrying rations and even zombie repellant. Ya know,  like their own entrails and mushed brains.  You can also buy this for just $1.49.

WWE 12 Strategy Guide – Was your mom too cheap to buy Nintendo Power so that you could cheat your way to the top when you were a child? Get back at her now by buying a strategy guide for WWE 12. The game only came out on the 22nd of November 2011. It’s a timely gift for someone who’s been playing the game for a year and a month. At least it only costs $1.99.

The WWE is really generous with their 90% off deals. That makes five total items that they’ve offered for 90% off this holiday season so far. -Kevin

Impact Zone Wrestling

Pictures like these show up in your inbox when you admit to watching professional wrestling to your girlfriend’s family. Lawton, OK has a wrestling promotion called Impact Zone Wrestling. They are a classy organization that posts a sign on their garage door that reads “Not responsible for unattended children and autos”. Good thing I  don’t have a child to leave unattended if and when I never ever go to Lawton. They could also steal my rental because my trusty old 1999 Saturn isn’t making it out there.  I’d make fun of their roster but their Heavyweight Champion Double D got an interview on Shotgun Wrestling Radio which is just a step below us. -Kevin

(Smackdown spoiler, stop reading) Randy Orton injury angle gives fragile underachiever more time off

This look about sums it up.

According to Prowrestling.net, this Tuesday’s WWE Smackdown taping featured an injury angle with Randy Orton being put through a table by the Shield. The angle is playing up a “separated shoulder” and “concussion,” the latter of which only adds to Orton’s disinterested, glossed-over, Gen-Y, emotionless facial “expressions.”

The angle is to cover for a legitimate injury Orton sustained at the WWE Tribute to the Troops tapings last week. Jesus, who is this guy, Kurt Angle Kevin Nash? Every time you turn around, Orton has a concussion or banged-up knee or a pill in his mouth (oops). He’s spent less time on TV in the past six months than Alicia Fox, and quite frankly, Alicia has been more entertaining.

What would be accomplished if WWE, as Dusty says, cut ties with this piece of garbage? Well, WWE will have divested itself of a long-term contract that isn’t paying off; WWE would be enticing TNA to shell out gobs of money in exchange for a half-assed talent who won’t draw or elevate the brand; and WWE would be forced to push a new main event babyface from the large pool of undeniable midcard tal… ent… wait. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio #211

Jeremy and Kevin are back and they’re talking about idiots, idiots everywhere. The biggest idiot may be in Kevin’s office. Kevin lays out his evidence and would like to know if you know anyone that competes in his utter lack of knowledge. They move on to talk about the idiots in the WWE. Why do they feel the need to have the heels lose all of the time? Does Eve Torres winning count as a heel victory? How about Vickie Guerrero? Jeremy took issue with Kevin not liking Brad Maddox. What excuse for poor writing did Kevin come up with? Somehow, the guys migrate to talking about the idiots that run TNA. What similarities do their idiots have with the WWE idiots? What would help Aces & Eights? Who didn’t know DOC stood for Director of Chaos? How does that dovetail with his wrestling viewing habits? Jeremy & Kevin do talk about the idiots running ROH. Not for long as they ping pong between TNA & the WWE. Could both companies learn from critically acclaimed television these days? Could they learn from children’s television? What lessons do they think the wrestling companies can learn? Join them in this audio journey.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #211